Maze of Intrigue

April 2011

If I can’t love you as a lover, let me love you as a bestfriend.

If I can’t touch you, let me watch over you.

If I can’t have you, at the very least, let me stay by your side.

Sungjong trudged through the streets, soaked from the rain that continuously pelted against his skin. The streets were less crowded than usual whereas the shopping centres and cafés were flooded with people that wanted to get out of the rain.

Sungjong vaguely remembered the heavy rainfall prediction when he watched the weather forecast on television last night and cursed himself for having forgotten to take the umbrella near his front door when he rushed out this morning. Sungjong would have normally avoided the rain at all costs, annoyed at the way his clothes stuck to his skin and his hair fell flat against his forehead. The rain, today, however, felt strangely calming, as if it was washing away all the pain he held in his heart.

Entering his apartment, Sungjong kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his wet clothing that formed a small puddle at his feet. The silence in his apartment was broken by the shrill ringtone of his cellphone. Pulling his phone out from the soaked pockets of his jacket, Sungjong eyed the caller ID and immediately pressed the phone to his ears.

“Hoya-“

“Sungjong! Where are you? Are you alright?” Hoya panicked though he was relieved to finally hear the boy’s voice. “Did something happen?”

Sungjong paused, biting his lips and brows furrowed. Taking in a shaky breath, Sungjong answered, “Nothing really. A f-friend asked me for help.”

Hoya, however, sensed the hesitation in his voice . “Are you sure?” he tried again.

“Positive.” Sungjong replied, louder this time, trying to make his voice sound as cheerful as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, ok?”

Knowing how perceptive Hoya was, Sungjong quickly hung up before he was found out. He glanced at the clock on the wall; the aquarium should have closed by now. Sungjong wondered if Hoya had gone home yet, sending a quick text to make sure.

I’m at home. Don’t worry about me and get some rest, Jong.

Having typed up the last word, Hoya turned around upon feeling a tap on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir. It’s time for the aquarium to close.” An employee bowed.

“Ah yes. Sorry about that.” Hoya apologized. He watched the employees lock the entrance to the aquarium before turning back to the rainy sky, sighing.

He had hoped that their date would be a chance for him to get Sungjong to open up to him but Hoya found himself failing time and time again. The more he wanted to know more about Sungjong, the more the boy hid from him.

Sungjong leaned against the window, watching the rain fall. The look on Myungsoo’s face was still fresh in his mind as he thought back to the incident earlier in the afternoon. He finally realized that no matter how much he wanted Myungsoo, Myungsoo would never return his feelings.

Sungjong collapsed onto his bed, curling into a tight ball under the blanket in attempts to warm himself. Yet, even when he continuously tugged at the blanket around his shoulders, nothing could warm his cold, cold heart.

--

Sungjong awoke to the rattling sound of his alarm clock. He slowly sat up, his feet touching the carpeted floor. But as soon as he pushed himself off the bed, his legs lost their strength and he fell to the ground. Rolling onto his back, Sungjong looked up onto the ceiling, which he found hard to do as it spun around in circles.

He grabbed onto the sheets until he stood on his wobbly legs and slowly made his way to the bathroom.

“I look awful.” Sungjong murmured, grimacing at his reflection on the mirror.

His hair stuck out at odd angles from tossing and turning throughout the night. He was wearing yesterday’s outfit which was still a little damp as he went straight to bed in them without drying his clothes properly. Sungjong splashed cold water on his face, assuming he would feel better once he was more awake. He looked into the mirror once more, forcing a smile, before exiting the bathroom.

Stepping outside his apartment, Sungjong was greeted by the sight of Hoya crouching near his front door.

“Good morning” Hoya greeted, standing up and dusting his knees as Sungjong got closer.

“Good morning…”

Hoya chuckled upon seeing the surprised expression on the boy’s face. “Don’t worry, Jong. I’m no stalker.” he reassured, patting Sungjong’s head lightly. “I just wanted to make sure you were really okay. You sounded a little…sad last night.”

“I was just tired, that’s all.” Sungjong began walking in the direction towards the school before Hoya could question him further. “Let’s go.”

Hoya, who was walking a little behind Sungjong, noticed he was quieter than usual. His half-lidded eyes concentrated on his shoes as he walked, stumbling in between. One stumble caused his left foot to knock against his right and his body lurched forward. Luckily, Hoya was close enough to catch him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worry etched across his features at the sight of Sungjong’s pale complexion. “Are you not feeling well?”

Sungjong turned away from the hand near his forehead and shook his head. “I’m fine. I must’ve kicked the covers off the bed again. Don’t worry. It’s just a small cold.” he joked, stretching his lips into a smile. He was getting more used to lying these days and maybe even better at it than before as he saw no response from Hoya. “We got to hurry. Don’t want to be late for the exams.”

Reaching the entrance of the school, students filed into the auditorium to check their seat numbers, pushing against one another to get close to the board.

Hoya, taking note of the chaotic situation, led Sungjong a little further away from the scene. “Stay here, Jong. I’ll go check out our seats.”

Sungjong’s eyes followed Hoya’s back until he disappeared in the crowd. While he was observing from afar, he spotted Myungsoo and Sungyeol by the lockers. Myungsoo momentarily locked eyes with Sungjong but quickly looked away. Sungjong, on the other hand, appeared unfazed by his reaction nor did he seem disturbed by their linked hands.

“Good morning, Myungsoo, Sungyeol.” Sungjong greeted cheerily. “Are you ready for the exams?”

Myungsoo nodded without a word, not knowing what to make of Sungjong’s unusual behavior. Sungyeol, however, took every opportunity to rub his relationship with Myungsoo in Sungjong’s face.

“Of course, we are. Myungsoo and I spent the whole night at my house studying for it.” he taunted, sticking his body as close as possible against his new boyfriend’s.

Sungjong swallowed hard but he forced himself to keep his smile. “I see. Good luck.”

“Mmhm. Come on, Myungsoo. We have to check our seat numbers, too.”

Myungsoo, who was being dragged by the arm, couldn’t shake off the gnawing in his chest that he felt when he saw Sungjong forcing a smile. Turning his head, Myungsoo caught sight of Sungjong coughing into his hand as he walked towards the bench near the school entrance.

“Wait!” Myungsoo called, stopping just before the staircase. “I got to...um…go to the bathroom.”

“Bathroom? I should go, too.” Sungyeol decided. He was about to link his arm around Myungsoo’s when Myungsoo shrugged him off.

“Actually, Miss Kim wanted to see me before the exams. I think I’ll head over to the teacher’s office as well.” Myungsoo added, hoping Sungyeol would stop at that.

“Really? Should I wait for you?” Sungyeol asked, finding Myungsoo’s behaviour very fishy as if he wanted to get rid of him.

“Nah. Go ahead without me. I’ll be right back.” Myungsoo gave a small peck on Sungyeol’s cheek before heading out the front door.

“Hurry back!” Sungyeol waved. His arm stopped mid-air then he abruptly lowered it. His bright smile became a scowl as his eyes tracked Myungsoo’s form nearing Sungjong on the bench. “That little rat.”

Sungjong kicked the small rock near his foot, glancing occasionally to see if Hoya was returning. Staring at his lap, Sungjong thought back to the short interaction between him and the couple. He didn’t know what suddenly gave him the courage to feign happiness in front of them but he was proud of himself all the same.

Maybe he and Myungsoo could even stay as friends just like before. Even if he couldn’t have Myungsoo as a lover, he, at least, could continue to stay by his side. What more could he ask for.

You did well, Lee Sungjong.

He shivered when a cold breeze swept through him. Despite the warm weather, Sungjong was freezing; he was certain he was suffering from the early symptoms of a cold. Rubbing his arms, Sungjong attempted to warm himself but it was no use as he continously sneezed followed by a few light coughs.

“You’re going to get sick if you keep sitting out here.”

Sungjong suddenly found himself staring at a pair of feet in front of him. His eyes trailed upward until they rested on the face of the owner of the voice.

“Wear this for now.” Myungsoo said, wrapping his sweater around Sungjong’s shoulders.

“But-“

“Just wear it, Jongie.” Myungsoo urged, leaving no room for argument. He dug around his backpack for something and placed it in Sungjong’s palm. Sungjong opened his hand to see lemon-flavored cough drops. “Eat those, too. It’ll make your throat feel better.”

Spotting Hoya from afar, Myungsoo started back towards his classroom, leaving the boy on the bench dazed and confused. Sungjong popped a lemon drop and pulled the sweater tighter around his shoulders, inhaling Myungsoo’s scent.

He still cares about me he smiled which quickly became a frown, reprimanding himself for being so weak-willed.

Don’t feel anything – Don’t feel anything – Don’t feel anything. 

--

“Fifteen more minutes.” the exam invigilator reminded.

Sungjong’s head shot up, gripping his pencil. He eyed his exam paper which was  partially filled in. Vision foggy and hand trembling, Sungjong struggled to locate the next circle to darken. He shook his head, hoping to clear his head, but it only made him more dizzy.

The ticking of the clock became unbearably loud; panic set in. Come on. Write something! A sheen of sweat covered his forehead, his breathing short and choppy.

“Time’s up! Pens down. Pass your papers to the front”.

The classroom gradually became louder with students’ chatter, confirming answers with one another. The only thing in Sungjong’s mind at that moment was that he screwed up the exam in his final year, lowering his chances of getting into his choice of university.

“How did you do?” Hoya asked, walking up to the distraught boy.

Sungjong tensed when he felt a hand on his back, his eyes, glazed over, meeting Hoya’s concerned ones. “What’s wrong?” he heard Hoya ask, his voice muffled, sounding far away.

“I-I’m going to the bathroom.” Sungjong stood up with the support of Hoya’s arm around his waist.

Hoya clearly saw the need to bring Sungjong to the infirmary, however, the boy refused, insisting he would be fine after freshening up.

Sungjong splashed cold water onto his face a few times before turning the tap off. Looking at his reflection, a scream nearly ripped out of his throat when he spotted Sungyeol’s reflection in the mirror, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. Sungjong turned around, his hand on his thumping chest, trying to calm it down.

“Sungyeol, you scared me.” Sungjong breathed, to which the tall boy merely smirked.

Sungyeol entered the bathroom and stood in front of the sink next to Sungjong, fixing his hair.

“Where’s your guard dog?” he asked, his eyes lingering on his own reflection.

“Who are you talking about?” Sungjong’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh, you know, that boy that came with you to the aquarium.” Sungyeol combed his fingers through his bangs, giving his head a little shake then leaned back against the wall to regard the younger boy. “He’s practically drooling over you.”

“If you’re referring to Hoya, he’s in the classroom. I’d appreciate it if you called my friend by his name.” Sungjong answered, his chin held high.

Sungyeol strided over to Sungjong, grabbing his chin. “I don’t give a damn what his name is. I want you and your lover boy to disappear from me and Myungsoo’s sight.”

“You have no right to say this.” Sungjong exclaimed, slapping Sungyeol’s hand away from his face.

“Of course I have the right when you try to steal my boyfriend.” Sungyeol spat.

“What? I never-“

“You never did. You never did?” Sungyeol suddenly erupted into laughter, clutching his stomach and wiping tears from his eyes. He stopped; seriousness replaced mock hilarity. “Don’t act innocent, Lee Sungjong. Did you think I wasn’t aware of what you’re doing?”

“I saw you with my own eyes this morning, acting all weak and vulnerable in front of Myungsoo.” Sungyeol continued, slowly advancing towards Sungjong until he backed him into a corner. Placing a hand on the wall next to Sungjong’s head, Sungyeol dipped his head to meet the boy’s fearful eyes. “Guess what, Lee Sungjong. Myungsoo would never look at you the same way he does to me and you know why? It’s because you don’t mean anything to him.”

Sungjong slid down the wall, hopelessness filled his eyes. Sungyeol, satisfied with the reaction he evoked out of the boy, left the bathroom with a victorious smile on his face.

Hoya paced back and forth outside the classroom, still waiting for Sungjong’s return. He became suspicious when the boy didn’t come back for a long time. Worried, he decided to go look for him and was stunned to find him on the ground.

“Sungjong! What are you doing?!” Hoya yelled, crouching at Sungjong’s side, shaking his shoulders.

Sungjong locked eyes with Hoya for a brief moment before he collapsed in his arms.

“Sungjong? Sungjong! .” Hoya lifted Sungjong onto his back, running to the infirmary.

The curtains surrounding the bed rustled, welcoming a figure into the enclosed space. Sungjong stirred, feeling the bed dip at the weight of an arm near his head. Opening his eyes, he found himself staring up at Myungsoo who was hovering over him.

Is this a dream?

“Myungsoo…” His hand unconsciously reached up to grab onto Myungsoo’s shirt, pulling the boy closer.

If this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up from it.

Sungjong closed his eyes as their faces neared each other’s. He could feel Myungsoo’s breath against his cheeks, his lips lowering to meet his.





A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated last week. I was out of town and didn't have time to update. >< Hope you enjoy~