Someone knocks, it's 7 am, i'm late. I don't want to get up, i don't want to go to school. There won't be Byungjoo but Hojoon and Jiho will be there. Actually the person i don't to see today is Dongsung. I had some kind of a dream and i realised he was just crying to explain what he's done, he's just lame. Or maybe i'm lame, i just hate him because he knows Byungjoo and he's in love with him... And if i remember the other guy had also a crush on him, so it could mean Byungjoo would be with him, and probably stop talking to me. No ! Dongsung's a bad guy and Byungjoo knows it... but ain't i just trying to lie to myself ? It's useless, the only thing i can do is wait. My mother (i know it's her) knocks once again.

-Hansol, sweetie open the door. Your father's here.

Awesome.

-I just feel sick mom~

I can already imagine her angry face behind the door. I just don't know why but it seems like i've gained some courage and i kinda want to provoke her, and my sister too.

-Come on... you're never sick, now get out, say hi and go to school !

-Okay...

I get up and get dressed. When i go down stairs this man's here, smiling at me. I want to slap him, he's so stupid. Does he really think i see him as my father ? Nonsense. Well i greet him with a smile and go out quickly. My sister follows me, i want to push her away.

-Hansol, i gave you a chance and didn't tell mom so bring me to your school.

-Byungjoo's at hospital so even if you go to school you won't see him.

She looks at me with anger and i let he follow me with a sigh. Once i enter the classroom she realises Byungjoo's not here and leaves, flustered.

After a long day at school i just don't feel like going home so, yay i'll pay a visit to that guy. I'm looking for the room he stays in with Sangkyun and Sangwon. When we come in he's listening to music, eyes closed, in another world. Sangwon goes near him and pushes softly his shoulder. The guy open his eyes and looks around the room with fear, he's kind of day dreaming. He was waiting for an awful picture, for someone trying to hurt him so he didn't react when he saw us.

-Byungjoo are you okay ?

-Well... i've seen worse i guess...

-Yay but better would be great too. Says Sangkyun.

-It's okay guys, there's nothing to care about here... just let me rest and heal, i'll come back...

They seem surprised, i'm more like shocked. Does this mean he'll be our friend ? I already regret coming here. Now i know why i should run away from him, i always get involved in his stories, problems or else, maybe because i like him ? Maybe because i'm like him. Each time i see the broken light in his eyes reminds me of loneliness, of how awful it is and i want to thank life i still have a few friends. This light might be one of the things that are making me falling deeper and deeper for him, seriously i can't get away from this trap anymore. I'm caged by my own feelings and thoughts. I sigh and they all look at me once again.

-Does this mean we're friends Kim Byungjoo ?

He looks at me, with something different in his eyes. Curiosity ? Surprise ? I don't know. The « sang-duo » leaves and i want to follow them.

-Hey Kim Hansol...

I turn around and see his hesitant face.

-I want friends, i just don't know how to deal with it i guess...

-Of course you know... because you can't forget about the friends you used to have and we're here because we want to be with you so there's nothing to do, just live.

-Well maybe you're kinda right.

-I am, for once.

He smiles at me, now i'm dying inside. I see his sad looks and i just want to embrace him, to keep him to myself and never let him go. I bit my lips without noticing and suddenly my phone rings.

-Hey brother...

-Aiish... will you stop bothering me ?

-Well if you tell me where that Byungjoo hottie stays...

-Er...Joo-ya...

He looks at me, surprised, i guess.

-My sister wants to pay you a visit...

-Just let her come.

-You sure ?

-Yay.

-Okay sis i'll send you the adress.

I hang up and see he's still looking at me.

-You didn't want her to come ? He asks.

-Not really...

-Why ?

-Well it's kinda hard to explain you see... At home i'm totaly rejected by my mom and sis so... now she acts like a perfect sister because she wants you.

-Wants ?

-Sorry i don't how to say it.

-Hey there ! It's me~~

She comes in with a smile and gives chocolate to Byungjoo.

-I was kinda worried since you weren't at the cafe anymore... so... what happened ?

Byungjoo's eyes widden and he starts shaking. She realises herself that she made a mistake... it looks like she doesn't know what to do now. She gulps.

-Well... if you say you're fine... i have things to do so...

She leaves quickly, too embarassed to even look at him. I kind of pity her now.

-Are you okay ? Joo-ya ?

He looks up at me, i still see fear in his eyes. Aiiish i want to hug him so bad ! Finaly i give up... I put a hand on his right shoulder and hug him softly. I can feel his surprise, but also his despair. And soon his hands grip my shirt. He's shaking because of fear, and because he's crying . I want to hug him tighter but i'm afraid i'll hurt him since he's injured.

-I'm sorry Joo-ya...

-No... i... i'm sorry...

-Why ?

-All of you got involved in awful stuff you know... now i guess you know everything about my past...

-Nope... that's why i still don't understand...

-Well...

His voices crackles.

-You can explain later, when it'll hurt a bit less than now...

I can hear a small « thank you » and he just hugs me tighter. I feel like dying, but he's in a worst state than me so i don't have the right to complain. I slowly pas his head while hugging him and it seems like he's calming down. He's not crying anymore but he still hugs me... maybe he needs warmth to keep cool ? After a few minutes i realise he's sleeping and hugging me at the same time... I sigh... he moves and makes me fall down. He falls with me and suddenly wakes up.

-UWAAA !!

-Ah sorry Hansol i just didn't noticed, ah really sorry...

-Well if you're that sorry get off me, you're heavy...

I look away while saying this, i'm too embarassed. He looks like he's blushing too.

-Well i guess you should rest so i'll leave... i'll come back tomorrow.

-Okay...

-When will you be able to get out ?

-Well tomorrow...

-Really ? But you've got a deep wound right ?

-It's no big deal you know...

-Okay then rest well, but be careful too... i'll be there tomorrow morning then.

-See ya..

I'm about to pass the door when.

-And also... thanks...

I run away after hearing this, my heart was already beating too fast but this is too much for me now. It's going to explode ! Once i'm home i can see my sister's sad face. Well i don't care, i guess... but still... she's not a bad child...

-Hey sis ? What's wrong ?

-Nothing you gay weirdo ! It's none of your business !

-Come on, it's because you messed up with Joo-ya ?

-I didn't mess up ! And stop calling him like that it feels like you're friends.

-We are friends...

-No way you just want to him like all the othe...

-Hey guys what are you talking about ?

It's my mother's man, she wanted to keep it a secret from him because i'm a trash in her eyes... feels like the lies are all shown up.

-Hansol... you're gay ?

-Kind of yay...

-Kind of ? My sister shouts, he's TOTALY gay ! He thinks it's funny taking away the guys i'm interested in !

-Who said that ? You don't even know what you're talking about little brat...

I'm not in the mood of fighting or getting beaten up by my mother when she comes back so i just leave the house to the dancing studio, guess i'll sleep there.

 

*** Bjoo

I wake up from the same nightmare, there's no one here. I almost feel like dying but as soon as i look at the door i can remember the guys coming in and being friendly, Hansol hugging me... I wonder how he's doing, because he must have problems at home, he seems like he always has problems at home. If i try to remember clearly how i saw him before knowing him, well it's kind of weird. The first time i've met him i got beaten upby some guys and i just didn't want to see anyone. Hansol was bothering me with his bright perfect smile, i just wanted to punch him. The more i kept on living, the more i was hearing about Kim Hansol. How good he was in maths, how many guys he's been dating but the thing which was bothering me the most was his « over-perfection ». He always semmed like he was happy and all, so carefree, so bright, and a bit too cute. That's why i hated him.

But now i know him a bit more and it looks like he's been living in hell too, but he had Sangwon and Sangkyun. Maybe that's why i stoped pretending and accepted the fact that i'm weak and, of course, i need friends. Well i should just sleep a bit more because i'm leaving tomorrow, i'll need to be in good health because they will be people, i can't make them worry.

A nurse wakes me up softly and i open my eyes. The guys are here, with Hansol's sister. She doesn't seem to be a bad kid, and about yesterday... she just didn't know. She greets me with a hesitant smile and looks away. I suddenly wonder why. Looks like i'm shirtless, i must've embarassed her. Well i just get up and go take the clothes i had when i arrived here. They're clean but the sweater is torn because of the glass... I don't want to bother seeing the doctors a last time and after 15 minutes i'm out with the guys. They want to go home with me, well i guess i'll let them.

-We have to go... says Sangwon.

-It's fine you can leave.

The sang duo leaves and a tense atmosphere suddenly falls down. Well i didn't expect things to happen this way but i don't really care. When we reach my appartment there's a note on the door. « We can't keep on having a noisy and troublesome neighbor, please leave » and my stuffs are also in front of the door. Aiiish ! People aren't cruel... they're worse ! Well i'm also at fault but anyway... i have to find a new place to stay now... guess the dancing studio will be fine until i find something. I sigh and take the box with my stuff.

-Give it to me, i'll help you. Says Hansol.

-Nah it's okay.

He takes it even if i refused...

-Wait... says his sister, why don't you stay at our place until you find a new home ?

-What ? Hansol's shocked.

-We can't let him live on the streets...

-Yay but do you really think mom will agree ? We don't even have an empty room.

-He can sleep in yours...

-Then mom will defenitly say no...

-Not if am the one asking.

-Hey guys ! Do you care about my opinion ?

-Come on we're just trying to help you... says the girl.

-Do you have a solution ? Asks Hansol.

-Well...

-Then let's go !

She grabs my hand and lets Hansol carry my box. There's no way i can let that happen... I just take the box back but they force me to go with them.

-No really i can't ask your mom, guys, it's to humiliating.

But the girl doesn't care she just comes in and says hello. Hansol does the same and an angry mother appears to the door.

-You, Hansol, stupid kid what have you done ?!

She realises i'm here.

-Oh... a guest ?

-Well he's Hansol's classmate and he lost his home so i was wondering if we couldn't take him in until he find a new place...

-Do you know this guy ?

-Yay he works at cafe where i like to hang out with friends.

-I see... well it won't bother me then. We'll put a bed in Hansol's room.

-Thanks mom !

I'm confused. It's not like i have any choice... it's Hansol's place or the street. Their mother smiles at me and invites us to come in. Hansol's got a pretty cute home. They lead me to his room so i can leave my box in. When we're here there's just me and him.

-You know... if she brought you here it's just because she's targeting you...

-Yay i kind of understood.

-If you need something i'm here okay ?

-Thanks.

Why does it feel so good to be around him ? Someone knocks, it's his mom.

-Well... i'd like to talk to my son in private so...

-No prob's i'm leaving.

-Thanks

Hansol looks frightened, i wonder if it's a good idea to let him with her. I close the door and stay behind it. I sit down in the dark coridor, waiting for the conversation to start.

-So... you've been harsh with your sister since a while right ? And i didn't got the time to talk to you about that incident with your father...

-Come on... she's rough with me too... and you really think it would've stayed like this forever ? It was obvious he was going to discover it !

-I'm not asking for explanations ! I want apologies !

-About ? You beating me up because i'm gay ? Or because i'm not the son you wanted to have ? Or just because you're mad ? You should be the one apologising.

-I've never heard you talking that way...

-It's because i'm tired of all this ! I can't take it anymore ! The way you made me live like in hell ! I know i should've done something sooner... but...

-But ?

-Nevermind...

-You useless brat... you're scared right ? You fear me. That's good, because once your friend leaves... i don't think he will see you ever again.

What does that mean ? Is she going to beat him ?

-By the way... is he really your friend ?

-Of course...

-Stop lying.

-I'm not ! If he was more than a friend he wouldn't be here !

Silence. I can hear her steps coming to the door. Well i'm hiding myself until she goes down stairs and come in Hansol's room. He's laying on his bed, eyes closed. I just don't know what to say, or what to do. So i do nothing.

-Hansol ? Can i unpack my stuff ?

-Of course ! Here there's some empty space for it !

-Thanks... you're really too nice.

-I don't think so...

I turn around, looking at him. He's now staring at me, with a weird expression on his face.

-I still have to go to work...

-Okay, i'll tell mom to cook a bit later.

-No it's fine. I don't want to be a bother and i'm used to eat alone anyway.

He shows a sad look now. I kind of feel guilty. I go out and decide to do the fastest i can to get back as soon as possible. I feel like something's going to go wrong. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. Hansol's sister is smiling at me, she wants to come with me. After a sigh i just let her follow me.

 

*** Hansol

Sis went there with Byung joo, it kind of pisses me off... Well i can't do anything because if i try to protest my mother will beat me and Byung joo will understand i'd like to be more than his friend. I just lay on my bed, wondering when will my death come. I suddenly realise why she leaved, because she wanted mom to be alone with me at home... well feels like i'm going to get seriously hit then... i can't do anything about it.

 

*** Bjoo

Dongsung was here, staring at me a bit too much. What's wrong with him ? He probably just want to get in a fight. If you think a bit, you can tell he used a lot of rotten excuses to beat me as much as he wanted. Like « you don't want to date me anymore » or « you're coward, running away for nothing » or just « i want to kill you » well the last one is not really an excuse then.

Hansol's sister got back a little while before because her mom wanted her to sleep early. I finaly get in front of the house and... i just don't know what to do, since it's not my home. The door opens, it's Mrs Kim, smiling brightly.

-I'm sorry, she says after me coming in, there's not more dinner left.

-It's okay i ate a bit at work.

I want to go up stairs but she suddenly calls me back.

-Maybe you'll feel more comfortable in the living room or something ?

-No Hansol's room is fine.

-Okay then, but take care he must be upset because he got beaten up by some people while doing the shopping earlier, probably guys from school... it's hard for him since he's...

-Gay. Yay i know this.

She looks at me with surprise, i don't think she understood, maybe it's better this way. I knock on his door and i can hear a small « who is it ? » I just come in. When i open the door it feels like he was ready to get another hit. His eyes were so relieved when he saw me, it made my heart skip a beat (maybe). He lays on his bed like before but i can see he doesn't feel comfortable.

-Are you okay ?

-Hm.

-Means ?

-I'm fine, i just fell down a bit earlier.

-Your mom didn't tell me the same lie...

I can see shock in his eyes, and a tear too.

-Hey Hansol, why didn't you tell me she was going to hit you so hard ? I could've stayed !

-It's pointless Byung joo, she's too strong.

-No way.

-Hatred makes your strength grow, or it feels like it.

I can understand what he's saying, i just don't know what to do. I can't say « hey you know i'm also broken ! Let's be hurt buddies since we seem to understand each other so well ! » I want to laugh at myself.

-Are you hurt ? I mean...

-My body hurts but nothing's broken.

-Thanks... Ha ? No ! What am i saying ?

I want to punch myself... but it makes him smile. I kind of feel relieved now. Without even knowing why i hug him thight.

-What are you...

-Payback for yesterday, stupid perfect princess.

-What's with this name.

-That's kind of the name i used to give you when i didn't know you...

I think i've hurt him, about the princess thing maybe, i don't know. It doesn't mean i stopped hugging him. Actually i don't want to. Without noticing i started to feel sleepy.

-Ya Byung joo !

-Hm ?

-Don't fall asleep on me once again please.

I start to laugh a bit and get up. I'm going to get changed in the bathroom and go back to sleep.

 

*** Hansol

My heart's beating too fast ! Why did he do such a thing seriously ? I'm going to kill him because if i don't... he's going to make me die ! My body aches but i can't do anything. Tomorrow's not a school day so it's a good thing, i'll be able to rest.

 

It's been a week since Byung joo started to live at my place and nothing special happened. We're too tired because of exams coming soon and he still has to work. I waiting for him outside the café, since he's almost done. When we're heading back we just talk as always. But after a little while we come to see Hojoon and Jiho kissing at the exit of a shop. Jiho looks away when he notices us and the glasses guy jus grins sadisticly like always. After a sigh we just ignore them, there's no point in getting involved in their troubles or else. We're almost home when

-Hey Hansol.

-Yay ?

-I found a new place nearby.

-Nearby ?

-Yay like just here. I'm moving tomorrow.

He shows me a complex, about hundrer metters far from my house.

-So like that, you know where i live and if you get beaten up...

-You didn't choose it just because of this... did you ?

-… No... of course not.

-Okay. It's good anyway, you found a new place and you'll be in the neighborhood.

-Who's going to be in the neighborhood ?

It's mom, and sis.

-Byung joo.

-Oh great !

He explains the same thing without the beating up part of course. I wonder why they were out so late today... well it's not like i really care.

I'm starting to feel a bit sad because i won't have him around anymore. We're already done with dinner and now we're just sitting on our beds without talking. Even if we were busy we had fun studying together and living with him helped my see sides of him i wouldn't have been able to discover. Like how embarassed he is when he's clumsy or how fun he can be, and, of course, how beautiful he looks when he truly smiles. Yay i'll miss all of this, but i guess i'll be able to see him smile at school too, because it really feels like he's getting more and more friendly. The sang duo says so. He suddenly breaks the silence.

-Well, first, thanks for letting me stay here.

-It's okay, and it wasn't really my idea.

-I don't care, you're obviously the nicest one here and probably the only one who doesn't fake everything he does.

-I'm faking what i do.

-At school, maybe, but not here. I kind of discovered another Kim Hansol.

He smiles at me and i'm sure i'm getting reder than red now. How come he thought the same thing as me at the same time ? I don't get it. Well anyway, i need to sleep now.

 

*** Bjoo

He's having another nightmare, it seems painful. I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to call his name.

-Hey Kim Hansol.

He opens his eyes, full of fear. He doesn't recognise me, for a second, but then i can see a lot of tears on his cheeks.

-I'm sorry Byung joo, i woke you up again.

-It doesn't matter.

I put my other hand on his head without really thinking.

-Everything's okay now.

-I wish you were right...

He's painful tears are breaking me. He clings onto me, without realising what he's doing because he's scared and sad. I let him stay like this and i think i fall asleep while hugging him softly. 

 

 

 

A/N hehe sorry it took me sooooooooo long to write this ^w^

i hope you enjoyed reading and thanks to well you who's reading and also the subscribers it means a lot to me >///<

if anything comes to your mind about what you've just read then comment it would be nice ^^