Kai's POV

It has been officially ten days since you were checked in.Today I was forcefully let out of the guard. They had to call the entrance guards and I think I almost punched Kyung Soo straight in the face.

Can you believe they won’t let me see you baby?

While I was being dragged out of your side, your mother stood at the door looking down the floor and praying in a low whisper. I somehow find that scene very funny.

They told me to shower and eat something, since for the past week I have been eating little snacks that they sell in a vending machine at the entrance of the hospital.

While I was on the street I searched for you. I searched for little things that would remind me of you, of us. I searched for traces of who we used to be and stalked shadows, praying they were yours. Even though I knew where you were I kept searching for you on the small cafes where we usually went and in that karaoke where we used to sing old ballads at 3 AM.  I searched for you in the park where you used to draw and on the street where we last kissed. I keep searching for you in nurses, doctors and patients.

I think I am going crazy.

I can’t even face your mom anymore. Words just don’t come out; they are too shy and know she doesn’t want them.  I’ve tried holding your hand, and singing those lullabies you liked to hear.  I have tried combing your hair and leaving soft kisses on your temple. I have tried reading those poems you liked and reciting meaningless paragraphs of Breakfast At Tiffany’s. When i go home i drink from the same cup you used to and sleep with your pillow, since it has you smell and makes me think that i am sleeping with you. Even though it's 100 thousand times worse. 

I have done everything while slowly wondering when did you plan of stop making me suffer for the mistakes of the past and simply forgive me and look at me like you used to. 

Suho keept visiting you. He brings you flowers, just cause he is a freaking . I keep getting angrier and angrier and now that you aren't here; i mean mentally speaking and just for a while, there is nothing to stop me from killing him

You better wake up soon.