CHAPTER ELEVEN

Two more weeks have gone by after our separation.

As Siwon wanted, we are still friends but nothing is like before…I don´t see him so often. I have felt disappointed because he hasn´t looked for me either. Did he really give up?

I have also been very busy studying for my final exams. I have tried my best to take Siwon out of my system but how hard it is! Sometimes I´m going to die missing him. I miss his touch…his body…his kisses…especially after our non-stop day having . Every time I closed my eyes, Siwon appears in my mind driving me crazy.

During these two weeks Siwon barely has spoken to me…when we are at the casino having lunch, he seems to ignore me or pretending that I don´t exist in the table. He talks to the other guys and that hurts my heart considerably. Has he really forgotten me? Did he get over me? Did he give up on me? I shook my head trying to send those thoughts away but it is hard really hard to do. I still love him but we can´t be together…certainly that is not a good equation.

oOo

“Oh please, Kyuhyun-ah! Go with me I need to get it right now! I don´t want to go alone…please” – Donghae begged me to accompany him to Siwon´s house. He had left a book that he needed to study for his exam. The thing was that I didn´t want to go there and see Siwon.

He was pouting and insisting too much with going with me that I accepted especially when he told me that Siwon wasn´t in his house at that moment.

We were in Siwon´s house. Donghae ran to Eunhyuk´s room to search his book while I stayed in the middle of the living-room looking around all the places we used to be with Siwon cuddling and making out. It was hard to remember everything. I had to breathe deeply closing my eyes and smell his scent in his house.

Suddenly the door of his house is opened. I turned around and I see Siwon with a girl coming in. She had her arms around Siwon´s shoulders and crashed on Siwon´s.

I paralyzed and I immediately felt a stab in my heart, it was too much to bear.

“I found it! Let´s go Kyun-ah” – Donghae exclaimed coming out of Eunhyuk´s room and widened his eyes when he saw the show by Siwon.

“Beauty…” – Siwon managed to say in awe.

“It´s good to see the old Siwon…” – I said ironically. That scene was making me sick.

Donghae grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the house. But when I passed by him, he grabbed my sweater and blocked me.

“What are you doing here, Beauty?” – he asked obviously drunk. He pushed the girl aside and focused on me only.

“Let me go, Siwon” – I tried to free from his strong hand but I couldn´t.

Siwon looked at girl and sent her to hell. She cursed him but left giving me a disgusting look. Then he focused on Donghae and begged him to let us alone for talking.

Donghae looked at me and I nodded. He waited for me inside the house. I needed to put an end to this even though it was hard to do it.

Once we were alone, it was really uncomfortable. My heart was aching and he looked miserable as usual.

“Why are you really here?” – he asked me again.

“I didn´t want to disturb you with your new lover. I came here only for Donghae…he needed a book that left here” – I know it sounded like a stupid explanation but it was killing me…

“Don´t lose your time with me, go after her. You looked happy with her” – I blurted out very angry.

“Are you mad with me now? Jealous? How the hell Beauty! You drive me crazy and confused!!!”

“I´m NOT!!! But you seem to have forgotten me already… that was fast”

“Never!! you Beauty! I don´t understand you! I can never win over you!”

“Let me go!!”

“I feel ed with this! You asked me to leave you alone and that´s what I did in order to make you happy even though you broke my ing heart into pieces. I had to pretend that you didn´t affect me at College even though I die to hug you and kiss you…you have destroyed my life Beauty!! ...tell me do you love me or not? You can´t keep on doing this to me…please”

“Then you found a girl so fast? I can´t believe you anymore”

“I just wanted to forget…just for one ing night…I´m dying without you”

“I´m sorry, Siwon…I just can´t…” – I muttered. Suddenly Donghae appeared and grabbed my wrist pulling me to the car.

But Siwon didn´t do anything to stop me…once more he let me go even though I saw his misery in his eyes when I turned around to see his face.

oOo

Two more months after the incident in Siwon´s house.

I saw him just few times. He avoided me but when we met in few occasions he only asked me how I was and that was all.

I don´t know if he still was faking in front of me but now it was my turn to be disappointed and hurt. I needed him in my life but the two were too proud to give the first step…or maybe it´s just me who is the most stubborn…

I miss him…