The following morning, Bobby woke up already turning to his side, fingers immediately grasping the bucket so conveniently placed beside his bed.

He felt terrible, wondered how it was even possible for him to still be alive.

After unloading what violently forced its way out of his system, he staggered over to the bathroom and threw up again. And again. He had so many regrets — and surprisingly or not, drinking an insane amount as he did wasn’t even at the top of that list. It was just an added bonus.

Not.

He climbed into the shower, toothbrush bobbing between his lips and he let the ice cold water fall from the top of his head, down to his tensed shoulders. It took an unnecessary amount of effort for him to keep himself standing and midway he had to press his palms to the wall because he felt so dizzy and weak. He groaned and pressed the heel of his palm to his shut eye, and he knew that even though he couldn’t manage a solid thought without signaling a massive migraine, he had a lot to think about. And as much as it hurt, he knew better than to try to ignore all of it.

Drinking may have put things on pause, but it didn't get rid of anything. If anything, everything was just magnified by a thousand.

He should’ve expected he’d be in this position sooner or later. He was both surprised and unsurprised by how badly things had ended up and maybe it was even easier on him when he believed you didn't care. At least then it was just him hurting. Now he couldn't hurt without thinking about how much you were suffering all along.

An hour and a half later, he wrapped a towel around his waist, tossed his toothbrush back in its cup as he rinsed the toothpaste from his mouth, and pulled open the door. Jinhwan had a half scowl on his face, but his eyes were plain as he leaned against the door with his own towel thrown over his shoulder. He was probably running late for work, probably knew what Bobby was going through to where he knew better than to push his boundaries. Without a word, he walked passed Bobby to the bathroom and closed the door.

Bobby was too wrapped up in himself to dig into it. He walked back into his room, threw on a hoodie, jeans, and a cap, and walked back to the living room as soon as he vaguely realized it was already 2 in the afternoon. That explained why the sun was so harsh on his eyes.

He grimaced as he noticed the bucket beside his bed and threw a lid on it as he carried it out of the apartment to dump in the trash.

All of his actions were step by step, numb and mechanical, but it didn't mean he wasn't thinking. Thinking was all he could do, it just didn't have anything to do with what was around him.

Your face was the only thing he could see, your choked up voice was all he could hear, and he swore all he could feel was the pain you felt.

There wasn't much room for anger in his heart anymore except frustration at himself, anger at everything around him. The rest of it was sadness and weakness.

He had been angry at you for ignoring him, and now that you had said all that you felt, he just felt an overwhelming weight on his chest. If he knew what he knew now, you two wouldn't be in so much pain. The pain he caused. 

He absently walked back up to his apartment and as he shut the door, he noticed Hanbin walking out of his room.

Hanbin stopped slightly and gave Bobby a look as though to acknowledge what had happened yesterday, but Bobby's eyes were so lost and vacant, Hanbin wouldn't yell at him for it. Why punish Bobby again when he was already punishing himself over and over again for it?

Bobby walked past him and as he reached his room, he just stopped, finally acknowledging his surroundings. There was so much he wanted to say, and even though Hanbin was right there, he didn't feel like talking about it. Not to anyone, at least, who wasn't you.

Bobby needed to fix things. He needed to see you. 

You were more or less okay -- numb was the word for it -- but you were back to self-imposed isolation just to escape your friends’ questions. The only person you talked to was Yunhyeong, and even so, what you did tell him was very limited. What was there to talk about, anyway, that he didn't hear?

Now you were in Economics, zoning off, when your phone buzzed shortly in front of you. You chuckled airily, expecting some nonsense text from Yunhyeong, but when you looked down, your heart suspended for a second.

[Bobby: You're right. We need to talk.]

Without a second's hesitation, you grabbed your things and headed for the door.

Bobby still felt terrible, but he pulled himself together, at least enough to look decent in front of you. Sure, all of this was basically about him treating himself like crap, but he wasn’t going to look the part if he could help it even a little, especially since he knew it hurt you to see him like that.

“You need to go,” he mumbled to Yunhyeong, who was, for some reason, lounging on the couch when Bobby got out of the bathroom. “Leave. Now.”

“Whoa, whoa, hey!” Yunhyeong said obliviously, his hands up as he avoided Bobby nudging him off of the couch. “Hanbin said I could hang out here during my lunch break.”

“Leave,” Bobby repeated, irritated that his glare wasn’t as effective on Yunhyeong as it usually was with the other guys. Sometimes Yunhyeong noticed things, other times (now) he didn't. “I’m serious. It’s important.”

“What? Bringing a girl over?” Yunhyeong joked as he got up. He laughed as he strung his arms through his jacket, but his smile immediately vanished once he noticed something odd about Bobby's expression. “No way. You’re bringing a girl over?!”

“Not any girl,” Bobby said with a scoff as he nudged the couch cushions to a decent standard. He wasn't one to straighten up for company, but the place looked bad. "Just go."

“No way,” Yunhyeong gasped, his eyes widening as his mind slowly worked at it. He looked as though he had an idea in his head, but it seemed too unrealistic for him to actually say out loud. “You and... Ahri? She’s coming over now?”

Bobby only nodded roughly, not in the business of explaining it or himself, especially not to Yunhyeong who pried too much and asked too many questions. He was that sort of person that needed a shove when most people needed pushing. He meant well, probably, but at this moment it would only put Bobby in a worsened mood. Everything that was happening and about to happen was between you and Bobby.

“Okay, okay, fine, I’m out,” Yunhyeong said as he read Bobby's stiff glare, and while Bobby thought (hoped) that would be it, Yunhyeong stopped after a few steps to the door and turned back around. “I know you know you screwed up, but I’m saying it again. You screwed up. And she’s taken it hard, so please, please try to work things out.”

Bobby was stuck between being even more irritated and taking in Yunhyeong's words with breath. He settled with a sigh and a slight nod. “Bye, Yunhyeong.”

“Fine,” Yunhyeong said with a tired wave. After a few more steps he stopped. “Hey, you look nice, by the way. Finally did something with that hair of yours.”

“Bye, Yunhyeong,” Bobby said a little louder.

You took a deep breath and gathered your disorganized thoughts. You were a much more put together person than this, and that wasn't even with effort. You weren’t ever this overwhelmed, this out of sorts, and this emotional. It was a good thing that now you were actually showing how you felt, but at the same time you didn’t feel like yourself. You felt like a mess.

You cleared your throat and exhaled, somewhat able to put your emotions at bay. You were ready for anything and prepared for nothing. It wasn’t like you could’ve prepared much for it, anyway. Who knew what was going on in Bobby’s head?

Bobby opened the door a few moments after you knocked and it was funny. You thought you’d be extremely nervous and uneasy seeing him, but seeing that he was more put together than before, you let out a small sigh in relief, your eyes relaxing. His eyes looked exhausted and he seemed just as uneasy as you, but he didn’t look as bad as before.

Bobby closed the door after you walked inside, and he almost sighed and pressed his head against the door just because h