"Kim Jung Ah......." I whispered as staring at her picture. "Why everyone keep mention your name when I tried to forget you?? Even Dambi!! Why they making this is hard for me??!" 

 

I tried to sleep but I kept tossing and turning. Memory with Jung Ah keep replaying in my thought. I climbed out of bed and walked towards Jung Ah room. I turn the door knob and walked slowly to her bed don't want to wake Jooyeon up. I lie down on her bed and hugged her pillow. I still can smell Jung Ah on it. "I miss you babo yahh.." I whisper myself. Suddenly I saw something look like a book under the bed Jung Ah. I reach it out, and it was Jung Ah diary. It such a beautiful diary with our After School family picture as cover. 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

          Today schedule is so tiring! After all the tiring schedule we still have to practice until 3am! Arghhh!!! I'm so tired! Kahi unnie are so annoying and mean! When it comes to dance, she always want it to be perfect. I really wanna kill this old woman!! Hehehe 

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

          People who live on dreams forget to live. That’s true. If a person insists on living in a fantasy that created, that might loose their sense of the real world. They might start to expect the people around them to play their role in your fantasy, rather than what they really are in reality. So it’s okay to dream, but don’t forget that it’s just a dream, and get the line between the dream world and reality confused. Live each day in the present and thrive. Sure you could have dreams of the future, but don’t forget the future is made by what you do while your living in the present. That's what people always say... But, my dream is 'her' .....I don't wanna wake up from my dream. Can I stay here?? Hehehehe~

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

          Today I make dukbokki for Lizzy. She was so happy! These kids are fighting over my dukbokki. Even Kahi unnie! Haha....what can I say, I love to see their smile. It brings me unbelievable joy. Especially when I see 'her' smile. Hahaha silly Jung Ah..

 

 

 

Dear Diary, 

          Today I got scolded from Kahi unnie for not doing well in practice. I am so sad. Not because she scold me, but because I'm disappoint her. I've try to do my best. I'm really sorry Kahi unnie. I'll work hard and make you proud of me.

 

 

 

Dear Diary,         

          A few days recently I can't sleep and focus to what I am doing. Pledis make new sub-units for After School. After School Red and After School Blue. I am leader for After School Blue while Kahi unnie is leader for After School Red because we are the older in After School. I should be happy right because being a leader? But I don't feel that way. I can't concentrate practice, dancing or doing anything when Kahi unnie not around me. But today, they told us that they've rearrange the member. Guess what?? I am in one group with Kahi unnie!!! Only God know how happy I am.  I will always stay beside Kahi unnie forever!!!

 

 

 

 

"You such a liar Kim Jung Ah.." I whispered "Cchh~ You wanna always stay with me forever?? But look what you did...You leave me! " I threw the diary and head back to my room. I cried myself to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

I woke up this morning. These girl were crying..

 

 

I : "Guys...what happen??" I wipe Uie tears who seems like can't stop crying.

Uie : "It's....Jung Ah unnie..." Her voice trembling.

I : "I've said don't mention her name in front of me anymore!!! Don't you guys get it?!" I raised my voice. 

Jooyeon : "Unnie, you should read this. It is Jung Ah unnie diary, I found it in my room." Jooyeon handed me Jung Ah diary that I found last night.

I : "I've read that. So what??!" I threw the diary in rubbish.

Nana : "Kahi unnie!!! Why are you so mean? I don't know who are you anymore! You are not our Kahi unnie!! I hate you! I really do hate you!!" Nana scream.

Uie : "Kahi unnie, why are you so heartless like this?" They are seem really mad at me. But why me? Jung Ah is the one who leave us. I don't get it why they are blame me.

I : "What are you guys talking about?! I don't get it what you mean."

Lizzy : "..Jung Ah unnie....she's.....Jung Ah unnie is sick!!"

I : "She's...what?? " I looked at them. "Don't be kidding guys...it not funny.." I tried to fought back my tears.

Jooyeon : "We are not kidding!! You should read her diary!!" 

I : "NO!! I know you just kidding with me right Jooyeon??"

Jooyeon : "I'm not!!!" I can't control my tears from flowing down. I rummage the rubbish looking for Jung Ah diary that I've threw away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

          Yesterday I met doctor. My heart is tearing apart when he said that I have brain cancer. It can't be true! I can't die yet. I don't wanna die yet! Is this mean I have to leave my family, my friend and.........do I have to leave Kahi unnie??

I was crying alone in kitchen this night without realize Kahi unnie was standing behind me. I was so suprised and quickly wipe my tears away before she saw it.

As we sit together, I turn away, afraid she'd see the tears that are about to form in my eyes. She ask me if anything wrong. I just smile and tell her that I'm fine. But I really wanna hug her and tell her how scared I am. I hope in that way, she will calm me and tell me everything is okay. But I can't....when she see me coughing, she already look worried. How can I tell her about my illness? I rest my head on her shoulder. I want time to stop. I want to stay like this with her forever.

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

          Today manager oppa announce about my graduation. These kids looked so sad. My heart is crying looking at them. Nana and Lizzy were hugging me like don't wanna let me go. I really wanna cry out my heart but I held back my tears. I don't wanna look weak in front of them. I try to calm Nana and Lizzy. Sorry guys, this is might be better way for you guys when I have to go. I can't let you guys send me off like this. I can't bear with it. To see your crying is breaking my heart. Please don't cry kids....for unnie..

          Kahi unnie look rather upset with this decision. I'm sorry Kahi unnie.......

 

 

 

Dear Diary,

          Last night I met Dambi, I've told her everything. I want Dambi to take care of my girls and Kahi unnie when I'm gone. I've drink so much! I want to forget everything. 

When I back to hostel this morning, they are having breakfast. Nana and Lizzy run toward me and hug me. They looked so worried. But my body couldn't react. When Nana asked me to join them for breakfast, I see Kahi unnie was there. I can't facing her. I don't know why, but I scold Nana, I'm trying to avoid them and Kahi unnie. I'm not suppose to do that. I'm sorry Nana...but it's better if you hate unnie. But you have to know that unnie really love you so much dear. Unnie didn't mean to do that. I don't want you feel sad when unnie is not around anymore.

          I will leave this dorm today. The place that mean world to me. I can't facing all these girl anymore...especially Kahi unnie. Forgive me for what have I done. Forgive me and forget me...... I will always love you guys.....GOODBYE my family.....GOODBYE Kahi unnie.............

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Babo!!!" I cried out my heart when I read what did Jung Ah wrote. "Kim Jung Ah, why did you pick this way? You should tell me babo yahh! I'm sorry for not being there when you need me..." My tears is flowing down my cheeks non-stop.

I reach out my phone and dial Dambi numbers. She must know where Jung Ah now. I need to met Jung Ah. I'd tried a few times before she's finally pick up her phone.

 

 

 

I : "Dambi yah!! Where Jung Ah?? Tell me where is Jung Ah now??!" I asked her impatiently.

Dambi : "Kahi unnie....Jung Ah....she's...." Her voice trembling. "..she....."

I : "Yah Son Dambi!!! Where is Jung Ah now?? What's wrong with her???! Tell me!!!" I shout to her.

Dambi : "You should come to hospital now unnie, Seoul National University Hospital.......tut tut tut..." She hung up.

I : "Dambi!! Hello.....!!"

 

 

 

What happen with Jung Ah?? Is she be okay?? Countless things were running in my head.................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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sorry.....i don't know what to write in this chapter, so i just bla bla bla :P