The moment I stepped on the plane going back to Seoul, I was having mixed emotions because for the first time in my life, it felt as if I wasn’t welcomed to go back to where I came from. You weren’t replying to my messages, to my letters, and you aren’t calling me back. And for the first time, it felt as if we were drifting apart. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and I’m scared to face that reality.

When I went out of the airport, I was expecting you’d be waiting for me holding up a banner with a wide smile but you weren’t there and I never felt so alone in my entire life. When I rode a cab on the way back to my house, I was contemplating whether I should call you or not. I ended up sending you text message, anyway.

I was supposed to come back to Seoul with a smile because finally, after a few months I’m going to see everyone again but most especially, you. But instead of a smile, I greeted my family with a blank face as if I wasn’t happy to see them and I regretted not acting appropriate when I saw the sad look my mother gave me.

That night, Yunhyeong invited me for a ‘welcome back’ party. I could feel that there was something different but I decided to brush it off and just enjoy the night with them. I thought you wouldn’t come, Bobby told me you were busy and I don’t know if I should be angry about that.

When you entered Yunhyeong’s house, you weren’t alone. You were with a girl and I felt my breath hitched, willing myself not to cry and wait for your explanation on who the girl is but I got nothing. For the first time that day, I felt my heart breaking into pieces. Maybe it’s because I was drained, I was overthinking that I hadn’t found the will to be angry. I’m your girlfriend, why are you with another girl?

Jinhwan was looking at me when you entered with the girl, obviously worried but I ignored him and instead, stared at you hoping that you’ll look at me and let go of the girl you’re holding. I’m not supposed to act that way because I know I’m better than that. I’m not one to back down and let people pull me down but that night, I felt weak and I don’t know what to do.

You were busy talking to everyone and I know you haven’t seen me yet so I quickly left Yunhyeong’s house. I can’t handle the pain I was feeling that time and even though I know I should confront you because I’m your girlfriend, I should be the one with you, I didn’t because I realized that if you really love me, you wouldn’t be with another girl and it felt as if it was my fault. If I didn’t leave then maybe it wouldn’t turn out like this.

I didn’t know Jinhwan had followed me out of the house, he grabbed my arm and tried to stop me from leaving but I couldn’t bear to look at you with another girl so I kept on pulling myself away from him.

“Hayi, would you really let him cheat on you?” Jinhwan said, pulling me closer.

“Let me go.” I said, trying me best not to let the tears fall. It hurts, Hanbin… so much.

“Hayi, you’re better than this okay? Go back there and confront him.” Jinhwan said and I gathered all my strength to push him away.

“Why do you even care?” I shouted.

“Because I treat you as my sister, okay? All of us does and we couldn’t just let you cry and get hurt.” He explained.

“If you didn’t want me to get hurt then why did you let him cheat on me?! And if I did confront him will it change a thing? What if he doesn’t want me in his life anymore? Seriously, what did I even do wrong?” I shouted. I couldn’t help it anymore, I cried. I cried until I couldn’t see clearly anymore. I suddenly felt myself getting dragged in a hug, Jinhwan was just standing there hugging me even if I was punching him.

After a few minutes, Jinhwan had managed to calm me down and I decided I should go back inside. It is a ‘welcome back’ party made by the rest of the boys for me and it would be rude if I wasn’t there and if I just left without telling them.

When I went inside, you were already there staring at me, your face etched with worry.

“Hayi…” You trailed off but I was tired so I ignored you and went to the kitchen to grab a drink. You stopped me though, knowing that I don’t really drink alcohol.

“Hayi, stop. You don’t even drink.” You said but I was having none of it.

“Well, you don’t just cheat on your girlfriend.” I said and you’re grip on my arm loosened. I could still fill your hand on my arm and I suddenly wished you’d hold me again.

-Hayi xx

please tell me ifthere are errors.