And then everything went black. 

And when i woke up, i was next to you, a five year old, who was having a panic attack in the hospital. And me, a deeply ed six year old, was seeing black and white. And it has been that way ever since. 

That day, at the funeral of your dad, when you sent me that glare, that glare that notified me you wished to see me dead, something inside me snapped. I didn't snap the first time i saw my dad hit my mom, or the first time he hit me, or those night when he brought uncountable  and then i wouldn't eat for a week. The funny thing was that my life was a living hell, even before i met you; but when i met you, i made you my life guard. You were the thing that was keeping me from drowning, you were the light. And i couldn't even hate you for taking the only good thing of my life, cause my parents took your best thing.

You were hurting and i couldn't help but imagine what your life would be like if i hadn't moved in next to you, or if i hadn't been born, and my parents would never have been forced to stay together. I know you know it isn't healthy for a kid to think those things. I still think them sometimes though. 

We went through unaccountable courts and police stations and every little thing kids shouldn't be doing was done. We were the only two close witnesses, and i was an orphan and at such a young age we had to get lawyers.

We were asked to go through psychological treatment, but that didn´t solve . I think it just made us more aware of how ed we were. 

My grandma came to live with me as the law said; even though she was just an old junkie who didn't know about parenting. And so we stayed like that, neighbors, forever. Of course nothing was like before. You wouldn't even look at me, and when you did, you looked with disgust. Your mother pitied me so much she sometimes forced you to talk to me, even if it was just a simple hi. 

I hated how she looked at me, like i was a freaking broken toy beyond repair or something. 

When we started elementary school, i was the freak without parents, and you were a pretty girl who lost them because of, basically, me. There wasn't a day where i wouldn't come home without a scratch, a bruise, a bleeding wound or simply my decaying mental health. It was then, i think, when people started noticing i wasn't really normal, when i had fantasies about ripping those kids heads off and when i started kicking them, bitting and pulling the hair of the girls i didn't like. Pulling the hair of the girls you didn't like. 

It broke me when i came home and my grandma would yell at me telling me to grow some balls, be a man and kick their asses. I don´t know what the was the judge thinking when she said my grandmother would be a great replacement for parenting. She didn`t know about it and i am not surprised my dad was so ed up. Then i remember anyone was better than my parents

The bullied kid turned into the dangerous bully. They hurt me with words, but my strength made their moms shiver. And i found some kind of pleasure in that.  Maybe it was my consciousness, or simply my need for  sympathy, because the next step was becoming the bully who would bully the kids you didn't like. Maybe i wanted to show you i was worth something, maybe i wanted to try and be your friend again, or maybe i just wanted you to stop blaming me for you pain, cause that was driving me insane. 

You may say i was a freak, or a mentally ed kid, but you also found some kind of pleasure in having all my power. I think it was then when you snapped and hit the fan.

Ahh this chapter feels SO below the belt. I will try to fix it later, sorry