I woke up to a dream. Now if only the dream didn’t wake up. At least just not yet. Jaejoong was breathing heavily by my side, still soundly asleep. His hair was tousled and his upper body was rid of the blankets. I would have loved to trace his features, but I was afraid the pretty image would break under my fingers. So after much admiration, I knew that reality was going to hit us soon and got up. I turned off my alarm which was supposed to ring an hour later. I was up earlier than usual, and I don’t know if that’s fortunate or not, for I could have woken up to an empty bed instead.

            The first thing I did was take a hot shower, burning his touches into my skin. I got dressed and looked back at the sleeping man one last time before retreating downstairs. I picked up our discarded robe and jacket and set it to the side. I got the machines up and running smoothly then grabbed one mug. I could hear the thud from the floor above and knew that he was up now. I inhaled a deep breath and curled my hair behind my ears, prepared for whatever.

            Just as I poured the coffee into the mug, a tired Jaejoong came down. He was scratching, or maybe fixing, his hair when he saw me. Our eyes met and we quickly averted them. He silently picked up his jacket and wore it as I pushed the cup forward to him. I kept my eyes down when he took it and walked to the door. When the door clicked shut, I almost broke down into tears. Not even a damn word.

            I sniffed and quickly wiped my eyes. I brushed down my apron as if it was wrinkled up and walked out from behind the counter. I was going to open the blinds to release light into the room when the door was furiously slammed open again. I paused and saw a very distraught Jaejoong. He was huffing hard as if he had just run all the way back. There was no mug in his hands.

            He stalked towards in a surprisingly fast pace that I had to take a step back before he collided against me. “Soo Yun,” he said, his fist was stuck straight down his sides. This Jaejoong was absolutely serious. “I,” he stuttered. “I’m sorry about last night.”

            I smiled sadly. “I know,” my voice cracked.

            “That was a mistake. But I still treasure you very much,” he quickly added.

            I nodded. “I know,”

            He in a breath. “I hope we can still be the great friends we were,” he said. “I don’t want you as just a friend, but more than that. I want us to be best friends again, with no tension,” he panted after saying it in all one breath.

            I stared down at my hands and saw that I had unconsciously clasped them into front of me in such a ladylike way. “Jaejoong,” I said. “How do you feel about Mari?” I asked, completely ignoring his previous statement.

            This seemed to have confused him. “W-what?”

            “What are your feelings about Mari?” I alternatively said. “Besides the fact that she’s smart, insightful, and a very cool person to be around with,” I added.

            “Why do you ask?” he said curiously.

            “Because you mentioned an awful lot of her last night,” by now my face and voice was void of any emotions.

            “Oh, I did, didn’t I?” He shyly said.

            My eyes narrowed. “What do you think of Mari?” I asked again.

            His eyes trailed down to the tiled floors before shifting up to look at mine. “I’m not sure.”

            “Do you like her?”

            “Um—“

            “Is it because she looks like Ae Ri?”

            “Soo—“

            “Are you planning to go after her too, especially since you have a much bigger chance this time? She doesn’t seem to have a handsome and capable man at her side like Tae Hyun.”

            “Hey—“

            “Do you like her?” I said once more.

            “I,” he paused and I dared him to spill the truth out. “I would like to get to know her better first, before anything…,” he faded off.

            I scoffed. “So that’s a yes.”

            “I wouldn’t necessarily—“

            “Don’t try to sugar coat it,” I interrupted him. “Of course you would like her. She’s energetic and friendly, but that doesn’t mean I have to be acquainted with her like you.”

            “Hey, don’t you think that’s a little rough?” he said nervously. “We can all still be friends.”

            “No,” I simply said. “Because Jaejoong,” he straightened up as I addressed him formally. “I don’t think I can be your friend anymore either.”

            A silent wave crashed by.

            “W-what?” his eyes were wide.

            “I don’t think being with you is good for my heart,” I said.

            “Wait, no.”

            “I think you should leave now,” I said and started to push him out.

            “Soo Yun, let’s talk about this,” he replied and tried to withstand my efforts to shove him, but unlike last night, I had enough strength to actually make him move.

            “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about Jaejoong,” I said. “You have lost yourself to the memories of the past where we were once happy and naïve, and won’t come out of it. You won’t move on and in the process, you have dragged me to stay with you too. I just want to end this.” I was able to push him all the way out the door and as he stared at me in disbelief, I only gave him a lifeless smile.