Throughout the week, everyone had observed Jaejoong. And I know that sometimes they observed me too when they think I wasn’t looking. He had been talking with Mari and they both have gotten pretty friendly. I’m quite jealous. Not that she’s more feminine than I am and has similar features to Ae Ri, I’m jealous for I’m still on some awkward term with Jaejoong and she can talk to him freely and openly. They were giving off a vibe that only Jaejoong and I could have created before.

            But after the week was over and Mari seemed to have really enjoyed Jaejoong’s performance, (which he invited her to, I mean, we all could have invited her, but he beat everyone to the punch because he was practically with her all the time) we barely saw him. He started to hang out at her bookstore a lot more often, and if you look on the bright side, it only meant it was easier to spy on him through the windows as he was just across the street. Yoochun and Yuri spent most of their time observing him. I, on the other hand, tried not to stare much. What if I looked up and saw something I didn’t expect happened? No, I wouldn’t do that to myself. I wouldn’t hurt myself even if nothing did happen. I don’t want to risk it, because this world has proven to be cruel to me before.

            One time Jaejoong came into the shop in the morning, which he usually does now just to get coffee then leave, and Yoochun had asked him directly why he was over at the bookstore lately. He had replied that it was quieter and could focus on his music more. That seemed logically, but it still pained me. Because in a way, it only meant that he was no longer comfortable here to do all of his thinking. And as I thought back, I didn’t see him at all after we had that argument. He just came to do his show on Fridays and I didn’t know when and where he wrote those songs.

            “Damn,” I cursed and smacked my head down on the counter. I had almost expected a giggle from someone to follow after.

            How was I going to fix our relationship if I barely saw him? How was I going to finish our conversation of closure from last time when he ran off in the middle of his sentence? How was I supposed to do anything if he was with her constantly?

            Jaejoong was getting more infatuated with Mari by the second and fortunately for him she, unlike Ae Ri, was very much single. There was nothing holding him back this time. I, actually the rest of us, felt a little bad for Mari. What if Jaejoong had only liked her because she had the image of Ae Ri? Who knows what’s been going on in Jaejoong’s mind? Ugh, and that’s what I hate. Not knowing. I used to know him inside and out, but due to one jealous day, I let out friendship tumbled around and now everything’s out of place.

            I clutched my head in sudden pain. I feel a headache coming. I’ve been having them lately, probably from too much thinking. I slouched uncomfortably on the counter and force my mind to think of nothing as I closed my eyes.

            “Boss?”

            My eyes snapped back open and I turned to look at one of my employees. “Yes?”

            “I’m off,” she said as she put on her jacket. I glanced at the clock. It was closing time. Thank goodness.

            “Okay, be careful on your way out,” I said as she waved goodbye.

            Yoochun and Junsu were already long gone, and Yuri was just beginning to pack her stuff. She came towards me with a bundle of notebooks and books in her arms. She smiled and it was softer and warmer than her usual mischievous ones.

            “Rest,” she said simply.

            I returned her smile and nodded. “I will.”

            “I mean it,” she said sternly. “Clear your mind from all the that has happened. Take a bubble bath, drink some wine. And I mean some! No needing you to get drunk again.”

            I chuckled. “Okay, mother.”

            “Read a book if you have to. Immerse yourself into another distraction.”

            My mind wandered back to the Loveless book Mari had given me. I hadn’t cracked it yet. I didn’t want to. Didn’t want to know how much it could read me rather than I read it.

            “I will do my best,” I promised her.

            “Good,” she said and huffed her way to the door.

After a relaxing bath that only made me think more in its silence, I took a pain reliever for my headaches. I slipped comfortably into my robe and applied on a face mask. Waiting for five minutes before I could take the thing off was only going to make me think more so I decided to have a drink. I went to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine I hadn’t opened yet from the party. Yuri may have taken most of the liquor, but this one I’ve been having it in my own personal kitchen since the day I got it. I bought it for my own pleasure and not to serve. I almost forgot I had it.

            I had a hard time opening it, but when I did, I easily drank half of it. I shoved it back in the fridge and washed off my face mask. It was 12am and I wasn’t tired. Yet, I had already run out of things to do that were supposed to relax me. I sighed and paced back to my room. The first item that greeted me was the book on my dresser. I walked up to it and glared, judging it like another person. Should I open it? I was afraid before, but now that I think about it that was very idiotic of me. It was just a book. It couldn’t hurt me. Maybe it’ll even give me some insights. Oh what