Revealed

If you’re not a Korean, you might be unfamiliar with ‘Hangover Soup’ or commonly called as ‘Haejangguk’ in Korean.

But I’ve told you before, since 3 years ago I’ve never consumed liquor anymore, so it was understandable if I hardly ever eat haejangguk anymore. But sometimes… I missed haejangguk.

I miss the warmth, I miss the spiciness, I miss the complexity of the taste, and finally… it eventually led me to miss my hometown.

And during my 385 days of journey, I learnt it the hard way that you’ll realize how important what you have when you finally lost it. Like my relationship with haejangguk.

I really missed it when I travel to Hanoi, Bangkok, Malacca, and Taipei. I tried to look for it in Korean restaurants in the city I live in, but none of those restaurants serves a proper haejangguk.

I had given up to search for haejangguk at the 10th city—Malacca, but I’d never expect to eat it again before I literally come back to Korea.

Especially not in Bali.

“Yah yah Jiyong-ah,” I heard an ahjumma-like-voice called my name repeatedly. “Wake up!”

I knew, I should have woken up from that annoying call, but my head hurt so bad; my eyelids were so heavy; my body was sore, thus I need to sleep more.

“Aigoo Kwon Jiyong, wake up!” again, the ahjumma-like-voice yelled. But this time, there was addition of shakes to my body. But again, I didn’t wake up. Instead, I covered my head with a pillow—to protect my ears from that annoying voice—and resumed my sleep.

“WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEAD!” well, finally the ahjumma-like-voice yelled straight to my ear and I couldn’t help but waking up (finally).

“YES YES!!!” I yelled in annoyance while getting up. Damn, her ahjumma-like-voice really remind me of my mother’s voice when waking me up for school. “I’m getting up!”

“Good,” Taeyeon said as she walked away to the small kitchen near the living room. I stretched my body properly before standing up and followed Taeyeon.

As I stood up, I noticed my appearance. T-shirt and boxer shorts from yesterday. My jacket and jeans were gone.

“Taeyeon-ah, did you take my jacket and jeans last night?” I screamed to the kitchen. My eyes traveled to the living room—where my things scattered and located. “Where did you put those?”

“Yeah I did! I also put your jacket and jeans to the washing machine! It reeks of liquor!” I shrugged my shoulder—actually thankful for her since she was taking care of me—and headed to the kitchen. A spicy smell filled the kitchen already, along with the sound of boiling water. “Breakfast is ready!”

I sat on the kitchen stool—this villa really has anything prepared for 2 people—and waited for the breakfast. Taeyeon put the breakfast into 2 bowls and put one of it in front of me.

“Haejangguk?” I asked and took a sip of the soup broth. Taeyeon sat on the chair across mine and took a sip of her soup broth too. She didn’t talk much, just enjoying her haejangguk.

“Wow, this is so great,” I admitted and kept eating the soup. “Thank you for the meal.”

“Don’t think I made this especially for you, Kwon Jiyong,” Taeyeon said playfully as she eating her haejangguk. “I was suddenly want to eat haejangguk this morning and luckily I have the ingredients. So here you are with haejangguk as your breakfast.”

“Well, despite the reason, thank you,” I ate the last spoon of my haejangguk and smiled in satisfaction. Happy tummy made a happy Kwon Jiyong.  “I was dying to eat this since I was in Hanoi—approximately 6 months ago, and I never expect to eat this before I return to Korea. Then, I don’t know when I can eat this again.”

Taeyeon just smiled and kept eating her haejangguk. She suddenly took a newspaper near her and started to flip it randomly—scanning for any interesting news. I still sat there, looking at her dong her morning activities.

Well, if you looked at us with stranger’s point of view, you might see us as a couple who are on their honeymoon. The couple was enjoying a homemade meal by the wife and both of them were enjoying comfortable silence.

But beside the comfortable silence part, none of it were true for Kwon Jiyong and Kim Taeyeon.

“Where are we going today Tae?” I asked to break the silence. The silence was comfortable, but once it went too long, it became uncomfortable. “Do you have something in mind?”

Taeyeon lifted her head and looked at me. She put her spoon down as a sign of finished meal. “I have no idea. How about lounging at the villa all day? We can grill some sausage and skewers later the night. I’ve never tried the grilling provided in the villa.”

“Sounds good.” I immediately agreed about her idea. I guessed our 35 years old body couldn’t lie anymore, after numerous activities (plus clubbing with so much liquor consumed) yesterday, we just wanted to rest. “I’ll go to nearby supermarket to shop for later—my treat today. Are you coming with me, Tae?”

Taeyeon shook her head. “I’ll pass Ji. I’m going to call a therapist and get my body massaged later. But if you mind, please buy some cheese and bacon in the supermarket.”

I stood up, took all the bowls and spoons on the kitchen counter and headed to the sink. Taeyeon hadn’t moved an inch from her position—she was focusing on her newspaper—but her voice suddenly startled me.

“Prepare your heart Ji,” Taeyeon said calmly. “I’ll ask for explanation later.”

I—who was washing all the dishes—immediately froze on my spot. My breathing suddenly went faster, my heart pumped faster too.

I didn’t think Taeyeon would be this straightforward.

I didn’t think…. It would come really soon.

Dinner was wonderful, with me grilling the meat, sausages and skewers and Taeyeon prepared the salad, chips, and drinks (and no, there wasn’t any liquor this time). Her attitude didn’t change, still cheerful and warm, but I knew deep inside, she had many questions to ask.

Maybe she is reckless and childish sometimes, but she is far from stupid nor insensitive. I bet she could read me after we stepped on the club last night.

On the other side, I was really nervous about her questions. I didn’t change my attitude either—still responding to her cheerful attitude with slight flat note and listen to her well, but I prepared my heart and my soul to open up to her.

I’ve chosen this path, right? From day 1 with Taeyeon, I had choose to open up and talked little by little about my burden because my intuition said that Taeyeon was an angel from God to help me.

Then, this crossed my mind: if I want to find my muse back, I need to go ahead, burn the bridge I stepped on before, and never go back. I need to look for it in the future, not what had missing in the past.

And all of that will achieved with the help of the angel, Kim Taeyeon.

“Jiyong,” Taeyeon called me. We both were seating on beach lounge next to the small swimming pool. I was smoking my first stick of cigarette when she called my name firmly.

“Yes?” I inhaled a long, deep smoke before slowly exhaling it—all without facing her. But I knew, Taeyeon was looking straight to my face—to look for further clue about last night.

“Do you believe me?” She suddenly asked. I didn’t expect this question coming, by the way. “A stranger, who suddenly greet you a week ago and asked you immediately to become travel buddy. Do you actually believe me?”

“Yes, I do.” I answered shortly. My fingers reached to ashtray placed between my lounge and hers and crushed the remained cigarette . “Strangely, my intuition believe you’re someone I was looking for in my journey.”

“Am I your muse?”

“Nope,” I answered shortly. My eyes finally looked at hers. She looked… Worried? Sad? Confused? I didn’t know, but her cheerfulness was gone completely. “You’re my angel.”

She was completely taken aback with my statement. An angel? She must haven’t expect that coming. “What do you mean?”

I took out the cigarette pack from my pocket and took one stick. I offered her, but she refused. “Can I smoke while explaining it? Smoking makes… Everything easier for me.”

“Sure sure, go ahead.”

I lit the cigarette with lighter and puffed the smoke once before finally explain everything to her.

Everything, since day one.

It started 9 years ago.

“So, as you know… I’ve lost my muse since 3 years ago,” I started the explanation. “I lost it since she lost him.”

“What? Who is she you’re referring to? Who is he you’re referring to?”

“The woman I’m referring to is Im Yoona, my childhood friend, my neighbor, my schoolmate. The man I’m referring to is Choi Seunghyun, who is also my friend.”

“What had happened between the three of you?”

This was getting hard.

I gulped before revealing a small piece of my past.

“We were trapped in a love triangle,” then hung in shock. Who would expect the gorgeous writer, Kwon Jiyong, would be trapped in a love triangle with his own best friend? “I have loved Yoona since we were kids, but the love was too great, too deep, too massive, until she couldn’t realize my love for 16 years. It was until my own college buddy—he’s a really close senior who I really respect—confessed to her when I and Yoona were 26. It was Seunghyun and he’s 3 years our senior.”

I didn’t let her speak, but from her expression I knew… she could feel my sadness and misery.

“Seunghyun and Yoona had mutual feelings for each other and didn’t hesitate to show the world their feelings. Because of that, I nearly run away because it hurts too much to witness their love in front of me. But I turned those pains into creative ideas and imaginations—Seunghyun and Yoona’s love, also my pain, became the inspiration of my books. Their love and my pain… those are my muse all the time.”

“But as time passed, not only once I nearly gave up and thought of suicide. But repeatedly too my mind thought about chance. Maybe the chance of me and Yoona being together will appear sooner or later. They might broke up and everything would be back to normal. I promised myself, when that chance appear I would