The next day, I woke up to find a text message awaiting me on my phone.  I quickly opened it and saw that it was from Luhan. At first, I was happy that he’d texted me this early in the morning, but that happiness quickly changed to concern.

Don’t come and pick me up today, I won’t go to school. Seems like the food I ate for dinner yesterday wasn’t that good, both me and my brother are down with food poisoning >__>

I quickly typed a reply, seeing that the message was only sent to me three minutes ago.

Omg, are you alright? Drink lots of water, food poisoning drains the body of water!

It wasn’t until I walked to school later that morning that Luhan typed a reply.

I wouldn’t say alright, but I’ll survive. I promise to drink lots of water!

Even though Luhan had told me that he would be fine, it still felt like this somehow could be the end, like it was even more serious than Luhan or his brother could even imagine. Of course, it was I who imagined stuff since they didn’t even give you medicine for food poisoning, that’s how harmless it was. It didn’t feel that great, but it didn’t harm the body in the long term. But even though I knew that, I couldn’t help but worry.

I decided not to write a crazy answer telling Luhan of my worries and instead tried to be cool about it, but at the same time telling a part of the truth – That it would be empty without him by my side.

I hope you get better soon~ It’ll be lonely without you.

I sent the message and didn’t expect a reply. If I had food poisoning, I wouldn’t have the strength to do anything so I was impressed with Luhan for texting me. But still, he answered. This time, the answer came only a minute after my own had been delivered to his phone.

It’s going to be an extremely boring day without you…

I knew I shouldn’t be happy about Luhan having food poisoning and having to stay at home, but his words still made me feel glad. They made me all fuzzy inside and it felt like I really mattered, that to Luhan, it was boring without me. And if I was being honest, it would be unbearably boring without him, too.



In school, it felt completely empty without Luhan. It was strange how quickly I had gotten used to having him by my side all the time and now that he was gone, it felt like I had lost an arm or something.

“Stop looking like a lost puppy.” Tao told me during lunch in the cafeteria, the two of us eating alone, the first time in what felt like forever.

“I am not.” I said, staring daggers at Tao.

“Oh yes you are.” Tao said, sighing “Is this a part of the act too or are you showing your true feelings?”

“I’m not acting, and I’m not looking like a lost puppy!” I exclaimed, feeling fed up with Tao.

“Fine, you’re right.” Tao said, rolling his eyes. Then he smiled mischievously “You look like a toddler who’s lost his favorite toy.”

“God, do you know how bad that makes me sound?” I asked “It sounds like you are comparing Luhan to a toy.”

“Well, he kind of is.” Tao said “Since you’ve told me you don’t love him and then that must mean that the two of you are only playing around, which makes both of you toys.”

“What?” I heard a voice from behind me say, and I turned to find Sehun there. “He told me you liked him.” Sehun said, looking shocked and angered at the same time “So you mean you-“

I could tell that whatever he was going to say next wasn’t going to be that great and since I didn’t want any of the people around us hearing him saying whatever it was that was brewing in his mouth, I needed to react quickly.

“Outside.” I said, standing up abruptly, surprising Sehun in to silence. “Thanks a lot Tao…” I said, turning to him in anger. He’d obviously seen Sehun there. I didn’t know why he’d do such a thing but I sure as hell was going to give him for it – after I’d dealt with Sehun.

I wasn’t happy with how our first meeting after Luhan had convinced him that our previous fake relationship had grown in to something real, which Sehun had fell for. I had hoped us to grow to be friends, even though I had plans on sleeping with the guy he liked.

I grabbed hold of Sehun’s arm and lead him outside, he followed in a daze, probably shocked to hear what Tao had said since he’d probably come to terms with him loosing Luhan to me. Poor guy.

I led him behind a tree, a place where no one would see us, and probably not even hear us, if they didn’t search us out, which I hoped no one would do.

“Okay, let me tell you the truth-“ I began but at the sound of my voice, Sehun seemed to wake up again and was once again a blazing monster of anger.

“You’ve been playing him!?” Sehun exclaimed “He loves you for s sake!”

“How do I explain this…” I said, scratching my head “What Luhan told you that day about the two of us being a real couple was…”

“I know bloody well that it was a lie!” Sehun said  “You don’t think I know when my best friend is lying?”

That left me shocked. I’d been so certain that he had believed mine and Luhan’s story, that was the whole reason he had decided to keep his distance.

“But then why didn’t you want to eat with us if you already knew that it wasn’t real?” I asked, confused.

“Oh God, you don’t know at all, do you?” Sehun asked “Luhan had told me that you were dense, but really? You haven’t even noticed the most obvious thing?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, his words making me even more confused.

“He’s in love with you!” Sehun exclaimed, and then seemed to regret his words as my expression changed from simply shocked to flabbergasted. “… and you had no idea.”

“H-have he told you this?” I asked, wondering if Luhan had only said such a thing to Sehun to make him believe our relationship.

“No, but he makes it pretty obvious.” Sehun said “Haven’t you noticed the way he blushes whenever he’s around you? Or how he sits too close to you, without neither him or you even noticing. He talks about you constantly, and it’s driving me mad! It’s not that hard to figure out, Yixing.”

I stayed quiet, still trying to process Sehun’s words. Luhan? In love? With me? It was strange to hear and my first instinct was to panic, but then I started thinking about it and realized that Sehun might actually be right. I knew how someone acted when they were in love, I’d been surrounded by those kind of people all my life, or at least it felt like all my life.

Somehow, all the signs Luhan had been giving out had simply passed my mind. I had told myself that it was only him acting the part of my boyfriend. But now it made more sense in my mind to me with Sehun’s explanation. Why would he let me be his first if he didn’t feel those kinds of feelings for me? I may not be the kind of person who cared about such a thing but Luhan was so much more gentle and emotional, so would it really be nothing to him? There were the little things, how he wanted to be together with me even outside of school. He had barely met up with Sehun after school ever since the two of us became friends.

And with that, a new world opened up to me.

I felt myself go red in realizing that Sehun may actually be right. I wasn’t the kind of guy who blushed so it was pretty strange for me to do such a thing in front of the guy who basically despised me. 

“I…” Sehun said, unnerved by my expression “I just don’t want you to hurt him. He obviously doesn’t love me, so I just wish for him to be happy. And if you’re going to hurt him by not loving him back, then I want you to respectfully back away before you go too far.”

I nodded, still in a daze. Sehun looked hesitant, but then left me like that under the tree.

I felt like I needed to run straight to Luhan and talk to him about this, ask him if it was really true or if both me and Sehun had only imagined the signs. But since he was down with food poisoning, I couldn’t see him. I felt more than ever that I needed to see him, needed to hold him, needed to see the truth in his eyes.

But at the same time what would I do if it was true? if Luhan told me that he really did love me, what did I do then? Did I tell him that I didn’t feel the same and leave him for his own good? Or did I stay anyway, just because I liked being around him?

But that made a new question awaken inside of me: What did I even feel for Luhan? Was I lying if I told him I didn’t love him back? What did it even mean to be in love?

When I was with Luhan, I felt happy and when I wasn’t with him, I felt lonely. When I imagined Luhan with someone else, it made me jealous, even though I wasn’t normally a jealous person. When I imagined Luhan with myself, it made me all warm and excited. He was a guy, and even though his gender should scare me, I still wanted to kiss him, to touch him, to sleep with him.

I began thinking of how my life would be if I decided to leave Luhan but all I felt then was broken and cold. Before in my life, when I’d planned on dumping girls, I had felt nothing. It had been like flipping off a fly or something. But Luhan was no fly. If I’d have to break everything off with Luhan, it would feel like I was crushing an important part of myself.



I was so freaking confused when the bell rang for the lessons to begin but I still forced myself inside, finding a worried Tao standing in the door, searching for me.

“Oh God!” He exclaimed “I thought Sehun must have beaten you up or something!” He looked me over and then looked at me again “He didn’t, right?”

“No, he didn’t.” I said, he only threw me off track completely. I looked up at Tao and decided to ask him a question.

“When you express to me that you think I love Luhan,” I began “what makes you say it?”

Tao looked surprised at my question but when he realized I was asking seriously, he began thinking.

“Well, I just kind of know what you really feel, even though you don’t.” Tao laughed “Call it a best friend’s hunch!”

What if Tao was right… I thought, does that make what Sehun thinks about Luhan’s feelings also true, since they are best friends?

“Hey, what’s the matter?” Tao asked “you look shaky.”

“I just…” I said “…what if I do love him?” I was still so confused, and shocked and Tao could definitely see that.

“Hey, let’s talk about this after school, okay?” He said “You still have lessons to get through so don’t think too much or else it will only get even more confusing.”

His words seemed to make sense to me compared to my own thought in that moment so I decided to listen to him, walking with him to the classroom and suffering through the afternoon classes without falling in to an abyss of my own thoughts and feelings. I still couldn’t drop the subject and I probably looked like I was daydreaming throughout all of my classes, but I didn’t care. Why would I care about such a trivial thing?

After school, Tao and me went back to his place. I desperately wished to meet Luhan but thought better of it. He wouldn’t want to deal with this in his current state and I couldn’t do anything about it.

“So, tell me what happened with Sehun.” Tao said as we sat down in his room with some tea.

“Well,” I said and told him what Sehun had told me, about his suspicions of Luhan and how I realized that he may be right. “And then I started thinking what to do next, and in the end, I realized that I didn’t want to leave his side, even though he may be in love with me. Does that make me in love with him back or… what?”

“Well, I can’t honestly tell you.” Tao said “I think this is only you can figure out and since you don’t yet know, then I think you must talk with Luhan about it.”

“Geez, what a big help you are!” I exclaimed which made Tao laugh “Here you’ve been telling me how you know this and that about my feelings, and now when I finally want to listen to what you’re saying, you don’t want to talk about it?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it.” Tao said “It’s just that I think it doesn’t matter what I tell you since you’ll have to figure it out by yourself in the end anyway.”

“Fine.” I said. There was a silence and then I sighed “Want to play video games?”

“Sure.”



I got home late that night but since it was Friday, I had nothing to worry about. Once home, I saw that it was ten o’clock on the dot and I only quickly said good night to my parents before heading off to my room. There, I sent a text to Luhan, asking him how he was feeling.

Sending the text felt strange somehow. It was as if my new confusion somehow had made Luhan seem more distant than he ever had before. Nothing had changed for him on his side, but for me it was a completely different story.

I got Luhan’s reply two minutes later;

I’m feeling better, I’ll probably be up by tomorrow morning. Want to come over?

My stomach made a little flip at that but I still insisted on coming over.

Sure, which time? Won’t your brother bother us, though?

Luhan’s answer came quickly and I could tell just from that that he was feeling better than he did earlier in the morning.

He has some things he need to do in Tokyo apparently and will leave with a plane at lunch. He does those kinds of things from time to time but he should probably be home by Sunday.

That was just yet another thing about Luhan’s brother I guessed. He was strange and scary at the same time. Who afforded to just head off to Tokyo like it was nothing?

I’ll see you tomorrow then,

I replied to which I only got a smiley as an answer.

After I’d put my phone away, I felt strangely nervous about the next day and I fell asleep with the feeling still in my body.

The next day, I was feeling like a nervous wreck. It was strange, feeling nervous about meeting Luhan when it had previously only felt natural. Why had it even come to this?

“I’m off to Luhan’s!” I said to my mom from the hallway by lunchtime, tying my shoes.

“Have you eaten lunch?” She asked back to which I answered that yes, I had. “Have fun, then.”

“I will.” I confirmed and then I was off.

Somehow, the walk to Luhan felt even longer than it had ever felt before, like I needed to take five steps to go the length I normally only needed to take one.

I had no idea how I was going to bring up the subject with Luhan once I saw him. I couldn’t exactly be all like: “So Sehun told me you love me, is it true? And by the way, can you diagnose my own feelings too, because I don’t understand them at all!”

But before I had formed a plan, I was already in front of his door, my hand feeling unsteady as I pressed the doorbell.

It took Luhan a minute to open the door, during which I could feel myself sweating like crazy. I was worried that I wouldn’t act like I usually did, that I somehow looked different or that he was going to be able to tell what Sehun had told me. I was also nervous about my hair being too flat, or my outfit ugly and all different kinds of silly worries I usually didn’t care about.

All that was forgotten though as the door opened.

Luhan smiled even before he saw me and when he did, he lightened up even more.

“Hi.” He said. He looked a bit tired, which was understandable since he’d been sick the day before, but that really didn’t matter to me. Because once I’d seen his face, all of my worries about my looks or about what to say went out the window.

“Hi.” I said back, smiling.

Even my own doubts about my feelings completely vaporized in to nothingness because just then,  Luhan leaned in and kissed me hello. My whole body reacted, like an electric current just had gone through it. I realized that my feelings for him couldn’t be clearer. All it took was his smile, his voice and his touch, and then I was completely his. There was no question about it, I just knew.

I was in love with him.







A/N

Hi guys! So... that's that! I hadn't planned on writing this but sometimes, things just happen and it felt right in a way so then I wrote it! XD

I hoped you liked it! It will be so much fun for me to write this story now that Yixing has finally stopped being so dumb! XD

Anyway, I hope you are having a nice summer~ Bye~! ^^