We walked slowly down the white hallway, feeling the nerves bundle inside of us. I didn’t want to start thinking what would happen if the results weren’t so good, I am not accepting that right now, I suppose we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it. Walking down these lonely corridors reminded me of the position I was in when I was last here, wishing to die. I avoided coming back here, scared that I would remember, would remember the sounds, the words, the pain, and now it all came back to me, but it was different this time. Beside me was the one who made me who I am today, the one who made me forget. Seconds went by after first coming out of this hospital, where I felt like I wouldn’t survive outside the white walls, but I did, and I am standing here today.

“What are they going to do to me?”

I look over at Kyungsoo, who was looking up at me with her tear glazed orbs. Seeing him hurt, hurts me more than anything, but what’s worse is we can’t simply forgive this problem and then wait for it to go away, like an argument, we can’t talk over it without knowing the truth, and we can’t simply say “it’s okay, it’s nothing”. As much as I want it to be a problem like that, it simply cannot be. It is the problem for which you have to wait in despair for, it is a problem you hope will rot away soon, it is a problem which can just as easily break you with fear, anger, and sadness. God I wanted to scream, I wanted this to stop, I just want him to be okay, not even perfect, because prefect does not exist, okay is good enough in this our world.

“I don’t know hyung, but just remember I am only a whisper away okay?” I nodded at him, seeing his eyes fall from my face.

“Okay,” He replies quietly.

The hallway came to an end, and our eyes rested on the door belonging to the room we were required to be in. Kyungsoo looks over at the door, swallowing hardly. I knew he was hiding most of his feelings, I could tell by the way he had his hands clenched into fist, the way his eyes widened, the way he kept a calm expression on his face. I wanted to tell him he could be scared, that he could cry, that he could let himself be controlled by his sobs, but I found no strength to open my mouth. He twisted the door handle and pushed open the door, walking in without a glance over his shoulder. I follow him in, feeling the sensation of heart ache wash over me. It felt as if someone had taken my heart between their fingers and had squeezed tightly. My eyes burned with the familiar feeling of tears.

The room was lit brightly, but it wasn’t bright enough to eradicate mine and Kyungsoo’s gloominess. The walls, like all the others, were plain white, a few posters displaying the skeleton tacked to the wall. There were dark wooden cabinets on the wall, above a desk. A man, average size, I guess, with dark hair turned and bowed his head at us.

“Hello, I am Doctor Yukiama, and I’ll be your doctor for today. Please,” He held his hand out, pointing it at the chairs, “do take a seat.”

Neither of us said a word, to overcome with the reality of actually being in the doctor’s room. We lived in world of dreams before, where everything was okay, but now this is our reality, and I don’t like it, I hated it with a passion for what it may become. I want to close my eyes again, and live in our okay world, where not even a drop of rain could stop us being happy.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” Doctor Yukiama asked, eyeing up the both of us.

I see Kyungsoo’s hand grip together in his lap, trying to hide the shaking. I know he’s too afraid to speak, so I begin to explain.

“Kyungsoo, he’s been erm…having difficulty breathing, and-and his chest it hurts sometimes. He’s fit and active, it all happened out of nowhere,” I find I can’t continue, dreading each word as I said them.  

“I see, it could be simply asthma, which isn’t that hard to treat, have any past family members suffered with this before?” The doctor’s bright eyes bored into Kyungsoo, waiting for his answer.

“Er-er…no,” He stuttered.

The doctor’s eyebrows furrowed, but he still had a confident smile on his face. “Right, are you on any medicines that might have a side effect such as this one?”

Kyungsoo shook his head, staring down at his fingers in his lap. He concentrated on moving his fingers, trying not to think of the things that could happen.

“Okay, I’m going to run a few tests on you K