Kai's POV

Hana sat on the opposite side of me, tending to the cuts and bruises that accumulated on my face and hands. A pair of tears raced down her cheeks.

“This is going to sting a bit,” Hana warned, pouring alcohol onto a piece of cotton. She reached forward dabbing with shaking hands on the cuts on my face and I hissed inwardly recoiling from the sting of the alcohol on the open wound.

She sighed, leaning forward once again to carefully disinfect the various wounds before applying bandages. A salty fluid dripped over her cracked dry lips.

Red-tear rimmed eyes stared back at me.

“There.” She muttered, closing the first aid kit and keeping it under the sink.  

The silence returned again and I fidgeted in my position. None of us said a word.

“Oppa.”

I didn’t even glance up when she called out my name. I didn’t even react.

Hana’s hands reached out and gripped mine firmly.

“How did you find out where I was?” Hana questioned softly.

I lifted my head, turning my gaze towards her. Slow desolate tears ran from her unblinking eyes and dripped steadily into her nightshirt. She shrunk back at my cold gaze. Never once had I directed that gaze towards Hana before. They were always for the people I didn’t get along with.

I tugged my hands away from her and grunted. “I am your brother. I should know where you are.”

Hana pulled her hands away from me to her sides slowly the moment my hands left yours. They felt cold without the warmth of my larger one.

My heart ached at the sight of her pink eyes, red in the face and seemingly endless flow of tears. My heartache was like a wolf eating at my chest, tearing its way to my trembling heart. It threatened to devour me, eat me whole and leave nothing but scraps behind. But I refused to be the scraps she would leave. I would rebuild myself and fight off the wolf, but right now I didn't know how. So I did my best to ignore it.

As I sat thinking of what I would do, my head started thinking of what caused this mess in the first place. I had no hope, no life to live for. My life was a struggle that I did not want to continue, and my family cannot see it for they left me alone.  All those years trying to push myself, trying to "hang in there," was just a waste of my time. Why should I push myself if I could just do myself in and forget about the problems once in for all? No one needed me nor was my life ever important. But all this talking was pulling me down. I don't have to listen to the killer. I couldn’t think straight, I couldnt't see what I was put on this Earth for. Kyungsoo hyung tried to tell me but he didn’t understand, he couldn’t see the burdens I carried and the pain.

Why was I doing this? Had I not hurt her enough? What was I trying to do? Why was I having those thoughts?

Honestly, I didn’t know how to answer my own questions.

Hana opened to reply me but suddenly I cut her off when I pushed off the mattress. She stumbled back a few feet as I paced around the room. My hands raked through my hair like they usually did when I was stressed or upset.

“That bastard is the reason why we turned out like this. Omma’s dead because I couldn’t protect her,” I growled. I stopped beside the wall, punching it several times as I spoke. The plaster crumbled from the force of my punches. My skin broke around my knuckles and bled but I didn’t even seem to notice the pain.

With wide eyes, Hana hurried to me, grabbing me by the arm but I shrugged away.

“Oppa! Stop it! You’re hurting yourself.” She pleaded with me but her words fell on death ears.

I continued to hit the wall repeatedly even after it cracked and it dented inwards.

“If I’d worked harder, she would still be here right now. She would have been happy and living a normal life,” I growled again. “All I wanted for her was to get better but it was all destroyed. And it was all because of me!”

The silent beep echoed through the noiseless corridor, my slightly trembling hands pushed the door open, giving a careful peek inside. The first thing that my eyes found was the baby blue covering the walls, which gave a calm and peaceful vibe that was hard to find at a hospital. Then, as if some magnetic force was pulling me, my vision got stuck on the beautiful woman which rested under the pure white blankets.

“JongIn ah~ Why are you crying? A handsome face like you shouldn’t be shedding tears,” Omma brushed the tears gently from my cheeks. My shoulders shook, controlling the sobs.

She reached out to smooth out my bangs and to wipe the small beads of sweat that were beginning to form on my forehead. She saw my bottom lip quiver and then I was crying into her stomach.

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