It has been a week since Kai set me that email. I have tried to act like everything is okay and nothing has changed but Chanyeol was able to tell that something was wrong, even after I tried so hard to hide it. I was constantly spacing out and when I would hear him calling me, I could see he looked worried. Many times he asked me what was wrong but I just told him that I was tried or that I was worried about school. He would let it go but I could tell that he did not believe me. I stopped going over in fear that if I spent too much time with him, I would end up breaking down. For some reason I felt like shouldn't tell him what was going on with Kai. I felt like he would get mad at him and I didn't want that. 

Aria was constantly bothering me also because I apparently was no fun to bother anymore because I would not react. I don't know why I didn't want anyone to know and sometimes I really felt like I needed to talk to someone but I felt ashamed. I feel like if I talk about it, it will become real that the person I love gave up on me. I couldn't help but think that Kai never loved me and just used me to get over his ex. I was probably just someone that was nice to him and he just wanted to forget that he was hurting because of her. The hardest thing about everything is that I can't even hate him because I still love him.

I have finally decided that I am going to start getting over Kai but that is easier said then done. It is no help that Kai still sends me messages. Being stupid, I will open them to find him apologizing for the hundredth time and asking me to please forgive him and that he doesn't want me out of his life. I don't understand how he expects me to be okay with this mess and be friends but again being stupid I tell him that I forgive him and that I will try to be his friend. 

He started writing to me like he did when he left but there are no "I love you" or "I miss you". I hurts to read that he seems like nothing happened between us and I wish he would stop writing but I can't get myself to tell him to leave me alone. I guess I love to torture myself. 

It was hard to act normal at school but at least it was a distraction. I was walking toward the front of school to wait for Aria to come pick me up but just as I made it to the gate I got a message that she was running late and that it would be at least an hour before she would arrive. I was started walking to the library to wait until she got here when I heard Chanyeol call me.

    "Hey Addy, are you okay? Why haven't you been returning my calls or messages?"

    "Sorry oppa……I just have had a lot on my mind?"

    "Is It about Kai? Oh no…..Addy don't cry! What is wrong?!" he asked as tears started to run down my face. I could no longer keep this to myself. I hurt too much. "What did he do?!"

    "He….he doesn't…..love me." I said between sobs. He pulled me in and hugged me against his chest, holding me tight. "What did I do wrong?!"

    "Addy… stop there Is nothing wrong with you. Come on lets go to the apartment so you can tell me what happened." I nodded against his chest, not loosening my hold on his shirt. He practically carried my into the car and held me all the way up to his apartment as I finally let out everything that I has been hiding. I don't know how long we sat on the couch. Chanyeol holding me against his chest as I cried until I fell asleep. When I woke up I was alone and it was dark outside. I got up quickly knowing that I was in major trouble for not going home. 

    "Hey Addy, you are awake."

    "Yeah why didn't you wake me up earlier. I am probably going to get into a lot of trouble for being out so late." I said looking around for my shoes and my bag. 

    "Calm down I called your sister and told her what was going on. She said that she would tell your mom that you were at a friends house so that you did not have to go home. Don't worry you are not in trouble."

    "Okay well thanks." I said sitting back on the couch

    "So are you hungry? I can make you something or I can order something for you if y