[A/N] WORD COUNT: 6750 words

CHAPTER TEN

Fourth period had just ended which meant it was already lunch time. Hyukjae went to his locker and waited for Kyuhyun and Sungmin to pick him up. Ever since the day he talked to Kyuhyun, their bond had become closer. They now always eat together during lunch and they accompany him to the library before going home.

He had to work double time because his entrance exam for KNU is in two days’ time. Time flew by him so fast. He didn’t feel a thing, except longing maybe. He was still longing for Donghae. He wants to be by his side but he knows it won’t happen. Though his pain lessened ever since the day he talked to Siwon.

He still keeps an eye over Donghae from afar the past weeks. He was glad that Donghae is smiling. He was glad Hae was finally happy. Still, he feels guilty. He still hasn’t talked to Donghae. He sort of knew he should’ve talked to Donghae before talking to Siwon about it. But he’s pretty sure Donghae wouldn’t even look at him if he tried to talk to him. So, timing is still a problem.

But recently, he felt a lot better. He had started living for the better, for himself. He wasn’t thinking about his problem that often anymore. And besides, he knew it wasn’t the right time to think about such things. He had an exam to ace.

He lived in the library this week. He spent around 4 hours maximum studying in the library and 3 hours maximum studying at home. He has probably drunk too much caffeine that he’s allowed to drink. (He’s had around 5 cups a day. Extra cream, of course) He thinks he knows everything that will possibly appear in the exam. And whatever the result is, he’ll be proud to be in KNU. (Heechul actually passed with a grade of 81%. So, he’s pretty sure he’ll get in no matter what.)

“Hey,” a voice called out behind Hyukjae.

Hyukjae heard the unfamiliar voice and turned around, eyebrows meeting when he saw the man behind him. The reason behind why he had entered this mess. The man who’s hair always looked like a wet poodle’s, Yunho.

Hyuk’s voice deepened, “What do you want?”

“Can we… talk, Hyukjae?” Yunho asked shyly.

Hyukjae smirked, “Is there anything important to talk about? You know, besides your hair?”

Yunho pursed his lips, “Hyukjae, I’m being serious. I don’t want to start a bickering fight. Can we please just talk like normal people would do?”

Hyuk was surprised with the seriousness in Yunho’s voice. He suddenly felt guilty and said, “Okay.”

Yunho looked down, “So, where should we talk?”

“Can’t we talk here?” Hyuk asked.

“I actually have a lot to say. So…” Yunho said shyly, again.

Hyukjae nodded awkwardly, “O-Okay. We could talk in the quad?” he asked, referring to the school quadrangle, where students usually stay when they have free time.

“Okay,” Yunho nodded in agreement and they walked their way to the bench near the quad fountain. Their walk was awfully silent, it could deafen someone.

They sat on the bench and Hyuk started the conversation, “So… what so you want to talk about?”

Yunho smiled, “I just… wanted to say sorry. You know, for being an to you this entire time. I guess I was just…” he laughed, “I don’t know, jealous, maybe?”

Hyuk smiled a bit on his honesty, “Jealous about what?”

Yunho faced him a bit, “About everything, I guess. You’re smart. You’re talented. You catch attention—”

Hyukjae cut him off, “What do you mean by ‘catch attention’?” he asked.

“Well, look at you! Ever since you changed your way of clothing, everyone kept looking at you. And you… ‘catch their attention’” Yunho said, quoting the last part.

Hyukjae snickered, “I don’t even know if that’s good or bad.”

Yunho laughed, “Trust me, it’s good,” he said and continued, “And another thing to be jealous about, you have friends.”

“Like you don’t have friends, Mr. Popular?” Hyukjae smiled.

Yunho sighed, “That’s the thing. When you’re popular, people only want to be with you so they could be popular. And when they’ve got what they want, they’ll leave you and go to another person.”

Hyukjae had never thought about it that way. He never wanted to be popular. And maybe this made him hate popularity more, if that was possible.

“So, why do you want to apologize again?” Hyukjae asked.

“I want to start fresh in college. I don’t want any bad memory of my high school and I’m pretty sure our memories will become bad soon,” Yunho laughed, “So, I want to say sorry.”

Hyuk nodded, “Apology accepted, then. And I would like to apologize, as well. I want to start fresh, too,” he sighed, knowing there’s more than that than what it means, “I guess this is a good way to start it,” he smiled widely.

Yunho returned his smile, “I’m actually going to KNU, too,” he said.

Hyukjae’s eyes widened, “Really?” he breathed out, “Good thing we talked about it today. Or else we’ll be fighting each other until the end of college.”

Yunho laughed, “Maybe until the end of time.”

Hyukjae also laughed, “So, when did you take your exam?”

“I haven’t yet. I’m taking one in two days,” Yunho said.

Hyukjae’s eyes widened, “Oh! I’m also taking mine on that day!”

Yunho smiled, “I guess I’m not taking it alone. You want to go to KNU together?” he asked.

Hyukjae smiled back. He never thought he would make another friend this late of the year, especially not Yunho. He nodded, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Great!” Yunho said, smiling, “So, we’re friends now, right? Because I’m really in need of a friend”

Hyukjae nodded, “Yes, we’re friends now,” he said, “But let’s not drop the name calling,” Hyukjae joked and laughed.

“Whatever you say, rival,” Yunho joked back. They both laughed.

Hyukjae’s phone beeped, receiving a text message. It was from Sungmin:

“Hyukjae! Where the hell are you? We’ve already ordered your favorite food. Don’t waste my money for nothing, bro –Min”

Hyukjae looked at Yunho and saw he was looking down, shy. He knew Yunho was still feeling lonely.

Hyukjae nudged Yunho, “Want to have lunch with me and my friends? I could introduce them to you,” he said.

Yunho shook his head, “No, no, it’s okay. I think you guys are a full house already,” he said.

Hyukjae stood up, “Come on, dude. It’s really fine,” he said, inviting Yunho to stand up.

Yunho stood up but didn’t move, “Are you sure about this? They won’t be angry?”

Hyukjae smiled, “They won’t be. I promise,” he said. They started walking and Hyukjae grabbed his cellphone, texting Sungmin back:

“Buy me another one please, Min? I have someone with me. He’ll be joining us for lunch. I’ll pay for his meal. Thanks for paying for mine haha –Hyuk”

+++

Hyukjae breathed out and faced Yunho, “This is it, rival,” he faced in front.

Yunho nodded, “Yeah. I am so ing nervous right now.”

Hyukjae laughed, “That’s a strong emotion you’re feeling there,” he said and they both chuckled.

The two are now in KNU’s main gate. Butterflies in Hyuk’s stomach won’t stop its chaos. His nervousness won’t stop. It’s not that he hasn’t been here yet. It’s just that today is their entrance exam day.

Now, he’s here with Yunho, someone he never thought would be beside him during this hard time. The two did do what they had said. They went to KNU together. If this was ‘past Hyukjae’, he would be imagining Donghae coming with him, even though he won’t take the exam. Hyukjae knew better than to think of such irrationality.

This is the most important test of his life. And he won’t let any ex-best friend ruin his chance.

“Let’s go?” Yunho said, interrupting him from his thoughts.

Hyukjae nodded quickly, “Let’s go.”

4 hours passed by and their exam was finished. Hyukjae was drained out. He knew the exam was hard but he didn’t expect it to be that hard. The mock exams were nothing compared to this. The mock exam was just, literally, a mockery of the exam they took today.

He went out of the room he had been assigned to. Since he and Yunho had different rooms, he texted Yunho to meet him at the oblation near the gate.

He made his way to the oblation and saw Yunho already waiting there. He went closer and tapped Yunho’s back.

Yunho flinched a bit and turned around, “You shocked me.”

Hyukjae laughed and started to walk, Yunho matching his pace, “So, how was the exam?”

Yunho sighed, “I was fooled. I thought it was as easy as the mock exams.”

Hyukjae snickered, “Me too. I have never had an exam as difficult as that.”

“I’m just thankful that I didn’t faint while I’m answering. The air conditioning in our room was too low. I was freezing,” Yunho shook his head in memory.

“Our room was stinky,” Hyuk laughed, “There was a guy named Jihoon and he was near the air conditioner and bombed the entire room.”

Yunho chuckled, “That , bro.”

They kept walking and talking about how the exam went until they had reached a McDonalds near the school. They went in and ordered what they wanted and sat down once they got their food.

“… So I answered Libya,” Hyukjae said, explaining his answer of a question in world history.

Yunho nodded, “I had second thoughts in that question,” he grunted, “I should’ve answered Libya.”

Hyukjae laughed and ate the chicken nuggets he had ordered. He thought about how his exams went again and found a slight chance that he’ll be able to get the full scholarship he had always wanted.

Whatever happens, though, Hyukjae will graduate with flying colors and he’ll move to a dorm near his university. He’ll be studying business accounting, like he had always wanted. And he will move on. He’ll move on from the phase of his life where he always had someone to rely on, someone to talk to, and someone you could call ‘best friends’. He is moving on.

+++

Hyukjae closed his locker. It had already been about two weeks after the entrance exam for KNU. It’s now Friday and he couldn’t wait to go home.

Since all of the needed information to complete their grades, their batch is only going to school for attendance. This thing usually happens to graduating students.

It’s now after last period in their time. Hyukjae had to stop by the school office, which was a big bummer to him. He was dead tired. (He was tired of doing nothing in their room) He was called by their principal for academics, saying that he had some very special news for him. He had to admit, he was curious about the news.

He walked down the aisle of the ground floor of their building, where the office was. Just then, a running figure stopped in front of him. Hyukjae looked up and saw the least expected person to see. Lee Donghae.

They stared at each other, not blinking, until Hae spoke up, “Hi.”

Hyukjae nodded, “Hey.”

Then, there was silence, one of the few awkward silences that have happened between him and Donghae ever since they were little. Hyukjae looked down and put his hand on his nape. He thinks this is the first time he’s done that in front of Donghae just to kill awkwardness. They both laughed a little.

“So, where were you going?” Donghae suddenly asked, shocking Hyukjae a bit.

“Oh. Uhm, I was heading to the office. The principal called me so…” Hyuk explained briefly, wanting out of the conversation as soon as possible.

Donghae nodded, “Why did he call you?”

Hyukjae smirked a bit, knowing Donghae was just making small talk, “I don’t know. He’s going to tell me when I get there.”

“Do… you have any plans afterwards?” Donghae asked.

Hyukjae sighed, “Donghae, I know it’s been… I don’t know how to say it,” he said, “Rough? Yeah, it’s been rough for most of us in this… crazy plan of yours,” he let out a small smile, “I think it’s time to accept that we’re not as how we used to be.”

Donghae’s eyes were blurry, filled with tears he was trying to hold back. Hyukjae felt bad. He felt sorry. He felt guilty. He felt selfish. He felt like an idiot. But he knew he was doing the right thing. He’s moving on and Donghae should know about it.

Donghae sighed exhaustedly, still trying to hold back tears, “What happened to rule number five?” he chuckled a bit, a tear finally dropping from his eyes down to his cheeks.

Hyukjae closed his eyes, “We broke the four rules already, Donghae. Why follow the fifth one?” he sighed, eyes still closed, “Thank you, Donghae. Thank you, really.”

Donghae went closer to Hyukjae, held his shoulders and shaking him, “But we’re friends! We’re not supposed to be like this. We’re not supposed to leave each other while one’s floating in the air like that,” his tears had no stopping.

Hyukjae opened his eyes and immediately was greeted by a crying Donghae, “But that’s the thing, Donghae. I don’t think I can treat you like a friend anymore,” he said, anger in his voice, “And how the am I going to stay with you while you’re floating when I’m the one who’s falling on the ground?!” he shouted.

Donghae was shocked. He let go of Hyuk’s shoulders and gave out small, rapid breaths, “What—what do you mean by that?” he asked softly.

Hyukjae sighed. This is not the timing he had expected. He needs the perfect moment. He got pure . He let out a deep breath, “I don’t want to get through this yet, Hae. Maybe next time,” he said, trying to escape the conversation.

“What the does that mean, Hyukjae?! Do you think you could get away with me after saying those words?” Hae clucked his tongue, “18 years, Hyuk. We’re 18 years together. I can’t believe you’re ending it here.”

Hyukjae closed his eyes and sighed, knowing he needed to give Donghae something, “Let’s just say I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life, Donghae. And you…” he paused, “You’re too fragile to know about it now. I’m… I’m still healing from the mess I had created and barely fixed. I’m still messed up.

“I’m sorry I’ve wasted 18 years. I’m really sorry. But every good thing has to have an end right?” Hyukjae said and chuckled a bit, hoping to ease the tension. Donghae shook his head, disagreeing to what Hyuk had said.

Hyukjae sighed and tapped Donghae’s shoulder, “I’ll see you soon, Donghae. It’s not your fault.”

He left. He continued to his direction to the office, feeling stupid. He hated Donghae for coming in now. He hated Donghae for coming in at the wrong time. He hated fate for being a to him as always. He hated everything for being in the wrong place. He hated destiny for not existing in his life. But most importantly, he hated himself for admitting his biggest mistake ever. Falling in love with Donghae.

So much for moving on.

He reached the office in a few minutes and knocked. He opened it and all the people inside looked at him and smiled.

“Good afternoon, seonsaengnims,” he greeted.

Their principal for academics stood up and offered his hand. Hyukjae didn’t know what it meant but took it anyway. The principal shook hands with him and yelled out proudly, “Please welcome, the valedictorian for batch ’12 – ’13!” and everyone applauded.

He smiled brightly and thanked everyone in the room, wanting to forget about the scene a while ago.

+++

Monday next week and Hyukjae was at his locker, waiting for Kyuhyun, Sungmin and Yunho. After being said to be the valedictorian of their batch, he informed his friends, inside and outside the school, and they congratulated him and threw a drinking party. He also told it to his family and they made a mini celebration where Hyuk’s mom cooked all his favorites.

Kyuhyun posted about it on Facebook (thrill killer) and soon enough, almost everyone in the school knows about it.

Just this morning, he had received around thirty people congratulating him on his achievement. He actually liked it for once. He was known for something he worked hard to have. And for the first time in his life, he loved the attention given to him by strangers.

Of course, when you’re the valedictorian, you have to make a speech for you and your batch mates. Hyukjae still doesn’t know what to put in his speech. He knows it has to be inspiring (and appropriate) for all the attendees to remember. But he doesn’t have a clue on what the word ‘inspiring’ means.

Not anymore.

“Hyukjae!” Sungmin called out while he was lost in his thoughts.

He looked at the three and smiled, “Hey,” he smiled.

“Let’s go! I’m starving like hell,” Kyuhyun said and led the way to the cafeteria.

The other three laughed and followed Kyuhyun. Sungmin went beside Kyuhyun and Yunho went beside Hyukjae and tapped his shoulder. Hyukjae looked at him.

“The results are in,” Yunho said.

Hyukjae squinted his eyes, “What results?”

Yunho’s eyes widened, “Seriously, Hyukjae?” he asked, “You don’t know ‘what results’ are in?”

Hyukjae shook his head and Yunho rolled his eyes. Hyukjae thought about it for a while and remembered what Yunho and he have in common. They were both waiting for the results of their entrance exam in KNU.

Hyukjae suddenly shoved Yunho harder than he thought he could, “Why didn’t you just tell me directly?!”

“Well, I thought you were more psyched than I am so I thought you’d be the first to know!” Yunho defended.

Hyukjae sighed, “God, I’m suddenly nervous.”

“Yeah, and I’m suddenly battered,” Yunho slapped Hyuk’s arm, “Say sorry! Sheesh.”

Hyukjae laughed a bit, “Okay, sorry. You’re too sensitive.”

“Says the one who cried in every movie he watched,” Yunho said back.

“How would you know? We haven’t even seen a movie together,” Hyukjae rolled his eyes.

Yunho clucked his tongue, “Yeah, like I would want to do that.”

They both laughed until they noticed Sungmin and Kyuhyun are far from them already, leading to go to the cafeteria. And then a call of Hyuk’s name from the back made Hyukjae and Yunho stop walking. Hyukjae turned around and saw Siwon, with Donghae, of course.

Hyukjae plastered a smile, “Hey!”

Siwon and Donghae approached them and Siwon looked at Yunho, “Oh, hello, Yunho-ssi. It’s been a while since I last saw you,” he smiled and looked at Hyuk, “You two are friends?”

Yunho cut Hyuk off before saying anything, “I have to go, Hyukjae. I’ll catch up with Kyuhyun and Sungmin. We’ll see you later,” he said, gave Siwon a stink eye and left.

Siwon got surprised with how Yunho reacted. Hyukjae laughed it off and said, “Don’t mind him. He’s just nervous about the results of our entrance exam.”

Siwon nodded, “So, he’s going to KNU, too?”

Hyukjae nodded and before he could say anything else, Donghae suddenly spoke, “I thought you two were rivals?” a cold tone matched his voice.

Hyukjae smiled a bit, remembering Yunho was the reason behind all of what had happened between him and Hae, “We were rivals. But we made up. We wanted to start fresh for college since were both going to the same university and it our fights will probably end in fraternity fights.”

Siwon smiled, “That’s good. I mean, forgiving and moving on is good.”

“Can’t you just be rivals again? You two don’t look good together,” Donghae joked, letting out a fake laugh. Even when Hyukjae hates every bit of Donghae, he knows whether the guy is being true or not.

“We’re not together, Donghae. We’re just friends,” Hyukjae explained.

Siwon nodded, “Yeah, and it will be worse if you go back. It’s better this way.”

Hyukjae smiled at Siwon’s words. How relevant it is to his situations right now.

“Oh! Before I forget, congrats, dude. Valedictorian. Nice one, bro,” Siwon added and offered his hand. Hyukjae took it and they did a small chest pump.

“Thank you,” Hyukjae said, “I have to go. My friends are waiting for me,” he looked at Donghae, who was looking down.

“Sure. We have to go, too. We’ll see you next time, okay?” Siwon said.

“Hopefully not,” Hyukjae thought. But he just nodded and walked away from the two.

It was dismissal time and Hyukjae decided to stay in the library for a while. He thinks he couldn’t take what result he’ll get later. He’s not sure whether he’s ready to see it or not.

But in reality, what he’s really afraid of is seeing Siwon and Donghae together again.

His heart broke a bit a while ago. He couldn’t put on a fake smile anymore. He can’t pretend he is happy when he’s really hurt. He’s tired.

After an hour of studying (more like scanning), he went out of the library and went to the school garden, where students are free to stay after classes. He needed the fresh air.

But heading to the garden was a bad decision. The moment he entered, love songs were playing. He looked around and saw no one but he was there. Why was there music when none is around? So he shrugged it off and continued walking to his favorite place in the garden, the poppy lane.

He sat down on the bench nearby, let back his head and closed his eyes, taking in the fresh oxygen given by the plants that surround him.

“Forget. Forget. Forget. Move on.” He was chanting in his head.

After a few minutes, he heard footsteps and people talking. He knew it was a familiar voice. He opened his eyes slowly and saw the people he was avoiding, Siwon and Donghae.

Hyukjae panicked. He can’t go out now. They’ll see him. So he stood up and hid behind the bush near the bench he sat on and watched them from afar. He was hoping that they would leave immediately so he could get out of this nightmare.

He watched as the two made their way to the sunflower aisle, which was next to the poppy lane. Siwon made his way in front of Donghae, his hand on his nape. He chuckled a bit. And in a flash, Siwon was bended down on one knee and looking up at Donghae, pulling out a velvet box from his pocket.

Hyukjae couldn’t watch so he turned around and closed his eyes. He knew it was going to happen. He expected it to. But he wondered why it had to be in front of him? He’s hurting more than he ever was before.

And when he tries to look at them again, they were already hugging. And that was it. It was finally game over.

It’s not like he had a chance to try, anyway.

After Siwon and Donghae left, he immediately left, too, before he could even think about it again. He went home and slumped his self on his bed, face down. He grabbed his laptop, still face down, and opened it, only looking up when he needed to type its password.

He immediately went to KNU’s website and found his name.

There it is.

100%

+++

HYUKJAE’S POV

I got what I wanted. I got my full scholarship. I got my valedictorian title. I got my enemy to be my friend. But why is it like I lost everything I have?

Any way I look at it, it all seems so wrong. I bothered everyone close to me just to have my own happiness. It . I’ve broken every one of them yet they’re still here for me. I guess I’m just that good at shutting people up.

I don’t like being lonely. I mean, who does? I just don’t want people to think that I’m this clingy type of person. I don’t like the attention. I don’t like being lied to. But it seems that I have become the things I don’t like because of him.

Yes, him. It’s a guy. Judge me all you want for being gay but I don’t give a damn. It’s not like we were together anyway. It was all a big phony, an act. I sacrificed my happiness for someone I love. And to get back my happiness, I sacrificed our friendship.

And it leaves me nothing. Not a thing. And I’m trying to rebuild myself. But it seems like it’ll take some time to do so.

I still don’t know how he managed to enter my heart. After 18 years of being oblivious to the fact that I do care for him, more than I should be. And I still don’t know how he managed to break it and leave.

I know he wanted to fix it. Even if it’s not the ‘fixing’ that I want, he wanted to make it better. And I know I should’ve let him do so. But I’m afraid to fall again, to hurt again and to be left again.

We’ll never be the same again. I knew that part. There will be marks from healed wounds. And I don’t want that to open again. I want to start a new skin. Even if it’s just sewed on my original one and could be peeled off anytime. It’s better than showing everyone I was wounded because I loved someone who can’t return the favor.

And based on research, the best way to move on is to tell someone about your story.

And so, I made a graduation speech.

+++

This is it. This is the day.

Graduation day.

“And now, please welcome, the honors students for this academic year!” the emcee announced. And I, together with the others, walked down the aisle, people applauding. All eyes are on us.

And the commencement exercise had started. We sat down. I am shaking. I can’t focus. I’m very nervous. Why did I rethink this only now? Ugh, I should’ve never made that stupid speech. I’m just going to embarrass myself in front of thousands.

Then again, I wouldn’t give a damn anymore. I was finally moving on.

“And now, to give his speech, the valedictorian of the graduating batch, Mr. Lee Hyukjae. Let’s give him a round of applause,” the emcee said. I guess I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t realize I was up next.

I stood up from my seat and walked in the aisle, approaching the stage. I stand behind the podium and stare in front of me, seeing the big crowd and my eyes automatically found him. I let out a heavy breath and started my speech.

“Friends, family, staffs, teachers, and school officials, we are gathered today to witness our batch graduate. I would personally like to thank you all for coming to this highlight of our lives,” I smiled.

“High school is a very memorable moment in our lives. These times, we encounter our first experiences. We get to know people more and we see more than what meets the eye. We mature during the process.

“But then again, high school is just a small phase of our life. And just like high school, there are those people who are just a phase of your life,” I continued and everyone murmured, confused with what I had said.

“Now, not all people who have left you are bad people. Sometimes, they leave for a reason. So you could learn. They’re like training wheels in bicycles. We were so used to have them beside us that when they’re removed, we fall down. And after falling down, we get up because we know we want to prove something,” I explained and everyone started clapping softly.

“Proving something right means that you are proving others wrong. Though it seems like you’re a mean person, in reality, we cannot control what other people think about the topic. We must remember that every story has three sides; yours, theirs, and the truth. We all have different perspectives,” I said.

“After all those proving, fights and arguments will be made. But once we look back at those moments and we manage to smile, it means we had encountered and defeated one of our worst enemies, pride. And my mother always told me I should never regret something that once made me smile. Just keep it going,”

“And then the topic will suddenly jump to maturing. What does ‘maturing’ mean?” I asked and everyone started murmuring, again.

“Maturing doesn’t involve any biological age. I believe that a 9 year old girl could be just as mature as a 25 year old man, and vice versa,” I joked and everyone chuckled.

“Maturing involves making wise decisions,” I smiled, remembering something, “Someone once told me that there are two superiors in a person’s body; his brain and his heart. And he will be the one to choose which superior to follow. That person said that the heart believes in fantasy and perfection while the brain believes in reality and logic,” I said, remembering Heechul hyung and everyone nodded.

“And to make one of the biggest confessions I will make, I have made, by far, the biggest mistake of my life just recently,” I smiled and everyone murmured again. Damn, these crickets, “I’m not going to explain further on that mistake but it made me realize one thing. In life, you make small decisions with your head and big decisions with your heart. And to sum it all up, I listened to my heart on that mistake,” I proudly said.

“It broke me, of course. For once, I really thought about committing suicide,” I stopped when everyone gasped, “I felt like I was the most pathetic person existing in the world and everyone else that sees me thinks the same. That’s why I was never the sociable type. I am afraid of judgments.

“But now, I look back during those days and laugh about it. I conquered my pride,” I said and everyone clapped, “And following my heart back then, before all the hurt and pain, it felt like heaven. It was really the best experience I have had. You know what they say, when you’re uniform isn’t dirty, you haven’t played the game.”

“And for someone like me, it was very interesting to try something new, to not follow what reality is showing and just lunging for fantasy. But every good thing has to have an end,” I said and looked at where Donghae was at and smiled a bit. If my eyes weren’t fooling me, I’d say I saw him smile back. But I didn’t.

“And I learned that nobody else is paying much attention to your mistakes as you are. To everyone else, it’s just a blimp on a radar screen, passing by,” I said, “Going back to the training wheels, when you finally manage to get yourself together after your fall from the bicycle and not wanting to prove something because you don’t want to hurt anyone, you know you’ve made another happy, not yourself. But if it was better that way, then you have reached the point of maturity…and a bit of martyr-ness, but you’re mature,” I joked and everyone chuckled again.

“So, go on. Let people enter your life, even if it’s just a phase. Let your heart fly and do what it wants but make sure to stick with reality. Do not be afraid to make mistakes. Make interesting mistakes. Make amazing, glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break the rules. Leave your world more interesting because of your existence. But remember when you fall, learn to forgive and move on. Learn from your mistakes.

“And to end my short speech, I would like to end it with a quote, ‘People said I couldn’t go back anymore. So, I chose to move forward.’ Thank you and congratulations to all,” I bowed and everyone stood up, applauding what I had said. It brought tears to my eyes.

Yes, I am moving on.

We performed our final graduation song and went down stage, greeting everyone and anyone we see ‘Congratulations’. Sungmin ran to me and hugged me tightly, Kyuhyun following at his side.

“Congrats, Hyuk! You’re speech was awesome!” Sungmin exclaimed.

Kyuhyun nodded, “It seems like you’ve had much experiences,” he teased.

Sungmin let go of the hug and I rolled my eyes, “Gee, thanks, Kyu. You’re so supportive.”

Kyuhyun chuckled, “I’m just glad you’ve graduated. Though I’m going to miss you guys,” he sighed, “Now that you guys have graduated, I’m all alone.”

I chuckled, “Nonsense! You still have the math club people, remember?” I joked.

“Those guys are effing nerds. Our codes don’t match,” Kyuhyun pouted.

Sungmin went near him, cupped his face and kissed him lightly on the lips, “Aw. Don’t worry, babe. It’ll only be for a year. You’ll find friends. And I’ll visit often, remember?”

Kyuhyun smiled and they hugged. My heart ached a bit in jealousy. I hate it. I just smiled at the two because I was genuinely happy of their relationship. Then, someone jumped on my back and I flinched.

“Congrats, bro! You did it!” Yunho shouted and shoved his face towel on my face.

I struggled to get him off (thankfully, I did), “Dude! Your towel is so smelly,” I laughed.

Yunho slapped my arm, “You should be used to the scent already!”

We both laughed and we formally hugged. This is the first time we have hugged since ever. I looked at the person behind him and saw the person my family. I let go of Yunho’s hug and told him I’ll be back.

I went to them and hugged the three of them. If only Choco was here, we would be complete.

“Oh, I am so proud of you!” my mom said.

“Thank you, umma. I’ll make you more proud than ever in college.”

We let go of the hug and I took off the biggest medal I have and put it on my dad, who was in the edge of tears.

“I won’t let you down, appa.”

“I know you won’t, son,” my dad said.

“Smile!” Sora suddenly said and took our selfie on her iPad. I smiled and she ruffled my hair, “My brother is so smart. Graduate faster so you could work already!” she laughed and hugged me.

I chuckled, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t rush me. I didn’t rush you to graduate college, did I?”

We all laughed and I saw a figure behind Sora. It was the person I wanted to see (after a few weeks).

He looked so sad. But he still had a smile on his face. I told my family I’ll be back and looked at Donghae and went near him, smiling. I felt my heart beating, only this time, in agony.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hi,” I answered.

Then, there was silence. Here we go, again.

“Congrats, by the way, on being valedictorian,” he paused for a while, “And for finally getting your full scholarship.”

I got shocked, “How…how did you know?” I asked. I didn’t reveal my scholarship on public. I told Kyuhyun not to say it on any SNS.

Hae smiled, “I heard from a tweeting bird,” he answered.

I knew who it was instantly and I rolled my eyes, “Kyuhyun,” I said. That boy never changes.

Donghae nodded and laughed.

“Congrats, too, by the way, on graduating,” I said, “So, I guess you’ll be going to Kyunghee with Siwon?”

Donghae sighed and nodded, “And you’ll be at KNU with Yunho.”

I nodded, “Right,” I said. And there was silence again, “So, this is goodbye, now,” I smiled.

Donghae shook his head, “Hyukjae, wait.”

“Hmmm?” I asked.

Donghae bit his lip and looked down, “I want to ask you something.”

“What’s that?” I asked, trying to make the conversation as short as possible. I don’t want to cry in front of him.

“You’re biggest mistake…” he said, still staring at the ground.

I swallowed an invisible lump, “What about it?”

“What is it?” Donghae asked.

I mentally closed my eyes in fear. I knew he was going to ask this. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Ever.

“I…I fell for someone,” I said bluntly.

Donghae looked at me with curiosity, “Who?”

I sighed. And here goes the specific questions, “Someone.”

“Hyukjae, I am asking who,” he said with a serious tone.

Here goes nothing, “Someone who’s never going to love me back,” I said.

Donghae bit his lower lip fully, “And who is that?”

“Hae, if you mind, I want privacy,” I said, trying to hide the fact that I’m talking to him.

“I thought we were best—” Hae stopped. Maybe he was tired bringing up the ‘best friend’ title, “I understand,” he, instead, said.

I sighed. I went closer to him and felt my breathing stop. I hugged him fully and my heart stopped beating. He hugged back and I felt my tears on the edge of my eyes. I felt my shoulder, where his head was placed, become wet. He’s crying. And just like that, I mimic his actions. I’m crying, too.

“I’m sorry for ruining our friendship for us, Donghae. I know I can’t make it better. But I just want you to forgive me,” I sobbed, harder than I had ever sobbed before.

I felt Donghae shake his head, “No, Hyuk. I ruined it. I want you to forgive me. Forgive me and take me back,” he said, sobbing harder than I was.

I let go of the hug, bewildered with what Donghae had said, “Take you back?”

Is this it? Is this one of those cliché stories where the guy gets the one he wants? Is this what it feels like? My heart is thumping hard. I don’t know if I could trust my heart anymore. I just need to hear those words from Donghae. I’ll be damned.

“Let’s be best friends again, Hyukjae,” Donghae said.

My world just ended, right there and there. I should’ve seen it coming. Why the hell did I even think it’s possible? Siwon already gave the ring. They’re together. Of course, it’s not me.

It was never me.

“Donghae, too much has happened. I don’t know if we could be the same again,” I said.

Donghae suddenly got angry, “Who are you to predict things, huh? Why not try it first?”

And I explode, “Because I don’t want to get hurt anymore! I don’t want to remember, Donghae! I want to forget! I want to forget you and Siwon and anything else related to you!”

Donghae shrank, “Why?” his voice cracked.

“Because you’re the one I fell for, idiot! And I want to forget the feeling but you bursting up like this is just making me feel worse,” and there goes my confession.

Donghae stepped back. I clucked my tongue. I knew he would, “There. Now, you know the truth. Will you please stay away now? I’m trying to move on,” I said calmly.

Donghae sobbed; once again, “Why… why didn’t you tell me?” his eyes were red.

I chuckled bitterly, “Would it make a difference, Donghae? Would it make you come back to me?”

Donghae opened his mouth, only closing it afterwards and hugged me tightly once again, “I… I am so sorry.”

My heart melted. I should be angry at Hae. I hate myself for not being able to resist him, “Donghae, don’t apologize. It was never your fault,” I rubbed his back. I pulled back and looked at him, “Do me a favor, Donghae.”

He sniffed and looked at me with his red, puppy eyes, “What is it?”

“Stay happy,” I said and smiled. Hae only sobbed harder, bit his lip and nodded. I hugged him one last time, tighter than ever. I pulled back and held his hand.

“I’ll see you soon, Hae,” I said and pulled back completely. I turned around and walked away from him, wiping my dried up tears. I smiled. I know there’s something better in store for me. It’s coming soon. But now, I just want to forget. I just want to learn and move on.

And with luck, I move forward. 

===

GUYS PLEASE READ THIS.

[A/N]
And that's the grand finale. Wooooooo! 
I'm so sorry if I didn't make EunHae end up with each other. (It would be too predictable if I did)

Next thing I'm sorry about, for taking so long to update. School starts on Monday /3 And last Mon - Fri was our Orientation Fair (V. President of Student Council so I have no choice but to assist).
I'll update the bonus chapter next week and the epilogue the week after that (bear with me please)

LAST THING! 
New story: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/957734/summer-with-the-red-notebook-donghae-eunhae-eunhyuk-fluff-superjunior
Show support please? I'll update after finishing this story.
(IF YOU CAN'T VIEW IT, PLEASE GO TO MY PROFILE AND LOOK FOR "SUMMER WITH THE RED NOTEBOOK")

LAST LAST THING!
Thank you to everyone who showed love and support to this story. You don't know how much I love reading your comments ugh I love you guys so much!
I'm so sorry if the ending was not as expected. If only I had time to reply to everyone :( You don't know how much I appreciate you guys

Spread EunHae love! Keep supporting this story until the epilogue! 

xoxoxo
--smiling angel---