This place is so bright, and never in his life he had ever felt so peaceful.

It was the beach he used to go often when he was little.

The wide spread of white sands, the bright sunny weather, the perfect temperature; summer had never felt so good. The beach has a lot of people, here and there were cheerful chatters of what to eat and what to do first, to surf or swim, of who is going to cut the watermelon, children running to get ice cream.

He chuckled.

Ice cream is the best indeed in this weather.

He took his time walking towards the shore, letting the wave reach the tip of his toes. How he loved the feeling of warm water mixing with grainy sands seeping between his toes.

He was where he was supposed to be.

Grinning wide, he flicked his foot, splashing the salty water in front of him. How fun is it to be at the beach in the summer!

He ran forward, greeting the wave, letting it rush by him and wet his shirt. He laughed loudly and cheerfully, just like he always did. He dipped and swam around for a while, waiting until his legs and hands gave up on him. Being at the beach is like being in his own private realm. He felt so peaceful, so alive.

After a while the familiar soreness of being tired got into his feet. He swam back to the shore, almost crawling when his feet reached the sand. Albeit tired, he still smiled widely.

But then he felt something sharp, what doesn’t feel like coral, meeting against his knee. Turning, he saw it.

A golden bracelet.

He took it, lifting it to his eye level.

“Excuse me, is this…” he turned, waving the bracelet in his hand.

But no one was there.

Confused, he looked left and right, turning around repeatedly. He was sure there were plenty of people with him at the beach, but now it was deserted.

“What in the world…” he whispered.

There was no sound. There was not a single person at the beach except him.

He was alone.

Frowning, he stood on his feet, wiping his eyes, making sure that he was indeed, alone at the beach. He was more than confused.

Then he heard it.

Zi…

He looked to the left. Who was that? No one had called him that for a while.

He waited, but silence was all he got.

This is getting weird.

He looked at the bracelet in his hand.

It was so pretty… Why is this bracelet here?

Zi… My baby…

He turned his had abruptly. That voice again. Who was that?

Zitao…

Tao jumped, looking left and right, “Who is it?” he yelled.

Zitao, please wake up…

He frowned, “I am awake!” he yelled. Then a sound of thunder broke. That’s when he realized that the sky was dark, rumbling madly. His eyes widened. Why didn’t he notice that? Where did the sun go?

I miss you, baby… Please come back to me… Please wake up…

“But I am already awake…” Tao frowned, looking around him, “I am awake…right?”

The water drew back into the sea in a blink of an eye. There was only silence, not even the sound of the waves crashing that’s supposed to echo repeatedly. Realizing this, he turned, and was greeted by a huge wave coming to crash into him.

He knew there’s no way he would to swim against this wave, yet his feet stay rooted, he couldn’t move.

Tao let the wave swept him off.

He woke up with a jolt, abruptly trying to open his eyes.

They were very heavy, much like every parts of his body. Everything felt so foreign.

What is this? Where is he? Why can’t he move?

Why is it so hard to breathe in? Something is preventing him to.

Fear crept to his spines, sending him right into the state of panic. He couldn’t move. It hurts… His chest hurts badly. His whole body did.

What is happening?

And he tried to move, struggling to free himself from the invisible things that are keeping him down.

“Tao!” Someone yelled for his name. Someone whose voice he cannot register.

Who?

He tried to inhale more air, as much as his lungs could have, but he started to choke instead. His gag reflex made him cough hard, causing an unbearable pain in his throat.

“No, no, no! You should wait! Don’t move! I am calling the doctor to help you…” the same voice said, panic thick in his tone.

There were shuffles so maybe indeed this person was trying to help him, but he can’t breathe, and he kept on struggling. Suddenly he heard loud beeps and more panic voices resounding all around him.

What is this? What is happening?

He felt tears left his eyes, but nothing trickles down his cheeks or temple.

What is this? Get this off me! I can’t breathe! I can’t open my eyes!

“Tao! Zi, this is Chanyeol! It’s hyung! Remember me? Can you recognize my voice? Please, stop moving, you’re hurting yourself!”

Then he felt hands holding his arms down.

No! Get off me! No!

He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell them to get everything off him. He couldn’t breathe. He’s scared.

“Tao, the doctor is coming, okay! Try and relax, I know it hurts baby, but I need you to stay still,” a soft voice came; the same voice that was panicking the first time.

But Tao can’t relax. His pain and panic took over, and he shook even more blood started to come out from his stitches.

“Tao!”

That voice again.

“Tao remember me? Remember my voice?”

Then Tao could feel someone took his hand. It was firm, and took his attention completely.

Who is this?

“Listen baby. You’re okay. You’ll be fine. You need to breathe, okay. Slowly. Slowly with me,” that voice said, breathing loudly for Tao to hear, “One, inhale! Two…”

But Tao coughed again, so hard that his oxygen pipe now had blood blots in it.

“Tao! You need to listen to me! You’ll be okay, remember?! I am here, I’m with you, and you’ll be okay,”

Tao cried some more, trying to voice his thoughts. But his breathing pipe prevented him from talking, which made him even more panicked.

What is this… Why is this happening?

“Where is the doctor!?” he heard his brother’s voice boomed and he knew Chanyeol was trying not to cry. That’s just so Chanyeol…

He felt more hands holding him down. But he couldn’t struggle anymore. His head was pounding hard and he started to feel like he was floating.

“Tao! Listen, listen to me! Breathe with me! One, inhale! Come on, you can do it!”

He cried.

Why don’t anyone tell him what is happening?

“Come on, Tao!” the voice begged.

It’s tiring…

“Tao, please!”

And Tao inhaled, sharply.

He heard a relieved sigh, with a trace of excitement in it, “Good! Good job! Two, exhale!” the same voice exhaled loudly, and Tao did too.

He was no longer floating. His head didn’t pound as much.

“Perfect! One!”

And Tao inhaled.

 “I am here!”

Another voice. Tao cried some more, but he tried hard to keep on breathing with that voice.

“Help him, please!” another different voice pleaded. It was not Chanyeol. It was a third person, at least.

Why are there so many strangers?

There were sounds of shuffles of someone approaching and Tao flinched when the person began to speak.

“Mr. Park, my name is Dr. Park and I am here to assist you with your breathing tube. I am going to lower your bed and help to take it out, then replace it with a mask, okay? You will feel a little discomfort but I promise you, it’s not going to hurt. I would be very careful,”

Tao made sound from his throat. Who is Dr. Park? Why did he need a breathing tube?

Tao let out a muffled sound as the tube was pulled out, and he felt someone pressed a mask around him. It was easier for him to breathe now although the soreness was still there. He inhaled deeply repeatedly, trying to breath in as much oxygen as possible. He felt lightheaded and where ever this is, he didn’t want to be here.

“Do you feel better?” the voice that introduced himself as Dr. Park said.

He cried again, “I— I.. Seh.. Sehun,” he almost didn’t recognize his own voice. It sounded so hoarse. So different.

His eyes were still covered, and he missed the falter in his fiancé’s expression.

“Who?” Baekhyun asked, puzzled. He saw Kris’ face, and he knew he shouldn’t bring up this Sehun, but he really don’t know who he is.

“His friend in Vienna,” Chanyeol muttered before returning his attention back to his brother, “Zi, Sehun is not here, but I will have him come soon. I promise. How are you feeling?”

“Where am…” they all watched as Tao inhaled sharply, “I? W—where?” he ended in a whisper.

“You’re in the hospital, baby,” Kris approached Tao from his other side, “You were in an accident,”

“Who? Who is that?” Tao flinched again, turning towards Kris’ voice. The movement made his head hurt again and he leaned further into the bed. His whole body felt so foreign, like he had been sleeping in a tuna can for a year.

“It me baby. Yifan. Remember?” Kris held Tao’s hand tighter, looking worried.

“Yifan…?” Tao’s hand was shaking in Kris’ and the elder held it firmly, “Yifan gege? Cha-chanyeol hyung’s friend?”

Kris frowned. No, Yifan your fiancé.

“Didn’t you remember me?” Kris asked again.

“Why? Why are you here?” Tao whispered, his voice shaky. Kris new, under the bandage that wrapped around his eyes, Tao was crying.

The men around him exchanged glances. Did Tao forget everything?

“Why is no one answering me?” Tao released Kris’ hand, pushing it away with his own trembling one, “I want my mom. Please,” he cried.

“Uh…” Baekhyun stuttered, confused.

“I want my mom! Please!” Tao cried louder.

“Tao, please calm down, I need you to calm down,” Chanyeol approached Tao from the other side of his bed, trying to calm him.

“No! No!” he screamed, and Chanyeol stood straight back up. Even the sound of it surprised Tao himself but he couldn’t help it, “I want mom!”

“Zi…” Chanyeol coaxed again, feeling a stung of tears in the back of his eyes. He’s not ready for this. He couldn’t do this all over again.

“Mom?” Tao called, weakly reaching his hand out in the air aimlessly, “Mom, are you there? Mom, it hurts,”

Baekhyun stepped forward and captured Tao’s hand, holding it tight, “Yes, sweetheart, I know,”

That hand. It was small, and soft, much like his mother’s. But that voice wasn’t hers.

“No… no… I want my mom… I can’t see, I can’t open my eyes…” he whispered as tears kept on falling out of his eyes, making his lids felt damp and constrained; they’re swelling up and something was holding them down.

No one answered.

“What is happening?” Tao cried again, “What happened to me?” His lips were quivering and he felt his body giving up on him. He felt so tired, he just wanted everything to pass by fast, for all these strangers to go away and to have his mom or Sehun to come and calm him down.

“Mr. Park, Sir. I need you to relax. Please let my intern tend to your stitches and bruises while I talk to your family. I promise it would not be long, and I will tell you what happened after. Every little details,” Dr. Park said, patting Tao’s shoulder.

Tao flinched again, “I-I…” Tao sobbed, “It hurts… Everything hurts…”

And scary.

“I will give you some medicine for that…” he said, nodding to one of the nurse who immediately administered some liquid into Tao’s IV, “But I need you to calm down, and relax please. Just concentrate on breathing, while Dr. Zhang here will give you a new stitch…”

Tao sobbed again and tried to even out his breath. He didn’t comprehend all this… Why is he here?

It took him a minute, but he finally gave a small nod. Whatever medicine the doctor promised him had taken effect and he could feel his heartbeat calming down.

Soon after, as if on cue, he felt all hands left him, and there were multiple footsteps signing that everyone is leaving. There were female voices replacing theirs, telling him to relax and asked him to stay still so they can take some blood and replace his bandages. Another voice popped, telling him that he’s an intern surgeon on the case and he would be fixing his stitches. As his body and breathing started to relax, his mind ran speedily trying to process what he just went through. A pipe was stuffed down his throat and his brother was here with Yifan ge and someone else that he didn’t recognize. And there was this doctor. And some other doctors and nurses that were currently attending him now. Weirdly, Yifan ge called him baby. And that other person called him sweetheart.

Was he supposed to remember something else?

“Sir,” someone sat next to him, “I really need you to try and relax, so your pulse would slow down. Your heart had been in distress since the accident and we can’t afford it to work this hard yet,” the intern surgeon said.

Accident?

“I- I don’t know why,” Tao said in a whisper, feeling a little groggy, “Why am I here, I can’t remember, I don’t- know,”

Was he really in an accident?

“Is that what you were thinking?” the intern asked.

Tao didn’t reply.

“Did you recognize the voices of the people that were in here before?”

“… One,” Tao felt his lips trembled.

“I see… Look, I know this is scary, but believe me, all of them are very nice and they cared so much of you. One of them, the tallest one, he didn’t leave your side even one bit. I saw him crying a lot of times, but always, he held your hand like it’s his life. This one,” the surgeon lift Tao’s right hand and smiled, “The one with funny ears, he paced back and forth every night, coming up with different ideas to wake you up. One time he tried to surprise the unconsciousness out of you and by trying I meant made a lot of loud noises I had to watch him myself before I got fired because of him. And the last one he watched everything, making sure everyone had their cups of coffees in the mornings and that the flower next to your bed is always fresh,”

Tao sniffled.

“So don’t worry. Even though you may not recognize them now, they are very nice people who cared a lot about you. So please, relax, that rapid beeping noise you caused is getting annoying,”

Tao inhaled as much air as he could, effectively relaxing him.

“Who- are you?” he asked.

“My name is Yixing, your surgeon. You can call me Lay,”

“Lay… hyung?” Tao called with a small voice, sweet to Yixing’s ear.

Yixing stopped stitching, stared at Tao’s bandaged eyes and smiled, “Sure, I like it,”

Feeling a little better than before, Tao leaned further to his pillow and concentrating on his breath, just like Dr. Park told him too.

“I don’t think he remembered anything,” Kris said worriedly to Chanyeol as they exit Tao’s room.

“What does that mean?” Chanyeol asked Dr. Park, holding Baekhyun’s shoulders.

“Sir, I am afraid your brother had lost his memory. This condition appears in most accident cases even though it was not common. It may be temporary, from the trauma of the accident, or it might be not. Let us not forget that Mr. Park’s head was severely injured in the accident as well and that may contribute to his memory loss. We will run some test when he had felt more comfortable and stable. Please do not panic or freak out before we have to,”

Baekhyun released a heavy sigh, holding Chanyeol’s hand for comfort, “But he’s awake, it’s a good sign, right?”

“It is a very good sign. He is now able to breathe on his own with the mask, and his movement look good too from the way he had been able to held your hand, sir,” Dr. Park continued, gesturing towards Baekhyun.

“His memory, they would come back?” Kris asked as he glanced into Tao’s room worriedly.

“To be honest, I cannot tell. But we will keep on monitoring him. We will help him remember and that means you too, Sir. But I need everyone to be patient and not to push him to remember. Temporary or not, the condition is right now Zitao cannot remember some of you, nor what had happened to him. This process of remembering might be a long and slow process and I need you to commit to it and not just stuff information to him. We want him to remember, not to simply believe what we told him,”

All of them nodded.

“Okay, shall we go back in and meet Zitao?” Dr. Park smiled, and led all of them back in.

“Mr. Park,” Dr. Park greeted.

“Your stitches is done, call me if you need anything, okay!” Yixing gathered all his stuff and excused himself as Tao turned his head a little towards Dr. Park’s voice.

“You can call me Tao,” Tao said with his hoarse voice, “Mr. Park is my Dad,”

Chanyeol was stunned. Tao really had forgot that their parents had passed away?

“Chan hyung… Where’s Dad?” Tao asked, stopping to take in more oxygen, “Is Mom—“

“Zi,” Chanyeol cut him, not wanting to dishearten his brother any more than he must, “Dr. Park has something to tell you,”

Tao inhaled again, not making a sound. Dr. Park took it as he is ready to listen.

“Okay, Tao. Do you remember anything that happened?”

He felt his hands trembled again. Someone with warm hand held his right hand still, and he shook his head slowly, “No,”

“You were involved in an accident,” Dr. Park’s voice resounded, “You were admitted here more than a week ago,”

Tao’s eyes widened, but even so, he could only see darkness.

“I— I was…”

“Do you remember, Tao?” he recognized a voice coming from his side. He was the one holding his hand. Was it Yifan ge?

Strange, that his voice sounded strange but his warmth felt familiar. But it can’t be. Yifan ge was with Chanyeol hyung in the States for the past years. They have never met since Tao moved to Vienna.

He shook his head again.

“You were hit by a bus…” Chanyeol said softly, “And it was a pretty bad accident,”

He heard himself made a weird sound from his throat. It became hard for him to breathe, even with the mask.

“Can you remember, Zi?” Chanyeol’s voice again.

Tao shook his head. He could feel his whole body trembling now, “I can’t see anything,”

Is he blind?

“There were pieces of glass in your eyes when we got you. We got all of them out, but some of them tore deep into your cornea. We have arranged you to be put into transplant list,”

He felt all eyes on him, waiting for him to react.

“I— I don’t understand what is happening. Why was this—“

“Baby,” the voice said again.

“Tao, don’t panic okay,” Chanyeol said,

Tao felt a lump in his throat, trying hard to process all the information. So he was involved in an accident he couldn’t remember, and now he’s blind?

“Erm— My—my feet. They’re heavy. Are they even still there?”

“Yes, but both still in casts. You would need a follow up surgery and therapy on them,”

“My hands too?”

“All limbs still intact, and yes you need therapy for your hands too,”

Tao nodded.

“…I-I couldn’t remember the accident. Is it normal?”

“It might. What was the last thing you could remember?”

The room was silent again and he felt all eyes on him again.

“I remember sleeping,”

 “Do you remember where you were sleeping, sir?”

 “My apartment… In Vienna…”

There was silence again and Tao bit his lip, “Is Sehun here? He could tell you too, we just returned from the concert hall and we got Sachertorte on our way back…”

Silence was what he got back. He choked, and he could feel tears seeping through his eyelids again.

“I… It wasn’t what I’m supposed to remember, was it?” he whispered tearfully.

“Do you remember me? Do you recognized my voice?” the stranger that was holding his hand butted in, and Tao sensed urgency in his tone. Tao think hard. He tried hard to remember. But he couldn’t. He knew he said he was Yifan ge, but Yifan ge didn’t sound like that years ago when he left. Was this really him?

He shook his head, “I— No. Who are you?”

“Tao—“

“I didn’t remember-“

“Baby—“

“What am I supposed to remember?”

“Listen—“

“Tao,” Baekhyun stepped in, “Hello. My name is Baekhyun and I am your friend. We knew each other around a couple years ago. I know you’re scared, and I know you have a lot of questions. Chanyeol, Kris, and I do too. We are just the same, there’s a lot of things we can’t tell right now. So what about we all take a deep breath and let you rest for a little bit more?”

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun, silently thanking him for being the only sane person in the room.

“I actually agree,” Dr. Park said, “The nurse would come in with some water and food for you in a moment. Sit back, relax, ask the nurse if you need me,”

Tao sniffled again, breathing in as much oxygen as he could, nodding.

Dr. Park smiled to the rest of the room before making his exit.

“Hey,” Baekhyun said, as he held Tao’s arm, “Do you want to try and sleep?”

It was then that Tao realized how tired he felt. He couldn’t remember this Baekhyun either, but his voice was so soft and calming.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” Baekhyun said again softly, lulling Tao to sleep.

“Can someone tell Sehun to come here?” Tao managed to whisper before falling into another slumber.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Has anyone ever been to Vienna? I haven't and I really really want to go.

Is there anywhere you really want to go? A beach, maybe? Just like Tao? 

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