I lie on my bed, staring at my ceiling. It has been two days now and I still haven’t talked to Luhan, I don’t think I’ll be able to face him. What should I even say to him? I’ve decided how I feel about him I don’t feel anything for him. Well… if I keep on telling myself this it’ll become true, right? I can’t live through another divorce again, what if I become like my mother, who drinks her life away? I can’t… I won’t go through it.

I wonder if he’s feeling better now… if his flu is gone…

It’s sad to think that I actually miss him. I inhale deeply and sit up. I have to stop thinking about this, I’m only going to drive myself insane. I pull my laptop over toward myself and quickly log on to a social media website. My inbox flashes to indicate that I’ve received a message.

From: Xi Lu Han

I’ve probably typed this message a thousand times, wracking my brain over what I did wrong, if I should have done something different, maybe you would’ve messaged me by now. I don’t know… All I know is that I’m crazy about you Arielle, I can’t promise you that I’ll be the perfect guy, hell knows I’ve got more flaws than most people around, but I can promise you that I will work hard to be the guy you deserve, I’ll never stop trying to win your heart. No matter how much you fend off my approaches, it won’t lessen how I feel about you, for once in my life I’ve found someone that I actually care about, someone who I KNOW cares about me, even if you don’t show it…

Just… just give me a chance to prove you wrong, to prove that not all love is bad… please.

I read the message again and again. Warm tears trickle down my cheeks, how can I be so cruel? Maybe I should just give him a chance, he hasn’t let me down yet… No. I can’t.

I toss my laptop to the side and put on my shoes, I should just go for a walk and clear my head. During this walk I’ll be able to think clearly and then I can decide what I’m going to do.

Lately my whole life feels like it’s been turned upside down, first Bang Cheol Yong (the nicest guy in our entire university) writes a mean article about me, then Xi Lu Han becomes nice AND apparently he has feelings for me and on top of that my two best friends (okay, not really my best friends, I’m currently on the lookout for new ones, since I only use these two to make it seem like I’m not completely alone) treat me like I’m a piece of trash and Megan even goes as far as to start a public argument, I mean what the actual duck? I should actually go and egg her house, maybe call her mom and tell her about everything her little Megan has done… You know that does seem like a brilliant idea. I will do that. That’ll teach her not to mess with me.

I stop in front of Luhan’s house, I forgot that his house was this near to mine… should I go talk to him? It would be better to talk to him face to face wouldn’t it? I’m sorry Luhan, but I don’t feel the same, and I would appreciate it if you stopped trying to court me. I do not wish to join you in any romantic relations. Yeah that’s exactly what I’m going to say to him. I stand in front of his door for an eternity. Not able to bring myself to ringing his doorbell. I should just leave…

I turn away from his door and start to walk down the stairs, when all of the sudden the door opens behind me. Without thinking I throw myself into the garden and hide between the leaves.

“Arielle?” Luhan asks, his face filled with confusion.

Oh fantastic he saw me. What an impression Arielle. Truly you are quite the genius, I mean jumping into his garden, flying ducks man, why am I this awkward? Well, I might as well try to fix this horrible situation I have tossed myself into. Clearing my throat, I wipe my pants clean and try to look somewhat dignified.

“Ah, Luhan, how are you?”

“Good? Why are you in my garden?”

“I… tripped” Yes! That is a good excuse!

“It looked like you jumped?” Luhan points out, obviously he’s skeptic over my story.

Well , what are you the tripping police? Gosh, what should I say? Uhm, well I can’t say that I wanted to avoid him, I mean why the hell did I walk to his house then? I should change the subject… but to what?

“Did you know koalas have two es?” Oh holy , why? WHY DID I HAVE TO SAY THAT?! I should just go hang myself, there’s no way that I’ll be able to recover from this, I don’t even know how to justify that!

“Kangaroos have three s”

My head snaps up, did Luhan just say that? He grins widely at me, his hand reaching out for mine. I gratefully accept it as he pulls me out of the garden.

“Three? Like really?” Seriously that actually minded me, I mean how would that even work?

“Yep… But two es? You kinda ruined koalas for me” Luhan chuckles.

We stand facing each other for quite some time. I should say it. I should just tell him how I feel. Yet all I can think about are some facts about ia, mostly animal ia… I don’t even know how I procured all this information.

“I take it that you didn’t come all this way just to tell me about koalas?” Luhan asks, his face hopeful.

“O-of course not… I- uhm- well you see the thing is I saw your message, and I read it a few times, wanting to think of the perfect way to reply, but I’m not sure what I should say, I mean what would anyone say if they were in this situation, I’m really not in an easy positi-“

Before I can continue my rambling, Luhan’s lips crash down on mine, his arms going around my waist and tightly squeezing my body against his.

You know I like the way he expresses how he feels about someone.  Why should I even continue denying it, I have the hots for him. Can you blame me? Look at him, he’s just so frick fracking hawt, like you could grate cheese on his abs, I’m not even kidding, I might even actually try it out… but that would mean that he’s asleep, without a shirt… Heeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeee think about all the things I would do to him! WAIT. Did I just have some seriousy thoughts? I think I should go see a psychologist about these thoughts I’ve been having lately, or maybe it’s just my hormones acting up? Eh let’s go with the hormones excuse.

“Just say yes” Luhan whispers against my lips.

I nod my head dazedly, I see no point in disagreeing with him. Clearly he holds power over me and dating him wouldn’t be the worst possible thing to happen to me.

“And we should probably exchange numbers” He adds, I just nod.

By now I’ve completely lost the ability to think or speak.

“You’re fine with this right?” He asks and I’m about to nod, when he cups my face.

“Woman, use your words”

“I… very…. Quite… fine… YES” Nailed it.

“Arielle have I ever told you that you are a master at expressing your feelings?” He chuckles, patting my head.

Well… this isn’t really working out for me…

I stand on my tip toes and slam my lips against his, as my fellow teenagers would say: #YOLO. I feel quite dirty for even using that term, but I think it applies quite nicely to my actions. Besides instead of being a bumbling idiot, I might as well just use my actions to express my emotions.

“Hmm, I would love to continue this… but I should get… to work” Luhan murmurs in between kisses.

I nod my head, not releasing him from my hold. Nor was I planning on releasing him. As my brethren would say, “You best lock dat down before some hoe tries to steal yo man” Well in this case locking him down refers to my arms not leaving him, instead of putting a ring on his finger, but I think you get the picture right?