Yoseob sighed to himself. He left the hospital once again with a heavy heart. 
The weekly sessions with his psychologist had extended to being two or three times a week. 
Each time, it tired him out even more than before. 

As he stepped out of the hospital, a cold wind blew. Closing his eyes, he allowed his tears to fall freely. 
His cap and mask proved to be useful enough to hide his identity from the public's eye. 

Every session, his psychologist encouraged him to made his feelings known. To be more open in accepting the help from his band members.
He let out a childish snort, mocking the memory of his psychologist's preposterous suggestion.

Yoseob would of course protest vehemently during the session. It was absolutely impossible that he would let Junhyung or in fact, any one in Beast know of his feelings. 
Why couldn't the psychologist understand? That this was all his own fault, his problem, his issue, his trouble. 
He had no rights to burden anybody else with this pain. 
Why couldn't the psychologist understand? That loving Junhyung was wrong, was condemnable, was unacceptable.
He had no rights to love him or to give Junhyung the trouble of trying to prevent any awkwardness as he does not reciprocate the feelings.
Why couldn't the psychologist understand? That it was impossible that Junhyung might care for him, might want to know the truth, might not mind knowing more.
He had no rights to dream that Junhyung might love him back, that they would be able to have a relationship that is accepted by their families and band members.

Yoseob hated the sessions but he had a contract between him, his family and the psychologist. 
He knew that his family knew that he was hiding things from them, therefore, they wanted him to at least have someone to talk to.
In this case, the psychologist.

But he hated it.

He hated attending every session as it just reminded him of how Junhyung was so out of reach.
The optimism his psychologist tries to put in him was pointless.
Every light would be shadowed by the darkness of his heart.
Every flame would be extinguished by the coldness of his heart. 

His panic attacks were not helpful at all. 
Many times, he had to have so much self control to not display it infront of the members.
He had to make quick escapes to ensure that no one sees him. 
It wasn't easy, however, he was determined as he did not want any of his band members to frown, worry or to basi