Yoseob combed his hair with his fingers repeatedly and when he finally stopped, his fingers stayed on his head, clutching his hair tightly.
He was beyond frustrated. He was worried, he was annoyed, he was exasperated, he was anxious, he was going out of his mind.

It wasn't a panic attack this time. 
It was s. 

A month has passed since he first noticed Hyunseung and Kikwang both hiding their troubles from everyone else.
He had persisted endlessly in getting them to open up but they refused to. 
It was so difficult to get them at the right time too as most of their off days were his days where he had to meet his psychologist.
After or before performances, during rehearsal breaks or any short rest time, when Yoseob thought he could take the chance to talk to either of them, his panic attacks would takeover. 
He had never thought he would be even more frustrated and upset with his own condition until now because if he was in perfect mental condition, he knew he would have more energy and strength in attempting to break through Hyunseung's and Kikwang's walls. 

He let out a soft yell of frustration and stretched his legs out, kicking each leg outward alternately in a quick movement like a baby throwing a tantrum.
A sigh of defeat then followed and he leaned back onto a tree, motionless.

Staring into the night sky, he started tearing up. 
These were not only his band members. 
They were not just people who goes up on stage with him to dance and sing. 
They were not just people who records songs together with him.
They were not just people who went on variety shows together with him to make people laugh.
They were not just Beast as singers, entertainers or whatever glamorous titles one can think of.

They were Beast, brothers who were not related by blood. 
They trained together for years, cried together, went through challenges together, saw each other's worst, embraced and brought up each other's best.

Yoseob closed his eyes as his tears continued trickling down his cheeks. 
His mind flashed many images of times where they were all down and out. 
He remembered how they used to squeeze in a much smaller dorm, how they used to trained for hours and still get heavily scolded by Papa Hong. 
How they would scrimp and save on whatever money they have, how they would share whatever expensive and delicious food that were good for only one person because that's all they could afford.

Yet, no matter how tough those times were, he remembered how they all smiled and laughed together.
Wiping away his tears with his hands, he continued picturing all the funny and cheeky moments they had with one another. 
Everytime the group's morale was low, someone will start a positive train of thought and everyone would be infected by it.
Everyone played a part and everyone was important to the group. Because like what one of them once said, they never could remember who but it was said all the times when things get rough, 'nobody gets left behind'.

Yoseob opened his eyes suddenly and sat up straight at that memory. 
His eyes sparkled with determination and he fisted the grass that surrounded him. 

"I am not leaving them behind. I shall not give up. Nobody gets left behind."

"Yup, nobody gets left behind." 

Yoseob yelped in surprise and turned his head so quickly his neck gave a little creak. 

"Hyunseung-hyung! What are you doing here?" 

"I should be the one asking you that. I saw you leaving the dorm in the middle of the night and followed you here though I lost you admist all these trees and now, I've finally found you. So tell me, what are you doing here and were you crying? Why are your eyes so red?"

"No I wasn't! I was... I mean I am.... I am just sleepy."

Hyunseung stared at Yoseob for awhile and when Yoseob started fidgeting uncomfortably under the intense stare, he sighed. 

Yoseob's eyebrows raised when he heard the sigh. As soft as it was, it felt so heavy.
The note of vexation was easy to miss but knowing his hyung for years, he heard it. 
He then stared at the face of his hyung. His cheekbones, eye bags, chapped lips and tired eyes were prominent due to their packed schedules. 
However, the lines of worries that filled his hyung's forehead were something new. 
Yoseob wondered if they had always been there and did he only saw it now or did it just appear and were they because of the hushed phone calls he has with someone over the past one month. 

Nervously, he interwined his fingers together behind his back and broke the silence.

"Hyung, actually... I am just really concern about you. I really really want to know what's troubling you and if I could help. Even if I couldn't, I can still support you."

Hyunseung looked confused for a moment before he broke into a smile. 
He reached for Yoseob's hands behind him and gently separated both of them before lightly tugging Yoseob down to sit on the grass. 
As they slowly settled on the grass side by side, Hyunseung released his hold and looked into Yoseob's eyes seriously. 

"Do you really want to know?" 

"Yes" Yoseob replied almost immediately. There was no hesitiation as he really wanted to help his hyung. 
Hi