If I have to be honest, I have limited knowledge of liquor.

Yeah, even though I was a frequent visitor of numerous night club in Seoul and I drank liquor every night in my 20s, I have pretty limited knowledge of liquor for someone who frequently consume it.

Then why, if my colleagues come to my apartment, they’d stare at my liquor cabinet with awe? They looked at my cabinet as if seeing a Hollywood superstar, or worse, a star with seductive pose and stare towards them?

Well, if you’ve made some assumptions about my liquor stock, I’d gladly confirm or clarify your assumptions.

It was because of Seunghyun-hyung, the wine enthusiast, and his wife, Yoona, the Korean-French chef. They constantly fill me with information about which wine is good for dinner, for lunch, or just for a leisure talk; which beer has the greatest taste; which Korean liquor has the best versatility to accompany French dishes; where and when an wine auction would be held; and many more things! For short, they supported my liquor needs—sometimes they even sent me a bottle or two.

Well, that routine changed 3 years ago—when the accident happened and changed our lives forever. Seunghyun-hyung passed away—a deceased wouldn’t be able to tell a living human which liquor to buy, and Yoona turned herself into severe depression—she couldn’t even come to SOIGNÉ let alone cook a single dish by herself, thus making SOIGNÉ’s management passed to her older sister. As for me, I stopped drinking to avoid honesty to appear.

Because I know, if I was being honest, I wouldn’t be in that misery for 3 ing years.

As of today, in Bali, my misery have ended its journey in my life, happiness and peace were waiting to replace misery’s position. The beast—who helped me wearing a brave and strong mask for years—was finally saying goodbye for good. I’d start being honest to myself and enjoy every little piece of it.

But before that, I needed to help Kim Taeyeon, my angel, to get out from her misery.

With the help of liquor, of course.

“Taeng,” I called out her nickname—Taengoo—when we just sat on the car and I’ve just turned the car’s engine on. She turned her head to my direction with disinterest and looked at me tiredly. “Can I go back to Métis and buy something first?”

She simply nodded and without wasting any time, I got out from the car and headed to a small wine cellar, located in the same building as Métis. The shop keeper greeted me cheerfully, but I wasn’t in the mood for chitchat. I only greeted her back in the most polite tone I could muster and asked for the sommelier’s help.

Not long, the sommelier came to me with his polite smile and I immediately said what I was looking for. He probably sensed my rush and without further ado, he took a bottle—made in mine and Taeyeon’s year of birth, and packed it nicely for me.

My credit card had been swept, the shop keeper had handed me my wine, and a cheerful ‘thank you’ had been said by the shop keeper and the sommelier when I finally got out from the wine cellar. I ran back to the car, so Taeyeon didn’t have to wait for long.

She didn’t ask me to be quick, but I felt uneasy to leave her alone in the car. Her changed attitude since I raised the topic about muse intrigued me so much and I couldn’t let that change affect her—us to be precise.

I didn’t know whether she’d like it or not, but I’d help her to become a cheerful Kim Taeyeon once more.

My weak heart—who just woke up from a long comatose state because of my emotional turmoil—wasn’t ready to face another change.

I wanted everything to be back to normal—the cheerful Taeyeon and the quiet Jiyong, enjoying Bali with laugh and smile.

I intended to keep it that way until only God knows when.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” I said to her while putting down my wine bottle on the back seat from the driver seat. “The packaging took a long time.”

Taeyeon only shook her head and put a small smile for me. “It’s okay.”

I was buckling up my safety belt, when I heard Taeyeon’s soft voice. “Can we go home now? I’m tired.”

Kim Taeyeon wasn’t a person who would say ‘I’m tired’ easily during weeks of our journey. I was pretty astonished at her statement, but considering her changed behavior, I let it pass. “Okay.” I maneuvered the car to get out from Métis and she didn’t say any word after that.

“If you’re tired, just sleep,” I said as I drive. She didn’t sleep or make any sound, instead, she just stared blankly to dimmed light on the street. “I’ll wake you up when we arrive.”

Taeyeon hummed a little, but I knew she wasn’t asleep—she didn’t even try to! I kept driving to the villa in silence and neither both of us tried to break it.

We both were too engrossed in our respective minds.

Neither of us knew that our ed up minds, who were battling against curiosity and hesitation, would make life changing decisions.

Not only for Taeyeon.

But for me too.

As a kid, I really enjoy playing with blocks and puzzles.

Playing with blocks and puzzles intrigued me as a child, as my mind think to numerous possibilities—in a child’s capability, of course—imagining what shape I’d make using the blocks, how big the shape would be, what picture would appear when I finish the puzzle or how complicated the pieces were.

As I grew up, I began to understand that blocks and puzzles are reflection of our life. Blocks and puzzles are our mind’s fragment, memories, thoughts, and feelings and as time passed, those pieces were put, stacked, and arranged together—building a very big object we call soul.

Soul that gives a body—ours, by the way—a life.

Without soul, we’d be nothing but a living corpse.

Then, what would happen if the soul started to lose its pieces?

Will the fragments, memories, and feelings stay intact together even though losing its pieces? Will it survives the crisis?

If you ask me the answer, I’d gladly answer it for you. I’d be happy to share it—because I’ve learnt it the hard way and I don’t want others experience the same things like me.

For the past 3 years, I thought my soul was in a comatose state. I lived physically, my mind was active, but it shut itself down. My mind told me not to think about anything, to feel anything, and to try anything to fix myself.

My soul stayed, while losing its pieces, but it didn’t work as it supposed to be.

As of today, my soul has woken up from its coma—slowly regaining its consciousness and ability. It was still so fragile, so timid, and so apprehensive, and any shock or unexpected event will automatically shake it terribly.

With tonight event with Taeyeon’s, I knew that deep inside, my soul has shaken terribly. But… my brain told me to toughen up. She needed my help.

I wanted to be there for her and take care of her, just like when she was there for me when I needed it the most, and I intended to keep my promise tonight to take care of her.

“We’re home already, Taeng,” I said as I turned off the car’s engine. “Let’s go.”

Taeyeon nodded weakly and got out from the car. I followed her while keeping my distance, far enough to let her alone, but close enough to watch her. I looked at her slumped back and tired aura and there was sudden urge to pat her back supportively, wrap my arm around her petite figure, smiled encouragingly and said, “Whatever it is, it is going to be alright.”

It was only on my dream, of course—I let her walked ahead of me and I kept my walking pace. I didn’t try to do anything to change the mood, she didn’t too.

We entered the villa and without any words, Taeyeon walked to the stairs and went up, leaving me alone downstairs. I was really curious—like really curious—but I had been in her position now, I knew better than anyone that the best way to respond her behavior is to let her by herself. She’d come around, sooner or later.

Sensing that I’d be alone for the night, I decided to enjoy the wine alone. I took glasses from the cabinet, and brought the wine and the glasses to the living room. I poured myself a glass of wine, grabbed the TV remote, turned it on, and settled myself on the sofa.

“Haaa…” I took a deep breath before I slowly exhaled it. Every breath I take usually felt heavy, but it felt light and relieving at that night.

I didn’t pay attention to the TV broadcast, but I didn’t bother to turn it off too. Not because I understand the broadcast—it was news broadcast on a local TV station, but I needed voice as company.

Why? You might ask me that. Why I still couldn’t stand loneliness after finishing my business with Yoona?

Well, I might have finished my business with Yoona, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t think of her or think about what had happened with me for the past 9 years. 9 years isn’t short period, okay?

Taeyeon’s changed attitude didn’t help too. It intrigued me like… too much.

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