The car ride back home was so deafeningly silent. Sujeong suddenly recalled the days when their family would go on a road trip together to a faraway beach in the rural skirtings of Korea. It had been so long since they went on such trips together. She knew she was to blame for ruining the family's plans most of the time because of INFINITE’s last minute schedules. Her family always understood and gave in when she said she couldn’t make it. Perhaps, they were always so understanding because they were one family. And perhaps, there is a limit to everthing including family's tolerance and forgiveness. 

“I’m sorry.” was what Sujeong wanted to say but instead, she said something else spitefully.

“I took the earliest flight back from Busan. I did the best I could to rush back, why are you still angry?”

“Priorities… Between INFINITE and our family, it seems like you’ve chosen.” Her mother said coldly.

“These are two different matters. Why are you being so unreasonable?” Sujeong felt warm tears b in her eyes.

“I am dizzy. Let’s stop this topic.” Her mother massaged her temples.

“Cab driver, please stop ahead.” Sujeong instructed.

Getting off the cab hastily with her hand carry, she shut the door and ignored her sister's callings. 

Sujeong watched her mother open to say something before the cab drove off. Tears that she was holding back the entire car ride came pouring down like a waterfall. Strangers at the bus stop casted weird glances at her but she couldn’t care less. Sujeong sat like this, crying her heart out, for hours. It was soon evening. The sky was a mixture of beautiful streaks of pink and orange, well contrasting Sujeong’s mood right now. Then, Sujeong laughed. She laughed so hard at her pathetic self that her sides hurt so much that she started tearing up. Here she was being all pathetic, crying her eyes out and there Myungsoo was rocking the dazzling stage in Busan.

For the past 6 years, she knew she had sacrificed so much just for him. All along, she thought if she looked only at him and nothing else, she could keep going to him no matter how hard the journey gets. She told herself that she didn’t mind even if her friends thought she was delusional and dumb, as long as she could keep supporting him to the highest peak. She promised to be there to support him when he falls. But who is there to support her when she falls and gets all bruised like now?

He never knew the amount of tears she shed for him, the number of sleepless nights, and the things she had to cast aside on this journey. The road towards him only gets rougher and rougher. She didn’t know if she could still keep going, just fixing her gaze on him. Could she really continue loving him at all stakes? Ignoring her tired soul? Prioritising him over her family? Loving him like this was like wading alone against the strong currents, and she was getting really worn out already. 

She wasn’t sure anymore.

“Myungsoo oppa, I am so tired…” She buried her face in her lap and cried. 

Then, her phone vibrated.

@Myungift

Eonnie! Why are you not posting previews yet?!

@Myungift

Others have even uploaded HDs… Is earning through fansupport the only thing you care about?

Sujeong threw her phone onto the concrete ground with more tears spilling from her eyes.

At the end of the day, this is all she gets. She laughed, once more. 

-

“Omo. Sujeong! Why are you drinking so much?!” Jihyun, Sujeong’s high school best friend, gasped.  

“Oh. Jihyun-ah~ You’re here! I thought you wouldn’t come when I called…” She laughed.

“Aigoo. How many bottles have you drank already?” She shook her head, attempting to take the empty bottle from her hand.

“Why wouldn’t I come—”

Then, Sujeong threw her hands around her best friend and started crying.

“I thought you’d despise me too…” She cried into her shoulder.

“Pabo. Why would I do that?” Jihyun her head gently, as if afraid to hurt her if she exerted a little more strength.

“You’re going to be a successful psychologist but I-I am just nothing…”

“Jihyun-ah, I am so tired… I want to stop being a fansite master but I ... I... don't know anymore....” Jihyun felt her shoulders wet.

“Do you want to hear what I really feel about this?” Jihyun asked. She nodded against her shoulder.

 “Six years back when you told me you want to be a fansite, I was one of the only few that told you to ‘follow your heart. To be honest, I regretted.”

Flashback

“Jihyun! I’ve made up my mind. I am going to set up a fansite account for Myungsoo! I am so excited~ Look at the number of followers I’ve gotten even before I start posting!” She blabbered on excitedly.

“You’d support me, right?” she asked.

“Of course! You’re my best friend. And we should follow our hearts and do more of what we like since we are still young!” She affirmed and the two spent the remaining of the day editing photos at the café.

Flashback ends

“As the years passed, I feel like I’m seeing less of the bright, excited and genuine smiles you always had on in our high school days. Whenever we meet, you’d talk less and built walls around us for fear we’d judge what you’ve been doing recently. Sometimes, I felt like I have lost you while you chased after them.”

Sujeong remained silent but Jihyun knew she was still listening.

“Sujeong, you are just addicted to the fame and appreciation by the other fans. These people are just 'worshipping' you to get HD pictures. One day, if you stop posting, they’d all leave. One day, your followers and fame, all these will eventually fade away into nothing. At the end of this journey, the ending would be the members being extremely rich and they would find someone they love and get together with them. But what about you? Are you really going to continue spending thousand millions of wons just to support them till then and silently fade into the darkness when it’s all over? You’ve lost so much already in this 6 years. It’s time for you to stop and start thinking about yourself.” Jihyun held Sujeong up by her shoulders to find her eyes tightly shut.

Her usual lip biting habit still died hard, she thought. She always does that to control her emotions.

“Can I have the bill please?” she raised her hand.

“I’ll leave you to think for yourself.” Jihyun said, knowing she was still listening.

-

“Why did you drink so much?” Sujeong’s mum replaced the warm towel on her forehead.

“Umma didn’t mean it when I scolded you. I just wanted you to think more for yourself and our family.” She sighed, her hair.

"What have become of my beautiful daughter?" Her calloused finger tip traced Sujeong's weary dark circles. 

“I am sorry, umma.” Sujeong silently whispered as she shut her eyelids tight.

“Sleep tight, my daughter.” She pulled the covers for her and left the room.

A teardrop slidded from the side of her tightly shut eyes as the door closed softly.

“I’m sorry." 

This time, the apology was meant for someone else. Someone whom she thought she could love infinitely. 

"Maybe, it'd hurt less to be the one who leaves first." 

Author's Note:
I was really overwhelmed to receive a couple of comments from my previous update T_T
Here's a new chapter for all of you lovely readers and subscribers <3
Thank you for reading 'Afar' thus far, hope you've been enjoying it. 
Stay tuned to the next chapter as it'd be the last chapter!!