HOYA POV

I’ve been told, one day you’ll know
too much of heaven’s a sin
after the show, it’s only hell that it brings

[Tablo - Eyes Nose Lips]

But I kept longing for that hell.. I buried my face and inhale that scent.. it’s so strange yet familiar.. it’s been a while since I lost control.. but the familiar scent get me dozed.. was I following that scent from far I keep wondering..? 

This is the second time I throw myself on him.. I passed the being hypocrite phase.. I am now a messed up clingy attention seeker hypocrite..!

And I cling hard into him.. my wet eyes are threaten me to expose more of my pride.. my lips open and close wanting to say something.. but nothing at this point explain this.. nothing in the world would make sense not to me nor to him.. so I cling hard.. bury myself inside afraid he will push me and see..

See his hypocrite Hyung..!

In case you go far away, in case you might dislike me
I wanted to tell you but my lips
Would not move

[C-Clown-Far away Young Love]

I drew air and muffled: “Hyung won’t”, barely awake by now.

He only nod and his hands sneak in between my waist and I waited to feel his hand rest but it didn’t.. he’s being the hesitant Myungsoo around me.. and he’s only like that with me

And that’s my fault..!

It hurts but it hurts too much
Because of my wrongs, I am being punished
I regret several times a day

My heart will never change
I want to be with you
I call you but there is no answer
But still, I don’t wanna let go
Now I’m alone but I don’t wanna be alone
I beg for forgiveness but I don’t know if you’ll accept

[SPEED-That’s My Fault]

Just like yesterday action.. just when I’m about to sigh and let go.. his hands suddenly drew me in closer by the waist.. his grip is going from light to firm and I breathe again..!

Myungsoo needs time.. time to let me in..!

L POV

I don’t know if what I am doing is good or bad.. right or wrong.. accepted or rejected..? I have no idea if he snaps after this.. I have no idea and yet I pull him closer not wanting this to end..?

WTH is the meaning of this ..? I keep yearn for Hyung’s affection but it hurts so much when he just push me away..!

And I am afraid if he snaps at any point

I am afraid this won’t be enough either.. so I cling hard

He withdrawal slowly.. just when I thought it could stops he’s bailing so soon.. and I bite my lips to not cry there.. his hands cupped my face and honestly it’s hard to look at him that moment but the curiosity won’t let me 

And I look at him and I wish I didn’t ..!

His tear fall as soon our eyes meet.. his face red and the way he look.. his eyes are trying to say something but all I could hear now is a siren sound..!

L: “Hhhyuuuunggg..”, nothing make sense right now, “I won’t do it (shake head) no.. no matter what it is i won’t.. just don’t (pause) don’t (voice trail off)”

His thump is caressing my jaw as if to calm me down.. and his eyes was making holes in the floor and i want to force him to look at me

because i don’t like this Hyung.. he looks broken..!

I slip my hand from his waist and reach his chin barely touching it and then the door went open.. and screaming Dongwoo appear

as soon as he says: “HOOYAAA"

I felt as if being pushed too hard, too caught off guard i almost tripped from my steps..!

Dongwoo: Face confuse, “what you two..”, then he look at my face and scream “YAAAHHH HOOOYAAAAA how many times i warn you not to messed up with Myungsoo HUH”

he dramatically wrapped his arms around me and threaten Hoya with his eyes and my almost crying face turns into small chuckles into loud ones..!

Dongwoo: “Are you fine Myungsooyah”, While playing with my hair.

HOYA POV

How he can smile at this moment.. I watch his face laughing showing those dimples and nodding like a little kid between Dongwoo arms..

I just hate it when he act like its all fine.. I just can’t stand it.. and worse than all.. I can’t stand myself for being bothered whenever he act like that.. just from a second ago he was in my arms how he can just switch so fast..

and for that I curse myself more..!

I walk out through the door while Dongwoo was shouting that we have to record another broadcast right now

-

The routine was getting me to edge.. Myungsoo laughing with Yeol didn’t help the situation.. I get it really.. not only I’m hypocrite that push/pull the poor guy.. I’m a hypocrite that want him but not really.. and I will probably lock him.. because whoever see him start making non human noises and he keeps reacting cutely to them.. and i hissed like an old grandpa whenever that happen..!!

We went through 3 performance recording and I am a professional who will act as nothing keeping my stoned face till the end.. at the break i heard Dongwoo talking to Gyu and stop as soon I walk in.. I shrug and walk away giving them space

but was surprise to find him after me

Gyu: “what did you do again”, voice steady and calm like a leader.

Hoya: “Could you please not start”

Gyu: Look pained,  “look.. we are one group”, my face was puzzled by now.

Hoya: “no kidding”

Gyu: “At least try to show each other respect.. he give up on making you like him anyways”

And he walk out and the words kept ringing in my head.. did Myungsoo ever talk to someone about me.. about this ..?

Did he think i really hate him that way ..?

My head was clouded.. I was ignoring him yeah but I never want him to assume the other way either.. did I make him cry ? sad or felt pain before that he had to talk to Gyu about it ..!! even Dongwoo knows..!!

WTH

i went in again and stand to my spot we only have one performance left lets do it and get out of here.. I look at Woohyun, Dongwoo, Gyu, faces and it looks blurry to me.. as if I'm looking at others.. I shake my face and look straight at cold Myung face.

That’s when it all went down

It hurt to see him pained because of me more than people judging faces..!

L POV

like being caught in the crowd.. people were rushing.. fans were screaming.. my breath almost forgotten inside the noise..

I watch at it went down

Hoya fall down

and my heart was bleeding

frozen there, i dare not to step closer from it.. maybe ignoring it will make it disappear 

maybe this is just me being me and imagining stuff

but it sure as hell it looks real..!

for a second between his scream and people panicking i can swear..

he look at me ..!

-

I paced in my room.. thinking whether to check on him or not.. I got a text from Dongwoo saying he’s fine and went to bed.. but I still feels like i want to creep in their room and watch him asleep and maybe knock his leg gently just to see if it works.. yup.. not creepy Myung definitely..!

ugh I hate myself..!

I toss myself under the sheets and sighs.. after hour I walked out of my room.. and sit on the sofa in the living room..!

Should I switch the TV on ?

Nope .. Gyu will kill me if I woke him up.. I let my body sink in the leather and my eyes close a bit..!

and for being stupid I start muttering in whispers: “How are you.. how are you LEE HOWON.. how’s your leg .. is it fine ..? hooyaaa .. (pause) hyuungg.. hoyaa hyung"

I jump when I hear chuckles and my eyes went to the source.. he was standing there leaning on the door.. 

Hoya: “What’s the meaning of this”

L: “Oooff of what..? I was just”

Hoya: “Using telepathy?”

I had no idea what he meant and yet i nod then said: “No”

He chuckled again.. good he think i’m stupid way to go Myungsoo give him more reasons to ignore you..!

I look at his leg and his chuckle stops.. he stiffens a bit.. the air suddenly seems awkward so i rise my eyes maybe staring at legs is a No No how would i even know ..?

L: “is it fine ..?”

Hoya: Nod taking his time, “they says so..”, He leans making makes a sound on the floor his eyes looks empty, “That’s what they say anyway”

I frown.. I don’t know what to say to him but his eyes are nowhere looking near me..! so I shrug.. he never seek me anyway ..!

I stand up ready to leave and he break the silence: “Pass me that water?”

As if his words are the law I handed him my bottle and then I realized its mine so i made an uhh sound and he look at me while downing water, some slip to his neck and i wish I wasn't so focused on him.. my cheek burns

he drink my bottle.. oh shut up Kim Myungsoo he took sips of your bottle that doesn't mean he likes you..! man the up..!

I toss my weary body on bed.. and went back to sleep

 And I mutter: “Goodnight Howon"

and my eyes are closes but I chuckle remember his cute manly chuckle.. and then i sigh and buries my heated face

Seriously Myungsoo..?

****

See ya in next chap ^^

Bye..~