Push and Pull

Once you know me in personal level, you’ll immediately know that I’m not a really patient person—especially if you’re my childhood friend.

Being the youngest in the family, I was raised really preciously—to the point of spoiling—and ‘I get what I want AS SOON AS I said it’ was the only phrase exist in my dictionary as child Kwon Jiyong.

But somehow, my patience grew bit by bit as I grow up. It actually started when I met a woman named Im Yoona—and I don’t need to explain anymore why my patience grew, do I?—and waited for her heart for years.

That’s why, after contacting Dami-noona and asked her husband to help me, never once I contacted her nor her husband again. I waited patiently without any protest, because every great things need time and process, right? I spent every day with Taeyeon, accompanying her wherever she goes, buying groceries, doing house cores, or even helping her with her works. I did those happily, without any complaint nor sign that I have been investigating Taeyeon and her past. Taeyeon didn’t change since my confession too, fortunately. She was still the petite Kim Taeyeon whose energy has no limit. She became more talkative even. Not as talkative as when I met her for the first time, but the enhancement of her talkativeness and her cheerfulness were apparent in my eyes—and I was really grateful for that.

And finally… 10 days after I made the call to Dami-noona, an email came to my inbox.

It was an email I’ve been waiting for, because the sender’s name was Song Jungho—my journalist brother in law.

Wasting no more time, I immediately opened the email and only found a few sentences and a web-drive link.

“Good luck for anything you’re doing right now, Kwon Junior.

We’re waiting for your arrival in Seoul.

https://xoo.gxl/x7suR2

Best Regrads,

Song Jungho

Journalist, Chosun-Ilbo Publishing.”

I smiled at the message, because it was definitely Jungho-hyung’s way of talking—short but impactful—and I immediately took my phone to say my thanks directly. Since it was 1 a.m. in Bali—and with the time differences, it’d be 10 p.m. in Korea—I knew really well that Jungho-hyung wouldn’t be in bed with Dami-noona nor drinking at bar with his friends, he was probably still on his way home by this time—or perhaps, was still working his off in his office.

It didn’t even take 3 rings before Jungho-hyung answered my phone.

“Hello?”

“Jungho-hyung! This is Jiyong!”

“How are you, Jingyo?” Yes, following Dami-noona who calls me Jingyo as long as I remember, her husband adopt the nickname too. “Are you doing well?”

“Pretty well—for a 35-years-old man who suddenly hit puberty once more,” I laughed at my own lame joke and I could hear Jungho-hyung’s light laugh from the other line. “How are you hyung? How are Manse and Youngso doing nowadays?”

“I’m doing as usual, with loads of deadline and chasing interviewees around,” I heard his laugh once more. Just like me who works in publishing industry, Jungho-hyung also constantly met deadlines. His meeting with Dami-noona though, have nothing to do with me. I had no interest to look for my sister’s life partner since we were young by the way. “Anyway, have you received my email?”

“I have hyung.” I answered as I scrolled up and down of the drive’s content. I didn’t read it though, only skimmed it slightly. “That’s why I’m calling to say my thanks. You’re indeed the best brother-in-law I have.”

“Don’t bother to say that since you only have one sister Jingyo!” He laughed loudly at the other side of the phone. I laughed along too while putting my laptop away from my reach. I had lots of time to read the documents anyway. “Of course I’ll be your best and the only brother in law you have.”

“You got me easily like usual, huh, hyung?”

“When will you come back?”

“I don’t know hyung… I still need to do something.”

“What do you need to do, if I may know?” He took a pause in his sentence. It seemed Jungho-hyung was being careful to bring this topic. “Is it related to the information I gave you?”

“To be honest, I haven’t read the information thoroughly.” I answered honestly. Jungho-hyung didn’t give me any response and let me explained more. “But from what I know right now, what I’m going to do is going to be related to your email. I don’t know how deep and far the connection is, but it is definitely related one way or another.”

“Can I give you an advice?”

“I’ll be glad to hear that hyung.”

“This is a humble advice from a politic journalist who have been circling around for more than 10 years, please be careful when you investigate more about this matter. Politic figures and their private life is not pretty as it seems and they’re not exactly the nicest people to meet with.”

I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t know it would be this hard and dangerous. Jungho-hyung even gave me a warning, than it must be tricky. “I know hyung. I know.” I heaved a deep sigh. “Thank you so much for the advice though. I’ll try my best to keep standing in the shadow rather than showing myself in the light.”

Jungho-hyung didn’t say anything, but I could hear his quiet hum. It was a sign that he wasn’t satisfied with my answer. “Is she worth the risk Jingyo?”

I didn’t waste another second to think about the answer, because it has been staying at the tip of my tongue for the whole time. “She is. She is worth the risk and the trouble.”

I could hear Jungho-hyung’s troubled sigh, and I could imagine he’d put a bitter fatherly smile on his face—a face that shows ‘okay, do whatever you want at your own risk’. “If she is, good luck then. I can do nothing but wishing you good luck and hoping for your safe arrival in Seoul soon Jingyo.”

“I will come home soon, hyung…” I said confidently this time. “As soon as I heal and mend her heart, I’ll definitely go home.”

Do you know what nocturnal means?

According to the dictionary, it is an animal behavior characterized by activity during the night and sleeping during the day.

And no, I’m not an animal, but the term really fits me since my body, mind and brain work better at night—it become a must know fact for everyone who knows me, either on professional level or personal level. As a prove, I wrote most of my novels on the night—with liquor as loyal companion—and during those times, I rarely slept at night.

Omma called me owl-Jiyong during those times (funny, since it contains two animal words, owl and dragon), Appa called me ghost, Dami-noona even called me vampire. They complained a lot about my nocturnal habit, saying that it isn’t good for my health, my nephews missed me a lot (since they couldn’t meet me because I’d be awake when they were asleep, vice versa), and lots of various reason. I really heard their complaints and nags, but I couldn’t do anything to fix it.

Because the habit had been absorbed by my body, brain, and mind completely.

And ‘completely’ means... until today.

I still work better at night, not only because no one would disturb me—since Taeyeon would be sound asleep after 12 or 1 and wouldn’t wake up until 8 or 9 in the morning—but because moonlight and vague sound of nocturnal animals gave peaceful atmosphere.

My nocturnal habit was wakened up after a long time since I received information from Jungho-hyung. I read the information; made graph to connect a thing to another; found the related information; wrote notes and scribbles; and everything needed to figure out about Taeyeon’s past.

As the past 3 nights, I did my work again when Taeyeon was already asleep. Nothing was unusual, except that I ran out of cigarette today.

Thus, I did an unusual action tonight—that I went out to nearby 24-hours convenience store to buy packs of cigarette. Not that I couldn’t work without smoking—since I’ve been cutting down my smoking habit, but its presence brought safety and calmness for unknown reason.

Well, I’ve never imagined... that I’d regret my decision to buy cigarette that night.

Because when I got back from my 20 minutes trip to the convenience store, I found Taeyeon—who was supposedly asleep—sat on my workspace, which has my research about her past and background.

“What is this?” Taeyeon screamed while clutching print out papers about her past and shoved it to my direction. “WHAT ARE THESE, KWON JIYONG?”

“Please hear me out, Taeyeon-ah.” I said slowly, trying my best to keep my composure. My heart was beating rapidly due to nervousness, but I couldn’t let her know about that—because sometimes, nervousness meant there is something wrong, and I didn’t find anything wrong. “I can explain all of these if we sit down and talk like adults, okay?”

Taeyeon stepped towards my spot. “So all this time, you’ve been disguising yourself as a pitiful writer who lost his muse? You’re a good liar and pretender, indeed! I have no doubt about your personality, your past, your emotional turmoil, your sadness, your laugh. I BELIEVE YOU JIYONG!” She threw the papers in her hand as she speak. Her eyes looked directly at mine, and I could see great anger in her eyes.

Uh oh.

“I can explain everything, Taeyeon-ah. Please.” I said calmly as I looked back to her eyes with apologetic gaze. She didn’t respond my apologetic stare though.

“Anyway, what you do isn’t an act of an adult, you know?” Taeyeon replied with high voice. It seemed anger has taken over her mind completely. “You invaded my privacy by digging my past without my knowledge. Why did you do that, huh? To insult me? To make fun of me? What do you think you’ll get with that? Inspiration? Pity? Laughing stock?”

At this point, I’ve plead her to hear my words. “Kim Taeyeon, hear me out please.”

“Now you’ve known that I’m a daughter of Kim Kwangsoo, the ex-minister! To make it worse, I’m a daughter of Kim Kwangsoo’s mistress, are you satisfied now?”

“Taeyeon...”

“What do you think about my family, huh? I saw the investigation document and publication about my mother’s car crash when I was a child, the document of my transfer to Little Childre