Youngjae's head snapped forward again as another piece of crumpled up paper hit his head. This time Daehyun placed erasers inside of the balls of paper to create more of an impact. Daehyun smirked then winked at the girl on the other side of him. There’s a group of girls next to him who are huddled close together and whispering while looking his way. The girl giggled then bit her lip- a sign of attraction. Daehyun knew the affect he had on the opposite . He's aware that they love his clothes and his hair and most importantly; his eyes. All the females in his school, to his knowledge, liked him. Too bad he wasn’t interested in any of them. Daehyun turned back to Youngjae to throw another paper. Daehyun’s bored and all of his classmates can tell. The teacher is talking about the book they’re reading in class, and Daehyun has no idea what she's talking about- he hasn’t read one chapter of it. The teacher has her back to the class, so she doesn't know what's going on behind her.

Why don't you look at me?
 

  Daehyun thinks to himself when Youngjae doesn’t look up from his notebook. Daehyun can see that Youngjae’s hands are balled into fists on his lap. He’s aware of how uncomfortable he’s making Youngjae right now. He doesn’t want to hurt the other, but Daehyun’s mad that Youngjae didn’t say ‘hi’ to him this morning. It's childish and abusive but the feeling in his heart eggs him on. He hated himself for being like that- so immature- but he decided that it was best for his reputation to keep his feelings inside.  
 

After three more balls of paper are thrown at Youngjae, their teacher finally turned around to yell at Daehyun. Daehyun's movements are halted for the moment. People are looking over at Daehyun and the boy gives them an alluring smile. He tongues at his inner cheek as he stares at the back of his target's head. He's waiting for the teacher to return back to the board before continuing. A girl giggled behind Daehyun but he doesn't notice.

Why are you being like this?

Daehyun squeezed his eyes shut- why can’t his mind be quiet for once. It is his conscious telling him to layoff and apologize. He doesn't because he's selfish.
 

    "Youngjae, give me more paper." Daehyun whispered across his desk at the distressed teen beside him after he ran out of his ammunition. Daehyun reached over his desk to grab at the back of Youngjae's hair after Youngjae remained quiet. He pulled the other's hair taunt then whispered his command again in the younger's ear. Daehyun ignored the hiss that escaped Youngjae's lips as the weaker boy handed him more paper.

 

I hate how you make me feel.

 

Youngjae's head stayed down as Daehyun continues his bullying. Daehyun’s sure that the boy can hear all the snickering and whispering around him and the teacher doesn't bother anymore, he just lets Daehyun do what he wanted. The bell rang, and Daehyun's the first to stand up. He left the room as his best friends Himchan and Yongguk followed.
 

    "Krystal is coming over tonight, Hyung. Can I borrow a ?" Daehyun overheard Himchan asking Yongguk in front of him. Daehyun rolled his eyes and pukes internally when Yongguk says he’s all out. He was easily out of the conversation, his mind being elsewhere. As him and his two closest friends head to their lockers, Daehyun threw a glance towards the four-eyed student across the hall. Youngjae hung his head low after meeting eyes with his bully, then hurrying to get his lunch from his locker. He quickly made his way to the cafeteria where he disappears from Daehyun's sight. Daehyun let out an exaggerated sigh that makes the eldest boy of the trio question. Himchan knows that these past few years of high school has changed all of them, but he thinks Daehyun has changed the most. Daehyun shrugged him off the dragged his feet towards the lunch room.
 

    Daehyun is sitting at their overly crowded lunch table- each day remembering fewer and fewer faces as Himchan and Yongguk grew more followers and gained more groupies. Daehyun can fondly remember the times before when it was just him and his two best friends, and none of these randoms. He smiled to himself as he thinks of the times when the three of them would be held up in Yongguk’s room, spending hours and hours reading and watching anime, playing video games and eating junk food. Even when the mothers would come in and beg them to go outside and do something productive, they still wouldn’t leave the room. He missed those days when he would come home smelling like cheese puffs and Dr Pepper. Daehyun wished he could go back in time and savour those moments, but he is aware that he can’t.
 

    Daehyun first met Himchan and Yongguk when they were in middle school. They had all signed up for the first ever anime club at their school and they ended up being the only ones to show at the first meeting. Himchan nominated Daehyun to be the president of the club because of his extensive knowledge on One Piece and Bleach, and Yongguk agreed. The three of them were inseparable until they graduated from grade nine and entered high school.  
 

    When they were younger, they were considered the 'geek group'. After all, they did watch anime and that typically put them at the bottom of the food chain. Not to mention that they all had bad hair and acne. Daehyun had braces and dry, bleached hair while Yongguk was chunky and Himchan was short. But to their surprise and overwhelming delight, they grew out of their awkward stages of life and into the popular teenagers they were today. Himchan grew taller and his voice dropped several octaves, and he got his sister to properly dye his hair blonde. Yongguk lost the weight and became more charismatic and the playboy of the group. Daehyun took of his braces and got rid of the acne and dyed his hair back to black. And because of these changes in them, they became the leaders of the school where the other students would fall at their feet- fully willing to do whatever Daehyun and his friends wanted.
 

    As he busied himself with his tuna sandwich to distract himself from his loneliness, Daehyun looked across the crowded lunch room at his most favourite person in the world.
 

    Youngjae’s head is turned to the left and looking at his friend- Jongup was it?- his mouth reaching his scrunched up eyes in a big smile. Probably laughing at a joke his friend told, Daehyun concluded. Daehyun smiled to himself because he loved it when Youngjae was happy. But his jaw tightens soon enough when the freshman, Junhong, came over to Youngjae’s side to put his arm around him.
 

    That's how it started each time. That's how that feeling of pure hatred for himself mixed with undoubtable love for the other in the pit of Daehyun's stomach started. If someone were to touch Youngjae, if someone to talked to Youngjae, or if  Youngjae would do something that made his heart skip a beat and his palms sweat- rage, jealousy and violence would build up inside Daehyun's body. It made Daehyun's heart pound with so much anguish that it causes his head hurt when he sees the way Youngjae casually and carefree acted around his friends. Daehyun wished that he was able to act the same way with his long term crush, but he knows he can't. Yes, Daehyun does have a crush on the other boy, contrary to his actions. Daehyun’s unable express his feelings for the younger properly, because he doesn't want to disappoint his overly religious parents and doesn't want to disgust his best friends. So he came up with the not so brilliant idea of hiding his feelings from Youngjae in the only way he knew- through bullying.
 

     Daehyun’s mouth snarled as his eyes narrow down on the other male. He grips the side of the table, making his knuckles turn white as he watched like a hawk. His teeth gritted together when a girl asked if he was alright. He’s not, but  he easily ignored her, his mind is only able to think about one person at the moment.
 

    It's when Youngjae's arm wraps around that stupid freshman's waist that Daehyun found himself standing abruptly, making his chair scrape against the tiled floor in the process. The table's chatter died down quickly as they turned to watch the teen walked to the other side of the room. Everyone knows full well what's going to happen and no one makes a move to stop the fuming teen. Yongguk's eyebrow raises as he watched the fist clenched male. He doesn't fully understand how the other boy can make his friend so angry by doing absolutely nothing at all. He turned the other way, not wanting to see what will happen.
 

    Daehyun stomped his way over to the table that's in the middle of the cafeteria. His fist is in a tight ball, his teeth clenched together. He can feel the eyes of the rest of his student body on him, but his mind and eyes are too clouded with jealousy to care. Jongup looked over his shoulder, his eyes widening as he sees the teen closing in on them. Fear is shown on his face, a look Daehyun is too familiar with. Before Jongup can warn his friend about what's going on, Daehyun already has a fist full of Youngjae's hair.

 

I'm so sorry.

Before any words are said, Youngjae's face is slammed against the lunch table, it now being covered in rice and curry; his lunch that he didn't get a chance to eat. A loud gasp from Youngjae's friends and the audience who's watching is heard throughout the now silent lunch room as Daehyun rubbed Youngjae's face in it a little before releasing his hold on his crush's head.

    There’s a bitterness on Daehyun’s tongue and he watched they way Youngjae slowly raised his head. Chucks of chicken and rice fall from his face and onto the table. Daehyun noticed the wetness in Youngjae's eyes but he painfully ignored it. He watched as the teen’s best friend’s hurried to wipe away the sauce off of the his face. A dull ache in his heart is felt as he puts his hands into his uniform pockets, "," he spits. Daehyun his heel, marching back to the table full of his peers who are too eagerly to congratulate Daehyun on him humiliating the other boy.

     “Wow Daehyun, you really showed him who’s on the top of the foodchain.” A girl sitting on a guys lap said once Daehyun arrived at the table, eyeing him up and down while biting her lip. Wasn’t she dating that guy she’s on? Why is she looking at Daehyun like he’s a piece of meat.

     Daehyun faked a smile. He’s not hero. He’s a sad excuse for a human being.He looked behind him but Youngjae's already out the door. The feeling of guilt washed over the 17 year old quickly. He wanted to cry. He wants to run after the boy, get down on his hands and knees and apologize but he's too late. He's four years too late.

     Daehyun's has had a crush on the other since the first day of their first year of high school. He was sitting at the back of his class with Himchan and Yongguk, the three of them gushing over their new school and teachers. The bell rang as the class settled down, waiting for their teacher to introduced herself, but before she could a small figure runs into class- breathless and sweating. His glasses were about to fall off of his petite face as he took a seat in the front row. Himchan snickers, making the flustered teen snap his head back. His embarrassed eyes on the three boys. Daehyun felt his mouth go dry as the boy stared at him. His breath became shorten as they eyed each other. Shortly after he turned away, and Daehyun can breathe again.

     It took Daehyun three weeks of trying to talk to the shy boy, but coming up empty handed each attempt to converse with Youngjae. His friends founded it weird that he was going out of his way to be friendly with the other only to get ignored in the end. After what seemed like the fifth time during one history class to get the boy to even look at him, Daehyun gives up. They haven't shared eye contact since that first day of school, and Daehyun's finally fed up with it. If Youngjae didn’t want to be his friend, he didn't have to be.

      As Youngjae got up to walk toward the door after asking for the bathroom pass, he walked past Daehyun (it took a lot of convincing and five bucks to get Minhyuk to switch seats with him) and the teen accidentally tripped over Daehyun’s extended leg. Before he could apologize, Youngjae looked up from the ground and stared wide eyed at Daehyun. Pride and joy is what Daehyun felt as he finally was able to get his crush to acknowledge him.

     From then on Daehyun has been mistreating Youngjae, and it now being the beginning of his last high school year- nearly four years after meeting the boy that made his world turn upside down- Daehyun makes no plans on stopping his bullying Youngjae. Since it's the only way to make the other notice him. At the time Daehyun didn’t understand the feelings he had for Youngjae. He thought that he just wanted to be friend’s with Youngjae, but now he knows.

     He’s gay and he has a crush on Do Youngjae; the shy and beautifully awkward teen at his school.