I stared at Kyuhyun.

What am I suppose to say?

Oh yes, I totally did! Because well, I totally failed in life during that time! No friends, barely any family, no one to cry to… I wanted death. I wanted to die.

I looked at Kyuhyun. “Well?”

I bit my lip. “Hey Kyuhyun,” I started, “do you wanna know why I don’t like calling guys ‘oppa’ when I first meet them?”

He blinked for a bit. “What do you mean?”

I forced a closed smile. “There was a guy I REAALLLY liked in, I believe, 8^th grade. I already liked him for two years, but I never told anyone about it. But, the first time that I had enough courage to confess my feelings to someone… He turned me down, saying that he was in crazy for my so-called ‘friend.’” My forced grin widened, and I looked at the ground, “I was heartbroken for that, because, well, he was one of my closest friends. He was my only male friend I had at the time.”

“What about Key?”

I laughed, “I met Key when I was 5. He was my first boyfriend, can’t you believe that?” I joked. “When we were little, he would sneak out from home to give me a handful of handpicked flowers so that I could kiss him.” I chuckled.

“Lucky kid and he never lost points?”

“Not even once, unlike a certain Bed Head that I know of,” I smirked.

He placed his hand over his heart and acted hurt, “Hurtful?”

“You know I love you!” I said, playfully hitting his chest.

“Wait, what?” he suddenly said, sounding surprised.

“What?” I replied, obviously confused.

He put one hand on my shoulder. “Did you say that you love me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable he was being at the moment. “Yes, I do love you. But I also love Donghae, Henry, Teukie and well… every member in Suju.”

He pouted. “You’re mean, you know that?” he turned around and crossed his arms, “I’m not talking to you!”

I looked at him then quickly pulled him around to look at me “Kyuhyun, I’m Alex, you should’ve known that by now.”

He smirked. “I know, but, other than that, continue with your story,” he answered as he laid back down and grabbed my hand.

I sighed, “Well, I dunno, I guess you can say that I was heartbroken. A year after that happened, dad died–I think–I believe that dad dying was the reason why I was suicidal the most. I had always been alone, so losing dad was… Well, dad was a really close friend to me. So when he was gone, my world became dark–and–I was no longer that happy girl that would smile at everything, but I became that silent person that would only read manga and watch anime. I never talked to anyone during my middle school years. I was… I was that miserable chick that would pity herself going, ‘My dad died, I have no friends, my family hates me’.” I gave a fake laugh, “Looking back, I hate myself. My biggest regret was that I didn’t get to enjoy my youth, but instead, I worried about becoming an adult. I mean, worrying about how everyone would think of me when in the end, no one cared if I did something stupid, they only cared if I messed up. ”

I felt Kyuhyun tightening his grasp on my hand.

I smiled at him. “That’s when suicidal thoughts came in. I kept on pitying myself so much that I thought, ‘If I died, no one would care’. The feeling of loneliness: When it hits you, it hurts. You have no idea how much pain I had to go through, trying to soothe all the hurt that life caused me. I soon started to cut myself. Every cut was for every wrong thing in my life, and trust me, my arm was full of blood during the winter.” I sighed, “The thought of suicide was so close, and it was really scary...  But, being raised from a Christian home, I was scared. I was scared because I didn’t know if I was a true Christian, I was scared that I would burn forever in Hell, I was… I was just scared. Soon, my aunt found out about my suicidal thoughts when she found all the cuts on my body. And boy was she mad. She never told my mom about it, but convinced her to let me study in America since she knew that if I stayed in Korea that my emotions would be even worse. At first, I refused. Because the last time I studied in America, I hated it. But in the end, I still went because of my aunt’s continual begging.”

“So, what happened?”

I looked at Kyuhyun and smiled, “Veronica. That’s what happened.”

He rose an eyebrow, “What?”

“Verni. Aish,” I smiled, “you will not believe how much I love that strange, little girl! She’s probably my lifesaver.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when I first came to America, I hated it. I hated the smell, how salty and greasy the food was, and well, I just hated it! I hated everything about it! Verni was–well–she was one of the few people that could understand me. I hated it, but she was. When she found out about…” I sighed, “When she found out about me cutting myself, do you know what she said?”

“What?”

“She yelled at me going, ‘AISH! KOREAN GIANT! ARE YOU INSANE!?’”

“I’m sorry?” he asked, taken aback by my words.

“Sounds strange–that the simple phrase itself saved me, but… I don’t know, when dad died, no one yelled at me for doing things wrong anymore. I felt as if no one cared. So when Verni said those words, I felt as if someone cared. Later on, when she found out about my suicidal thoughts, her exact words were, ‘Sweetie, you are loved. We were all made for a purpose, we just haven’t found out exactly what purpose that is.’”

“Just those words?”

I nodded, “Those words were the only things I needed to hear.” I bit my lip. “Kyuhyun, you gotta understand, when dad died, I felt like the world lost its meaning.” I sighed while he stared at me. “Well, long story short: The person who I am now is completely different from the person I was back then.”

“Hey Alex,” Kyu started, “if the you back then was sad and depressed, how come you’re so happy now?”

“Hmm… I’m not sure,” I laughed, “maybe it’s because my life got a whole lot better ever since America and other things happened.”

“Other things as in~?”

“Well, I guess living with Super Junior changed my prospective in life. At first, I hated it. The thought of living with a Korean idol group didn’t sound good at all. Heck, it sounded scary! I mean, I always knew you guys had a lot of fangirls, but I never expected to get beaten up thanks to them!  But when I heard about you carrying me all the way to the hospital, I was touched. I mean, the last time someone did that to me was Donghae.”

“Really? What happened with Donghae?”

I smiled, “Asking a lot of questions today, aren’t you, Mr. Cho?” I joked; he gave me his famous lopsided smile. “When I was in middle school, some guy decided to fight with me. I don’t remember why, but he started to punch me.”

“Wait, a guy?”

I nodded, adjusting myself so that my head could rest on my arm, “It sounds weird doesn’t it? But that’s what happened. I don’t know why, but the guy started to punch me, starting with my face. He wasn’t even in middle school! He was a high school student, too! But thanks to my height, he thought I was in the same school with him. He was so mean, I didn’t even know why at first! But the guy started to beat me up until I was bloodied and all. That’s when Donghae came in: He jumped the guy yelling, ‘HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY LITTLE SISTER?!’ and started to beat the crap out of the guy!” I started to laugh, “That guy lost two front teeth that day, Donghae got a restraining order, and I got permanent chubby cheeks.” I patted my cheeks, “But I think they’re a good thing since you like them so much!”

He smiled. “Knowing the reason how you got them, they’re not chubby, but they’re swollen…”

I shook my head. “It’s fine. After a while, I started to like them!” he nodded and closed his eyes.

“So… Did you ever find the reason why he was like that?”

“He thought I was his ex…”

“What?”

“Mhm. It’s really weird, apparently his ex cheated on him–with a girl… So, yeah…” I awkwardly laughed.

Then there was an awkward silence…Did I make him nervous? What should I say? Of course he would be nervous! He doesn’t even know what to say in this type of situation!

Come on Alex! Think! Think! Ah! B-Brain blast!

“Ah, hey Kyuhyun, I finally watched Super Junior foresite!” I announced to change the mood.

He looked at me with a shocked expression. “Oh really? Which episode?”

“Hmm…I’m not sure, I wasn’t paying any attention since I was cooking for myself, butI watched the scene where Eunhyuk was in a black wig, and he was dancing to a song, and you were wearing some nerdy outfit and Eunhyuk was hitting on you.”

“…”

“The newest one I believe.”

“Ahh! I remember!” Kyu snapped his fingers, “What about it?”

“Mmm~” I shook my head, “I thought you were really cute in that geek outfit! You should wear clothes like that at home!”

“Oh really?” he smirked.

I gave him a small nod, “Mhm!”

Grinning, he suddenly pulled me closer, “Do you wanna continue talking or do you wanna go to sleep?”

“I don’t think I can fall asleep now,” I laughed.

“Should we go to my room?”

“I would agree, but I’m too lazy to walk…” I yawned, “Good night!” I closed my eyes, but then I felt Kyuhyun’s arms around my body. The next thing I knew, I was in midair with Kyuhyun holding me. “Kyuhyun?!” I yelled in a whisper.

“I don’t wanna wake Yuna up,” he whispered, carrying me out of the room. I held on to his neck and smiled a little.

Am I the only one that thinks that this is cute?

He placed me on his bed. “Do you wanna watch some TV?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. He his TV, “What do you wanna watch?”

“Ah! Cartoons! Are they on?” I clapped.

He looked at me and gave a “Heh.”

I looked at him.

“You’re such a child.” he laughed.

I beamed. “I get that a lot.”

Then there was an awkward silence. Kyuhyun scratched the back of his head and stared at the TV while I was panicking, trying to think of a conversation.

“Ah! Kyuhyun! Your birthday was yesterday, right?” I clapped.

He looked at me and nodded. “What can I do to make up for yesterday?”

“Its fine, you don’t have to do anything,” Kyu smiled as he looked at the television.

I pursed my lips. This would not do. “Hey Kyuhyun, do you wanna go out on a date?”

He turned his attention to me, “What?”

“Date!” I clapped and stood up, “Let’s go on a date!”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Don’t you wanna go on a date with me, Kyuhyun?” I pouted, “So you’ve lost interest in me? Is that it?”

“Er, no, it’s not that. It’s just that, you don’t usually ask for that, or you don’t find interest in me at all…”

It’s because I feel bad for you who spent an hour cooking that death trap, thinking that it would taste good!

“Is that a yes or no?”

“Yes, it’s a yes. So when do we go on our date?”

“You pick.”

“How about right now?”

“Now?”

He grabbed my hand, “It’s not like anyone’s going to notice! We’re in comfy clothes–all I gotta go is put on a hat, and then people would think that we’re normal, lazy college students who are on a date.”

He shrugged.

“You act like you’ve done this before…”

“I’ve dated other girls before,” he shrugged, “I’m not really new at the dating game thing.”

“Oh…” I nodded and walked out of the room. “Hurry up and find that cap of yours,” I muttered and walked towards the front door.

I put on my flats and let my back rest against the wall. Kyuhyun ran out of his room with his cap and sunglasses on. “Ready to go?” he asked while adjusting his cap and fixed his jacket.

I smiled, nodding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were just walking down the sidewalk together: no words were said, no eye contact was made, and no skin ship at all. We were walking side by side, a foot apart from each other.

I bit my lip. “Should I start a conversation?” I thought, and then shivered.

Aish! Why did I forget to bring a jacket?! Not even a long sleeved black shirt can help me retain any warmth! Should I ask Kyuhyun for his jacket?

I turned to look at him, and then shook that thought away. He’s wearing the same thing as I am, and that jacket’s the only thing that’s keeping him warm.

Man u,p Alex! Man up!

“So where do you wanna go?” he asked, finally starting a conversation.

“Anywhere’s fine,” I replied.

“There’s a park somewhat near the Han River; it’s kinda like Botanic Gardens… I hear from the other guys that it’s a great place for late night dates since the place closes late on Saturdays.”

“Really? When does it close?”

“One in the morning, I don’t know why either, but I guess the owner pities celebrities since we date only at night.”

I pursed my lips again while nodding my head, “Alrighty then, let’s go!” I said, grabbing his wrist. He pulled away; I turned towards him as he interlaced my fingers with his.

“This is easier if we’re going to run,” he smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were outside the gates of Korea’s version of Botanic Gardens. The place was surrounded by nine feet tall, black gates with cement bricks on the bottom. Kyuhyun’s grasp on my hand tightened as he started to pull me into the park.

“I heard it’s pretty at night here,” he started, “so I thought you might like it.”

I looked at him. “And why would you think that?”

He turned his attention to me and gave me a confused face, “Don’t girls like flowers and pretty things?”

I giggled, “Mhm, but you’re forgetting that I’m not a normal girl.”

I didn’t let him respond, but instead, continued. “Yes, because normally, girls don’t pretend to be a guy for half a year, come back, make a Korean pop star fall for her, then go out on dates with him, now do they?” I beamed while looking at him. “You’re cute, you know that?”

“I get that a lot.” Kyuhyun hooked arms with me, I looked at him. “

Let’s go then!” Kyuhyun started to run, pulling me alone the way.

I looked at the gold plate that was nailed to the wall. It had the schedules of the garden:

Monday-Friday 8AM.-10:30PM.

Saturday-Sunday 9AM.-1AM.

So Kyuhyun was right…

“Hey Kyu, what time is it?”

“It’s 10P.M.”

I nodded my head as we started to walk into the part of the garden that had flowers in it. We were walking around in complete silence once again.

Aish! What do I do now? Should I act cute? Guys like that right?

“Hey Kyuhyun! Look at that one!” I pointed to pink flowers. “They look like mini versions of cherry trees.”

He walked over to look at them. “Huh, they kinda do.”

I looked around. “Ah! They look like little mold balls!” I pointed.

“Mold balls?”

“Mhm! Look at it! They’re, like, grey and all that!”

“I guess.” he shrugged.

We walked around the bricked road in complete silence. We were walking side by side again, but this time we were six inches apart from each other. He stared at the roses (that were the opposite direction from me) while I was staring at the lilacs that were in the other direction. I turned to look at him.

Shouldn’t the guy start the conversation? I mean, shouldn’t he at least try to make the atmosphere less awkward? I mean, we’re already awkward as it is! Can’t he man up and make it less awkward? Or should I start a conversation? Should I do something? Should I say something really cute again? What do I do?

I shook my head and turned my attention to the hedge maze that was covered in lights.

THAT’S IT!

“Kyuhyun!” I started, and pulled his arm, he turned his attention to me, “Kyu, I wanna go in a maze!” I smiled, and he stared at me.

“Alright,” he started and walked in with me.

We walked into the maze. “Kyuhyun, do you wanna play a game?”

He started to get interested. “What’s the prize?”

“10 points,” I said, raising both of my hands.

“So what do I have to do?” he smirked.

“Find me in,” I grabbed his phone from his pocket and set the alarm. “Ten minutes, but you gotta give me,” I set a timer, “One minute to hide myself.”

“Deal.”

I grinned, and pressed start, handing him the phone, and started off. I kept on running to wherever my legs would take me. Then I heard Kyuhyun’s iPhone go off.

Crap! Out of time already?!

I ran even faster and found a hiding spot. Perfect! I quickly sat on the grass and waited for Kyuhyun to find me. Couldn’t be that hard right?

“ALEX!” Kyuhyun yelled, I giggled a little bit and waited a little bit longer.

I listened to my fast heartbeat as I was breathing heavily. I shivered thanks to the cold air and fidgeted in the grass. Did it rain earlier?

Aigo! Even if it did, I probably didn’t notice because I was trying to get out of talking to Kyuhyun.

That’s when the lights turned off…

That’s creepy…

Is there a ghost or something? No, not ghost, power outage? No, it could be a crazy serial killer running around trying to find a new victim! Aigo! Note to self! Never watch Criminal Minds! What if the serial killer is coming? What if he kills Kyuhyun?! NO! NOT KYUHYUN! Then E.L.Fs would be depressed, then wonder why he was in the parks, then somehow find out about me, then kill me for killing their precious maknae! Oh no! I’m gonna die!

I heard a rustling sound. I placed my hands over my mouth.

Please leave! Don’t kill Kyuhyun! Don’t kill me either! I don’t want Kyuhyun to find a bloody me!

The rustling sound came closer and closer.

I don’t wanna die yet! I still have a life to live, a family to live for, a Yunho to stalk! I’m not even married yet! I wanna be married and have kids or just know what if feels like to sleep with someone before I die! I’m not even an English teacher yet! I’m a lowly janitor!

I felt something quickly run up my back. “GYAAAAA!” I screamed, and stared at the creature that climbed on my back.

…A squirrel.

Sighing, I got up from my hiding spot. Kyuhyun probably heard my yell… I quickly ran around the maze.

“Alex?” Kyuhyun’s voice rang, I saw a blue light heading my way. I bit my lips and started to run. “IT IS YOU! COME BACK HERE! I FOUND YOU!”

“YOU GOTTA CATCH ME FIRST!” I yelled.

“AISH! THAT WASN’T PART OF THE DEAL!”

“I DON’T CARE! CATCH ME!” I screamed, still running away from him. I saw a blocked path, and ran to the right, then left, left again. I suddenly slipped a little bit thanks to the wet grass, giving Kyuhyun a chance. He grabbed my wrist and turned my around to give me a tight hug.

“I win.” he smirked, the next his alarm blared. He took it out. “Just in time too,” he smiled, turning off the alarm.

“Aish, alright. But how do we get out?” I asked him.

He looked at me, “We’ll find a way,” he replied. “Unless,” he started to wiggle his eyebrows, “you wanna be here for the rest of the night with me.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “You nerd!” I chuckled. “Aigo, any who, let’s find a way out!”

We started to walk around. “Hey Alex, how many points do I have now?”

I stopped. Come to think of it…I lost track…

“Seventy-five?” I replied, sounding unsure.

“What?”

“Seventy-five.”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“Wow, and I thought I lost 60 points because of the whole ‘my cooking almost killed you’ thing!” he laughed, I pouted my lips.

“Stupid Q,” I mumbled. “I’m not that mean!”

We kept on walking for around 10 minutes.

“AISH! ARE WE EVER GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?!” I yelled, kicking the hedge.

“We will,” he replied and patted my head. I puffed out my cheeks, and he pinched them.

“Don’t they have a map out here or something?”

After 20 minutes, we were finally out of the maze. We walked back towards the gates to see them closed.

“What?!” I blinked, running up to the gates and started to shake them, “YOU’RE KIDDING ME RIGHT?!” I yelled, shaking the gates even harder, “SOMEONE! OPEN! Kyuhyun, what time is it?!”

“It’s only 11.”

“B-but why is it closed—WHAT DAY IS IT!?”

“Saturday, of course”

“Check!”

He took out his phone, his eyes immediately widened, “Its Friday…”

I shook the gates one more time and hit them. “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!”

“It’s no problem; all we gotta do is climb out of here.”

“What?” I turned to him to stare at him, “Climb out of here?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'