Jiwon

"What do you mean you'll quit, Jiwon?" Sajangnim didn't have to repeat himself. I heard him enough to make me question myself: Do I have to do this? Do I? Or should I not? Maybe I should. I'm confused too, to be honest. "This is nonsense. You're months away from being debuted, you know that, right?" He added. Hearing him confirm it makes me happy though. Not for me, but for them. They'll be glad to know this.

I look up to him, and he's been staring back at me with confusion and worry. Sajangnim. He's always been the kindest man in my life. I will never forget how much he sacrificed for me. Money? It's nothing to him. He treated me just like his son. I used to call him Ajussi before; he was my father's best friend way back in their high school days. Too bad, my father left him alone and chill in heaven. Funny. It's so funny how my life turned into something so miserable like this. I heard his footsteps coming over to me, washing away my overbearing emotions. I felt his warm arms envelop my body. We were never this close before. I didn't even know why he's doing this, but all I know is, I need this. I've been crying so hard for months now. That is not funny. I felt like these feelings will never go away; it will always creep in if it has a chance. The chance is now. I want to quit.

"Don't cry," he said, pulling back and patting my head. I know that he will get me. "It's because of B.I, I know." He said, putting his hands on my shoulder. I can't help but stare back at him. My eyes get teary even hearing that name. "It's been 4 years, Jiwon." He sighed. "4 years." He said in a disappointed tone.

I know. It's been 4 years. If only I can list how these 4 years changed my life. If only words can describe my sufferings and give it justice. "H-he..." Hence, I can't even finish my sentence. Sobbing . I don't like it. I don't even want to cry. I don't want to be emotional because that's a sign of weakness. I remember what B.I told me once, crying is for the weak. So I cried my eyes out at that time. I'm weak and it's okay to be weak around him. At least only to him.

He was always there. Always standing at the back of the room. Observing. Listening, or maybe that's the only image that I'd like to keep about him. For 4 years, that's the only thing that keeps me going. Now, I can't do it anymore. I just can't do the usual stuff that I do and reminds me of every single thing about him. About those stupid beautiful eyes, and how they get so intense whenever he looks at me. About that stupid smile and how it shines whenever he does it. About that stupid nose and how it crinkles whenever frustrations take over. About his lips, how they were perfect not only for expressing his thoughts to words but capturing my entire life too. I can't forget how he plays with my hair when we watch some movies and create some music; we were so happy, so dreamy about the