What will I do? I’m too captivated by you, you who love someone, you who I can’t be with. And if I continue, I know something may happen, and it’s not good. But it’s too late to stop. Too late…

Stupid Park Chanyeol.

And a teardrop falls…

Stupid…

My tears just won't stop from falling as if they have their own lives. Baekhyun... My mind's filled with Baekhyun...

I could be doing this all day but suddenly I heard my phone ring. What could she want from me now?

"Hey babo park dobi! There's something I need to tell you, be sure to listen to what I'm about to say word per word. Okay?"

"Could you just hurry up and get done with this noona, I'm actually busy right now."

"Busy with what? Busy crying over your oh so tragic love story? Lol what's with that song you're listening to?"

Oh ! I forgot to turn off the player.

"It's not like that noona and just so you know, I don't need to worry about my lovelife, I've got plenty of girls waiting for me to ask them out."

"Gee, calm the down,"

"Just tell me what you want already!"

"Okay okay here it is, just be sure to come home for tonight's dinner. I cooked something. Okay?"

"That's it?"

"Yeah! Work hard pabo!"

"Yeah sure whatever"

She's Angela Noona. She is really annoying most of the time and she has the nerve to call me pabo when she can't even beat me in 2048! Her name's pretty funny too, it doesn't fit her personality.

Well, I did everything I have to do for the day so that I could go home before noona drags me out of here. But, before going home, I went to Baekhyun's desk and asked him to recite tomorrow's schedule so that I could hear his voice and end this day on a nice note. Perks of being the boss, I guess.
 

The moment I called his name and his eyes met mine; I just know that those were the pair of eyes I want to see the moment I wake up. I want him to look at me and only me. I want to own him.

"Sir?" He said. How long had I been staring at him?

"Oh well could you tell me my schedule for tomorrow?"

"Oh! Of course sir!
You're free until noon. Then you have a meeting with Mr. Irie of Pandai at 2 pm. You have to attend the wedding of Mr. Lee's daughter at 4 pm. That would be all sir."

"Wedding? Uhhh... could you help me choose what to wear? It won’t take long haha I still have to go home early for tonight's dinner."

"Me?! But why sir? I..."

"Cause I know you have a good sense of fashion." Because I want to be with you.

"But sir... I... Oh god this is embarrassing! well... I'm sorry sir but I have a date and I can't just..." He's too cute being shy like this but it still stings.

"Don't worry Baekhyun, I'll just ask Kyungsoo instead. I think you should go now too. She might be waiting for you already."

"I'm really sorry sir" Cute.

“Enjoy your date.” Lie…

Ending the day on a nice note? This isn't a good way to end my day at all. How foolish of me to think that I could be with you outside this office?  I can only dream of waking up beside him every morning because he's not mine, he belongs to her, to Taeyeon.

Maybe noona was right after all. Pabo... Stupid Chanyeol.

The sky is painted with red, orange and yellow complementing my shop’s interior walls. It’ll be closing time soon and everyone’s getting ready to call it a day. I’ve got suggestions from my customers to open it 24 hours a day but I have a life to live. But honestly it's more of, I just want to rest.

I heard my phone ring but I didn't reach for it right away. That ringtone is my jam! But when I finally read the caller's name I thought my heart stopped beating for a moment. It was Park Chanyeol.

"Kyungsoo yah. Are you free? Can we uhhh drink a little?"

"Why? Is there something wrong?"

"Not really... I just want to hang out." He's lying. Judging the way he’s breathing, I could sense that there's really something wrong. I guess it's safe to say that I know him too well.

"Sure"

"Okay, meet me at the usual place."

Chanyeol's really special to me but I never had the courage to tell him. I've known him since college and he has been my hero ever since. It was thanks to him that I managed to be what I am today. He changed me. Back then, my world was dull gray but he painted it with bright colours. He’s always smiling no matter what happens that’s why I could easily discern when something’s wrong.
 

I saw him right away sitting at his favorite seat in Minseok's bar. He seems to be here even before he called. I greeted him casually and he greeted me back. He's smiling but I can't see even a bit of sincerity. He's obviously faking it. I can see right through you Park Chanyeol and it hurts.

"Kyungsoo yah. How would you feel if you love someone who loves someone who loves someone who loves someone who..."

"Yeol!"

 
"What would you feel if the one you love loves someone else?" He finally said it clearly.

It took a moment before I realized the weight of his question. What would I feel if he actually... wait, so he likes someone huh?

"Yah! Do Kyungsoo! Mind answering?"

"I'll feel crushed... trapped... lost... I..."

"Right! It right?! When that someone's clearly in love with someone else but you can't do anything, it !" Yes it . Every single word you’re saying perfectly describes how I feel right now.

"And am I bad for wishing that they'll just break up or Taeyeon could just go somewhere far and never ever return?!"

"Taeyeon?"
 

"Yeah,Taeyeon, Baekhyun's girlfriend." Baek...hyun? So he likes Baekhyun?

“You shouldn’t think that way” Should you? Should I?

“But I can’t help it Kyungie” You really shouldn’t. I really should not hate Baekhyun too.

“If you were in my shoes, what would you do huh?” He asked. What would I do? What should I do?

“It may sound stupid but I’ll just cheer for them and do nothing. He’s in love with her so I should be happy. If he starts to cry because of her, I might want to skin her and peel off every bit of flesh in her body, but at the end of the day, I can’t do that. If I did, he’ll suffer even more right? So I can’t really do anything but pray that they’ll end up together.” The irony… I can’t believe I just said that. He’s looking at me, absorbing each word that I said.

“You’re really one heck of a good guy Kyungsoo yah. When I first met you, I thought you’re planning about world domination or something.” Now you’re saying stupid things.

“Stupid Chanyeol, it’s not about owning him. It’s about making him feel loved, making him smile and laugh his lungs out, making hi-“

“I know. That’s why I’m like this. I’ve been enduring this pain for too long that I started to break apart but I’ll be strong, I have to, right?” You could just love me instead.

“You are strong.”

“Thanks for listening huh? I could always rely on you.” No. It’s me who’s always relying on you.

Chanyeol went ahead with his driver assisting him on his way out. I remained there for a few more shots.

The song in the bar …

And I hate to say I love you
When it's so hard for me
 

“You’re both dumb.” Minseok said as cleaned the area used by Chanyeol.

And I hate to say I want you
When you make it so clear
You don't want me

“I know.”

I'd never ask you cause deep down
I'm certain I know what you'd say

“I don’t know the whole story but I’ve eavesdropped too much that I could tell you’re in pain too. Allow me to say this Kyungsoo, I salute you for enduring it until he left. Don’t stop yourself from crying. It’s okay”

You'd say I'm sorry believe me
I love you but not in that way

As if on cue, I stopped holding it in and my tears fell.

The tears are gone now but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt anymore. I find it hard to sleep that night. I can feel every minute passing but I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve been staring at my ceiling for who knows how long. I can see fragments of what happened earlier. I can see his face while he’s drinking his last shot of Australian whiskey, while he’s telling me this tragic story, while he was staring at me.

 I’m still in a state of shock and denial but as the night turned into day, a tear fell and finally I was able to sleep.

But shortly after that, my alarm took the liberty and woke me up. I called Ruth. I’m not going to work today.

Once again, the warm sunlight greeted me good morning. I checked my phone for messages and there’s none except one from Razhelle noona. She’s back from Tokyo, I think, or was it Nagoya? I’ll drop by her flat probably later or tomorrow. Right, I have to tell Kyungsoo about this, I’m sure he would like to meet my noona because she’s one of the very few girls that are shorter than Kyungsoo.

After taking a bath and putting on my black star printed silk Crepe de Chine top and St. Laurent trouser, I grabbed my keys and head off to my favorite place, Kyungsoo’s café.

As soon as I parked Nini, I immediately noticed that something’s not right. Kate was the one on the counter. Did Kyungsoo oversleep?

“Good Morning Jongin-shi,the usual?” she asked.

“Where’s Kyungsoo?”

“He called unnie earlier, he’s not coming today.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t explain why.”

“Oh I see, I’ll have my mocha frappe to go.”

“okay sir.” The guy who seemed to be a part-timer prepared my order and I left right after it was served. I told Kate to notify me if there’s news about Kyungsoo and gave her my number.

I was about to enter my car when I decided to just call him myself but to no avail, he wasn’t answering. I never stopped thinking about it even at work. Sehun even noticed it. It’s really rare for that guy to notice changes around him, am I that worried? Who wouldn’t?

Is he sick? If he is, I hope he’ll get better soon. I checked my phone, no news from Kyungsoo needless to say, Kate. It was such a dilemma… to call or not to call? I can’t keep calm but he might get irritated, I wanted to know what’s happening but I can’t just call him every minute, I’m worried sick but I might disturb the silence of his solidarity. Maybe that’s what he needs, silence… time to think.

Kate sent me a message and it reads:

“Jongin-shi I’m sorry but I don’t have the news you wanted to hear, but instead I have a question. I don’t really know if I should ask this but perhaps… do you have feelings for Kyungsoo sajangnim?”

It was followed by another message that reads:

“I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Please don’t be bothered by this. I’m really sorry.”

Then another

“I’m sorry Jongin-shi please pretend that this did not happen, okay? I’m really sorry.”

Was I that obvious? Should I tell her? No, not yet.

“It’s okay Kate. *deletes your messages* Nothing happened.” I did not deny nor confirm anything. That would be enough for now.

The next day, I was driving with my heart filled with anxiety. I hope he’s there. He should be there. Before leaving my car I closed my eyes.”Kyungsoo will be the one on the counter. He’ll be there.” I recited over and over. The mantra continues until I decided it’s time for my mocha frappe. But it was still Kate on the counter. It was like that for almost a week now.

Hey Mr. Owl Eyed, where are you?

I hope I can see you before I depart to New York

I miss your voice.

I miss your heart-shaped smile.

I miss the way your hair covers your forehead.

I miss answering your questions, even those about Chanyeol.

I miss you Do Kyungsoo…

I miss you.

Chapter 2 made by Thehun_kibum

Song used in this chapter is Not in that way by Sam Smith

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