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Prompt: “Nightmares”

Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo

Words: ~2500

Dedicated to oneoftheboys.

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Kyungsoo rolls over in bed as the small pelts of water hit the glass pane, the sound of soft yet distinct tapping filling the room. He groans a little, running his hands under the sheets until he’s propped his elbow up on the edge of the pillow, scanning the room. He’s gone. Again. Kyungsoo hates being alone.

 

Kyungsoo has always loved the sound of rain. He’s always loved how the steady patter on the rooftops seemed to calm him down. He used to go outside in the middle of a storm, arms outstretched, palms facing upwards as he belted out songs into the rain, his soft breath escaping his lips with puffs of steam as the heat of his voice met cold air. No one heard him when the rain was heavy, and he’s always loved it that way. He could scream, and cry, and shout as loudly as he wanted to, free from the confines of the walls that caged him, free from the high expectations that were always bearing down on his heavy shoulders. He loves where he is now, but he can’t go out as often. He is seen by all now, and as much as the fame brings magic into his life, there’s an ache in his heart with the revelation that nothing will ever be as simple.

 

Not since he met Kim Jongin.

 

The bed on the opposite side of the room is once again unoccupied. Kyungsoo strains his ears, listening past the rain for the hint of a steady breath but there is none. Well, aside from his breath of course. Kyungsoo gingerly arches his back in a stretch, wrinkling his nose as his bare feet hit the floorboards. He walks over to the window, opening it a small fraction. It smells fresh outside, like new beginnings. He lets out a small chuckle as the pellets of water hit his fingers, droplets running over his skin. Suho will be furious when he walks in to find the window open and the carpet dense with water, but Kyungsoo can brave the chastisements of the older teen. He leaves the window open, leaning against the frame. His mind is swimming; thoughts, as he has come to expect, drifting towards a certain younger, tanned teen.

 

Kyungsoo cannot remember much about his first meeting with Kim Jongin, or, as he preferred to be referred to as, Kai. Kyungsoo was far too nervous to form coherent sentences, his eyes drifting this way and that down the hallway as he imagined exactly how his audition could possibly go. In hindsight, perhaps he shouldn’t have taken the intimidating appearance of his fellow hopefuls too seriously, however despite his nerves, he had made it.

 

“Do Kyungsoo, right? Remember me?” Kyungsoo’s eyes had widened as he looked up from his iPod screen, face to face with that teen.

 

“Uh…”

 

“Kim Jongin,” the taller says, holding a hand out. Kyungsoo takes it with a nervous chuckle.

 

“Seems we both made it through right? I guess we’ll be working close together as trainees.” Kyungsoo had nodded, a nervous smile gracing his features.

 

“What are you doing for you’re um… main… uh?” Jongin gives the stuttering Kyungsoo a warm smile, and Kyungsoo blushes furiously, kicking his shoes against the floor.

 

“You mean my position? I intend to be a lead dancer. How about you?”

 

“Vocalist,” Kyungsoo responds nervously.

 

“Thought so,” Jongin remarks, that same smile plastered to his face. Kyungsoo likes Jongin’s smile the most. It makes his stomach flutter and his heart beat a little faster.

 

“How did you know?” he had asked. Jongin merely shrugged, head tilting to the side cutely.

 

“I heard your audition. We auditioned on the same day, remember? You were perfect.” Kyungsoo had flushed, a flustered hand reaching up to his cheeks to hide the redness that graced his usually pale features.

 

“I… I was so nervous, and that wasn’t the best… I…”

 

“You sounded really good,” Jongin asserted with a nod.

 

“If that wasn’t your best, I can’t wait to hear what you can really do.”

 

That was when Kyungsoo fell in love with Kim Jongin. And that was also the last time he truly spoke to the teen before they were placed in the same unit.

 

But Kyungsoo has and never will be able to show Kim Jongin what he is fully capable of. Kyungsoo shakes his head, finger drifting down the glass window before him. It’s about three in the morning by now, and they’re supposed to be ready for a rehearsal at seven. Kyungsoo knows Jongin has not slept at all for at least a week straight.

 

Jongin often stays in the studio and rehearses the steps again and again until he’s left exhausted on the floor, his back strapped and his legs heavy. And even after this, he rehearses more. When the manager forces him back to the apartment for some rest, Jongin dances again. Kyungsoo can hear the creaking of the floorboards between their beds as Jongin jumps up at midnight when all the lights are out and the other members have called out their goodnights. Kyungsoo pretends to sleep but the sound of Jongin’s breathing keeps him awake.

 

How does he do it?

 

Kyungsoo longs for the answer, because Kim Jongin is perfect, and Kyungsoo strives for even a slither of that level of perfection. When Kyungsoo has sung until his voice is raspy and he can feel his lungs constrict, he collapses to the floor in agony and Suho has to help him to his bed, as his breathing is shallow. His throat burns and he can feel the bile rise in his throat, forcing himself to sleep. Kim Jongin still dances, and Kyungsoo feels completely empty inside.

 

He can never be as good as Kim Jongin. His voice is nothing compared to the flourish of limbs Kim Jongin can present to the camera, even with his torso patched up and his lips held taut together from the agony his limbs are in. Kim Jongin is something more than human, Kyungsoo is weak.

 

“What are you doing up?”

 

Kyungsoo snaps out of his reverie, tripping over his toes as he falls backwards, ears red. He shuts his eyes tightly as he imagines the floorboards closing in, but his body never makes full contact with them. He opens his eyes wide, staring up like a deer caught in headlights as Jongin picks him up and flips him onto the bed, taking a seat beside him cross-legged.

 

“Where were you?” Kyungsoo asks.

 

“Out,” Jongin responds with a shrug.

 

“Practicing again?” Kyungsoo asks feebly, voice croaky. Jongin nods.

 

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo lets out a sigh, letting his head sink into the sheets. He curls his fingers around them, letting out a small shiver. Jongin notices this and walks across to the window, shutting it.

 

“Why did you have the window open?” he asks.

 

“I like the rain,” Kyungsoo sighs.

 

“It felt lonely by myself, and the rain can always come in through the window and keep me company… It’s weird, you know. When we get so much attention at events I just wish I was somewhere quieter, but when I’m here by myself I have this need to be with someone. I don’t like being in big crowds, and I don’t like being alone. Seems like a contradiction… it doesn’t make sense.” Jongin nods, shifting his weight so he’s lying beside Kyungsoo.

 

“No, it does makes sense.”

 

And they stay that way, hand-in-hand until Suho knocks on the door and tells them to get ready. Jongin doesn’t spend another night at the studio. Instead, he dances across the floorboards, and the squeaks that fill the room lull Kyungsoo to sleep.

**

Kyungsoo jumps, running a hand through his unruly hair. His heart rate is far too fast to be anywhere near normal, and his breath is fast and raspy. His eyes slowly come into focus, staring out blankly into the dark, quiet room. He throws a glance across the room to see Jongin pacing the floors, iPod suspended from his ears. Kyungsoo shakes his head.

 

That nightmare was too real. It becomes more real with each time it passes through his head. That’s the third night now, in a row. The third night of utter humiliation.

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

Kyungsoo jumps for a second time, wrapping his arms around himself as he attempted to steady his breathing. He shuts his eyes tightly as he feels the bed sink beside him, knowing full well that Jongin is mere inches away.

 

“Kyungsoo, are you OK?” Kyungsoo nods weakly, turning away. His breathing still hasn’t steadied.

 

“Fine… just… just a nightmare.” Jongin sighs, wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

 

“That’s the third time this week.” Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he shuffles away from the younger teen, hiding his face in his pillow. Jongin noticed.

 

“If you don’t mind me asking, what is your nightmare about?”

 

Kyungsoo sighs.

 

“It’s too embarrassing…”

 

Jongin frowns, but leaps up from Kyungsoo’s bed nevertheless, getting into his beginning stance. The movement flows through his body, and the sounds of the floorboards become a steady rhythm in Kyungsoo’s ears, like the rain on the glass pane. He lets out a sigh, sleep once again engulfing him.

**

“Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol comes bounding towards him, a bowl of cereal in his hand. Forever the happy virus, Chanyeol’s smile beams through the room, and all of the members smile back in return. Chanyeol pulls a kitchen stool out from underneath him, planting himself down right next to Kyungsoo.

 

“What do you want, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asks, tiredness filling his voice. Chanyeol frowns, poking Kyungsoo playfully on the nose.

 

“Jongin said you’ve been having a tough time sleeping, and we noticed you’ve been a little off recently… is everything OK? I mean, you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to and all, but Jongin’s really worried about you.”

 

Kyungsoo blushes, rubbing at his eyes.

 

“He’s worried?” Chanyeol lets out a melodious laugh.

 

“Yeah, super-duper worried. He keeps complaining how you never talk to him about it even though you’re roommates and stuff. So he asked me to help out.”

 

Kyungsoo lets out a sigh of resignation, holding his head in his hands. Chanyeol can be tedious even at the best of times, and Kyungsoo knows the older will not let this go until Kyungsoo has spilled every single detail of his life into the happy virus’s obnoxiously large ears.

 

“Well,” he begins. “Truth is, I’m having nightmares. Well, it’s the same one all the time.” Chanyeol an eyebrow in interest.

 

“What’s it about?”

 

Kyungsoo groans, using his fingers to massage his temple.

 

“Don’t laugh,” he whispers, eyes scanning the room. Kyungsoo inhales sharply.

 

“When I dream, I always imagine missing a note or singing out of tune. He’s listening, and he’s laughing and pointing at me and I’m crying and it just makes me feel so worthless. And then everything goes black, and I’m by myself. Alone. There’s a house, and it’s always empty. Always empty but me…” Kyungsoo chokes a little, looking down.

 

“I can’t get out. I bash on the doors and I try to push through the windows. I got to the roof once but I slipped on a tile and I fell; there was blood everywhere and I couldn't move… It felt so real… I think I woke up after that…” Kyungsoo lets out a sob.

 

“I want it to stop but it keeps coming back. The nightmare. And sometimes Jongin comes, and he dances through the doorway. He can fly, Chanyeol. He can come and go, but I’m stuck to the ground… he laughs at me…” Kyungsoo doesn’t notice he’s been crying until he feels a tissue pressed to his face. He nods in thanks, eyes widening in alarm as he sees the face of the owner of the tissue.

 

“J…Jongin!” he screeches.

 

“Shh, Kyungsoo,” Jongin hushes him, pulling him into a warm embrace.

 

“It’s OK. I’d never laugh at you! I don’t think I ever could, because you’re perfect!” Kyungsoo lets out a howl in response, visibly shaking under Jongin’s touch.

 

“Don’t say that!” he chokes back tears.

 

“I’m nowhere near as perfect as you! You always work so hard and you’re always so kind… I can never be as perfect as you! I’m worthless!” he shrieks angrily, pushing Jongin away. He rushes down the hallway, reaching for the bedroom door with an outstretched hand.

 

But Jongin reaches it first. He slams it shut, slamming his hands to the wall on either side of Kyungsoo’s head. Kyungsoo flinches as Jongin’s eyes meet his, ferocity behind them.

 

“Are you serious?” he growls threateningly.

 

“You really think yourself that worthless?” Jongin punches the wall next to Kyungsoo’s head in frustration, eliciting a gasp from the shorter teen. Jongin’s eyes soften as he sees the fear in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

“You have no idea, Kyungsoo,” he breathes, eyes downcast.

 

“I only work as hard as I do so I can meet your standards.”

 

Kyungsoo gasps.

 

“Wait…what?”

 

“How could I ever compare to you, Kyungsoo? Your voice… it’s the reason I’m still here. I was going to give up. I was going to give up on everything, but then I heard your voice. It was soft, and sweet, and perfect. It gave me goosebumps. I knew when I heard that voice I had to keep going.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Kyungsoo asks, eyebrows creased in confusion.

 

“I kept going all this time because I love you. I love you, Do Kyungsoo.”

 

“But I… I always… loved you…” Kyungsoo stutters, blushing wildly.

 

Kyungsoo’s heart skips a beat as Jongin chastely plants his lips on his, letting his smooth tongue dance across Kyungsoo’s lips. Kyungsoo lets out a small whimper, parting his lips so that Jongin can explore freely, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s shoulders to deepen the kiss. He moans as their lips part, Jongin nibbling playfully on Kyungsoo’s ear.

 

“I don’t want you to feel lonely or empty anymore,” Jongin whispers in his ear.

 

“Any time you feel lonely, I want you to call my name. I’ll come running for you, Kyungsoo. I promise.”

 

Kyungsoo stares into Jongin’s eyes, that familiar fluttering feeling filling his stomach as he sees nothing but love in Jongin’s eyes.

 

“Jongin… I…”

 

“Shh,” Jongin breathes. “We have rehearsal, and Suho will be angry if we’re late.” He enlaces their fingers together, letting out a small chuckle as Kyungsoo nuzzles into his woolen jumper. Kyungsoo becomes distinctly aware of the sounds of their footsteps creaking across the floorboards. He likes the sound. It is not the sound of one pair of footsteps, but two.

 

Kyungsoo cannot be empty anymore.