Goodbye?
Out of My LeagueSeoul. December 2009.
"HaEun, can i talk to you" said Jaejoong, i didn't hear him approach but i'm sure he's behind me now. Oh great, now he wants to talk.
"About wha-?" I said as I turned around to face him and immediately regret it, my heart is beating like crazy. He is still impossibly handsome. I forgot how tall he was, i was looking up at him. Great, i just got out of work, can i go inside and check myself in the mirror first. Wait what am i thinking, come to your senses girl! I cleared my throat, "About what?"
"JunHee, can you lead the girls inside, Heechul and the others are already there, I'll follow in just a moment." he said.
"Ow-kay?" JunHee answered then he gently tapped my head and told me "I'll see you soon HaEun".
"No you won't JunHee" i told him then he laughed.
"Oppa?, don't be too long" the girls looked at Jaejoong longingly that i wanted to laugh at their obvious affection, then they scowled at me before going inside. Wow, these people has no restraints in showing me their bad side, aren't celebrities supposed to act kind or something.
I watch them go inside and then i faced Jaejoong just to see him looking at me. I quickly looked away, i hope i'm not blushing.
Awkward silence...
He cleared his throat and said, "I wanted to inform you about the party but JunHee mentioned it already"
"Inform me?"
"Yes, so you'll know the reason why you'll see or hear several people in the hallway, Don't worry, we won't cause any disturbances. I just hope you won't mention this to anyone though".
I took a deep breath. He clearly has some trust issues. "You don't have to warn me, you know that right? I signed your nondisclosure contract already, i will mind my own business, i won't care about what's happening with you and don't worry, all of our interactions, i will never mention it to anybody, i hope one day you'll believe that." I said then smiled at him. He's staring at me, his gaze is pulling and i can't look away, i feel the heat on my cheeks.
He spoke "HaEun, about you being not invited in the party, I--"
"I understand, you don't want me there, don't worry about it, i'm just your neighbor not your friend, i know that, you're not obliged to invite me you know. Don't force yourself" i laughed but stopped when i saw him look like he's angry at something.
"I-i think you don't understand HaEun... i want to invite you... but you can't be there" he said, he smiled but why does he look sad?
"What?" I said, surprised, he wanted to invite me?.
"You can't be there, It's just... not your world HaEun" he said with a serious face.
I looked down to hide whatever emotions might show in my face. Of Course, he's right, he is a celebrity with celebrity friends, i'm not. I don't fit in. We live in different worlds, that's what he means, i knew that all along but why do i feel hurt when he said that. I guess a part of me really hoped to be friends with him, stupid me.
I forced myself to laugh, while still looking down i told him "I know that, trust me, i know. So mmm, this is it then. I think you have to go inside now, you have a party to host. And your kind you know that, you didn't have to lie and say you wanted to invite me-"
Then i felt his hand on my cheek and he made me look at him, wow, his face is only a few inches from mine. There goes my heart again. My knees suddenly got weak.
"I didn't lie". He said and he looks at me as if he wants to say something else. Then his eyes grew wide and he put his hands down so fast and took a step back. He looked away looking annoyed.
....Silence... This is difficult.
"I'm still your fan" i blurted out then i covered my mouth. He looked back at me confused the laughed. Yes, after everything, I'm still his fan.
"I'll get going then HaEun".
"This is our goodbye then. If it helps, or if it will make things somehow easier for you, just act like before, having no neighbor that is, pretend like i'm not here, for sure you can do that" I said, i smiled at him then finally entered my apartment.
"I can't" i heard as i closed my door. Did i really hear that or i imagined it because i wanted to hear him to say that.
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