Jongin

            It was the 9th of October when I was staying up until midnight. It has been weeks since Seulgi last talked to me. I rarely see her in the building because either they were locked up practicing in their practice room or they were having schedules. I messaged her everyday saying good morning, good night, what are you doing, have you eaten, how are you and they were all left unread. I can see her timeline updates and would always comment every time she changes her display picture but they were also ignored. She would reply to every comment on the picture but mine. I know she saw my notifications but I also know she was ignoring me.

            I refreshed for nth time and finally a video was uploaded. It was their music video for Be Natural, a cover of S.E.S sunbaenim’s song. I played the song and the beat starts to play. The girls were wearing suits, high heels and dancing on chairs. The choreography looked familiar and that’s when I realize Seulgi did show me this dance once. It was a couple months ago when she was just a trainee. She did this dance with Joohy—Irene noona.

            It was just 20 seconds into the video when suddenly somebody entered my room. I quickly changed the screen and mute my volume. I turned and saw a sly smirk on maknae’s face.

            “What the hell Sehun? Can’t you knock?” All he did was kept that face and that stupid annoying smirk. “What?”

            “I would’ve assumed you were watching because of your panic reaction—”

            “I’m not watching !”

            “—but I know better and that you were probably watching something that has to do with either Seulgi or Red Velvet.” My eyes widen and I froze not wanting to give him any reaction.

            “I’m taking that as a yes. I’ll leave you with your video alone then. I just wanted to tease you. I’m bored. Manager hyung is suggesting I dye my hair again—”

            “Get out Sehun!” He abruptly left and I quickly locked the door so that nobody would disturb me in my hopeless love life. I went back to my desk and searched for earphones so that it no one could hear it from the other side of the door. I played the video and saw how Seulgi and the rest of Red Velvet were dancing passionately. Everyone was beautiful but because I’m biased, I would say Seulgi caught my eyes. I smiled at my foolish thoughts and started grinning stupidly.

            My grin was abruptly cut off as I saw Taeyong in the middle of the girls. Tae. Yong. What. The. Hell is he doing there? Was Seulgi lying to me? She said she wanted to show me the dance before even showing it to Taeyong but why is he part of the song to begin with? I calmed down as soon as he disappeared I calmed down and focus on Seulgi. After finished watching the video I saw the views and had a proud smile on my face. She was getting popular and she was doing well.

            I opened my phone and open Seulgi’s contact on my kakao talk. I started texting her.

            “Hey Seul, I just saw your music video. I just want to say that you and Red Velvet did great. It turned out really well and I love it. I hope we can talk again.”

            I waited and as usual, there was no reply. I went to bed with my phone and scrolled through my photo album. As I reached my older pictures, I saw pictures of me and her. I laughed as I saw the famous picture of Seulgi with the man in the blue button up shirt. I remembered the picture online had a big speech bubble with a question mark covering my face. I saw her selfies that she took at my phone when she tried to spam my phone and waste the memory. I didn’t delete any of those photos even if 5 of them looked the same.

            I went back to the chat and was shocked. This time she read it. I quickly typed a message.

            “I’m pretty free this month. We are just practicing for SMTown Concert. I know you’ll be promoting your new Single but you will come frequently to practice too right? I hope we can meet during those times, at least at lunch break?” I sent the message and saw it being read immediately. That meant she was reading it not long ago.

            I waited 5 minutes, which turned into 10 minutes and when 40 minutes had passed I finally got a notification from her.

            “I’m sorry I’m busy.” 4 words. It only took 4 words for my eyes to turn watery and my heart to break. I turned off my phone and slept as I tried to hold back the tears. I realized those tears weren’t from her reply. It was from how I realize how being an idol had changed our relationship and how being an idol had been the best thing in our lives but also the reason we have no time for each other.

            It was three weeks after her messages when I heard news that Red Velvet had stopped promoting Be Natural and they were back in the practice rooms to prepare for end of year celebrations and SMTown. I came to the company building with a determined heart. I was going to win Seulgi’s forgiveness today.

            I had practiced extra hard during the practices so that I could be let go early or won’t get scolded if I come back late from the lunch breaks. It was finally lunch break when I ran out of the room and went to Red Velvet’s practice room. I saw them practice with Jaewon hyung. Turns out there were Lovelyz too. They were dancing with Red Velvet and I have a feeling that was for some collaborat