Chapter 9:

Secret Revealed (Carmen Chapter)

 

I work as a teacher in a high school. It’s semi-private so the salary is just okay.

I have never had a boyfriend although I have many admirers. I don’t know why and how I ended up like this. I used to have a big dream about having a family with a handsome husband and cute kids.

But I guess I’m gonna cut down my standards. I’m in a desperate situation here.

What do you think should i do?

 

 

 

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I sent the letter two days ago.

Now, I’m gonna have to be a little earlier than usual to check whether Anonymy had already replied. There’s only few students around the campus. I head towars the letter locker then opened it. And there it is. The letters.

I searched for my letter.

Whoa. Other students might really like this Anonymy. There’s more than 10 letters in here. By the way, I only tried writing to her, since the feedback is good. Though, it’s kinda unusual for an adult to ask for an advice from a student.

Hey, since no one is around, maybe I can read some of these letters! Hehehe.

 

Hmm, let’s see. This…or this…

>Heyy! Freeze! < - -

 

Oops. Caught.

“Who’s there?! Anony—Ohh, teachh??? You’re…” It’s a student; a small one, with a weird star backpack and a t-shirt saying I <3 Anonymy. The finger that she was previously and accusingly pointed at me has slowly been put down after realizing that I am a teacher.

“H-hi.” I awkwardly waved at her, a bit hesitant. Since I’m caught already, I guess I should just beg for her not to tell. Anyway, she’s a kid.

“What were you doing in there, teachh? Ah…huh! You are going to read other’s letter, huh?!” Waah. Good Lord. She’s a psychic?

I fell silent in shock that she got it right. I was intending to read other’s letters. Without warning, this kid did a strange stunt like…karate. No, I think that’s taekwondo. Or judo. Whatever.

“Answer me.” She pointed her fist at me with all that burning spirit of a fighter. Oetteokhae…Talk Carmen!

“What?” I managed to say, pretending to have misheard her.

“What are you doing here? Teach?”

“I was just… wondering if…” Meh. T_T …I can’t lie! I stood there with lowered head in embarrassment.

“Can’t you see the sign? It says, keep others’ privacy. You are not allowed to take the letter that is not yours!” Why am I being scolded by a student? Ugh, stress.

“Okay, okay. Stop yelling. I’m gonna go already. I haven’t even read at least one. Hmp.” I secretly slipped my letter inside my pocket which I hope was not obvious to her.

As I was about to open the door so I can escape already…

 

“Stop right there, teach.”

“What now?!”

“Are you sure that’s your letter?” Muh? T_T She saw…?

“Y-yes.” T^T

“Hm! Good. You may go.”

“Err, student. Can I ask you a favour?”

“As long as I am not gonna have to risk my life for a teacher. Yes, you can ask a favour.”

I immediately wore my most convincing smile.

“Can you keep this a secret?”

“What secret? You, getting an advice from Anonymy? Or you, reading others’ letters?”

“Err, both. Hehe”

“It’s not for free though.” My smile wanted to fall off already. My eye brows are trembling from annoyance, like what the heck? She’s gradually getting in my nerves. But, patience. Patience. I have to maintain my smile and posture. Remember, you’re a professional, Carmen. You’re a teacher.

“You’re gonna have to pay me 1 dollar for keeping the secret and another dollar for the attempted crime of reading the other letters.” This small kid showed her palm at me. Haah. Okayy, just this once. Let it pass, just this once. Chongmal, she’s shameless.

*Carmen, you’re worse,* the other me said.

 

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IN THE FACULTY OFFICE.

 

There’s no one in here yet. Good then.

After a minute, I finished reading the letter. What’s written was the least thing that I could expect which makes me want to crumple the letter this instant, but setting that matter aside, the letter… It was hand-written… and it’s suspicious. It feels like I knew this penmanship.

It’s hers. I know. I’m sure about it. It was no shock that she is Anonymy. I have invited her twice already about entering the writing contest since she’s the best in class when it comes to literature and composition.

 

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CLASSROOM CLASS 3-A.

 

“Okay class, that’s it for today. Class dismissed.”

“Attention. Bow.” The class president led the class.

“Oh, uhm, Yoo Ji Ae. Meet me at the office, now.”

 

As soon as I stepped out, the students became noisy. I don’t hear footsteps behind me. Guess, she’s still gathering her things.

My hands are itching. I still can’t believe that all along…she is Anonymy. I mean… Anonymy is… she’s like a legend for the students, especially for the freshmen.

 

Knock. Knock.

“Yes, please come in, Ms Ji Ae.”

 

Silently, she walked to my table. As usual, she has this poker face. I can’t really tell if she’s nervous or whatever. Emotionless. The word fits her.

 

“How was your day, Ji Ae?”

“It was fine. I guess,”

“Have you changed your mind? The literature contest is two weeks away,” I started. If she would still reject then I have no choice but to use my last trump card.

“Teach. The answer is still a no. I can’t go there, I am currently busy.”

“What would you be doing next week that makes you sooo busy?”

“That’s none of your business, miss” She slightly raised her eyebrow. But still, she did raise an eyebrow! I am her teacher. Looks like, I have no choice.

“Ms Yoo.” I forced a smile. “Yah know what? The name emotionless fits you more than Anonymy.”

I focused my gaze at her reaction. She changed her expression, yes, she did. Yeah!

“Teachh…”

“Yes?”

“So what?”

“What?” Ugh, she has the guts to ‘so what’ me? Not only that rudeness made me utterly speechless but her confidence.

“So what if you knew that I’m Anonymy? Are you going to reveal my identity? What’s your motive?” Again, she raised her eyebrow! My impression about her totally changed within a minute. When I first handled their class, she caught my attention. She’s really lonely, there’s sadness in her eyes. Usually when I pass through the classroom, I can find her sitting on her seat while looking away the window. She would have a headset on and a pen spinning on her right hand. She wanted to step away from reality,… that’s what I thought. She looks pale and she is usually absent for medical reasons.

 

=Sigh=  “Okay, you win.”

“Oh what’s my prize?” She’s so sarcastic, right now. She’s a totally different person that I have known. Well, it’s not like we’re close though.

“Look, I am not threatening you. I just wanted to know, why did you not give this letter a reply?”

She turned her gaze to the letter that I showed her.

“I did. Can’t you see what’s written? Teachh?”

“I can see it. It says, I am not writing for the teachers, or adults. Why can’t you?”

“Keunyang.”

“Huh?” I don’t get her. She could have just thought of me like those students who admire her talent. Don’t yah think she’s being too biased?

“Maam, as far as I know, the adults have a lot more experiences than students like me. I think, love just don’t come when you call for it. Anyway, I am not cupid. Aiisstt, I don’t really get it myself, why people keep asking advice about love from me.”

She turned to the door. “If you have no more business with me, I am going back to the classroom.”

I am not satisfied. This is so unfair. It took me a lot of courage to write a letter for an advice from a mere student. I need to get an answer at least.

“Wait, Ji Ae. If you are in my place, what would you do?”

 

“Hm, let’s see. There was a line in a book that I read long ago. I don’t remember the exact line but… the point is, love can’t just be searched, it can’t be noticed easily but neither can it be ignored.”

 

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t look too far ahead. Sometimes you’re gon’ have to look back. =smiles= Don’t yah think I’m giving more than an advice right now? Well, hope it’s enough for you to keep your lips sealed. Oh, and… about the literature contest, my answer will always be a no.”

“Alright. But I’d like to ask you a favour.”

“What? There’s more? Teach, for the past 15 mins, you asked more than enough already.”

“Please??? I will really shut my mouth about you, being Anonymy.” I gestured my hand as if zippering my lips.

“Ok. What is it? As long as I’m not gonna have to sacrifice my life for you.” Ooh, that line feels familiar… anyway…

“Yes. It’s simple. Since you’re impossible to persuade, tell Nam JiHyun to attend for you. Aside from you two, there’s no more candidates that I can think of.”

“No way.”

“W-what? Why?”

“I’m busy. Didn’t I mention that already? Right now, you have used up 20 mins of my time. I’m going now.”

 

 

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FIVE IN THE AFTERNOON.

 

I have no more classes this afternoon so I just excused myself from our office. I have to take care of something first. That is… bear.

Oops, beer rather. (and u call urself a teacher, huh)

I have put too much thought of what that kid told me. Until now, I don’t get what she said.

Love just don’t come when you call for it.

It’s true. I know that already but I just can’t help myself to expect… to believe… to hope… that love will come my way.

Love can’t be searched, it can’t be noticed easily but neither can it be ignored …

Love can’t be found just in an instant and it can’t just appear by the power of your will to find it. I have heard also, that it may take too long for a person to notice that she has fallen in love deeply. What does it have to do with me? I know and I am sure that I am not in love with someone right now.

Don’t look too far ahead. Sometimes you’re gon’ have to look back…Don’t yah think I’m giving more than an advice right now?

That line…doesn’t seem like she got that from a book. More than an advice? *sigh*

Let’s just enjoy the beer, Carmen. Shall we? Hehe.

I gulped another shot of beer. I had emptied two bottles already. Hehe. Getting dizzier…? Nah.

 

>Carmen.<

 

“Who the are you calling Carmen?! I’m not Carmen!”

I turned to see who this bastard that disrespectfully calling me without honorifics.

“Carmen, it’s just five in the afternoon. Tsk tsk.” Holy! That voice…I’m dead. Quick! Play dead.

I let my head fall as if I am really drunk already. Well, my mind is still intact and sane. Please, make this act work!

“Tsk tsk. I heard from Ma'am Chin that you got off from work because you got an emergency to take care of. So. I see, this is an emergency, eh?”

My eyes are starting to shake. Iiiissh! C’mon, where’re your acting skills when you needed them!

“Haha, Carmen. Did you think I would fall for this act? We’ve been colleagues since high school.” He pushed me a little, but no, I am not giving up.

“Oyyy.” He shook me by the shoulder again as if waking me.

“I know you’re not drunk yet. You only had two bottles. Hah. Did you think you can fool me? You drink more than a man can.”

Since I am completely figured, I decided to talk. There’s no other way to escape but to shoo him away.

“Go away, Lui.”

He touched my shoulder but I turned away from him as I hid my face.

“Uh…did something happen? Carmen?” I can trace his sincerity from his change of tone.

Well nothing happened really… But that’s the point. Nothing is happening in my life.

“I…feel deserted.” That’s all I can say. I feel lonely…lost in love. I missed my high school life. Who would think that a Prom Queen in high school could end up this way? I’m reaching menopausal age and still, no husband.

I thought Lui already went out because I don’t hear him talking. Since he’s gone already, I opened my eyes to see if he’s really gone.

“Boo.”

I was shocked a little. His facial expression was funny though. He’s not good in pranks, really.

 

“Your smile… shines more than the stars above, Carrie.”

Carrie…I have never heard that nickname in ages.

I was still in deep thoughts, thinking about the past but he suddenly ruffled my hair as if I’m a puppy.

“Don’t think about what you’re thinking right now. It’s not good for you.” He said then he bent his back in front of me.

“Hop on, princess.”

Blood rushed through my cheeks. Why is he acting this way so suddenly?

“Aisst, hurry up. Don’t embarrass me.”

 

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In the end, Lui carried me on his back. We only went as far as 30 meters. Yeah, I’m good at estimating. Then, thirty minutes have passed and we have not yet arrived at my house. Did I gain too much weight? Well sorry about that. Haha.

 

“Carmen,”

“Yes?”  I’m feeling too sleepy already.

“Happy Birthday”

 

Shocking. His sudden greeting woke me up. I didn’t even know that today is my birthday. I was caught off guard. I didn’t think he would remember.

Because I’m too surprised, I could not get myself to even speak to thank him. I’m speechless.

“Carmen. Are you sleeping?”

Still I didn’t make any sound. My birthday… That date brings nothing but bad luck and misery. It was the same date as my parent’s death, in an accident. It was also the date that my so-called true love cheated on me. This is why I don’t celebrate my birthday anymore. I supressed it into my deepest memory, but he brought it up.

 

“Aish, she really has fallen asleep?” He shook me a little but I continued to stay quiet.

“sigh*, just how much did you drink? Have you been drinking like this for the past five years?” He paused as if he’s in deep thoughts. “I’ve been thinking… what were you doing in that five years…that made you like this?”

 

I wanted to cry out loud. My heart feels like being squeezed. It’s so heavy…the pain of the past is flashing back at me.

I bit my lips to control myself from crying out loud. I tried to control my feelings but tears just keep flowing.

“Hey by the way, who’s that pale fellah who ran into me? She has a weird expression on, but she said something to me and gave me the address of that beer house. Anyway, thanks to her, I got the courage to finally approach you like this. I’ve been keeping this secret for many years already because you never see me more than a friend. Either way, I…miss this…closeness.”

 

 

End of Chapter.

 

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