“HOYA POV”

A heart stopping experience is a non-familiar concept for a coward like me.. why? because in term for my heart start panicking I have to actually put an effort to face my true feelings..

but I never did ..!

The funny thing is that no matter how hard I try to ignore/ move on/ not feel at all, it all reverse against me back harshly..!

You tend more to lose control.. and that’s why I’m starting to have

withdrawal symptoms..!

my heart is bounding against my ribs.. I’m sure he’s aware of my state right now.. beside a non-noticeable tilt of his head to the left, more towards me..

so more skin are being pressed

my nose is tickling his cheeks

he let out breath that’s the only sign he’s alive

As if I froze him.. as if I stone the hell out of him.. he stop in a way that made me freeze in shame..!

I open my eyelids that wanted to stay closed and stared at the perfection called Kim Myungsoo..!

He is not only frozen.. his features were in struggle between melting and numbing.. the redness on his cheeks what giving him away ..

and from causing that reaction.. this idle state of L.. I blush and bite my lips then gulp fighting that lil howon girly voice that want to get back at it..!

damn you girly Hoya snap out of it already you cause me enough embarrassment to hide in my room for a century..!

Hoya: “.. L..?”

His eyes shut open.. and it flutter a bit.. took a while to register that I’m no longer shamefully burying my face in heaven … /I mean him/

He is so cute when he is lost.. he stare at the door in front barely an inch separating us from getting with the others.. we can hear their laughs and voices.. he didn't dare to look at me.. his hand that still was forgot on the knob start opening the door with barely strength

did I drown you out ..? 

-

“L POV”

I barely register what they said afterwards.. everything was irrelevant at that point.. did I lost track of time or did that really happened ..?

OMG Myungsoo are you daydreaming ..!!

I slid to a seat beside Yeol that kept looking me in amused way

Then he shift the  topic suddenly to me growing up enough that I can carry Hoya.. I blush hiding my face with my baseball cap while they start laughing on my reaction.. I steal a glimpse of Hoya and

His face went beyond red that I couldn't reveal my face not yet.. in a state of hiding under tables if that’s possible..!

The host joked about wanting to see my beautiful face.. definitely a day to hide ladies and gentlemen..!

My hands were covering up my face and I shake my head saying: “No not now” … They all burst laughing

But the host suddenly stand up to my seat and held my hands away joking that he wanted to do this radio show to see me

I took another glimpse to howon

it wasn't pretty..!

I shiver..!

-

I’m used to it by now.. being teased about my look.. I wasn't acting cute though I didn't want that host to start treating me like that..!

I wasn't planning to it..!

and yet I felt disgusted of myself from one look of him..!

from the start of this day seeing Hoya playing with Dongwoo on bed rubbing their brotherly love in my face, I knew that this day wasn’t my day..!! 

I know I’m being too jealous of their relationship but it’s hard to not be

especially when I'm the one that being ignored by him..!

I'm trying not to go there.. no matter how hard I try to show him.. that there’s more to me than this.. than being the center of the attention because of my stupid face.. I still fail overtime..!

it sux when the only thing you are good at is the only thing that you don't want to show..!

He hates it..!

I left the members get back to our dorm while I wandered in digital stores.. I just didn't want to be in same place with him.. his judging eyes is all I can think of.. 

what did he think about me  when I doze off by his scent.. his touch..!

I felt my stomach flip..!

-

Getting late to dorm is a normal thing for me.. on schedule days..! but today wasn't that kind of days and I sense Gyu face went questioning as soon as I walked in

Gyu: “What were you up to..?”

My voice went to whisper: “None of your business”, slamming the door.

I know that’s the wrong thing to answer a worried Gyu especially when you hear afterwards a strangled voice saying that he only was asking to check up on me and there’s a shushing Woohyun sounds..

How nice is it..

to have Woohyun in his side like that..!

I bite my lip while guilt is creeping inside of me.. I know I will gave in to apologize or just commit suicide that’s better..!

but not now..

I keep begging people to stop and leave me alone

my mind is already eating me ..!

I got no place to hide from my disgusting self..!

I sigh and attach my camera to the laptop and went to see all the pictures I took from a month all cramped with dates and busy schedules..!

My eyes went a bit annoying landing on a smiling Gyu face 

and guilt is a ..

I sent a text:

Sorry,

bad day. bad Myungsoo T.T

I put on the headphones but it’s not too loud.. but enough volume to make me occupied: [Sunggyu- I need You]

The moment I’ve always dreamed about breaks down
And after everyone I believed
would stay by me, leaves
I’m left alone
You, who came to me
who was full of loneliness and hurt

Can’t you hold me
Can’t you hold my hand
I need you now
I need you now
Please help me so that I can say
goodbye to everyone
and bid farewell with a smile
I need you..!

I went to all pictures and my finger stop in the last one I took

my mouth felt dry..!

I gaze at that worried face

Was he looking at me ..?

What’s the meaning of this Hoya..

Tell me the meaning of this thing 

Were you always this evil ..?

Were you always this good at acting..!

Did you finally find a new way to torment me ..?

Was ignoring me not enough that you find giving me a sudden attention is the way to cause me more pain..?

you’re winning..!

My eyes close at Hyung voice the last note of  “ I NEED YOU NOW” then it started another one: [BTS- Danger]

You don’t have me inside but I’m full of you. It drives me crazy.
But why are you doing this to me?
Why are you making a fool of me? Now I’m warning you!
Don’t get me twisted!

Are you ing kidding me? What am I to you?
Am I easy to you? Are you plying with me?
You are in danger now. Why are you testing me? Why are you testing me?
Don’t get me twisted.

Hoya: “Is it ..?”, With a sharp voice 

to say that I jump is an understatement to reality..!

should I draw you the fake version of how it went..? >>> I only turn with a cold stare saying: “ OFF..!”

The real version though went like .. >>>  a cat being scared to death that jump and the headphone disconnected making the sound viral since I turn and my wrist land on increasing volume button..!

He got a huge smile on his dump face showing those canines.. the ridiculously manly laughter and my body went on alert..!

I can’t remember the last time he smile like that for me

it was almost like I'm Hoya smiling at Dongwoo ones..! 

My heart make an uh sound and I lack air..!

he start looking at my shoulders.. wanting to see the screen I’m hiding

Do you want to know what’s in my useless head now ..?

He was here since….?

He didn't see right..

Did I just gaze at his picture while he was aware of the melodramatic show ..?

He didn't ..

He’s trying to though..!

I shake my head and his smile went to smirk.. one scary evil smirk that says you are busted

Hoya: Trying to steady himself on one clutch while reaching to push me away with another, “C’mon share the good stuff..!”

The fact that he want to watch with me made my head went into sirens..! and there was code blue .. he shove useless me to the side and went to look on the screen of my laptop

I reach late trying to stop him from behind

L: “Hoya Hoya Hooooyaaaa noo dooontttt”, 

My hand went into a lock on his waist again !!! and hold both of hands with force while my head went in the side of his neck

to say he froze is a joke

He said something similar to the scared cat reaction..!

I was fully pressed on him that make me gulp in realization..!

there wasn't even air separating us

“HOYA POV”

I went there because Gyu said something like call him so we all can go to restaurant and when I refuse he start blabbing threats that he’s calling dad..!!

so I went in..

To say that I didn't want to see his face is a big fat gay lie..! the fact that he refuse to get back with us made me feel horrible.. !!

I have seen his eyes.. looking at me.. and something about that stare.. that felt broken..!

But I didn't expect this.. he was too caught up in something that I felt my blood boiling and I joke about it being but I was hoping that it’s only a song or something.. but it was a picture and I got curious to see why he was so taken aback

But then he lock me in him.. my clutch fall off and I barely held the pain because

my heart was so not here to start caring about physical muscle pain

My limb were all on attack and I lean to the desk and then I saw it.. it’s the one he took at morning.. the one that bust me out.. and sure as hell I was busted.. my eyes were staring at him in that picture… even someone blind will figure my emotions at this.. I blush hard.

My voice caught in my throat saying: “D..DDEELEETEE IT ..!!!”

His face inches on my neck completely resting his strength on me while muttering: “NO.. NO.. IT’S MINE.. MINE MINEE .. MINE”

it wasn't helping.. the fact I’m being hold up like this pressed in between him and a desk.. the fact he was holding both my hands in a grip.. the fact that he start muttering the words Mine on my shoulder blades… my eyes were closed in lust..

and I lost it

I moan while he mutters another “Mine” barely a whispers but enough for me to hear..!

Yeol: “WHAT THE IS THISS..!!”

it was messed up.. I turn to see angry looking Sungyeol looking straight at us.. he must had a path because he was only covered in a towel from waist..!

and something boils at me..!

My heart is shaking
I’m standing here like a fool
Why am I like this
I’m holding your hand like this 

I hate you lee Sungyeol..!

****

Hoya: did i just say ..?

loving myungsoo with his cameraaa *^*

and smiling Gyu is the best dont you all agree

Thank you all for the support.. ^^