Tao could feel the needle in his hand moving. Someone is checking on him again. He opened his eyes slightly, registering a bright white coat next to his bed, and mix of colors behind it. He sighed inwardly. For the nth time he had wished that everything were a dream, yet he was still the same Tao, covered in injuries, immobile, and partially blind.

“Zitao, sorry. Did I wake you?” the intern surgeon’s soft voice came into his ear.

Tao only blinked, moving his eyes around the room without moving his head. He could not see any other shadows in the room. There were only the two of them.

“The others are still outside. Do you want them to come in now?”

Tao blinked again, and Lay observing his behavior carefully.

“Dizzy…” Tao mouthed silently.

Lay nodded, although Tao wasn’t able to see his gesture, “That happens. Your head was injured. I would give you something for that in a minute. Does any part of your body felt particularly painful?”

Everything. Everything is.

Tao sighed, not responding to the question. What could he say anyway? Nothing that would change anything. Even if he wasn’t informed in detail, he knew he would be like this for at least a month or two. He would be this pathetic for a month or two.

“Do you want to try and eat something? It’s morning already. I could ask the nurse to bring your food in if you’d like,” Lay voice came again, with the same soft tone.

Tao just blinked, slowly letting himself fall back into deep sleep. He finally closed his eyes, missing Lay’s concerned voice as the surgeon patted his arm softly.

“Have a good rest, Zitao,”

The next time he was awake, the room was already brighter and there was someone with him in the room that was not wearing a white coat. The figure was holding his hand, watching him, clearly had been waiting.

“Sehun?” he whispered hoarsely, hopefully.

“Good morning, Schatzi. Had a good sleep?” Sehun smiled, moving closer to Tao’s bed.

Tao only blinked.

What is a good sleep anyway? How was he supposed to get a good sleep with all this?

He could heard Sehun’s sigh, “Sorry,” he said in German, “That sounded better in my head,”

Tao chose to ignore Sehun, his eyes travelling around the room again.

The other must have seen his gesture, because the next, he said, “Everyone are still outside… Would you like to meet them?”

Tao blinked twice before answering, “Was that really Chanyeol hyung?” he whispered.

Sehun smiled softly. So Tao had been wondering, “The same one that had been visiting you. Didn’t change one bit,”

“…His voice was different,”

Sehun pursed his lips, thinking, “How far did you remember Chanyeol?”

Tao blinked again, turning his head towards Sehun’s voice carefully, “I remember him in middle school. Perky and very talky,”

“Ah. Still the same, then,” Sehun chuckled, “See, Tao? Nothing much had really changed,”

Again, Tao didn’t respond to Sehun’s remark.

“And that Kris… Was he really Yifan gege?”

Sehun took a moment before responding, “…You have never really told me there is a Kris or a Yifan gege, Tao. Who is he actually?” he asked cautiously, his curiosity got the better of him.

Tao frowned, not knowing how to answer that. Who was he actually? Just his childhood neighbor, a friend of Chanyeol and so his friend too by extension, or more?

His fiancé?

Tao pouted.

“I don’t know,” Tao mumbled, deciding to tell the truth. He really didn’t know.

“There’s another person-“

“Baekhyun hyung!” Tao perked up all of a sudden, a small smile appeared across his face.

Sehun chuckled, “Yes, it’s good that your brother is marrying such a nice person, right? I mean, I just met him last night but he was so nice to me already,”

That smile disappeared as fast as it appeared, “Marrying?”

Uh-oh.

“Chanyeol didn’t tell you?”

“He’s getting married?” Really? So Chanyeol is leaving him soon?

‘,’ Sehun thought, watching the gloom that is Tao’s expression.

Tao was taken aback, confused. How is Chanyeol going to get married? He said he went to visit him in Austria and they were close again… So why didn’t he tell him anything? Or has he? Did he miss it? But… Didn’t he say that it’s okay? He really thought that it would at least mean that they would be together again.

Why?

“Uh… Just wait. Uh… Let me get everyone,” he heard Sehun said in half panicked tone.

Tao sighed again, feeling his headache creeping back. Whatever the reason is, he didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to know. If Chanyeol doesn’t care, then why should he?

“Don’t… I want to sleep,” he whispered.

“Tao… just one minute?”

Tao shook his head weakly.

“Please?” Sehun asked, hoping Tao would stay awake for a little bit more, at least to hear Chanyeol’s story not from him, just to make sure that everything, everyone is in good terms.

But Tao didn’t reply, and simply closed his eyes.

Sehun bit his lower lip. . How was he supposed to know that Tao was not informed about that? Why didn’t Chanyeol tell him beforehand that Tao didn’t know?

He leaned and kissed Tao’s hair, making sure that Tao was indeed resting well before stepping out of the room in upset manner.

Kris was the first to notice him.

“What was it? Is he okay?” the taller asked hurriedly, but was ignored.

“You er,” Sehun walked past Kris and stopped in front of Chanyeol, “You didn’t ing tell him you’re engaged?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened, while Baekhyun looked like he just swallowed a jawbreaker, realizing the one important information they didn’t tell their younger brother.

“Did you tell him that?” Chanyeol asked, still dawning in realization. How could he be so reckless?

“Not intentionally, I didn’t! You just ing introduce me with your fiancé, of course I brought it up to him, you said it yourself he had been awake two days ago yet in those two days you didn’t tell him you ing got engaged?? Are you ing kidding me, hyung!”

“What do you expect me to do? Oh hey Tao you’re awake from a fatal accident, by the way you react when you woke up I guess you forgot everything, so let me tell you, I am your brother, who you forgot and only remember had been away from you your whole life, and I am getting married!” Chanyeol stood, feeling his anger flicked by Sehun, “Is that what you want me to say?”

“Then you could at least tell me that he wasn’t informed! Now he preferred to just sleep again rather than having to talk to you!” Sehun growled, “Damn it, hyung, I thought we’re going to do this together!”

“Guys, take a deep breath,” Kris’ said, watching Baekhyun’s slightly frightened expression, “Lets settle down,”

“And you! Who are you exactly? Why are you here?” Sehun turned and lashed out at Kris, “You haven’t known Tao for as long as I did so just shut up and stay away from him!”

“Sehun, its not a reason to yell at Kris,” Chanyeol mumbled, although he wasn’t actually paying attention at the other two. He was busy thinking by himself. How exactly did he forget to mention that to Tao? He must have hated him now.

“I have every reason to!” Sehun yelled again, finally taking Chanyeol’s entire attention, “As a matter of fact, I have all the reason to yell at all of you! I was there in Vienna, with Tao, since we were eight! For fifteen years, we were okay, he was okay. Now he came back here for what, seven months and you already had him on a hospital bed?? What have you guys been doing?! If you can’t take a proper care of him, why not tell him to go back to Austria?”

He then turned to Kris, “You, you said you were his fiancé, why couldn’t you?? And you!” he pointed at Chanyeol, “You were there with him at the city center, crying your hearts out, regretting not being able to be there for him growing up!”

Sehun paused to laugh cynically, “Guess what, even if you do, I don’t think you could take care of him anyway. Tao is better off without you,

“Look, kid, I don’t know you either but you’re crossing it,” Kris said with a warning tone, “And you really don’t want that,”

As much as what Sehun said were true, Kris won’t let this brat make Chanyeol felt even worse than he already is. All of them were devastated already since the hospital called weeks ago, informing Tao was admitted.

“He’s right, though,” a voice behind them said, making both Kris and Sehun turned around.

“Chan…” Baekhyun said, reaching for his fiancé who looked like he was giving up on himself. Chanyeol sighed in defeat, deep frown appeared on his forehead.

“You indeed have been doing a great job for the past fifteen years and I am eternally grateful for that. I… Sehun, please help us. Help him,” he practically begged and Sehun’s expression immediately calmed down.

Indeed, Sehun wanted everything to be fine again, for Tao to recover and healthy again. It would already take a long time, and blaming Chanyeol, Kris, or pointing their mistakes would not help anyone.

Sehun took a deep breath, “Just… Try and talk to him when he wakes up. Lets just all stay inside, wait until he’s awake, and talk,”

Baekhyun hummed in agreement, patting Chanyeol’s back so he would give an answer too. He finally nodded, automatically made Kris agreed too. They then made their way back into Tao’s room.

It was almost dawn when Tao wakes up again. He still looked so weak and pale, like it was so hard for him to keep his eyelids open. His hands were trembling when he reached and tried to call someone to get some water. Sehun, who stayed awake the whole night, immediately helped him, letting him drink through the straw.

When Tao finished drinking, Sehun put the cup aside and cleared his throat.

“Tao, everyone is here,” Sehun said in German. Kris, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun who were not exactly able to sleep either, rose from their seats and gathered around Tao’s bed, waiting for the youngest to say something, reacting to what Sehun said.

But he didn’t.

Tao was just blinking repeatedly, observing the shadows in front of him.

“Zi…”

Tao’s eyes moved towards that deep voice.

“It’s Chanyeol,” his brother said, letting him know.

Tao blinked again as a response.

“Is Baekhyun hyung here too?” Tao whispered, slightly frowning.

“I am here, Tao,” Baekhyun stepped forward anxiously. How could he let Chanyeol forgot the information about the two of them getting married? How could he forget to tell Sehun that Tao was not yet informed?

“Is it…” Tao stopped to take a deep breath, “Is it true that you are getting married?”

“Tao…” Sehun called, warning him. The answer he’d get would hurt him.

“Yes, Zi… Baekhyun is my fiancé, and I am engaged to be married to him,” Chanyeol answered honestly, knowing the risk of doing so. Tao would be sad, and definitely felt betrayed, but he’d rather do so than lying to him and deny his love for Baekhyun.

Chanyeol glanced at his fiancé, who were giving him an encouraging smile. Kris’ eyes were fixated at Tao’s frail figure, and so does Sehun’s. Both trying to figure out what’s running through his mind.

Tao was silent, his eyes travelled around the room. Nevertheless, he looked very dejected, disappointed. Kris decided he hated that look on Tao. He had never seen this expression of his since the boy returned from Austria, and he never wish to see it ever again if he could help it.

“Is…. Is there anything else that I need to know?” Tao said in a low monotone, like he was out of reason to be excited about life, to be better, to be healthy again. Kris wanted to hold him. Kris wanted to make him feel better. If he could, he would give anything to trade places with Tao, anything for him to be able to be happy again. To smile again.

“Or does anyone want to lie to me again?” Tao’s voice disappeared at the end of the sentence, replaced with a tired sigh. Kris was confused. What could he do to make his fiancé feel better? How?

“Tao, no one is lying to you,” Sehun said in his mother tongue, feeling guilty. They won’t have this conversation right here right now if it wasn’t because of him, if he was more careful. Tao wouldn’t have to feel this way if it wasn’t for him.

Tao on the other hand, simply lay his head back further on the pillow, “Baekhyun hyung did,” he said silently, “He said he was my friend, not my brother’s fiancé. Certainly he’s more excited to be his husband more than he is to be my brother in law,”

“Tao, that’s not very nice…” Kris said, shocked. His Zitao would never say something like that.

But then again, this Tao was not his Tao. Not yet… This Tao was betrayed. In the short time he was awake he decided to trust Baekhyun and he was betrayed. Kris felt sorry too. He could have handled the situation better and Tao would trust him first. He wouldn’t have to trust Baekhyun and be disappointed. He should have seen this coming.

Baekhyun bit his bottom lip; tears were threatening to come out from the back of his eyes. It’s hard for him to hear that especially coming from a person he had grown close to for almost a year now, hanging out together, planning their weddings and all. He knew that Tao said so because he didn’t remember him, because he was not informed well. Chanyeol was torn between consoling his fiancé and his brother; certainly the latter was not in the same page as the rest of them. Those words felt like stabs of hot metal to his heart and it gets worse as he saw Tao’s expression. Chanyeol was speechless, overwhelmed by guilt all over again.

Tao blinked silently, ignoring the tears that were streaming down his face without him actually knowing. He felt guilty right after those words left his lips. He knew it wasn’t true.

Baekhyun’s words from days ago rang in his ears.

“Zitao, if we really were conspiring to lie to you, would we be nice to you?”

Indeed he had been very nice. Tao remembered him as the only person who cared so much to let him go back to sleep and to stay until he woke up the next time when everyone was pestering. When everyone else doesn’t seem to care enough.

But he lied. For all I know, everyone could have been lying about everything they have told me.

“Go away…” Tao said tearfully, closing his eyes, concealing himself from everyone again.

“Zi, I’m sorry,” Chanyeol choked, his voice shaky, desperate. It was the first time for Baekhyun to see Chanyeol like this. It was the second for Kris. The elf was like this when Tao moved to Austria.

But Tao didn’t reply, slowly falling back into slumber, away from all the mess that was his life.

“Okay, I need to get one thing straight,” Lay said as he closed the door to Tao’s room that morning after his rounds, meeting Chanyeol, Kris, Sehun, and Baekhyun who were waiting outside, “What in the world did any of you say to that poor boy that made him that sad? He was even better days ago, he could yell at all of us. Now his condition dropped again. Who’s the one I should scold?”

“These three,” Sehun pointed the rest, throwing them right under the bus.

Chanyeol glared at the younger, to which Sehun raised his eyebrows as if saying he was indeed, right.

Lay sighed aloud, “I don’t know what you guys were thinking, but I need that boy to be well-spirited before going on another surgery,”

“What?” Baekhyun said in surprise, “There will be more surgeries?”

“Of course. Like Dr. Park told you on day one, his leg was crushed. That, would be needing follow up surgery. Mr. Park, Mr. Wu, I don’t think I have to inform you with the statistics of how many people made it out alive from the OR with crushed spirits. I tell you, those surgeries are not exactly a ride for me too, they would just give up on themselves and when I try to revive them, they usually won’t come back. I was really serious when I told you that you need to make him feel better. Who I met in there, wasn’t someone who would want to fight for himself on the table,” Lay said sternly, looking annoyed, “I am trying to save him here and it won’t work if you guys always argue between yourselves and make him feel worse. Don’t you even try to deny it, nurses gossip faster than bullet trains here. Everyone heard your arguments every night,”

Kris looked like he was caught red handed, “Indeed, that happened. But we actually have been trying to make him feel better too, it’s just that it doesn’t work the way we expected,”

“Keep the conversation light, just topics that interests him and please try and make him eat. His body needed the energy. Don’t put him under too much stress. I have the surgery scheduled in two days, and postponing it won’t be good for Tao’s leg,” Lay said, clicking his pen, “and guys, keep it down. I have other patients too,”

Lay excused himself after making all four of them agreed on making Tao feel better.

“Zi,” Chanyeol called as he entered Tao’s room again, “How are you feeling?”

Tao was awake, eyes open, but refused to see Chanyeol. His eyes, which usually searched for the direction for the voice, were facing the window.

Chanyeol glanced at Sehun, who approached Tao’s bed, calling him, “Schatzi, can we please talk?”

Tao finally responded, “Leave me alone,” he mumbled.

“Zi, do you want something to eat?” Chanyeol asked again, but again, Tao won’t respond to him.

“Tao…” Sehun called again, but this time Tao refuse to respond to him either.

“Zi, is there anything that you want to do? To eat?” Chanyeol asked again.

“I want you to leave me alone! Leave me! Leave me like that’s the only thing you could do to me! Go away, I don’t need you!” Tao yelled loudly, bursting in tears at the same time, “Go away!”

Chanyeol felt like he was slapped so hard, suddenly it was hard for him to breathe. It was hard to see Tao cry, because he felt it too. He felt the pain that his brother had, and it hurts him even more to know that he caused it. He was taken aback, speechless, clueless. Sehun was standing still, unable to process what just happened. Tao was angry. Never in his life, he had seen Tao angry.

But Tao wasn’t angry. He was frustrated. Everything was frustrating. Everyone is. Chanyeol is. But he couldn’t say it out loud. There’s too much in his head that he wanted out, yet there’s too little energy to do so. Too little care to do so.

So he sobbed, loud, letting all those words flow through his tears, letting it all out, stopping it from continuing to corrupt his mind.

“Tao,” he heard someone called him softly, an unfamiliar finger wiping his tears, “You need to stop this. You need to start trusting us,”

Another deep voice.

Caring and longing.

“Yifan ge?” he mouthed between his tears.

Kris smiled softly, eyes hopeful, “Yes, Zi. Its me,”

Tao kept his silence, but continued crying. He felt tired. Why is everything that they told him about, was nothing like whatever things that has ever crossed his mind?

His parents passing away, him and Chanyeol being close, him being engaged to his childhood neighbor, and Sehun suddenly being here too after he asked for him; everything seemed scripted, although not impossible. How does this all happen and disappear from his brain?

Why does everyone present in the same room as him, but felt like there’s a distance between him and them? Why does nothing felt like the same? Everything was so different and it’s so hard to get a grip. It’s like he was falling continuously into bottomless well.

“What happened to- to me?” Tao asked, his voice trembling, “Why did I- Why am I like this…“

The next second, his voice disappeared in his own sob.

Kris knew that the younger felt stressed out; that he doubted everything he was told. He took Tao’s hand in his, and softly say, “Look, what if, we start from the very beginning?”

“What beginning?” Tao choked, and Kris could felt tears forming in his eyes too. He’s hurt when Tao is.

“Lets introduce ourselves, everyone will. No lies. We would tell you everything, honestly, every details you wanted to know,”

“No, I don’t know you…” Tao turned his head to the side, not wanting to talk anymore.

“Zitao, just listen to me first…”

“But I don’t know you… I can’t remember you, I can’t remember everyone here, so please, please go away, please leave me,” Tao sobbed, his frustration getting the best of him.

But Kris moved closer, sitting next to Tao on the bed. Tao could feel the other’s warmth close to him and even though a part of him was still panicked and scared, the rest really want to remember who this person was, why he was so nice, so patient, and so familiar, even though at the same time, strange.

“Park Zitao, this is Wu Yifan, Kris, your gege, your childhood neighbor, your fiancé. I will never do you harm, so please trust me. I will give you anything in the world, and I would fetch you a star if you ask me to, but don’t tell me to go away. I can’t be away from you ever again,” his tone of voice was different, but rather than making Tao more frightened, there was something else creeping on his chest. Something he could not recognize yet, “I know this is scary for you, and believe me, it was scary for me too. But I will be here with you, and I will never let you go. I would help you with all my might. So don’t be scared, I got you,”

He was supposed to be even more scared. A stranger promising to be with him through all of this? Isn’t this borderline stalker? Unhealthy obsession? He was supposed to be frightened, screamed for help, for security to throw this person out, and to yank his hand away.

But he found himself holding Kris’ hand back, as tight as he could, returning the hopeful smile to Kris’ face.

He couldn’t even see him yet, and there was too much things he had to keep up with, to remember, to know. But somehow, he knew already, that his heart wanted him.

So in contrast to what he had believed, at the end, he conformed.

Tao let himself trust Kris.

“I am Park Zitao,” he sobbed, “and I couldn’t remember my brother and myself reconciled, nor the fact that he was currently engaged. I couldn’t remember… You. I-I was involved in an accident I couldn’t remember, and I am scared, more than any time in my life. I feel like I am losing everything, my piano, and worse, myself…”

“I… Everything was different, and I am scared,” he sobbed again, “I want this nightmare to end but it just kept on extending like a really bad joke,”

“I…”

“I want to remember…” he finished in certain tone, although his lips were trembling.

But it was enough for Kris. The elder smiled through his own tears, holding Tao’s hand with both of his gratefully, relieved.

“I would help you, Zitao. I would help you every step of the way,”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

GUYS. HOW ARE YOU. I AM ALIVE. hahaha XD

If you are confused, Schatzi in German means "Sweetheart", it's Sehun's nickname for Tao. They both often speak in German because they speak fluently in that language, growing up in Vienna, Austria, where German is the official language. I forgot to put this up on the previous chapter, but here it is keke

comments are loved~

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