For Baekhyun, it was almost like the day he came to the hospital for the first time.

Later the next day, the four of them, him, Chanyeol, Kris, and Sehun are all sitting outside the O.R, waiting for Tao’s surgery to be over. Their faces looked intense, and again, he was the only one looking confused and out of place. Tao was pushed inside some time after lunch, and Lay had informed them that the surgery would take sometime around three to four hours. The younger was not really excited about undergoing another surgery, and so Chanyeol had asked for him to be put under in his room instead of the O.R so he wouldn’t get nervous at the sight of all the equipment. The surgeon who would take charge of the surgery had granted the request, and promised that Tao would not even get a peek of his scrubs. Tao immediately looked less nervous after that, and as he fell asleep slowly, he still hasn’t let go of Chanyeol’s hand. Which, Baekhyun thought, was adorable.

But when Lay made sure that Tao was indeed asleep and that it’s time to take him into the O.R, the atmosphere immediately changed. Kris looked like it took all of him to try and contain himself; his face was on and ready, Chanyeol looked more than worried; the frown didn’t leave his forehead even for a second, and Sehun was pale, dead nervous. And him? He was there, pulling each of them to the chairs as the O.R doors closed in front of the four of them and the light was back on.

They have been sitting in silence for ten minutes or so when Baekhyun started to look around, observing the other men around him. Kris looked unreadable, even though the face was still intact, Sehun looked dazed, and Chanyeol was looking like he was in deep thoughts. The elf was sitting on the edge of his chair, a little apart from Baekhyun.

Without saying a word, Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s left hand, caressing it softly on his lap. Chanyeol turned to glance at him, smiling gratefully. A smile that Baekhyun knew, was intended to comfort him. And it worked.

A little.

Well, if he could be honest, a part of him actually felt a little lonely. They were next to each other but he knew it wasn’t him in his head.

Chanyeol hadn’t come back to their apartment with him for a while, and it had felt less like their home to Baekhyun. Sure, Chanyeol came home, often with Kris and Sehun, to have rest and take shower; but more than often all three of them prefer to go back to the hospital as soon as possible, and it’s usually when Baekhyun was at work, or while he was taking turn to be with Tao. When he himself came home, Baekhyun was only left with traces of Chanyeol’s presence; his overnight polo and wrinkled shirt in the laundry basket, and a new one disappearing from his closet. The three of them were kind enough to wash all the dishes they used; the mugs and plates were clean inside the cabinet even though the number of eggs decreased and food Baekhyun had prepared inside food containers in the fridge had disappeared. Nonetheless, after another long day at work, Baekhyun sometimes wished they weren’t so nice and just leave some of the dishes in the sink, so that he would have something to do, something else to occupy his mind, an actual evidence of his fiancé had actually came back home even when he was not around to greet the elf.

Baekhyun shifted his seating and sighed, letting go of his fiancé’s hand. What exactly was he doing? Tao was inside, slit open and unconscious. Anything could go wrong and he was vulnerable. How was he here sitting outside, being healthy and all, feeling this way? He felt disappointed at himself, scolding himself internally.

Byun Baekhyun, are you jealous of your own brother in law to be? Stop it, you immature selfish idiot!

He sighed again, shaking his head this time.

“Baek?” a deep voice reached his ear, “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun turned and met Chanyeol’s eyes, looking at him with concern, “Are you okay, baby?” he repeated, after not receiving an answer.

Baekhyun smiled a little. There’s no way he would lie to Chanyeol, “I think. I want to be,”

Chanyeol frowned, moving closer to Baekhyun and threw his arm around the smaller figure, squeezing him softly, “What is it, Baek? You know you can tell me,”

Chanyeol was so wonderful. Sometimes Baekhyun felt so lucky to have him.

No, he felt lucky everyday to have him.

Baekhyun chose to smile wider. It really is not the time to add more problems to run free in Chanyeol’s mind, “I’m okay. You’re here, I’m okay,”

The elf looked like he got what Baekhyun actually meant. He pulled Baekhyun even closer and kissed his temple softly, “I’m sorry,” he mumbled into his fiancé’s hair.

One kiss. That’s all it takes for Baekhyun to break.

His eyes got moist; the tears were on the edges of his eyes, ready to fall. But he really didn’t want to burden Chanyeol. He turned his head, pressing his face deep in the taller’s shoulder, hiding his tears.

“I know, I’m sorry, baby,” Chanyeol whispered into Baekhyun’s hair again, over and over again, and Baekhyun was there, sitting still with his face buried in the other’s shirt.

He didn’t know how much time had passed this time, but when he turned around, two cups of tea were already next to them, Sehun and Kris each had one cup in their hands, and they had moved, sitting closer to the O.R doors so not to disturb the pair. The faint steams that float above the cups told him that they retuned with their teas a while ago.

Chanyeol handed a tissue to Baekhyun and the elder blew his nose loudly, startling Kris who looked left and right to find the source of the noise. When he spotted Baekhyun and the tissue, he smiled briefly before turning to his cup again, waiting for Tao patiently. The tea had helped him to relax, and he hoped it would work the same way for his friends.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol chuckled, taking another piece of tissue and patted it slowly and softly on Baekhyun’s eyes, “Do you feel better?”

“A little,” Baekhyun mumbled, enjoying Chanyeol’s gesture. How he missed his touches on his face, how he missed being able to have a time for just the two of them. Having been together side-by-side for all the time they have been together made it feel so weird for Baekhyun to have to be apart from the other. But it’s not like it’s the end of the world. It’s not like Chanyeol is leaving him forever or something. He just needed to take care of his brother. They were still engaged, and a part of Baekhyun felt so glad that he’s able to hold on to that.

“It’s just that I missed you so much,” he admitted honestly, not wanting to look at Chanyeol in the eye.

A soft touch of finger on his chin made him look up, staring directly into Chanyeol’s soft gaze, “I know. That’s why I’m sorry,”

“I felt so selfish… It’s so ridiculous of me… I mean, your own brother is in there, and I’m here, healthy, and- Oh Christ… Do you hate me now?”

Chanyeol smiled, “Nothing could make me,”

“It’s… It’s been hard on all of us. I’m sorry too. I should not be like this. How immature of me,” Baekhyun said, sighing, disappointed at his foolishness.

“I think we’re both at fault. It’s okay for me, if it’s okay for you… But I do have to admit that we still have a long way of this. I don’t want to jinx it, but who knows if this would be his last surgery, and not to mention the upcoming therapies and all. I need to be with him, and I need you to be with me too. Does that make me even more selfish and ridiculous?”

Chanyeol looked genuinely worried, and Baekhyun could not help but chuckle, “No. That makes you the best gentleman I have ever had the privilege to know,”

Baekhyun took Chanyeol’s hands in his again, smiling softly, “And to call you my gentleman, was the greatest gift I have ever had,”

Chanyeol smiled gratefully, “I love you, Baek. Even when I’m not home, please remember, I love you. When you see those empty containers, my socks in the hamper, the crease on the cushions on the couch, remember that I love you, that I’d always come back home, to you,”

Baekhyun torn up again at that, but he smiled through his tears, “And I love you too. I love you even when you’re not around,”

“Because I’m here, in your heart,” Chanyeol said, pointing at Baekhyun’s chest.

“You’re always in my heart, as I in yours,” the shorter whispered, voice lost in his tears.

For Baekhyun, it almost felt like they’re exchanging their wedding vows, especially when Chanyeol nodded in agreement, smiling wider and sealed their promise with a kiss. A promise of love, a promise of hope, and most importantly, for a forever.

For Baekhyun, Chanyeol would be enough. Chanyeol would be everything.