The skin on his fingers neared to the color of cherry as it scuttled in to the wooden chopsticks. He held on tight to it, back and forth to the huge plate, stacking heaps of beef on his bowl, and piling it down in his maw. Youngbae gave him a nudge, but Seungri wasn't so certain if it's possible to stop. The meat was stale---dry, even. Or was it just him? It seemed as if every food he stuffed in to his cheeks was just sliding down in his throat, tasteless when it's on his tongue. 

He could see it. He could see it all---the way Jiyong gazes at her with such adoring eyes, the way Jiyong caresses her hair with the mildest touch, he wonders; when will all this end?

Would it be his fault if he breaks down and cry? 

"You alright?" Youngbae asks but Seungri could barely hear.

It seemed as if everything was impeded by his own senses. There was only Jiyong and Kiko.

A warm touch on his neck, and he flinches. 

"You're not feeling well?" Youngbae asked, the back of his hand on the boy's, and it gets the two other man's attention.

"Have you taken any meds, yet?" uttered Daesung, munching on the tiny crumbs of rice left in his bowl. 

"N-Not yet," he managed to breathe out.

Seungri couldn't be more grateful for an imposed opportunity. What could be a better excuse?

"Don't let it get worse," Seunghyun joins in. "Get some rest."

"That's what you get for fooling around so much," said Youngbae, grinning, and Daesung elbows him in disbelief. 

Jiyong just couldn't hear them over the rowdy noise of the grill and the constant chattering of the people---Seungri would prefer to think of it that way. Still, his heart slumps every second that passes by with him just watching the two of them in their own little world, all smiles and giggles. 

"I'm gonna get some rest," he says and he fights the urge to leave too quickly. 

"Ah-" Jiyong breathes out. "Where you going?"

Youngbae answers for him, and he finds himself smiling a benumbing smile. 

"That's too bad," uttered Kiko with a frown. "Just when we finally met."

He agrees. What more could he answer?

"Can you drive yourself home?" Jiyong asked, must be really worried, he thought. "Want me to take you home?"

"N-No." He grits his teeth. What a question. "It's alright. I have a driver with me. Besides.. Kiko here.." He gulps. There's that stitch in his throat once again, and his voice becomes a little thick. "You can't just leave Kiko here. She needs your company. I can take care of myself."

Jiyong grew a little impatient. His feet on the rough mat, tapped away as his persistent fingers busts on the door security. Seungri, he shouts and still no answer. He haven't noticed until now, but now he thinks he brought way too much. A numbing ache on his arm, and he switches the plastic bag on his other hand. Did he go overboard with the medicines and snacks? 

"Hyung.."

Finally. Jiyong huffs. 

"What.. are you doing here..?" asked the boy, tiredness sneaking in to his voice. His eyes were swollen red, hair sticking out of his head, and it looks like he could barely stand on his feet.

Jiyong catches his arm, ", Seungri. You look awful," and he forces himself in. "Did your fever went up?"

"Aren't you with Kiko? ..Why are you here..?"

"I was worried sick earlier. Couldn't leave you alone, can I?" he said, and Seungri smiles the widest smile.

"R-Really?" he breathes out, voice a little thick and shaky. "..I.. I'm glad.." he said with a glint in his eyes, and Jiyong wonders if it's the fever.

"Are you okay?" and the boy crumbles down in tears; Jiyong panics. 

"S-Seungri! What's wrong?" he asked, but it seemed to only trigger a further outburst of tears.

"I.. I don't know.. I'm just happy you're here.." 

"You.. What's wrong with you?" He secures the boy in his arms, patting him as gentle as he could. "You really aren't feeling well--"

His face so close to the open pores of the other, a strong stench oozes in to his sense of smell. He then scowls at the stink of the alcohol; "You've been drinking?" he spits out and Seungri jerks away like a guilty dog. "So, you're not sick? You left just so you could get drunk?"

The boy seals his mouth shut from his foul stare, and Jiyong could only sigh out his frustration.

"Look, Seungri, I don't know what're you up to again, and clearly, we can't talk properly right now since you're too drunk," he huffs out. "I won't get angry anymore. I'm just.. I'm done with you. You keep doing the same thing over and over again. It's tiring. Honestly, I don't know what to do with you anymore."

Now the silence was resonant. Jiyong feels guilty, but he's also disappointed. 

"Let's talk when you're not like this," he says, hands already turning the cold knob.

His chest grew heavy as he dragged his feet to the door. Why is it always like this whenever he does his job as the leader?

"H-Hyung!"

A tight grip on his arm, and he lurches back to Seungri whose eyes veered weary. 

"Don't go! Are.. are you gonna leave me here? You're gonna come back to her?" he cries out, clutching Jiyong's flesh as his eyes bawls out desperate pleads. "D-Don't go! Please! Don't leave me! I promise I won't drink ever again! If you just stay here with me! I'm begging you!"

Seungri weeps and sobs until there was a hitch in his breath, and Jiyong gets even more anxious than he ever was. 

"Seungri..?" he uttered.

The boy throws himself on his chest, digging his face unto it until there were wet patches on the cotton shirt. Jiyong stood frozen on his feet. 

"Hey.. stop crying," he utters, caressing Seungri's back, only to result to the opposite. The boy's fingers were almost sinking deep into his skin, breaking down even more as he tries his best to calm him down.

"Hyung.. Please stay.. Don't come to her.. I-I'm gonna die if you do.." he wails out, and Jiyong couldn't stay put anymore.

"Seungri, you're seriously making me worry here. What the hell are you talking about?"

It takes a long pause before he could, but still, he breathes out; "..K-Kiko.. Don't go to her.."

"..Kiko..?"

Jiyong's answer tightened the boy's grip on him. Burying his face on Jiyong's chest, he utters; "I-If you do.. I'll die.."

"S-Seungri," Jiyong stutters. "What's going on? Why are you like this?"

"..I.. I love you.."

And Jiyong momentarily feels a hamper in air. Did he really hear it right?

"What..?" he muttered.

"I said I love you!" he exclaims, and he holds on to him even tighter.

He stutters a little, pauses, and then just spits out words of doubt. "Look, Ri, you're drunk. Do you even know what you're saying?"

"I'm not joking!" His voice shakes. "I really love you! I do! You don't know how miserable I am! I loved you for so long!"

Jiyong was thawed on his feet. It seemed like everything was surreal. His hand patted the boy's nape, with only his sobbing making up for the silence. 

"D-Do you hate me now? Are you gonna avoid me?"

"Of course not," he says but his eyebrows twitches. Nothing seemed to be certain for now. His mind was still in chaos. 

"Please don't avoid me," he pleads. "I don't know what I'll do if you do that.."

With a heavy sigh, "I won't do that. Don't worry." 

The gelid wind brushed up against Jiyong's skin. It was especially cold that night, but Jiyong didn't mind. He had always loved the cold. As the dazzling stars beams out in the velvet sky, Jiyong takes a puff. He had long quit smoking, but tonight, he found himself finishing a almost a whole pack.

From afar, the cloud residing beside the moon looked as if it was similar to that of a bear's head---one big, round cloud, a little distorted but it could pass as a circle, and two small ones of top of it. He chuckles. It could also be a panda, he thought. It reminded him of Seungri and his dark circles.

As he leaned his elbow on the veranda's railing, he closes his eyes. The lovely cold in the wind caresses his skin. 

"Why did it come to this?" 

He sighs a heavy breath.