All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter

“And we’ll have two kids, three if the first two are both boys or girls, just to try our luck the third time around, and live in a cottage by the beach. I’ve invested a bit here and there, so I’ve pretty much got the down payment for the cottage already.”

“Aren’t you getting a bit ahead of yourself?” Kibum stretches on the grass with an exaggerated sigh, popping his bones as he does so, and squints away from the sun. “Like, you haven’t even met your soulmate.”

“It doesn’t matter. Whatever shape she comes in, I’ll love her just the same.” Jonghyun secretly hopes that his soulmate will be pretty, but he’s not too worried that he’ll get stuck with the human version of Jabba the Hut. Soulmates have a tendency to resemble one another and he’s pretty hot, if he’s allowed to say so himself.

“Weren’t you just saying that if she has short hair, you’ll trade anything to get her to grow it long?”

“I think it’s fair enough if I’m offering to do something she wants in return. It’s called give and take, Kibum, which is a concept you really should familiarise yourself with.”

“ off.” An evil smile forms on Kibum’s face. “What if she’s like… balding? What then? And what if she has a phobia of drowning, or sand phobia, and she can’t live by the beach?”

“I hope your soulmate is a girl,” Jonghyun snipes. He’s not the straightest ruler in the pencil case, but he’s nowhere near as bent as Kibum. He used to wonder, sometimes, what it would be like to have Kibum as a soulmate; they are best friends and Kibum is ridiculously beautiful, but it’s clear that he’s not what Kibum is looking for in a soulmate.

His ill wish doesn’t scare Kibum at all. “You know you’ve lost when that’s your best comeback.”

“What about you then? You’re telling me you don’t daydream about meeting your soulmate, or that you don’t any preferences at all about their habits or looks or whatever?”

“Desire is the root of all suffering,” Kibum replies. “I mean, I wouldn’t want my soulmate to be a mass murderer or a racist or something, but unlike you, I’m not sitting here hoping for a pretty girl with long hair and apple cheeks who likes anime and dogs and who wouldn’t mind being ripped from civilisation so that you can fulfill your fantasy of living by the sea, because that’s the surest path to disappointment.”

“You’re such a downer.”

Kibum looks at his watch. “Well, this downer has to go to class now. See you for noraebang tomorrow night? Jinki’s going to be there, and Joonmyun and a couple of other guys.”

“Sure.” Jonghyun is done for the day, which means that he can continue lazing on the grass and daydreaming about his soulmate without Kibum’s snide remarks.

~

Sometime around midday, when the sun’s rays go from pleasantly warm to uncomfortably sharp, Jonghyun pulls himself off the grassy lawn and starts walking out of the performing arts faculty’s park.

He’s just wandering along aimlessly when he feels it; the tug, the bubbling of magnetism coming up from the depths of his stomach to spread to every inch of him.

It’s time. He’s about to meet his soulmate.

Looking around, Jonghyun tries to see whether his soulmate is within visible distance; she must be, given how strong the feeling is. It’s almost too much to bear, and his heart feels like it’s going to burst. He used to wonder how people just knew, but even after reading gossip magazines and science journals, he still hadn’t any idea if he’s mistake it for any other emotion like ual attraction or a deep friendship. Now that he’s feeling it, though, he realies that it’s not something that he could ever mistake.

It runs deep within him, like an underground river.

He knows right then that this girl is the one he wants to spend his life with.

And then, he spots her.

There’s a small duck pond by the entrance of the park. Beside it is a tall girl, struggling to control a large dog.

Score one, Jonghyun thinks, remembering Kibum’s list of things his soulmate won’t be. She likes dogs, if nothing else.

She’s got long auburn hair, pulled back in a messy ponytail. Score two.

At this point, Jonghyun is willing to bet anything that she’s pretty; she’s slender, although her shoulders look as broad as his – then again, he is on the small side – and although he can’t see her face, he’s sure she hasn’t got a hare lip or horrible acne.

As he gets closer, he realises that she’s trying to carry her dog away from the pond. There are ducks in the pond, and it appears that her huge and somewhat overweight golden retriever wants to go in the pond too, and she’s currently doing a most unwomanly backward waddle trying to pull the dog back.

He’s close enough now to hear her.

“…ing hell… stop embarrassing me…”

Okay, so she sounds a little… masculine. He can’t really point fingers, seeing how his voice is breathy and nasal at times. It doesn’t matter that she swears; Jonghyun would be swearing too, in her situation.

“Come on, Eve,” she pleads with the dog. “My soulmate is nearby and I don’t want to meet him covered in duck -”

It’s a good time to step in, so Jonghyun does so, his heart beating a heady rhythm against his ribcage “Hi.”

The girl squeaks with shock and lets go of the dog. The dog leaps into the pond, sending ducks, water and aquatic flora everywhere. She groans in despair and sinks to the ground. It’s not the romantic meeting Jonghyun was expecting, but he likes it.

“Sorry about that,” he says, crouching by her. “I’ll help you catch your dog.”

The girl doesn’t say anything; she’s got her head down, but Jonghyun can see her flaming red cheeks. She’s shy, he realises, squeeing internally.

“I’m Jonghyun,” he says, extending a hand.

She takes his hand in a surprisingly hard grip, and for the first time, lets him see her face. “Taemin.”

It takes a moment for it to click. The low voice, the swearing, the male name, the adam’s apple bobbing in her – his – throat.

Taemin isn’t a girl. Well, not biologically, at least.

“Uh, you’re a boy?” It’s not the brightest thing to say, but Jonghyun can see his hopes and dreams crashing before him and can’t be bothered with politeness.

“Yes, I’m a boy.” Taemin’s brows furrow. “Actually no, I’m not a boy. I’m a man. Erm… sorry about the dog. I’ll drop him off at my place real quick and maybe we can have lunch, get to know each other? Unless you have a different idea?”

The word ‘man’ echoes in Jonghyun’s skull. Taemin must have seen the change in his expression, because he asks “Hey, are you alright?”

“Fine,” Jonghyun squeaks. He stands up. “Uh, sorry, I just remembered I have class.”

“I’m sure your lecturer would understand,” Taemin says, jumping to his feet as well. “It’s not every day you meet your soulmate. And you promised to help me catch Eve.”

“I think you’re mistaken. I’m not your soulmate.”

That’s when Jonghyun turns and walks away. He makes it to the edge of campus before breaking into a run, keeping his head ducked so that random strangers can’t see the tears streaming down his face.

It’s not a reaction he’s proud of. In fact, as he wanders aimlessly around his room in halls, the memory of betrayal and hurt in Taemin’s eyes dogs his steps. He makes tea for himself, with shaking hands, and sips on the steaming hot brew. It burns his tongue, but he barely feels the pain.

It’s not like he has anything against gay couples. He’s dated and slept with boys before too, he knows how charming they can be.

But that charm is not something he’s looking for in a soulmate. All his life, he’d dreamt of having a family like his own; a loving, affectionate father, a kind and understanding mother and a sibling who is equal parts ally and enemy.

He’ll never have that now.

~

When nothing – not even watching Roo chase a laser dot – is able to stop tears from leaking out of the corners of his eyes, Jonghyun calls Kibum.

The phone is answered on the sixth ring, just before it’s about to go to voicemail, and Kibum’s sleepy voice comes on. “Yes?”

“Ki-” Jonghyun’s voice breaks before he can say Kibum’s name.

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