It is now 2012. How’s Jongin? I don’t know. I have no idea how he is. All I know is that Kai is doing fine. He’s enjoying the fame. He’s enjoying the stage performances and the chances he gets to meet famous idols. How’s Seulgi? Oh, me? I’m not doing well. I’m doing far from it. That night I confessed to Jongin was also the day I “broke up” with him. I technically didn’t dump him because we were never together in the first place, but I ended my relationship.

            Now, this action might seem a little childish to everyone, but not me. By ending my relationship with Jongin, he wouldn’t have to hang out with me anymore. He’s an idol now. If he still hung out with me, dispatch would’ve caught us riding the same bus and sitting next to each other. The next day people assume we were dating and Jongin will get haters. Jongin’s idol life might end and my idol life might not exist. It’s better this way. He would also stop having midnight practices with me, but instead sleep. He’s an idol. Idol barely gets sleep and Jongin might be sleep deprived if he came to my midnight practices. Terminating our friendship is the best solution, for Jongin.

            I’m not okay with our relationship. I wanted him back in my life. Heck, I want him to be my boyfriend, but I know that’s impossible. First, he sees me as a friend and second, I made him hate me. Ever since that night, Jongin tried talking to me multiple times and he didn’t stop until the end of 2011. In the beginning of 2012 even his group members have persuaded him to stop trying because he has been missing sleep and he’s been weaker for practices just because he stayed during my midnight practices, resulting me ignoring him. I know I was very mean for ignoring him and pretending there was never “us” but I need him to hate me. The faster he hates me, the faster he doesn’t need me in his life, and the more reason for me to move on.

            First loves are magical, people say. First loves are only magical if you end up with your first love, I say. If you ended up getting rejected, it just becomes a bitter memory you chose to remember. In 2012 Jongin stopped trying and he even pretended he didn’t see me anywhere. I believe his mindset was, “If you don’t want me anymore, then I’m not even going to try to want you.” Jongin was gone, Kai was present.

            “Next performance will be from SM’s newest boy band, EXO. Debuting with their first mini album MAMA, give it up for EXO-K.” The MC of Music bank said cheerfully. Everyone stopped their practice and watched their performance.

            “Woah! Daebak! They’re really good now. Remember that time when Chanyeol oppa can barely dance?” Sooyoung, our newest trainee said.

            “How do you even know when he can’t dance? You just came this year?” Joohyun unnie replied. We were currently practicing together with Sooyoung and Yeri, our newly casted trainee friends. Yeri was really young that time, she was five years young than me, so she was 14 (Korean age) that time.

            “You should be proud of Jongin. Look at what he’s become after years of training.” Joohyun whispered to me.

            “Unnie…don’t start. I’m done with him.” I muttered as I stood up and began stretching, wanting to start practicing soon.

            “Stop running from the truth Seul.”

            “It’s not running. It’s called moving on.”

            “Whatever.”

            After EXO-K’s performance was over everyone started practicing, but I couldn’t help but glance once in awhile to see the TV. EXO-K was on stage with Taetiseo sunbaenim to celebrate Twinkle’s win.

            “Cute.” I muttered as I saw Jongin—I mean Kai dancing with Fany unnie.

            “What was that?” Yeri muttered from behind me.

            “Shut up.” I said as I pushed her head away.

            The girls all knew about my crush on Jongin, but I’m still currently trying to move on. We’re strangers. Jongin doesn’t like me anymore. I’m not even sure if he still remembers me. On the other hand, I finally am going to debut. Well, technically not but our president had told us that we were going to be in one band, the four of us, Joohyun, Sooyoung, Yeri and I. I have a feeling we were going to debut in three more years because Yeri’s too young. It’s still a long time but I’m already excited!

            The fact that we were a confirmed group did not slow us down had calmed us down and SM had now told us to focus on our studies, even Joohyun unnie.

            It was a normal Monday and I went to SOPA, that’s where I went, quite late. Fortunately, the first period was physical education and P.E always starts late. Girls would take their time changing their clothes and boys would be warming up in the gym.

            I was tying up my hair as I was entering the gym when suddenly someone tapped me on the shoulder.

            “Boo!”

            “Dude. You literally tapped me on my shoulder before trying to schock me. What were you trying to accomplish?’

            He simply shrugged and walked to his group of friends.

            “Seul, can you ask him for his autograph for me?” One of my best friend asked me as she shyly stood next to me, knowing that he might be looking at her.

            “Sure,” I sad while chuckling as I saw how her face glowed red as Sehun waved at her. I was also friends w