“So, what is it?” he inquired after Donghae had step out of the counseling room.

“Let’s see, I want you to help with his daily therapy, let him touch you and make him used to it.”

“Will it be okay? What if he’s triggered and goes into frantic state again?”

“Do what you always did, but always call me either you’re able to manage it or it’s getting out of control,” Henry carefully made point.

“Should I help him to touch other people too?”

“You can, it’ll be good even though it won’t do much.”

Hyukjae frowned confusedly, “why?”

“You saw it right? The reaction when he held my hand compared to when he’s holding your hand? He didn’t feel anything when he’s holding my hand, but he did with you. Because to him you’re already half into his true self.”

“I don’t really get it, I mean even though he never get attach to other people, he’s mostly very cheery and outgoing to people like he had no problem at all. What is that makes me different? Then why when he’s the one to chase after me, then he turned to be really scared of me? I get it that he’s afraid to love again, that he’s creating boundaries so no one can hurt him for being a special person to him. So shouldn’t he’s afraid of me from the first if he’s supposedly interested in me at the very start?”

Henry smiled sadly at the question, “unfortunately human’s mind is not that simple. Like what I’ve said before, his mind can have a different thing than what’s in his heart. We aren’t ruled by one thing, but many things that could come either from the inside or the outside. Just as traits which came from genes, but it could be altered with stimulus from surrounding environment, nothing really is set in stone and human’s psychologist is the most complex of all.”

“So there’s no answer at all?”

“The answers are but always the conditioned situation, it depends on the case and nothing truly the same as what written in textbooks. In Donghae’s case, it’s actually quite simple yet complex at the same time,” he paused as he shifted on his seat to get even more comfortable. “I’ve heard of your house theory Hyukjae.”

“House theory? What… Oh,” he lowers his face in shame for his idea to be called theory by a professional.

Henry chuckled lightly at the blushing face, “it was quite a good theory, really. What you thought about was close enough, though instead of him pushing you away it’s more like he had tasted what he shouldn’t allow himself to.”

Hyukjae titled his head in confusion.

“You had theorized that he came pass your gate into your yard uninvited, coming so close to your front door when he never done so to other people, because you never open yourself entirely that’s why he’s brave enough to seek you out.”

“Yet he backed out when I opened the front door for him to come in,” Hyukjae finished.

A smile formed on the psychiatrist’s lips, “have you ever thought that it wasn’t you who open the door, but him who opened it to meet you halfway?”

“What?”

“You had already concluded that it was you who opened the door for him to come in, but I think it was him who done that. Let’s see, he was always within the comfort and safety of his iron walled heart, meaning he never take a step out from this home –the deepest heart- which barriers him from the others. Due to the dreadful past and lost memories, his gate –the outer layer of safety- was no longer exist allowing so many people to pour in without him able to control it, because as much his sub-consciousness denying to love again, the missing gap had to be filled somehow. But that only hardened and strengthened the lock of his deepest heart, the front door, causing him to be trapped within his own defense and was only able to watch the merriness outside his house with no direct contact.

“He was a very lonely being, wishing for a company but his heart never allow him so and so long for the people to play in his yard without the possibility of him opening his front door –his whole being-, they would eventually went away and Donghae would feel even more lonely at that. So for him to saw you, a person who lingers around at his wide open gate without ever trying to take a step in to his yard, he was intrigued. Maybe then he chose to opened the door, to see you better by getting closer, but then you took a step in to his yard, towards his home, his safety when he was out from his haven. Of course he was scared, terrified at the idea, choosing to locked himself back in his house once more. What he doesn’t know was, the moment he chosen to opened the door, the key was no longer fit perfectly, the safety has dulled and like a broken dam it began to spill.

“And that’s why his true feelings are pouring out uncontrollably, he was used to concealed it sub-consciously to not displaying it bare for all to see.” The doctor’s eyes then darkened with sorrow, “ironically as much you’re the cause of his ironclad safety to crumble down, you’re also his anchor to hold him up so he’s not drowning. Because you’re the one who made him opened his door, something within you which cause him to left the safety of his house is the only thing closest enough to give him a new sense of safety rather than solitude.”

Hyuakja frowning at the explanation, finding it quite different than what he had thought initially. But then it raised a new question which gnawing at his mind unpleasantly, “that way, isn’t his feeling towards me a conditioned one then? Not because of who I am, but because I just happened to be someone who didn’t immediately come into his territory. So if it’s not me, he would still like the person, is that it?”

“Sadly I don’t have definite answer to that, but I can say that is not the case, Hyukjae,” he said as his expression relaxed more as if to ease the conversation partner. “People who behave like you, wary towards people and almost introvert even when outwardly doesn’t seem so are not so rare. I believe before you Donghae had met someone whose personality just like you, yet he never was interested enough to leave the safety of his walls, until you. I don’t know what is it that makes you different to him, maybe it was more instinctively, maybe he saw something within you which no one have.”

Hyukjae didn’t say anything, he was confused, mind chaotic and he couldn’t help for the lack of self confident to rise again. He’s just an ordinary college student, nothing extraordinary about him, he may have a lot of friends but that’s because his witty and helpful personality, and Henry was right, people like him are not rare.

“Love has many forms, Hyukjae. The trigger to it are also varies, from the sort of love at the first sight to the ones which manifest slowly and painfully. Even hatred could transform into love and vice versa. There are no rules stating which love is right or wrong, feelings are just feelings. They are all true and bare genuinely.”

--

“What do you want to do know?”

Donghae turned his head to face Hyukjae, not really answering but enough to let the blonde know that he’ll simply follow him.

“I was thinking I need to go back to my apartment, it’s been quite some time and I have to-“

“No! Hyukkie, are you going to leave me?” Donghae exclaimed panicky.

“Hey, let me finish,” Hyukjae answered sternly. “I’m just going to clean my place a bit, I bet it’s covered with couple of inchies of dust. Then I’m going to take a few more clothes, I’m thinking to start attending college again.”

Donghae didn’t stay anything much to Hyukjae’s surprise, he had thought that Donghae would complain about his plan of going to college, yet he just pouting silently.

“So, you should go back home and wait, I won’t be long. Don’t forget to be careful, lock your door and-“

“I’m coming with you.”

“Huh?”

“I’m coming with you,” he stated even more firmly.

Hyukjae could only scratching his neck miserably.

The moment Hyukjae opened the door, Donghae walked in enthusiastically with wide eyes as if rather than coming into an ordinary rented room he’s exploring a magnificent historical structure. Hyukjae chuckled at the sight, soundlessly straightening their shoes by the door and began cleaning his room, letting the other wandering about.

“Your room is neat, Hyuk,” he suddenly said breaking the lingering silence.

“Yeah, but the dust is accumulating, look, even your steps are printed on the floor,” he laughed seeing their foot prints scattered, further making his room looked messier.

“You told me before your room is so dirty to the point you don’t want me to come over.”

Hyukjae halted at the words, “oh… Well, that was… That was when I’m still not too comfortable with you,” he muttered lowly yet enough for Donghae to catch it.

“And that was before you so suddenly changed overnight,” Donghae smiled sadly. “How was… Was I at that time?”

Hyukjae didn’t need to ask what is it that he’s asking about. “You were crying, holding onto me telling me not to go and that you wanted to go home…”

He didn’t ask futher when Hyukjae chose not to say more.

“I guess we both changed,” Hyukjae added after a short silence.

Donghae turned to Hyukjae, cuing for the older to continue what was he’s talking about.

“I was so wary about people, well still is, that I’m very reluctant to let you into my personal space. Yet look at us now, I didn’t feel a single doubt to let you in here,” he grinned heartily.

“Only that I didn’t change for the better,” Donghae said sadly yet again.

“No,” Hyukjae firmly said causing the other to look up. “You did changing for the better, because if you stayed the way you are before, you would never move on from your scarred past.”

Donghae didn’t retort back, deep down he understood the truth of the said fact. He turned away to continue looking around Hyukjae’s room with a thin content smile.

And Hyukjae didn’t fail to noticed the peaceful atmosphere between them. A temporary happiness after and before another dark storm to come again. But it was enough for them.

“Why don’t we stay here tonight?” he said when Hyukjae about to heave his bag which filled with his fresh clothes.

“What?” he inquired in case he heard it wrong.

“Your place is closer to college… And we’re already here, isn’t better if we stay here?” Donghae glanced to look at the time, “it’s dark already outside too.”

“Well, I have no problem, actually it save me all the trouble. But… are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Uh, this is my place… Not a place which familiar to you, won’t you feel uneasy?”

Donghae blinked before answering, “I think I’m okay, strangely I didn’t find this place… Unfamiliar. Maybe due to your lingering scent.”

Honestly Hyukjae has been feeling weird from the way Donghae is behaving, it was so calm and just… Different from how he usually behaved. Maybe because he could almost no longer find the usual childish tone he always heard from the younger, that he’s been talking more… mature. Or maybe because recently he had only heard him talking in fear, thick with insecurity while now it wasn’t the case. Or maybe because Donghae had started to call him Hyuk instead of Hyukkie, though mostly he still call him Hyukkie, but it wasn’t with the usual whiny and childish tone either.

Was it due to the earlier consultation? But is it normal for someone to change that much in a very short time?

“Hyukkie?” Donghae called breaking his thoughts. “Are you okay? If you’re not comfortable with me staying here, it’s okay, we can go back to my place. Just as long as you stay with me I don’t mind where we’re staying.”

“Oh, no… I’m good with us staying here… I was just, reminded of something.”

“What is it?” he asked with a bit of uneasiness evident in his eyes. Hyukjae then realized, Donghae has been able to look at his eyes longer than he usually does, though maybe only for two or three seconds longer.

“We haven’t had dinner,” Hyukjae smiled trying to assure that there’s nothing to be worried about seeing the younger a bit tensed every time he said he remember something.

“Oh,” comically after he came to realization, Donghae’s stomach growling loud at the perfect time, causing Hyukjae to cocked up an eyebrow in amusement as the other cradling his stomach with a sheepish smile.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hungry?” he chuckled while shaking his head at the antic.

“I didn’t even realize that I was…” he mumbled with jutted lips cutely.

Hyukjae laughed louder seeing the cute display, willing for his urge to hug the younger into oblivion to dissipate. “Come, let’s have a dinner while watching a movie, sounds good?”

His eyes instantly bright up at the suggestion, filled with anticipation, “what movie?”

“I don’t know, you chose.”

“Can we… Watch Nemo…?” he asked with oh-so bright eyes pleadingly.

Hyukjae turned into a giggling mess at that, trying so hard not to laugh. Scratch that he’d thought Donghae became mature.

--

“Come here,” Hyukjae hold out his hand for Donghae to catch after they put away the plates and coming back to the couch to finish the movie.

“What…?” he slowly, almost unsure to grab on the older’s hand but did it anyway.

Hyukjae sat down and motioning Donghae to do the same, hand pulling lightly. “You okay?”

A short glance at their interlaced hands before Donghae nodded, gaining a warm gummy smile from the older, founding his heart pounding at the sight. Hyukjae slowly yet steadily reach out his other hand to brush some of Donghae’s hair, his earlobe in the proces