Part 3
Daes of Love
Mondae
It's Monday.
Monday rhymes with Jongdae.
...
Stop laughing, I wasn't the one who brought that up. It was Baekhyun who did.
...
And I've known that those two words rhyme for a while. Just look at the top left corner of this page!
If I had known how cutely Jongdae would grin at that comment, I would have mentioned the Monday-Jongdae thing weeks ago. Or, I should say, many daes ago.
Hehe...
That wasn't funny at all, I'm sorry.
...
Monday and Jongdae. One is something that makes one tired and unhappy and wishing it didn't exist so one would be less tired and unhappy. But it's still something that ties everything together somehow. It makes one-and everything else-complete.
The other is Monday.
Tuesdae
So today, I found out who broke up with each other.
Kim Jongin and Sehun.
Huh, I don't know what to make of that. Baekhyun, Minseok, and I are betting on what Kyungsoo will do. Baekhyun thinks that he's going to pursue Sehun again. Minseok believes that Kyungsoo will do nothing.
I bet Kyungsoo is going to go after Kim Jongin.
Just wait. It will happen. Maybe.
But I shouldn't need to care too much. After all, it's not Jongdae and Baekhyun that broke up.
Wednesdae
Kyungsoo developed a theory on why I can't get over Jongdae.
"It's simple, really. Basically, Yixing, Jongdae never showed anything but well-being towards you. That's why in your eyes, he's nothing less than perfection."
"I think you're exaggerating. He's not perfect and I can admit it. I mean, a few days ago I wouldn't have."
"But your perception from a few days ago is correct. He's the closest thing we've got to perfect around here. If only you would stop trying to convince yourself he has all those imaginary flaws, you would be happier and then maybe-just maybe-you would actually enjoy having a crush on him."
"If you're talking about the list, we ended it, remember?"
"Yeah. But still, having a crush is supposed to be fun. Even if it's on someone like Baekhyun."
"You liked him, not me..."
"But when you think about it, they aren't so different. Baekhyun and Jongdae, I mean. And-I just realized this-maybe that will be what breaks them up."
"If that even happens, that is."
"...Stop moping around. You'll never progress in your relationship with that attitude!"
"...Jongdae and I don't even have a relationship."
"Not with that much lack of confidence you won't!"
Then Baekhyun walked by from around the closest corner and stared at us with a look of absolute disbelief on his face.
Enter awkward pause, exit Do Kyungsoo.
"He doesn't like you anymore," I blurted out.
Exit Zhang Yixing.
Thursdae
Lunch today was approximately 87.5% more awkward than what happened yesterday.
...
I know this because I told Joonmyeon the context of that situation and he calculated this for me.
Just kidding.
It was actually 90.2% more awkward.
...
Anyway, the loudest person at our table (Baek) didn't say a word. The second loudest person (Kyungsoo-he's a very far second) wasn't talking much either. The third loudest (Luhan) was looking around the table, confused and suspicious.
It was kind of cute.
While that was happening, I didn't talk much. Instead, I listened to the sound of Joonmyeon and Minseok transforming into the loudest people at the table.
We also discovered today that Joonmyeon might be graduating early; you can probably guess by now that he's one of those people who are good at everything. That turned the tense atmosphere depressing.
Congratulations Kim Minseok! You are now the loudest person at the short-people-wall-table! How does that feel?
(Definitely better than how I feel. About Jongdae)
Still Thursdae
Baekhyun called me just now and the conversation that took place was, well, bittersweet to say the least.
...
"Look, if you didn't want me to go out with Jongdae in the first place, you should've said something. I remember giving you a chance to stop me."
"I-I know..."
"If you want something, it's up to you to get it."
"Baek..."
"But I'll help you just this once. I'm going to break up with Jongdae."
"...You-you don't need to do that!"
"It's okay. Maybe Kyungsoo was right. Jongdae and I are too similar."
"Baekhyun-"
"I'll see you tomorrow."
Click
Fridae
Maybe it was supposed to end like this.
They broke up.
...
Yes, I am speaking of Baekhyun and Jongdae this time.
...
I feel awful.
But what can I do?
Do I even want to do anything?
I just hope Jongdae's okay.
I hope both of them are.
Saturdae
This is the part in the story when Jongdae opens his door and finds Baekhyun at his doorstep, telling Jongdae that he made a mistake, and that he wants him back.
Except it's not Baekhyun who does that. It's not Baekhyun who asks Joonmyeon for Jongdae's address and buses all the way there. It's not Baekhyun that tells Jongdae that he and Baekhyun should get back together because they really like each other.
"Yixing, I think it really was for the best. Baek and I weren't meant to be."
"But-"
"He told me he would be hurting somebody else of we continued to go out."
"...He did?"
"Yeah. Look, I'll see you on Monday. But thanks for caring, I guess."
He gently closed the door and left me standing pathetically at his doorstep.
Mondae
I thought my (lack of) love life couldn't get more complicated. A certain event today proved me wrong.
"Hi Yixing!"
"Oh, hey Luhan!"
"So I had a lot of fun with you the other day..."
"So did I. I mean, I had fun with you. Not I had fun with myself. I mean, I did, but-urgh, never mind!"
"Heh. Well, I want to do that again-that is, if you want to as well."
"...I would like that."
"Really? Great, I'll text you later."
"Yeah."
I wasn't lying. I did enjoy hanging out with Luhan.
Maybe he was all I needed all along.
A distraction.
A distraction that had actual potential to be more.
Tuesdae
Joonmyeon is graduating in two-and-a-half weeks.
It's going to be quite different without him around. Who's going to correct us when we use noncorrect uncorrect incorrect grammar? Who will pay for our refills when we go to the Frapp House? Who's going to let us make fun of him being in sewing class?
Minseok and Luhan are graduating soon too. And Luhan just came here! And I just came here!
Sometimes the world isn't fair.
Like that time it didn't make Jongdae recuporate my feelings. Except the world isn't completely to blame, really.
I should be happy because Baekhyun broke up with him but he's still not with me. It's selfish, I know, but it's also the truth.
Wednesdae
I wonder what it would be like if Jongdae was part of the short wall. What if he wasn't the guy who spoke to me on my first day? I would have still met him but in a different context. It would be the same context in which I met Kyungsoo and my other short friends.
Or what if he didn't go out with Baekhyun and dated, say, Oh Sehun instead? Well, that would lead to Kyungsoo being the one to watch the boy he really liked fall for his friend (as in Jongdae) instead. Not to mention that in that universe, Kyungsoo would still used to have a crush on Baekhyun. Talk about weird.
I'm also debating on what would happen if I went out with Luhan again.
Well, I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow.
:)
Thursdae
You know what I like the most about Luhan?
Of course you don't.
Then I must inform you, my scrappy, little book of words, immediately!
I like how he's not afraid to speak his mind. He doesn't seem to care what others think, and, as previously mentioned, I really admire that.
So in conclusion, that is what I like most about Luhan.
And now you know.
Today, we strolled along the streets of a nearby park.
Wait, no; that was what we were planning to do.
It started raining and then this happened:
"Yixing, let's go run through the rain!"
"You really think that's a good idea?"
"Absolutely not. But we should do it anyways!"
"...Well, I-"
Enter a loud, bright flash of lightning.
So we scratched that idea off the figurative list we had and decided to take shelter inside a tiny little flower shop nearby. Not much happened there, except when I began to judge the quality of some camellias within reach and was interrupted by a poke on the shoulder. I quickly whirled around, expecting Luhan to be there.
What I was not expecting was Luhan being there with a single camellia gripped tightly in his hand.
He extended the flower towards me and said, only tripping over his words a little, "Yixing, I hope I've made this obvious enough by now, but in case I haven't, I want to make it clear now that I-I like you."
"...Is it-"
"-That kind of like? Yeah, exactly like that kind of like."
"..."
"And I want to know if you like me that way too. I mean, I told myself you agreed to go out with me twice, so that had to mean something. Right?...But on the other hand, you never really showed what you felt. You never outwardly stated anything. Not that I did until now, but yeah...I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I should stop...but I want to know. Do you?"
At that moment, I had zero to a hazy idea what to do. Did I like Luhan that way? Maybe I was only considering him as a romantic interest because I knew beforehand he was interested in me and that made me feel...wanted. Desired. Yearned for.
I thought about it for a brief moment before I told him, "Umm...can I, like, think about it?"
(I know, I sound like a horrible person. But I really am going to think about it.)
Luhan kind of externally deflated a little but nonetheless, he said, "Of course. Take your time." He gently pushed the camellia into my hand before shoving his hands into his pockets and letting out a sigh that was quiet but not silent; I heard it and felt worse than I already did.
That was when I decided to just smile uncertainly in response and I instinctively retreated backwards until I nearly collided with the glass door. Luhan and the florist at the counter both raised an eyebrow while I grimaced back, like the socially awkward person I am.
Believe it or not, I actually almost opened the door before I remembered that it was, well, pouring rain out there.
Luckily, I didn't, sparing me another awkward moment.
I don't know what to do.
Fridae(?)
So Kim Jongin shared a very dandy piece of information with me today at dance team practice.
"Yixing hyung, I think Kyungsoo hyung is really cool!"
"...Well, um, yes, I think so as well."
(Haha, NO.)
"He's my new favourite hyung!"
"Um, alright. You go, Kim Jongin!"
"It's okay hyung; I like you too! You're nice and I like nice people. They're so much better than not-nice people. Those people are mean."
"...Indeed, they are."
"Oh yeah, by the way; why do you always call me Kim Jongin? With the Kim attached?"
"Oh, no reason."
<3
Still Fridae(?)
Anyway, I haven't gotten a chance to talk to Luhan alone today. And that's okay, because I'm not finished thinking. But I could tell he wanted to talk to me. He stared at me all through lunch, his eyes attempting to read my actions. I was quietly trying to avoid meeting his eyes and starting conversations with just anybody else at the table at every given opportunity. That was difficult, considering that Baekhyun and Minseok were in a heated debate regarding nothing relevent to my interests practically the whole time, while Kyungsoo was criticizing the free ice cream the cafeteria was giving out today, with Joonmyeon's reluctant encouragement.
I need to talk to Luhan. Soon.
Maybe tomorrow, maybe not.
Since I'll make up my mind on what to do and then Jongdae will come and mess it all up.
Like he does with everything else.
However, he unfortunately does in a good way.
But not this time.
So now Yixing has a choice to make!
Or something like that.
As always, thanks for the subs/comments/upvotes!
Btw, the camellia flower is considered symbolic of desire and longing:)
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