Prompt: “One finds the other’s blog and Hilarity Ensues”

Pairing: Suho/Chen

Words: ~1200

Jongdae scans page after page of pictures and blog entries, his eyes darting to and fro across his computer screen. He clicks on an image, smirks, and right clicks to ‘save as’ into a new folder that now sits on his desktop screen, entitled ‘blackmail’.

Jongdae doesn’t know how, but he’s found a goldmine. A literal, internet mine filled with gold and hidden gems that he will now be able to use at his disposal, whenever he wants to. For example, if he wants to drape his feet across the furniture, or if he’s too lazy to get up and get a coffee from the kitchen or pick up a bowl of M&Ms. These little pieces of Joonmyun’s life that are now saved to Jongdae’s hard drive are the ammunition necessary for Jongdae to continue his (already) lazy habits.

Joonmyun is a good leader, there’s no doubt about it. He’s strict when he needs to be, and soft when the others are exhausted and sore-footed. Joonmyun has always held a small room in the skyscraper that is Jongdae’s somewhat sadistic heart. Jongdae quite simply likes pushing Joonmyun’s buttons.

“Take your shoes off at the door Jongdae, or so help me!” the short leader growls from the hallway as he tosses a snapback into his bedroom. Jongdae simply grins, a glint in his eye. He kicks them off, leaving them sitting just under the coffee table. He swings his arms behind his neck and reclines into the couch, stinky sock-covered feet hovering just under Joonmyun’s nose.

“Jongdae, you filthy sloth!” comes a shriek, and Jongdae relishes in the way Joonmyun’s ears start colouring, burning bright red. Joonmyun’s lips downturn into a scowl, and Jongdae’s cheeky grin broadens.

“Oh Joonmyun, I don’t think you want Chanyeol to get a hold of…” he trails off, a pregnant pause filling the room. Jongdae slowly holds up a picture of Joonmyun’s head (which has his trademark scowl plastered to it), and he whispers a line of a blog entry from 2013 that he’s memorised by heart:

“Sometimes I feel like no one really understands what true hygiene is anymore. All these members, you’d think hopefully one of them had the proper decency to actually bathe once a week.”

Jongdae lets silence fall. He looks at the horror-stricken face of his leader and pushes into his personal space, draping an arm over Joonmyun’s shoulder. He cups his hands together and brings them close to his ear. Joonmyun shivers involuntarily as Jongdae’s lips brush against his earlobe.

“If only people in the real world were just like my anime waifu.” He raises his voice at the last part.

Jongdae chortles, pulling away. Joonmyun’s eyes widen as he flicks a look of terror at the doorway. Luckily, everyone else is at practice and they can’t overhear the psychotic laughter that seems to be streaming out of Jongdae’s big, fat mouth. Jongdae turns to him, gives him a wink, and stretches before walking the short distance to the kitchen.

“You know,” Jongdae throws over his shoulder, “it took a while for me to actually find out who your ‘waifu’ is. I was looking for any anime chick, I even looked for the ‘’ tag on your blog. No such luck. Then, I realised. What if this ‘waifu’ was an anime guy?”

Joonmyun inhales sharply, grabbing Jongdae’s shoulders and pulling him back into the living room. Joonmyun breathes in and out, floundering for the right vocabulary to fully demonstrate his internal screaming.

“You were really into Free!, weren’t you Suho? So into it, in fact, that I found a lovely post in the archive of your blog about how you wanted to… what was it again? you wanted to bang Ryugazaki Rei? I mean he is your ideal type and all, all bookish and clean and driven.”

“Shut up, I never wrote that!” Joonmyun breathes.

“Are you sure about that?” Jongdae responds, sarcasm lacing his words, “I mean I’ve always guessed that you’d be into sports anime, but I can’t believe you’d go for the obviously flamboyant homoual side character, I thought you’d be enraptured by the shota boy.”

Joonmyun gasps. Jongdae’s lips seem to stretch out for miles as his smile becomes broader and broader, rivaling the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. Jongdae pets Joonmyun on the shoulder, a knowing smirk gracing his lips.

“Of course, no one needs to know about this, if you’re willing to let me get away with a couple of small… violations of the roommate protocol you set in place.” Jongdae his lips, and Joonmyun collapses on the couch in a messy heap.

“Fine,” Joonmyun responds quickly, as he hears the rustle of keys at the front door.

**

Jongdae’s shirking of the rules goes on for weeks; months even. Kyungsoo begins to side-glare Jongdae more often and can frequently be seen cornering Joonmyun in the hallway at night, or as he’s leaving the shower before the other members are up, a permanent scowl crinkling his nose as he asks why Jongdae deserves such favouritism.

Joonmyun of course has no response for Kyungsoo; instead, he grabs onto anyone that reaches the vicinity and drags them away, making up excuses like ‘manager said to do this’ or ‘the company requested you to do that’ just to get away from him. This, of course, leads to a compounding of the problem. Kyungsoo gets grumpier and grumpier, and Jongdae gets more and more shameless in his antics. Soon, all of the members start to question Jongdae’s hold over Joonmyun, and more and more awkward questions are asked.

Finally, Joonmyun explodes. He marches straight to Jongdae’s door and knocks once, twice, three times, before kicking it open with a growl in his throat.

“I’m ing done, Jongdae!” he screams at him rather hysterically. “I can’t do this anymore, I’ve had it, you’ve broken me! Just let me die in peace, okay? I haven’t slept in weeks because of your shenanigans!”

“Woah, woah,” Jongdae responds, smirk gracing his features once again. “I deleted all that stuff of my laptop ages ago, and because you deleted your blog, I can’t exactly go back and screenshot all that evidence of your nerdy weeaboo feels again, now can I?”

Joonmyun collapses, face-planting on the end of Jongdae’s bed. He breathes an audible sigh of relief, crawls his way up the sheets, and plants a big, sloppy, wet kiss on Jongdae’s cheek. Most of the sloppiness, of course, comes from the tears that snake down his puffed up cheeks from his bloodshot eyes. Joonmyun then skips from the room, a newfound spring in his step.

Jongdae quickly opens up his laptop and drags the folder from his desktop to the trash can at the bottom of the screen, feeling more than a little guilty. He knows, however, in the back of his mind, that his iCloud account has the files if ever he feels the need for more blackmail.