CHAPTER 4

Boy, what would he give to be another person just for this moment when every part of his body is aching and his stomach grumbles every passing second.

"I don't get it. I don't ing get it, hyung." Throwing his hands up in the air with the emptiness of the forest they are currently trekking only fuels his frustration. He tried to glare at the clouds. Everything he sees is offending for him at this moment.

"Stop whining."

"You're not helping either. Just because you like killing and I do too, but it doesn't mean I like travelling." Xiumin just snorted beside him.

"WAEEEE!!!"

“You look like a frog.”

He dropped his arms and snapped at his companion but the nerve of the guy just shrugged. "Why can’t anyone understand me?!" he shouted once again just because the echo sounds good. A few birds flew away from the tree they just passed.

A nod.

"The Soldiers' Summit is in Celes. It was like two district away from Ruga, from our last mission but no, we decided to go back to Suri which is outside the last wall and then a day after we're here travelling the same distance again. I hate my life!"

"Want to end it for you?"

"You know what? I'm not talking to you."

"Sure. If you can do it, maybe I'll let you be the one to kill the Commissioner." He paused for a moment but after remembering that this is Xiumin they’re talking about, there is no way that it will happen.

"Pfft. Said the one who lust for blood."

"Ah. You knew me well."

Hoot.

It turns out that even if Xiumin was his partner for this mission, once again, the older still has a different task to carry out. And because he's one of trusted assassin of the organization, he has the privilege of killing the Summit's Commissioner while he'll just assist him. He’s actually surprised that he’s the one paired with him. Camp Uruha, the venue of the summit, is one of the top three Camps located in the whole Alexandria. While Camp Akasha is good enough, Uruha is one of the best. It is expected that some dukes and knights, if lucky, maybe a few earls would be in the summit. So imagine his surprise when this level of mission was given to them, especially him.

"You think we could take some dukes with us back." he asked after a moment of consideration.

"For what?"

"For Hongki hyung?"

"He's only interested in corpses."

Oh, yeah. He forgot.

"Then we'll kill them."

"You kill them. You will also bring them."

"You're no fun."

"Whatever. We’re here.”

After a moment of collecting himself, he glanced up at the familiar orange emblem of District Celes embossed on the grand metal gate that serve as the doorway inside the district. Immediately after the guards saw them, they readied themselves for a round of cough-harassment-cough inspection. He saw Xiumin’s face immediately scrunched up with the thought of some unknown and filthy hands roaming around his body. He hates it the most. He, also, grimaced after a while remembering how he almost killed the last soldier who did the inspection on him.

“Name.” A stern voice cut him from his thoughts. A gruff and bulky man is the one in charge and he prays to all gods he’s not a closet gay. . He’ll kill him if his will be d once again. Who the hell in their right mind would hide a weapon in their ?

“Jin Min Shou.” he hears Xiumin spoke and at the same time recalling whether he’d already used this alias in their past missions or just another made up. But the point is Xiumin always managed to invent acceptable and good sounding names while he just depends on what name would be given to him.

“Identification Card.” Xiumin presented the thing needed.

“27 years old, huh? Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

After a moment of deliberation, Xiumin was ordered to raise his hands up and the scrutinizing hell starts. He did all his best not to laugh at every twitch of his eyebrows and lips.

“Okay, you’re good. You? Name.”  Chen frowned before producing his identification card while secretly glancing at it to read what name he’s given this time. The guy can’t know that he doesn’t even know what he’s called for this mission.

“Jin Zhong Da.” He scrunched up. What kind of name was that? From his peripheral vision, he could clearly see the slight upturn of Xiumin’s lips. Curse Heechul hyung! He can’t even pronounce correctly the name written on his I.D.

“Sore throat?” the teasing voice of the bulky man reached his ears and he had this sudden urge to see blood spluttered in the road. It doesn’t help that his evil of a companion is currently enjoying the scene.

“My brother Zhong Da has a slight cold. Forgive him.” He glared at Xiumin. ing cold in the middle of summer, yeah right.

Instead of answering, he shoved to the guy his I.D and raised his hands while counting camels in his mind to calm himself. After a moment of touching here and there, glad that his was spared this time, they were ushered towards the gate.

“I’ll get back to you.” he whispered sinisterly at Xiumin when they passed the gate.

“Sure.”

--

They found the carriage that will take soldiers participating in the summit in front of the Governor’s Building. As expected Celes is way, way more progressive than any other district he’d already visited.

“ing Masquerade! I will kill each and every member of it if I had the chance.”

One of the soldiers, a small one considering his height, co-riding with them in the carriage is standing and pointing at another soldier on his right. A fight, eh? He can feel Chen glanced up beside him to probably gauge his reaction but as always, it’s blank.

“Pff! How noble your goal is. Very noble. I applaud you.” The taller and paler soldier, the one being pointed, mockingly clapped his hands and leered at the smaller one.

He smirked underneath.

Very noble, indeed.

“What did you say?”

“Ya, do you really think that everyone in this carriage is sharing the same goal you have?” Someone snickers. “Wake up to the reality boy. The only reason we wanted this is to be able to enter Capitol and leave this up thing you call life.”

Ah, so that how is it.

The smaller one immediately searched their eyes for confirmation. While others turn away, he stared at him dead on. Even if he looked away or stare, the boy will never find the answer he’s looking for except for the one he himself believes. There’s still no difference.

I told you so.

“T-take back what you said.”

Ah, the sweet taste of helplessness. Sweet and painful.

“Why would I? It’s the truth. They killed many people, my family, maybe your family also, but the truth still remains. We can’t kill them. So just save your life.”

“No! They killed my sister and my grandmother.” The boy had this astounding determination in his eyes. “I promised on their deathbed that I will avenge them.”

Avenge. Really?

The taller soldier broke into a fit of laughter. “Are you kidding me? Well, tell me if you see them at this moment, what will you do? You’re not even a badge holder. You’re just like an ant for them. Seriously, ing wake up, retard.”

“Oi, oi. You’re getting noisier.” Another soldier with the emblem of Nato on his clothes step up. “I’m sorry boy, but I if I hear you speak of killing Masquerade once again, I’ll kill you by myself right here, right now. Why not let those badge holders do their thing and just focus on entering Capitol as a soldier. Spare your pathetic life and do the world a favor by shutting your mouth up.”

The boy would probably talk more if not for his companion, considering how he immediately forced him to sit down, muttered some apologies.

Xiumin can’t help but laugh internally. Weak people are all the same.

They are better off dead. With their useless blood and body adding to the pile of those same useless ones, he would gladly do it for them. He would tear every limb until their throat is sore from shouting and begging and until they will realize that they are just as useless as they think. In this world, it’s either to fight or not, be killed or to kill. Giving up is never an option.

A small hand finds its way to his bicep and if not for the familiarity it brought, those arms are already torn out of its limbs.

“What?” he asked.

“Your smile is getting creepier once again. Tone it down, will you?” despite Chen’s smile, he could feel the tightening of the hand on his arm and small pulses of electricity coursing through his veins.

‘Calm down, hyung.’

And he actually did.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re not doing anything. Yet.”

He snorted and decided to close his eyes attempting to brush some past memories threatening to come back. A sleep would be the best choice now.

“… Fight, Minseok ah. Fight my son. Don’t let them hurt you more than how broken you are now. Fight baby…”

He never really pegged himself as a fighter. But then ‘death’ changed him and he learned to hate the weak. He despised them. It is them that fed up to those power seekers, authority grabber, giving them outmost satisfaction that they have control over someone.

His eyes have opened to reality a long time ago. When death was the one who taught you all what life could offer, your perspective will be different from everyone. He is the same. He has seen Capitol treat badge holders as sacrificial lamb, playing rock, scissors and paper of who is the next one to offer his life. He has seen badge holders trample ordinary people as if they were just as low as an insignificant insect.

Just like live stock in a farm. And those with power just feast on what kind of meat is good to eat next. Pork? Beef? Chicken? Or all? And if they run out of something to feed them, just grow another live stock and they’re ready to go.

With great power comes great responsibility. . Whoever said that still probably lives in fantasy. Power never equals to responsibility. If so, why are Alexandria divided into districts separated by walls? Why is it a cruel reminder of peoples’ inequality?  If so why are there people killing each other? If so why are there people sacrificing and suffering for something that they aren’t even entitled to? Is that how they define responsibility now?

“… Fight, Minseok ah. Fight. Don’t let them hurt you more than how broken you are now. Fight baby…”

--

Chen woke up when the carriage halted to a full stop. They already arrive, he guessed, judging from the bustling noise outside. The carriage is already empty of people save for the few bags and weapons. Suddenly, a head poked from the carriage door, Xiumin. He nodded at the ice mage before yawning and proceeds to gather his things. Once outside, he could no longer see him. Well, it’s part of the plan, they need to act that they were complete stranger. He supposed to come from Suri and Xiumin from Silas.

After some proceedings, they were ushered inside the camp. Man, Akasha can't compare, the hallways, the office, the common room, the dining area, even their base will feel ashamed. Well, not that they maintain the base or anything. They were ushered into what look like registration booth. He’s assigned to Division N. It seems like Divisions are named after the alphabet. Roaming his eyes, around hoping to catch a mop of bubblegum pink hair but to no avail. Its either he was assigned to a higher or lower letter than his.

"Zhong da."

Well, he would just made acquaintances once in a while to entertain himself until tomorrow night.

"Zhong da."

"Huh? Me?" he jolts out from his musings.

"You're name's Zhong Da right?" A lanky boy with cropped hair was peering at him under his lashes. He's sure he's going to enlist as Capitol soldier? Rebels would sure enjoy breaking his bones.

"Err, yeah. Why?"

"Hmm.. nothing. I thought that maybe it's better to have someone you know before finally going to war and probably die." He started to walk and Chen debated for a moment whether to follow or not. Well, there's no harm, at least he would have a chance to map out if not the whole Uruha but at least half of it.

"Okay."

--

EXO Division arrived at Camp Uruha two days before the start of the summit so they had enough time to tour the camp. Plus the privilege of being a badge holder and coming from Camp Akasha, they were ushered to a different building from where other soldiers would be staying. Luhan thinks Uruha is really amazing. Its technologies are way, way advance from what they have back there. But it did not give him the same comfort that Akasha give. Rather it gave him a feeling of something big about to happen. He’s uncomfortable.

"What's bothering you Lu?" Yixing open the door of their shared room and walked straight to another bed. Sehun and Jongin, whom they also share the room, are currently at the briefing room. Some of them were asked to few dukes and knights coming from the capitol to witness the summit.

"Nothing big. It's just something doesn't feel right."

"About what? That we are finally joining the war after this summit?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. I, actually.. I don't know." he raked his hand across his hair and settle in a chair situated in the table near the bed.

"Are you scared?”

“I don’t know. Are you?”

“..Yes.”

“I guess me too. Who wouldn’t?”

Yixing remains silent for a while, just fumbling on his fingers.

“By the way, uhm.. Luhan.. you know.. how do I say this..” He fumbles more with the bed sheet and the actions made him kind of irritated.”

“Spit it out Xing.”

“Yifan’s here.”

A blink.

“Oh.”

Yixing just stare at him as if contemplating whether to continue talking or not. Luhan already suspected it, more like, expected that they will cross path once again. It was like, what, 5 years already. It’s already high time they met once again. But somehow, he doesn’t want to meet him.

"Where is he?"

"He's talking to Junmyeon right now. It's chaotic. Tao was shouting and Chanyeol nearly burn Yifan. It's good that there are guards to separate them. By the way, he's already a knight."

Yixing was looking at him like someone expecting an answer from an unanswerable question. What would he expect him to say? Because even he, himself doesn't know how to react. Should he shout at him like Zitao? Or maybe hurt him in a way he knew he would be satisfied? As much as he wanted closure from Yifan, not as a co-member of EXO but as his childhood friend, he also had long decided that he no longer wanted anything that would come from the knight.

"I don't know Yixing." he blurted out even though the healer hasn't even asked anything. But this is Yixing, he already knew what is in his head.

"Are you still mad at him?"

He knew he would ask this but Luhan still find himself unable to answer. There’s a time, he had to admit, that what he felt for him is pure hatred. Now, Luhan just don't want to remember those times.

"How about you, Xing?"

Yixing smiles that angelic smile of him and that then he already knew his answer.

"He's happy. He smiles like those smiles when we are still five. Gummy and all." The younger gave him an understanding look. "He finally found what he wanted to do. I can't hate him for that."

He looked away unable to hold his gaze. Am I the villain here now? That he’s still unable to forgive him? What difference would it make actually if he forgives Yifan? Can he turn back Junmyeon to the soft spoken and carefree Junmyeon he knew? Can he stop Zitao from turning into a colder guy every passing day? Can he ease all those burdens they were forced to shoulder when he left? If Yifan can then he’ll forgive him.

“He’s selfish and I can’t forgive him for that.”

“How does one define selfishness actually?” Yixing’s voice is soft but his message gets to him the way he wanted.

Smiling bitterly, thoughts drifting to a certain copper brown hair, pale skin and ebony eyes. “Selfishness is when you care for them yet you refuse to be cared by them.”

Yixing’s gaze softens until a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah, I guess Yifan is selfish.”

--

The day of the summit has finally arrived. EXO division is stationed as guards. Even though they are also participants of the gathering, there is still a possibility that rebels, anti – Capitol organizations or worst Masquerade members will infiltrate the event. It is actually a high possibility since the Commissioner of the Capitol Knights is the one leading this event. That is also why Yifan is here since he was serving him directly.

Tonight will be the oath taking and then tomorrow morning, they will be sent to the frontal to join the war. Junmyeon had called a short meeting but can’t proceed since they are still lacking one member. Huang Zi Tao.

“Yah! Oh Se Hun. You two are together earlier, where is he right now?” Baekhyun’s high pitched voice echoed in the room startling the slacking Jongin.

“Hyung. I’m trying to rest.” Jongin half whines at him.

“He’s just right behind me after we round up the intersection. I thought he was just following me.” Sehun attempted to placate Baekhyun.

“Well, he’s not.”

“Baek, will you calm down? You’re like a girl in her labor.”

“I will pretend I did not hear that Do Kyungsoo.”

Even before Junmyeon could separate the two, a panting Zitao emerged from the doorway. Luhan was startled for a moment when his gaze was the first one he met. He clears his throat.

“Zitao you’re late-

“He’s here.”

Despite how much Luhan hated being cut off, the way Zitao’s eyes continue to smolder him, he bites back his hot retort.

“We already know that Yifan is here. You even shouted a whole novel at him last night.” Chanyeol snorted.

“Not that. Hyung. Xiumin ge is here.”

Luhan felt his breathe left him for a moment, unable to comprehend anything other than what Zitao said. The only question in his mind is a big WHY. Why when he decided to patch up his life, do his past ghosts haunt him back? WHY? First, Yifan, now him? How much more can life possibly wreck him ?

“That’s a bad joke Zitao.” Even Sehun’s voice is dark.

“A lame excuse, really.” Junmyeon shook his head only to be startled by Zitao’s next outburst.

“No! It was him. I knew it was him. The years of us being roommates are nothing if I can’t even recognize his form.”

“Tao.” Junmyeon tried.

“I swear it was him! Sharp jaw. Pale skin. Although he was wearing a hood and talking with another guy, I knew it was him.”

“Zitao.”

“No, gege. Why won’t you believe me? Do you think I would lie about this? Not after Yifan ge’s sudden appearance?”

“Huang Zi Tao! That’s enough!” He could not take it anymore. He just can’t. His head is suddenly filled with memories that he already labelled ‘must forget’.

“Luhan ge, please..” the quiver in Tao’s voice made his defenses falter. But no, he’s tired of this. He’s sick of feeling helpless. He made a promise with Head Leeteuk that he will bring them back even if it means arresting them. They are already criminals. Luhan will not be swayed by those memories and feelings that are not supposed to be existing in the first place.

“It can be true.”

Yixing’s voice is soft when those words were uttered but Luhan knew it was heard by everyone since all of them became silent.

“No, Yixing. We already talked about this.”

“But it can be also true Lu-ge. He, they… Xiumin and... and... Chen.” Yixing suddenly takes a deep breath before continuing with more conviction. “They are members of Masquerade and there is a great possibility that they are here to stop this event.”

At the mention of Chen's name, Junmyeon's face stiffens considerably.

"Yixing, why can't we just accept-

"No. It's not like that anymore Junmyeon." Yixing's voice was surprisingly stern and Junmyeon was shocked for a moment. "I'm not a lovesick fool anymore. I'm just asking everyone to consider what Zitao said."

"We can't because-

Junmyeon was cut off once again.

"Because we're afraid to accept the reality. We fear the truth. I know Lu-ge, the reason why just like Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Zitao, you can't forgive Yifan ge yet isn't because of what he did five years ago but because you can't accept the fact that he already had move on with his life without us."

"Yixing." Junmyeon was half growling now but Yixing speaks more as if he’s pouring out all his pocketed emotions.

"I know it’s really hard but why can't we just accept the fact that Xiumin and Chen are our enemies now? We kept denying it because we still cling to that hope that somehow in a way, they feel the same. But they don't. The fact that they even wanted to kill us, why can't we just accept that? Then maybe we can already move on. Because I'm already sick and tired of blaming them for what could have happen if they hadn't leave. Five years, ge. Five years and we are still stuck in this 'blame them' game."

Yixing desperately held their gazes.

"We can't forever keep back tracking our steps if the reality in front of us is not the reality we wanted. We can't be forever evading if someone will brought up their names. We can't be forever like this. Moving, but not forward."

By the end of Yixing's speech, everyone is silent.

“Please… I just want to move on. But moving on is not all about forgetting, sometimes it’s accepting. Accepting that not all comes the way we wanted. Not forget, ge, but accept.”

Luhan tried to form coherent words but all he can do is open and close his mouth. The air is thick around them. Tension is slowly building and he bets that in any minute now, Baekhyun or Kyungsoo will give a hot retort. He doesn’t know if he can defend Yixing at the moment.

Thankfully, an Uruhan soldier knocks on their door telling them to get in with the formation already and that the inauguration will be starting in any minute now. All members left one by one until it was only him and Yixing left. The healer looked up at him and tried to convince him with his pleading eyes but he doesn’t know what to do at the moment so Luhan decided to brush him off.

“Let’s not talk about this right now Yixing.” And with that he left the room.

He doesn’t know why but he felt angry at the moment. How.. how can he just assume that  he’s not moving on. He is ing moving on! It’s hard and Yixing of all people should know how hard it is. To create your dreams together only to be crashed after some time, Luhan felt like a child again, learning the basics of the world.

He reached his post. It was a semi balcony on the second floor looming the wide theatre-like auditorium below that currently house thousands of aspiring soldiers of the war. From above he could see different colors symbolizing their district origin. It seems like all districts have their own delegates. Luhan realized that this is really happening. Districts which has been in disrupt before are finally uniting as one with one current goal: to end the regime of the Masquerade. To end the sleepless nights brought by war and death plaguing even waking hours. To end the fear that newborns and children are not supposed to feel and hopefully, to create a new world full of better promises.

Revolution.

He let his gaze travel the whole auditorium, sometimes catching glimpses of Chanyeol walking amongst the crowd or Jongin silently leaning in one of the secluded wall, eyes intent on the stage or Junmyeon with his radio phone always in hand. For a while he let himself do this but only to clench his fist when he realized that he’s been unconsciously searching for a mop of chestnut brown hair – his hair color as of what he can remember – in the crowd and felt frustrated afterwards when he can’t even spot one.

Luhan, gather yourself.

His thoughts are cut when the stage light changes. The Commissioner has arrived. Composing himself, he moved further towards the location of the stage. First and foremost objective for tonight is to secure the safety of the commissioner. This is not the time for searching someone who might not be even present. From the sideline, he can see Yifan alert and eyes on the commissioner.

“Greetings fellow Alexandrians.” The commissioner’s loud voice echoed throughout the whole room. Immediately, everyone did the formal salute – right hand balled into fist and settled atop the left chest. A salute which also means ‘My heart is for Alexandria!’

“Tonight we are gathered to witness the proclamation of the Capitol’s decision about the war. Enough is enough! Many had suffered. Many had died. Children, adult, innocent, everyone is affected. And this has to end. For the past three years, we remain silent in hopes that the rebels will come to their senses and surrender themselves to the Capitol but instead of doing that, they even had the guts to widen their army. The day before yesterday, the mayor of District Ruga was killed. Another martyr had again sacrificed his life for Alexandria. We cannot let it happen again, are we?”

“Yes!” the answer to the commissioner was loud and intimidating. Even Luhan, himself was overwhelmed by it and he later found himself shouting with equal fervour and conviction.

“With this burning passion and overwhelming desire to end this war, I urge you fellow Alexandrians to tear the emblem of your District and surrender yourself to the Capitol.”

The soldiers all raised their respective emblem and without second thought tear it. They did the same thing last night after they received their orders.

“For Alexandria!” the commissioner shouted in full voice but the response was a sea of whispers and murmurs.

The lights all over the room dimmed. Panic seeped through his system when the lights continued flickering. What is happening? Suddenly, there was a static sound on his radio phone followed by the voice of Head of Uruha’s Soldier Fleet.

“This is Lieutenant Lee Sungyeol of Uruha Soldier Fleet. Requesting all soldier on standby to surround the stage. I repeat, surround the stage.”

The whispers grew louder and soldiers started to spread either in panic or curiosity. He could see Yifan moving stealthily, nearer the commissioner but the commissioner himself remains undeterred.

“I want everyone to shout and surrender themselves. For Alexandria!”

This time, the commissioner got the response he wanted.

“For Alexandria!” the soldiers repeated in tune with the blackening out of the whole room. There were collective shouts of surprise. Luhan cursed under his breath. He can’t see anything except pitch blackness. Despite that he continues to move forward trying hard to map his way and unconsciously shoving bodies away.

“Baekhyun!”  His radio produces that static sound again.

“I got it.”

In far left part of the room, a light started to spread. It was probably Baekhyun. But why of all gods is he in that place? The stage, despite the growing light from Baekhyun remains dark.

“! The room is wide. Is there any other light wielder ing present in here? And ing move these scaredy cat soldiers in my way!” His radio, despite its static sound clearly conveys the frustration in Baekhyun’s voice.

Without further thinking, Luhan raised himself and leaped down the ten feet height of the balcony, never minding what awaits below him. Thankfully, he landed with minor difficulties due to the Beakhyun’s badge, even though not enough to lighten is enough to see forms of bodies in his side of the room. Immediately, he searched for light mage’s form and upon seeing him struggling to get past the swarming bodies of soldiers, lift him high enough to draw him close to the stage.

What do the Uruhan’s soldiers ing doing at this moment? Can’t they fix the lighting system already?!

Gritting his teeth, he safely landed Baekhyun in front of the stage. Immediately, the stage lit up. But what they saw is enough to made the soldiers present inside the room panic and start to scattered in frenzy fear, all attempting to get out of the room.

The stage is decorated with red liquid. The commissioner’s team’s all lying in the floor with their blood staining their clothes. Yifan was unconscious at the side and few Uruhan soldiers in the premises are all dead.

But, alas! The commissioner himself is missing.

His blood run cold, mouth agape and heart thundering in his chest.

How in the?!

Beautifully decorated in the stage’s wall is blood drawn in an elegant design of Masquerade’s formal emblem, rose.

“SCOUT THE WHOLE PLACE! SEARCH FOR THE COMMISSIONER AND BRING HIM BACK EVEN IF IT COST YOUR LIFE!” the current head of Camp Uruha’s voice echoed in the whole room.

Scampering out the room, dodging bodies swiftly and as fast as possible, Tao’s voice and Yixing’s pleas echoed in his head.