Your Kiss
What Am I To You?
When Daehyun walked up the block of his house, his stomach sank.
Usually his mothers mini van would be the only vehicle parked in their drive way, but today there were two cars. One was the old mini van his parents bought when Taemin was a new born, and the other was his fathers black BMW.
His father was home.
The instant guilt he felt hit him hard. Had he just disobeyed everything his father had taught him?
He unlocked the door and stepped inside. He took of his jacket and shoes and put them in their correct places. Anxiety crept up his throat, almost suffocating him. He hasn't seen his father in what seemed like years, when it has only been a few weeks.
When he made his presents known, his mother called out for him to join the rest of his family in the kitchen.
Daehyun felt like running away or at least going to his bedroom to avoid the painfully awkward experience of seeing his father. Especially after just having made out with his crush. Who happens to be a boy.
Daehyun walks into the kitchen where his younger brother Taemin is eating macaroni and cheese. His mother is busy cleaning the dishes and his father is reading something on his phone.
"Hey mom," Daehyun greets his mother, who hums back. He turns to his father, who still hasn't looked up from his phone even when his son who he has seen in weeks just got home. "Hello father." The relationship between his mother and him is vastly different from his father and his relationship.
Daehyun felt protected with his mother in the house. He felt safe, as if anything that happened or will happen will be okay. Like he can do anything and his mother will stand by his side, no matter what. Then, with his father, he felt like it was more of a boss and employee relationship. As if he lived to impress his father, and not to care about himself.
After standing there for what seemed like an eternity, his father finally looks up.
"Hey Daehyun." He looks back to his phone. No, 'hey son, I've missed you, love you'. He's gotten accustomed to this. He's just thankful that Taemin is too young to realize that they're father could care less about them.
He more or less runs away from the kitchen and to his bedroom.
He closes the door once he knows that his mother hasn't noticed him gone. Daehyun climbs onto his bed and takes his phone out of his uniform pocket.
Daehyun doesn't hesitate to give Youngjae a call. After a few rings, the other answers.
"Hello?"
"Hi Youngjae."
There's a small pause, which makes Daehyun nervous, "Oh hi Daehyun."
"What are you up to?"
"Just finished helping my mom put the groceries away." Daehyun hears some rattling in the background. "She was very surprise to meet you," he said with a small laugh, "she's not mad or anything. Just...surprised I guess."
"Does she know about everything I did?" Daehyun couldn't help but ask.
"Well, she assumed something was wrong when I would come home so upset. I just had to tell her who did it."
"Yeah, that's true."
"She asked if you hurt me when you were here...she asked if I invited you, or if you invited yourself."
"What did you say?"
"That I asked you to come, of course. She also asked if we were friends...I told her sorta."
"What did she say to that?"
"Nothing, just started cooking dinner."
There was a short pause, but it wasn't awkward.
"I'm really sorry about that."
"I know...just don't do anything like that again, okay?"
"Yeah, of course."
Another pause.
"So..." Youngjae says.
"Did you like it?"
"What?" Youngjae was caught off guard.
"You know...the kissing." He whispers, almost as if his father could hear.
"Yeah-yeah I guess...did you?" Daehyun could hear Youngjae chewing at his cheek.
"Yeah..." Daehyun says, almost breathless, "it was...good. Really good."
"Yeah it was."
"Are we...going...to, you know, do it again?" Daehyun asks.
"I don't know if we should--"
"Why? Didn't you enjoy it?"
"Yeah I did...I really did, it's just. I don't know what it means."
"What do you want it to mean?"
"I'm not sure...what do you think it means?"
"That I like you...and that maybe you like me back." Daehyun hoped.
"But--"
"I know that you have no reason to like me back, and that I give you every reason to hate me, but can't you give me a chance?" Daehyun didn't like the sound of himself begging, but he had no choice. "A chance to prove myself?"
"I guess...but only one chance! If you hurt me again I won't be so nice!" Youngjae warned, and it made Daehyun smile.
"Okay..."
"This doesn't mean we're dating or anything, either! We can start out as friends, then if you prove yourself, and only if you do, will we start to date, okay?"
"Yeah of course."
"Okay."
Daehyun was happy. His heart was warm, his whole body was warm with happiness.
"Youngjae?" He calls the others name after a short silence.
"Yeah?" Youngjae answers quickly.
"Did you get...you know...when we were kissing? Did you get..."
"Did I get...?"
"C'mon...you know..." Daehyun was blushing. He didn't want to actually say the word ''.
Youngjae didn't say anything. Daehyun could only here the sound of Youngjae's breathing quicken the slightest.
"Did you...get..?"
"Daehyun, please I don't feel com--"
"I only ask because I don't want to be the only one..."
"...I guess I did, yeah."
Daehyun smiled. "Glad to here it."
"Listen I-I gotta go, my mothers callin' me for dinner. I'll see you tomorrow?" Daehyun could hear he anxiousness in Youngjae's voice.
"Yeah, I'll see you in class. Good night Youngjae."
"Goodnight Daehyun."
--
Daehyun went to sleep very happy that night. He didn't eat dinner with his family, instead he watched YouTube videos until he fell asleep.
He woke up and showered quickly. The night before Daehyun made sure his uniform was clean and ironed. He really wanted to look good for Youngjae.
Daehyun knew that they weren't dating, and that he'd have to make it up big time and make the other believe that he was serious and wanted a real relationship.
As he got dressed, Daehyun started to think up ways that he could show Youngjae his true feelings.
The decides that his first action would be to seat with Youngjae's friends at their lunch table. He thought that maybe getting to know his friends would make Youngjae happy.
He puts on double the cologne and skips breakfast. He'd just brush his teeth, he didn't want to have stinky breath just in case.
His mother kindly drove him to school, Daehyun guessed it was because she wanted his father to sleep in.
Daehyun hopped out of the van and waved good bye to his mother before skipping off to his first period.
Like every other day, he was the first person to be there. He took his seat and waited for his crush to show up.
It wasn't long until Youngjae was walking through the class room door. Youngjae wore his uniform. He looked exactly the same, but completely different at the same time. Instead of him being afraid to go to class, with the fear showing on his face, he looked happy. His skin looked warm and bright and Daehyun could see that he wasn't afraid anymore. It's made Daehyun's heart swarm.
Once Youngjae noticed that Daehyun was there, he stood in the middle of the classroom, staring at the other.
Youngjae stared at Daehyun. He was chewing on his lip so hard, it was turning red.
Daehyun sat awkwardly, waiting for he other to say something.
"Are you going to sit next to me, or just stand there for the rest of the day?" Daehyun asked.
Youngjae flushed and it made Daehyun happy.
Youngjae silently takes his seat next to the other boy. He lays his neon green binder on his desk, his head staying down. Daehyun knew he was too shy to look up.
"Can I get a kiss before anyone else comes in?" Daehyun asks boldly.
The blush creeps down Youngjae's neck. With a small nod, Youngjae slowly raises his head towards Daehyun.
They looked into each other's eyes, and Daehyun could see that Youngjae was truly happy. Daehyun touches Youngjae's burning cheek with his finger tips. He could feel the heat coming from it.
Daehyun wastes no time by cupping the others chin, bringing Youngjae's lips closer to his.
They touch mouths for the first time that day, and Daehyun feels that spark. And he's sure Youngjae can feel it too.
"Good morning." Daehyun's eyes are still closed.
Youngjae moves Daehyun's hand from his face, "Morning." He smiles warmly.
As on cue, Yongguk and Himchan walked into class.
"Hey Daehyun," Yongguk greets his friend, "hello Youngjae." He smiles.
"No fighting today, please, I'm exhausted." Himchan laughs, "Didn't sleep last night...if you know what I mean." He touched his nose with his index finger. The sign of him being with a girl. Daehyun's nose twitches.
He was so open with his ual encounters, it made Daehyun jealous. Maybe in the future he can be just as open too.
He looks beside him at Youngjae who has his nose buried in his notebook.
Daehyun's friends take their seats as the rest of the class starts to pour in.
The noise become louder and Daehyun knows Youngjae is nervous.
He's nervous that Daehyun will go back to his old ways because his friends are here, and everyone else is here too.
He puts a protective hand, instead of his usual possessive one, on the others thigh. It was so open that anyone could see what he was doing. But he didn't care, he knew he had to show Youngjae that he was serious about them.
Youngjae looks at his leg, then up at Daehyun.
Daehyun smiled down at him.
And in that moment, Daehyun knew he had to try his hardest.
Try his hardest to make Youngjae see.
Make Youngjae see how much he loved him.
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