We were supposed to leave tomorrow, early in the morning, but I didn’t want to go. One weekend in a single room with Yong Guk ? I would have liked to call Kim Hyuna and asked her to take my place.Instead, I was busy practicing, dancing mindlessly. 

One of our dancer were helping me on some points , as I was trying to learn Knock of Nasty Nasty. I’d finally had the time to learn the choreography. 

“Don’t be afraid to grab me by the waist , it’s part of the choreography,Joon.”

I was finally satisfied with our work and as he left the room, I stayed in the dance room waiting to try one song by myself. I the camera once again, put an jacket on and trained all alone.
This song was in french and though I didn't understand a single word, it was fantastic to dance on, a high feeling invading my  body.

*

I looked at Moon removing her shoes and dance to another song. I just arrived in the building after Minah told me that she was practicing in this room. Modern Jazz. The song was smooth and so were her movements. Her body seemed posseded, she didn't even looked how it was doing in the mirror. She was feeling the song, loving how the voice incited her to dance, how the steps were just happening with her body. She was gracious, her longs legs dancing around bare foot, her humblity moving around, yet her fierce and determined way to dance.
I didn't know she could dance with this much deepness. I already watched Hyuna dance before and it was either u or cute, and it was charming, lovely. I love how Hyuna train to give the best of herself, the iest of her personna. But here, i was dazzled with this androginious dance, neither feminine, neither manly, just full of feeling, of passion.

A piece of art. 

Moon stopped her choreagraphy lied on the floor, in a robotic way. When the song stopped, she catched back her breath and lied on the cold and hard floor, with a feeling of achievement I guess.

I at dancing , and everyone love to remember me how I was such a disaster, so I learned myself, I took my time, sacrified a lot of my pride to learn choreographies. And today I must admit that if I train a lot for B.A.P comebacks and learned the chorepgraphy to the point Icould dance , blindfolded, I never  learn dances just for myself.
I looked at the woman I married took the camera back and starting to monitor the dance , singing a bit. And realized that the burning feeling in my heart wasn't hate anymore, but fascination.

Lust.

*

 I sat there and watched the video of this long day of practice. Focusing on how my arms were, if my movements were precise enough, y enough for the Nasty Nasty performance, I didn’t realize someone approach me and sat just next to me.

“You’re actually good at seducing men.” This deep voice was quite shaken saying this. I sent her a bad glare but realized that yes, my husband was there, a few inches away from me. He looked absolutely stunning in his black outfit and quite angry, and against all my will, I was attracted in a physical way to him.

But nothing I can't fight against.

“Oh, what do you mean." 

"Oh, the 'don't be afraid to grab my waist ,Joon' part." He said , almost jealous. I sighed, he talked about the Nasty Nasty choreography. I realized he was here since a few minutes.

"By any chance, are you ... jealous ?" I retorted. We shared a dark look, I felt insulted by his remark, while he probably felt the same about mine. I felt some electric tension in the air and realize that I never wanted this atmosphere to arrive. He stayed silent and I felt forced to feed the conversation. Whatever.

 “Who told you I was there ?” 

“Your mom, she even gave me her pass.” Oh, he didn't became mute, after all. 

“Why are you there ?” 

“We are invited at your mom house tonight, you should get prepared !”

 
I sighed, my mom never prepared diner since I was a teen. She tried to raise me quite well, but I ‘ve learnt to not rely on her, have lunch at school, trying to have eat dinner before coming back home then cooking for both of us. I highly doubt she ever cooked something nice for me in this decade. 

“Great.” I said quite harshly. Bang looked at me worried, he wouldn’t understand why I was so cold with mom, he always saw her as a pretty mum, dolled up, smiley. Most of the time, I see her drunk and just crying over his father. I stood up and started to pack my things.

“You’re not ging to change yourself ?” he asked, curious. Plus, he was surely embarassed to see me on those mini shorts and sports top. Sure I just danced but still I didn’t sweat like  a pig.

“I’ll do it at her place.” I said, this way I won’t have to listen her praise your father I mumbled under my breath. I sat back on the floor to put back my shoes and grabbed my jacket.  Both of us get in a taxi and both of us enjoyed the ride,  in the greater silence of the world. We arrived at my mother flat. Flat that I ‘ve paid with my modeling wages.

She welcomed us, hugging Bang and eyeing him as the most beautiful man on earth. I just rolled my eyes and went to shower. I came back in casual clothes I had, actually pajamas. The only thing I wanted to wear right now.

“Hyuna, you could have made an effort, your husband is here !” Mom said to me, actually worried about the image I was sending to Bang. 

“But well, since you’re dressed that way, you’re ready to cook, right ?” She asked to me like a child. I nodded, I didn’t have any illusions coming here. Bang looked at this singular conversation between us and he looked confused. I cooked in silence, reminding myself of the few times my mom ever acted like one. This said, she was talking to Bang.
 Since I’m married, she have plenty of legit reasons to fuzz about her Song Jun, and Bang.
She talked about that in the whole dinner, actually caring of Bang as a good mother. I was so engrossed on trying to be invisible that soon, my mom opened a second bottle of soju. 
She started to drink again : I knew it. Why do people kept loving each other if it’s that painful. I ‘ve loved, I still love someone actually, but I don’t let those feelings get the best out of me, it would be betraying this person. But Mom wrecked her life for him. They were together only for a couple of months actually and all her life was a mess after that relationship.

“Mom, be reasonable.” 

“Oh shut up party pooper, you don’t ever drink, Yong Guk you drink with mother in law, huh ?” 

I sighed and let her drink, but gave a tough look on Bang. So, I won’t have to take care of two drunk people. Soon, she started to cry and there I’ve started to console her. 

“Would you bring her in her room for me ?” 

She was now taking Bang for his father and I had to tear apart the prolonged hug. I placed her in her bed and reassured her that everything was fine but no, Song Jun wasn’t there. She closed her eyes and I her hair gently, wanting to soften her pain. Soon she fell asleep and I started to do my job, under the amazed eyes of Yong Guk.

22.

This is the number of bottles of alcohol my mom hided in the house, she even had water bottles filled up with soju. I sighed and started to open every bottle and empty them on the sink.Hating that smell, hating this night activity.

“You know every of her secret place for her, as if you’ve done that all your life.” I said, without thinking much about it.

She looked at me with a tired and really sad look. She was hurt by those words. “I’ve done a major part of my life.”
I’ve opened one bottle and did the same thing in the other sink. “It must have been tough.”

“I was used to it, but she improved recently, she had done so much to move on but then..."

Her voice cracked and she wiped away a tear. The way she was grabbing this bottle showed me that she was fighting against tears, about becoming emotional.

I’ve realized that when I was having noisy family dinners at night as a teenager and hating my parent like a usual teenager needing privacy, Moon was struggling to take care of her mom. Soon, the habitual silence fell back between us.
I thought of my mom happily married with Dad and of the drunk woman crying over him. How does my Dad can stand this situation, if she's his first love ?

"I'm going to do some more things, you can go back to the apartment."   She suddenly pronounced in a determined way. I shook my head, actually concerned about her.

"I'll wait for you." 

"It'll take some time."  She said, already opening the door and putting on he scarf. I grabbed her wrist and turned her to face me. She still tried to go away so I secured my arms on her shoulders, surprising her. We were close to each others, and it must have been the first time after our kiss, one year ago.

"I'll help you." 

She looked at me quite fluttered, and just asked me to follow her. She went to see her neighborgs asking them to stop serving alcohol to her mother. They all understood, and she even paid a woman to watch her mother comsumption.  Then, she paid the flat for three months in advance and we sighed, sat in the stairs. We both smelled like alcohol , though it didn't bother me Moon's expression was bad, after all she must really hate this smell. I thought about comforting her, showing her that I wasn't just the man that intruded her life, that I could be a friend. At this moment , she stood up and walked a few steps towards the door.

"We're leaving soon for the honeymoon, right ? We should go."   The woman I wanted to comfort said, with a neutral expression. I was actually sad about this look and realized that myself was expecting something from this week end.

I had a real debate on the feelings of the characters on this fic, so maybe  both will feel something for each other but it will be against their will.

I think the next chapters illustrate this more than this one ? Hmm, let me know when i update those x)

Have a good week !