Sincere Love
 

Due to my nature and preference as a metropolitan-guy-who-doesn’t-love-to-travel, I barely buy any travel books nor travel magazine.

Not that I hate it though. It’s just because I don’t need it.

Then, obviously, it leads me to my limited knowledge of traveling and the writers of the genre.

Well, this is me, shyly admitting that at first, I didn’t know about Kim Taeyeon and her works. Not until I looked it up on google and found her writings—in a form of website article and several travel books under her name—in her personal website and travel websites.

I didn’t buy her books though. I only read the free ones on the websites.

But today, due to my curiosity about Taeyeon and her muse, I bought all her books online. Only the e-books though (thank Heavens for technology!) and spent all night reading and skimming her writings.

I read the one about Thailand; the one about Los Angeles as a city and USA as whole country; the one about China; the one about Australia; the one about England; and the one about South Korea—our home country. It amazed me how she manage to explain everything thoroughly, without being too lecturing, without forcing anyone to do as she did, and the most importantly, in a really fun way.

Kim Taeyeon is an amazing travel writer, indeed.

But I was far from satisfied. Sure, I read all her books—behind her back, of course—and found her style and preference of writing, but I didn’t find any trace about her lost muse. As a writer who had lost my muse myself, I’d easily notice about that matter. But I didn’t find any in her writing.

Then, it makes Kim Taeyeon a very good liar and pretender. She could find a way to cover a really huge void in her heart and managed to write using her mind only. She managed to give soul to her writings, without having one herself.

My search about Taeyeon’s muse and her past was getting nowhere. I had read all her e-books available, I had read all her published online article, I even had read fan-account about meeting Kim Taeyeon—yes. We, the writers, have hardcore fans too—and none of those satisfy me.

I was in the urge of giving up—maybe I could help Taeyeon without knowing about her past, maybe I must changed my method to talk to her, maybe I could use another method to heal her broken heart. Those assumptions have been circling in my mind for a while before I found that.

An oasis in the middle of unknown desert, in a form of a forum post.

One that discuss about oddity in her debut book about Japan—which I couldn’t purchase in a form of e-book.

The forum post consists of a photo of thank you message in her books.

The thank you message only consist of a sentence in 2 lines, but it really sparked my curiosity again.

“To the man I’ll always love and I’ll always miss,

this book is for you.”

The moment I read it, it really gave me another reason to look more into her past and to find a way to help her heal her broken heart.

Because the Kim Taeyeon I know… isn’t an open person for this matter.

If she was being open, that means she was really desperate and was actually screaming for help.

This Kwon Jiyong heard your scream clearly, Kim Taeyeon.

This Kwon Jiyong too, will help you to get out from your misery.

Ever since I found the mysterious forum post, my curiosity and my desire to find more about Taeyeon’s past were like oil which is being added in the fire.

It blazed merrily.

I continued to look for more clue, from looking up in several publisher’s websites, asking around through email to my old colleagues about Taeyeon as a person and whether they know about her background or her past or not, to the most extreme measure—by asking her hardcore fans about Taeyeon, her background and her past.

I had contacted a hundred people through email and phone call, but only half of them responded me, and none of them gave me useful information. The search for her background and her past made me realize something important about her too.

That… besides being a good pretender, Kim Taeyeon is also a very private and mysterious person.

Well, back to my search about her, I nearly give up once more—most of people I had emailed had replied, and none of them led me to a clue about her past or her background.

But a phone call in the middle of the night—when Taeyeon had gone to sleep—changed everything… again.

“Hello?” A man voice greeted me—in Korean. “Can I speak to Kwon Jiyong?”

“Kwon Jiyong is speaking,” I replied as polite as I can. Man, if he knew how frustrated I was the past week! “Who are you, mister…?”

“My name is Park Jungsu.” He quickly introduced himself. “My friend, named Choi Siwon, was contacted by you a few days back. He was asked whether he has any information about Kim Taeyeon and her background. He told me about you and how to contact you.”

My mind began wander to a hundred people I’ve been contacting the past week and immediately remember Choi Siwon name. He’s her elementary school mate who is an heir to pharmaceutical company.

I let out a long ‘aah’ and spoke again—more cheerful and careful this time. “Ah yes, yes. Do you perhaps can help me by knowing any information about Kim Taeyeon?”

“I do,” Park Jungsu answered shortly. His answer sounded so casual yet firm at the same time. “But before I tell you what I know about Kim Taeyeon, I have a simple question—one which couldn’t be answered by Siwon.”

“What’s that, Jungsu-ssi?”

“Why do you want to know about Taeyeon’s past?”

I expected this coming, even from the first person I contacted. I had my usual answer ready at the back of my head, but I wouldn’t use that answer right now.

This Park Jungsu… is different. Just by hearing his voice, I could sense it.

“Kim Taeyeon is a very dear person for me, Jungsu-ssi,” I started slowly. “She had helped me to go through the darkest and toughest phase of my life. She had become my shining star—which illuminate me when I got lost for years.”

Park Jungsu didn’t respond my words, but I knew he was listening attentively at the other side of the phone. I tried my best to convey my sincerity and seriousness about helping Taeyeon.

“It may seem unreal, but I really owe her—no one but her could help me back then, Jungsu-ssi. I wanted to repay her kindness but Taeyeon, being a kind and selfless that she is, refused everything I offered. Only several weeks ago though, I discovered her misery and pain, which she has carried for almost of her life. That moment, I knew I really want to help to lessen her misery, to ease her pain, to fix her broken heart… but she refused my help, Jungsu-ssi.”

“She has been so fragile and so broken a few weeks back. I really want to help, but I don’t know what I should do, what her problem is, and how to solve her problem. The fact that she’s so secretive and private doesn’t help me at all—instead, it adds my burden. So I want to know about her more, her background, her past, everything!”

There was a moment of silence for both of us. I was catching a breath from the continuous and fast talking and Park Junsu… I bet he was contemplating about my answer.

After a long minute of pure silence, Park Jungsu said something on the other line. “Alright, I get what you mean.” He took a deep breath—it was really audible among the silence—and spoke again. “I’ve known her since we were little kids—she is a dear friend of mine Jiyong-ssi, so I knew her past, her background and how her misery started.”

“Are you sure you could tell me, Jungsu-ssi?”

“I’m sure,” if I could see Park Jungsu right now, I know he’d be nodding right now. “She badly needs help since years ago, Jiyong-ssi. She has been in that state for years and no one was stubborn and persistent enough to make her accept the help. I had offered my help, especially since I know her since she was a kid—when everything started—but she strongly refused my help.”

“By hearing your voice, I know that you’re different from me. You’re stubborn and persistent—something that I don’t have—and you care for her deeply. That’s enough for me to tell you about her.”

A smile appeared on my face immediately. God really blessed me tonight!

“We are friends from childhood, Jiyong-ssi.” Park Jungsu started his story. “We met when I was 7 and she was 4 at orphanage named Little Children Home.”

Hearing that, I felt lighting has appeared out of nowhere. Taeyeon is an orphan? She had lived in orphanage?

Not noticing about my shock—as he couldn’t see my face through phone call, Park Jungsu began his story about Taeyeon and her background. It wasn’t too detailed nor too satisfying, but his story clearly gave me more clue about Taeyeon, her past, and her background.

 “Thank you so much for the information, Jungsu-ssi.” I said as my conversation with Park Jungsu was coming to an end. “I’ll make sure to use it wisely.”

“Please help her, Kwon Jiyong-ssi.” Park Jungsu said the sentence once more. “She’s a precious little sister for me and it hurts me bad to see her suffer continuously for years already.”

“I obviously will do that.” I assured him once more. “Good night Jungsu-ssi.”

Then our call was disconnected. But I didn’t waste any