Kai's P.O.V

It was ironic, disgusting and yet a bit funny, in the twisted sense of the word, that as you laid in bed, i noticed your skin never shone as brightly as it did then, your hair never seemed so soft and your lips were never so red.

I hated it because it made me wonder what it would be like to kiss you while you were in a freaking hospital bed lying almost, almost, lifeless. And I know that was wrong and the only lame explanation I had was that not talking to you for such a long time was definitely driving me crazy.

And I know you might not want to know this, but I can only say how proud I am that, in this week, nobody visited you as much as I did. Not even your family, not Suho, or that girl that you hanged out with on Sundays to try to prove you are feminine and have girl friends, even though we both knew it wasn't true and I suspected you only did to make your mom happy. I know it might hurt, but what was wrong admitting our connection was stronger than the woman who gave birth to you?

It hurts me knowing that as you are fighting for your life, the world kept going. It hurt like hell. The news still predicted the third world war, and people kept dying of strange diseases and serial killers still murdered and the climate change wasn't going to change and democrats and republicans still fought as i keep watching you through that stupid window, hoping you would give me a signal that you were going to be alive to witness the third world war and the diseases and the serial killers and the climate change and the next elections. 

The funny thing was that i was anxious even though i knew you were waking up. Eventually. 

Your mom would sometimes sit next to me and look at you through the window, she would lean her head on my shoulder and mumble a soft lullaby. It was beautiful and heartbreaking; it was the type of moment were i wished you could be here and work the charms you had with people cause the only thing she made me think was that maybe you were going to die. But of course you're gonna wake up. 

Sometimes i would get mad at you, thinking how people in that hospital were fighting for their lives, wanting to live; while you, with a simple swallow, were on the edge, wishing you would never wake up. Suddenly life lost it's meaning. I didn't understand what was the purpose of it, why people seemed happy for buying a new shirt, how easily could a person simply disappear. 

I was sure that when you wake up, i will be the one with clinical depression.

Time stood still, and suddenly i went back. Back to where everything started. Back to you.