CHAPTER NINE

Hyukjae sighed as he kept refreshing KNU’s website homepage. He took his last mock exam last Friday. It’s now Monday morning. The results should be uploaded any minute.

It was probably the most unsatisfying exam Hyukjae had ever taken. It’s not because the questions were too hard; it was because he was too distracted. His thoughts were flying everywhere and he wasn’t able to finish the exam. He was too busy with his thoughts, he ended up drawing fishes and writing Donghae’s name in every font he can on the scratch paper provided to solve math equations.

It had been two weeks since the play auditions. It also had been two weeks since Donghae left him completely shattered. It also had been two weeks since he last talked to Donghae. He had been avoiding him ever since.

He wanted to say that he was hurt. But he knew he didn’t have the right to be hurt. It was all an act. None of the things they did was real. None of those ‘boyfriend’ acts were real. It was all for show, all for Donghae and all for Siwon. And Hyukjae knew he had been dried out. Nothing was left for him. Nothing. None. No one.

What he told Heechul was right. The only thing that will ruin his and Donghae’s friendship is his feelings for Hae. It completely did. He couldn’t stand seeing Donghae happy with Siwon. They were happy, finally. They were back in each other’s arms. And it’s like Hyukjae never happened. Hyuk snickered. He wouldn’t be surprised if Donghae had already said they had broken up. He was proven wrong. Donghae is a way better actor than him.

Hyukjae knew he should’ve expected this to happen. But questions won’t stop coming.

Why couldn’t it be him who made Donghae happy? Because Donghae’s happiness is coming from someone else

Why did he feel this way? Because he had finally done what he wanted to do years ago but only had the chance now

How did Donghae convince him to do this? He didn’t. Hyukjae volunteered himself. He could’ve left him with Yunho and not get his life ruined.

Why did he even agree to be a phony lover in the first place? He loves him.

Why did he love his best friend? It was a choice that would never be wrong in Hyuk’s heart.

All those rules they created when they first started broken. Especially rule #5, “When we get our goal, we pretend like nothing happened and we’re still best friends.”

Hyukjae chuckled, remembering those horrid words, remembering Donghae’s voice saying them, remembering Donghae. And bitterness took over him. He cleared his mind and refreshed the homepage once more. It was uploaded. And the results didn’t even shock him anymore.

83%

+++

The school bell just rang and fourth period just ended. It was lunch time. Hyukjae decided to bail on lunch today and make his way to the library. He needed to study big time. Their batch had only 2 months left to enjoy their senior year and they would be graduating. His actual entrance exam for KNU is in 3 weeks’ time. He had no time to waste anymore, not after receiving 83% on his last exam.

His usual routine the past weeks would be avoiding anyone who would be distracting him. He was already too distracted. Another distraction would not be good. He doesn’t want anything related with Donghae. Donghae, now, is only reachable in his wildest dreams, dreams even he wants to avoid. He couldn’t eat, sleep, or study properly. He knows he has to fix this, soon.

But now’s not the time. He could do it after his entrance exam.

He walked down the halls heading the library and saw their bulletin board filled with posters of the school play, to be held the week before their graduation. It had Siwon, Seungyoon and Shinhyo in them.

Three days after the auditions, the director announced Hyukjae’s group was the best and told them they’re going to be casted together. Hyukjae suddenly turned down the offer saying he had something to do on the day of the play. They had picked someone to replace him, Siwon, who was originally casted as Captain Hook.

He couldn’t even care any less. He continued walking to the library and entered it, not forgetting to greet the grumpy librarian with a small smile. He made his way to the shelves which had reviewers for college entrance exams and took the thickest book he saw. He walked to the empty tables of the library. There was no one but him. He liked it that way. He started reading and taking down all important notes.

He heard footsteps behind him. He assumed it was just a random student who’s just as crazy in reviewing as him or it was the librarian. Any other way, he couldn’t care less. You can’t blame him. No one cares about him anymore. How is he going to give out concern to others if he doesn’t feel it anymore?

He felt the person’s heat near him and he finally looked up, only looking back down once he saw the person. It was Kyuhyun. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, much their mutual friend.

“Go away,” Hyukjae muttered softly.

“No, hyung. You’ve got to get a grip,” Kyuhyun said, sitting next to Hyuk.

Hyukjae sighed, “I’ll get a grip soon. Right now, I have to get that scholarship.”

“You can’t get that scholarship if something’s bugging you. You won’t be able to focus,” Kyu worriedly said.

Hyukjae sighed sharply and stood up, bringing the book back to its proper shelf. Not even an hour in the library and he’s already getting ‘distractions’. He stomped his way out of the area and Kyuhyun persistently followed him.

Hyukjae got irritated and shouted, “What the do you want?!”

Kyuhyun got shocked, his eyes widened, “I…I thought you needed a friend.”

Hyukjae slammed his face with his palms and shook his head. He’s being a monster again. He’s the one hurting again. He’s in fault again. Kyuhyun stepped closer to the older and gave him a comforting hug, knowing he needed one. Hyukjae silently wept, letting out all his fear of being with anyone. Because in his case, being with someone else meant being all alone.

“How’s he?” Hyukjae asked while looking at his milkshake, stirring at a bit.

They went out of the school, saying they had a family emergency. Luckily, the office approved it, since Hyukjae did look like he was crying and something terrible has happened. Instead of going home, they had lunch at a diner near Kyuhyun’s house.

Kyu ordered their food and Hyukjae refused to eat and talk. But then he slowly warmed up to it and started grabbing pieces of fries and chewing it slowly. Kyuhyun smiled when he did so. And his smile got wider when he heard Hyuk ask about Hae.

“He’s doing well. He still smiles. Though he does avoid us sometimes and he always sits next to Siwon’s popular group at lunch,” Kyuhyun said.

Hyukjae nodded. He felt a bit of relief knowing Donghae was okay. But he also felt a strong pang in his heart knowing he’s with Siwon.

“You two broke up?” Kyuhyun asked bluntly.

Hyukjae sighed. There’s no point in acting now. They’re already together. It just made Hyukjae’s condition worse. He had just heard confirmation. Donghae’s madly in love with Siwon. And Siwon probably feels the same way. No more reason to bring up another lie.

“We were never together, Kyu. It was all an act,” Hyuk said, sipping his milkshake.

Kyuhyun looked at him, confused, “What?”

“It was all an act,” Hyuk said casually. He chuckled sadly, “He wanted Siwon back so badly. We all knew that. And when he heard he’ll come back, he came up with a plan that involved me being the fake boyfriend so Siwon would get jealous,” he laughed at his tone. What he did sounded pathetic.

“Huh. I have to say you two are amazing actors,” Kyuhyun smiled a bit, “You got me and Sungmin fooled.”

“Thank you for that compliment,” Hyukjae tried to smile, “Now, I’m staying away. He’s had what he wanted.”

“What do you get in return?” Kyuhyun asked, “I mean, no offense, but knowing you, there has to be something he did for you,” he joked.

Hyukjae let out a small laugh, “That’s the thing, Kyuhyun. I’ve been so stupid, so ing stupid. I let go of everything that mattered just for selfish reasons.”

“What do you mean by that?” Kyuhyun asked.

“I fell for him,” he shrugged and laughed, “I fell for someone I can never have. And worst of all, I fell for my best friend.”

“I’m so sorry, hyung. I don’t know what to say,” Kyuhyun said, flustered.

Hyukjae smiled widely, “No, it’s okay. I know it’s my fault. I followed my heart when I knew I had this 18-year friendship on the line by doing so.”

Kyuhyun sighed, “Hyung, it’s never wrong to love. It’s just that we make stupid actions when we fall too deeply.”

“I must be the idiot of the year for doing this. I knew he was still into Siwon. I just…” Hyukjae was in the edge of tears, “I just hoped that maybe I could enter that heart of his and replace the spot he had for Siwon,” he laughed, “See how stupid I am?”

Kyuhyun didn’t know how to respond to what Hyuk just said. He just rubs the back of his hyung, hoping to soothe him.

“And now, I’m a wreck, a big wreck. And I don’t know how to fix it,” Hyukjae sobbed, finally letting out his tears.

Kyuhyun tried to shush Hyukjae, “Stop crying, hyung. It won’t do you any good if you keep crying or running away from them,” he said.

“But I’m good at running away. It’s my only choice. I just have to get through this and leave high school. I’ll move on to college and have a fresh start,” Hyukjae said, sniffling.

“We both know you can’t have a fresh start when you have something from your past that’s still bothering you,” Kyuhyun said, “Just get it over with. You should just talk to Donghae and admit how you feel.”

Hyuk looked up at Kyu, “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you should confess,” Kyuhyun sat up straight, still rubbing Hyuk’s back, “Remember how Sungmin and I got together? I thought he liked that Jungmo guy and had no chance. Until I risked everything we had, hoping that he felt the same way about me. And he did,” he smiled.

Hyukjae chuckled, wiping his tears, “Easy for you to do. You and Sungmin don’t know each other for 18 years already, right?” he said.

Kyuhyun laughed, “Yeah, I guess friendship is a factor. If he did reject me that time, I could’ve just stayed away from him like nothing happened,” he said.

Hyukjae sighed, still not sure about Kyuhyun’s plan, “I don’t know if I could do that.”

Kyuhyun tilted his head, “But what else do you have left to lose? You already lost him to Siwon, right?” he teased and chuckled a bit, “At least talk to him about what happens next between you two. Those 18 years would be put to waste if you don’t talk it through.”

Hyukjae got shocked at the younger’s words, “I never thought you could be this good in giving advices,” he laughed.

“Of course I’m good. I skipped a grade. Compared to you, I’m a genius,” Kyu joked. They both laughed and continued eating their lunch, not minding the fact that they actually cut classes.

+++

It was already 4 PM when they finished lunch and Hyukjae walked his way home. It was already bad enough that he lied to skip classes. But the confusion of not knowing what to do is much worse. He sighed as he entered his bedroom and jumped on his bed.

He was tired in every way; physically, mentally, socially and emotionally. He had never been this tired his whole life. Kyuhyun was right. He can’t put this aside. He has to fix it as soon as possible. Or else, it will affect his performances more. But he doesn’t know when the right time is. He doesn’t know how to do it if that time comes.

He grabs his phone and calls the person who was with him when this problem had started a few months ago. He calls Heechul.

Heechul picks up and starts with a sigh, “What do you want, peasant?”

Hyukjae smiled, “I miss you too, hyung.”

“Whatever. What do you want?” Heechul repeats.

“I need your advice,” Hyukjae said.

“Uh huh. Do I want to know about the topic or do I already know about the topic?” Heechul asked sarcastically.

“You know the topic, hyung,” Hyuk said softly.

Heechul sighed and let out an amused chuckle, “Our smart Hyukjae that became a fool in love, what’s the matter this time?”

“Donghae has… Donghae has reached his goal,” Hyuk said, “You, know, to make Siwon jealous and be together with him?”

Heechul nodded, “And?” he said, knowing there’s more to the story.

“And… that’s that,” Hyuk shrugged, “Should there be more?”

Heechul grunted, “There should always be more!” he shouted too loudly, which made Hyukjae pull away from the phone a bit, “Where’s your side of the story?”

Hyukjae chuckled bitterly, “Does my side even matter anymore? They’re happy. And that’s it. No need for my opinion.”

“So, you’re saying that they’re happy and your happiness doesn’t matter?” Heechul said.

“I’m tired, hyung. Ever since the day I followed my heart, my life had become a big mess. I don’t want to listen to it anymore,” Hyukjae said; his tone was with anger.

“I knew eventually this is going to happen,” Heechul let out a deep breath, “I tried to warn you, Hyuk-ah. I really did. But you were… you were so persistent. You wanted happiness. And I told you the worst possible solution to it. I feel so guilty right now,” he said.

Hyukjae shook his head, “No, hyung. It was my entire fault. I was the one who risked the friendship just so I could be happy, forgetting about my rationality,” he paused, “But I was truly happy that time. Acting like it was all real felt like it was real. I actually thought I had a shot with being with him.”

“I get that you’re in love Hyukjae. I completely understand your part right now. It’s your first love. Your first love is your best friend and that’s just whacked up, I know,” Heechul comfortingly said, “But you have to give yourself props for being strong enough to stand up for your happiness. It’s not an easy thing to do.”

Hyukjae gave a small smile hearing his hyung’s words, “I have to praise myself for making myself look like an idiot?”

“No, praise yourself because you’ve finally learned something. You’ve learned something through experience, not books. It’s a priceless thing to have,” Heechul said.

“Donghae’s a priceless and important thing to have,” Hyuk thought, but only sighed in reply to the older.

Heechul sighed in return, “So, what do you want to do now?”

Hyukjae thought for a while and exhaustedly breathed out, “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Hyukjae smiled a bit, “Does everything have to have a meaning? Can’t it be just plainly ‘I don’t know’?” he asked.

“We both know that you’ve thought of something. Stop lying,” Heechul said sharply.

“Kyuhyun told me I should just talk to Donghae,” Hyuk said. Even in just saying his name, his heart hurt.

Heechul nodded through the phone, “That’s the best way to settle it.”

“Explain, please?” Hyukjae chuckled.

“Well, when you finally say what you want to say, you two could finally talk about what happens afterwards. It won’t be one-sided. You’ll have mutual consent. It will be much easier to separate,” Heechul said.

“You said the same thing as what Kyuhyun said,” Hyuk said.

Heechul cackled, “That boy really takes it from me,” he joked.

Hyukjae sighed, “The only problem is I don’t know how to approach him. I don’t know when to approach him and not ruin everything.”

Heechul laughed, “You’ve already ruined everything, idiot.”

Hyukjae bitterly chuckled, “Oh, yeah,” he said, “You know what I mean by that!”

“Yes, I do,” Heechul said, “But I can’t help you with that anymore. That’s your call. I don’t know Donghae’s mood that well anymore.”

Hyukjae sighed, “I think even I don’t know Donghae anymore,” he said, “Ugh, I’ve ruined it big time.”

“I told you to do what you can until you reach your limit. And when it’s meant to be, fate will do its magic. And when it’s not…”

Hyukjae continued what Heechul was saying, “Not everything will go my way, I know.”

“There you go. At least you’ve exerted and showed Donghae that you did care.” Heechul said.

Hyukjae nodded, “Thanks hyung. I completely understand now.”

“Oh, what would you do without me?” Heechul joked and they ended their call.

+++

It was 6PM. It was already dark when Hyukjae went out for a while after talking with Heechul. He needed air to breathe because he was already losing his own breath. He also needed time to analyze the things his friends had told him.

When is the proper time to talk to Donghae? He knows what he’s going to say, though he’s not sure if he could say it without stuttering or spacing out. Now, he only needs to think of the perfect time to do so.

He made his way to an unpopular café near his house and ordered his favorite latte. He sat down on one of the tables far away from others and thought hard. He knew he was letting go. He was letting go of the 18 years they spent together. He wanted to call it as ‘maturing stage’. And as much as he hated to, he knew he had to do it.

“Hyukjae?” a person called out. Hyukjae looked up and saw the man who’s forever number one in Donghae’s heart. It was Siwon.

Hyukjae faked a smile, “Oh, hey.”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were a Starbucks type of person?” Siwon laughed, “Mind if I sit with you?” he asked.

Hyukjae shook his head, “No, not at all. Go ahead,” he said, pointing to the seat next to him.

Siwon put his drink down on the table and sat to the seat available, “So, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I was busy with something. I don’t have time to catch up with you guys,” Hyuk lied, looking at his latte.

Siwon nodded, “When’s your exam for KNU?” he asked.

“I’m taking it in three weeks,” he said, “Where do you plan to go to college, again?” Hyuk asked.

“I’m going to Kyunghee University,” Siwon said and drank his cup, “We’re taking the exam next month.”

Hyukjae got curious, “We?”

“Donghae and I.”

Hyukjae nodded, “They already made plans together.”

Siwon cleared his throat, “So, now that we’re on the topic. I’d like to ask you about Donghae.”

Hyukjae got nervous. His palm started sweating, “Shoot.”

“What’s with you and Donghae now?” Siwon asked bluntly.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, you two were inseparable before. Now, he doesn’t talk to you. You don’t talk to him,” Siwon sighed, “I’m just curious… and worried.”

Hyukjae smiled a little, “That’s just nothing. Don’t mind us.”

“Aren’t you two together?”

Hyukjae sighed, “Here goes nothing.”

“Donghae and I… we were never actually together,” Hyukjae said slowly.

Siwon’s brows met, “What?”

“We were never a couple or an item or whatever you call it,” Hyuk chuckled.

“Then what was with all those—” Siwon cut himself off and held his forehead, “I’m so confused right now.”

Hyukjae sighed, “I don’t want to ruin anything but I’ll continue telling the truth,” He said, “It was all an act. He came up with it because he wanted you back,” he paused for a while to let Siwon analyze the situation.

“He asked me to become his fake boyfriend to make you jealous. And we…” Hyuk chuckled, “We’re idiots. We shouldn’t have done that,” he said with pure honesty in his words.

Siwon looked hysterical and chuckled, “Yeah, you shouldn’t have done that. I would’ve accepted Donghae back if he just told me!” he said happily.

Hyukjae smiled for his friend, “They seem so perfect for each other. Who am I to be in the middle?”

“I did get jealous when I first saw you two,” Siwon laughed, “When I returned, I thought I could have Donghae back. But then he was with you and I lost confidence,” he said and slightly pushed Hyukjae, “You two have fooled everyone!”

Hyukjae doesn’t know how to react so he chuckled lightly, “I even got myself fooled in that act.”

“Now that you’ve said that,” Siwon breathed out heavily, “I could finally have Donghae for myself.”

Hyukjae nodded. His heart hurting, his mind spinning, his body trembling, “And I’d have nothing for myself left. Not even dignity.”

Siwon looked at Hyukjae, “I could ask him out now, right?”

Hyukjae nodded, faking a smile, “You don’t need to ask me, Siwon. Hae’s not my property. You’re crazy about him and I’m 100% sure he’s as crazy about you,” he said, “Do what your heart tells you.”

Siwon smiled in relief, “Thanks, Hyukjae. Donghae is so lucky to have a friend like you.”

“Yeah. And you’re lucky to have a lover like Donghae. I know you’ll handle him properly,” he thought.

Hyukjae stood up, “Well, I still have to review, Siwon. It’s getting pretty late.”

Siwon nodded, “Yeah, I have to go, too,” he smiled, “I’ll see you soon?”

Hyukjae nodded, “I’ll see you soon.”

Siwon flashed a final smile and started walking. Hyukjae suddenly called him back and ran near him, “Siwon!”

Siwon turned around and smiled yet again, “Yeah?”

Hyukjae let out a deep breath and held Siwon’s left shoulder,

“Just make sure he’s happy, okay? Take care of him.” 

===

[A/N]
MUST READ
Do not exit without reading my note.

Bad News: The next chapter to be uploaded after this will be the LAST CHAPTER of this story ;_;
Good News: There will be a bonus chapter and an epilogue (So additional 2 chapters yayyyy)

IDK if it's good news or bad news: I will be making a new chaptered NON-CLICHE EunHae story (but I don't know if I could update as fast as I am updating today)

So, will you show support to my next story? I'll upload it maybe tomorrow so you could have time to adjust haha. 

Anyways, sorry for making this chapter angsty. (And sorry for the failed attempt on angst. I can't write angst)
And if you're asking why Kyuhyun or Heechul, it's because my BROTP is KyuHyuk and HyukChul (brotherly loveee)
And I can't promise anything on the last chapter (it might be boring as hell) 
I'll make it up to you on the bonus chapter and epilogue hihihi 
[Sorry for making it so fast paced]

What can you say about this chapter? Let me know what you think! 

xoxoxo
--smiling angel--