I always dreamed about being an idol. Producing my own music, singing it to millions of people and having them singing it back to me. I didn't rest until I made that dream come true. And I did it. A month ago I did an audition for Big Hit and I got in. My name is Hana Rae, I'm 20 and I'm a trainee at Big Hit.

I moved from my parents’ house when I turned 18. I live in a small apartment in Seoul and I take the subway everyday to get to Big Hit. I postponed college when I received a call from Bang Si Hyuk, telling me that I was accepted. It was a hard decision and my parents weren't really supportive about it, but I need to focus, I need to work hard and not take this opportunity for granted. I have a part time job at a makeup store and sometimes I do some chores for my neighbors like walk their dogs or babysit their children. They're really nice people and it's more money that goes to my account so I really don't mind.

Bang Si Hyuk was looking for a new female solo artist for his company. Me and another girl, Hyorin, got cast and from what I understood, Bang kind of want us to compete against each other. I was shocked at first but accepted it pretty easily. I came here for one reason and one reason only. To debut as a solo artist.

It’s been one month since I got in and things are pretty lonely in the building. BTS are in Japan and the other artists are in hiatus. It’s just me and Hyorin. Hyorin has a really good voice but her personality . I really can't stand girls like her so I’m just going to stay away the best that I can and focus on practicing. There can only be one winner right?

It’s 10 PM and I’m looking for a recording room. I still don't know this place like I know my home so I just ask for help. I got sent to the last floor, first room down the hall. I entered and recording equipment was everywhere and so was a desk with a computer and a couch. I quickly sat down and started working. I’ve been working on this song for 2 months but my iMac is far from good compared to an actual recording studio.

I’ve been recording for an hour and a half now and I’m almost done. I entered big hit with rap and I’m sticking with it. I discovered my passion for hip hop at a very young age. I started saving money and lying to my parents, telling them I’d go sleepovers at my friends' house when I’d just go to underground rap concerts. Later in high school, I was the one on stage, performing my songs, battling with other rappers and trying to get myself heard. I will never forget those days cause it was them who got me where I am right now.

I start doing some final touches on the song when I hear the door opening.

"What are you doing here?"

I got so startled by the sound of this guy's voice I almost fell down the chair.  I quickly stood up and bowed to him.

"I’m sorry!" I said nervously.

"What are you doing here?" he repeated. 

I finally took some time to see who I was talking to. He was tall, well at least taller than me, pale skin and looked really tired. He wasn't just someone. He was Suga.

"I’m a trainee. I got here last month and...”

"You know what, I don't care. You shouldn't be here so just grab your stuff and leave!" he cut me off.

"But...”

"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE" he shouted.

I could feel my eyes starting watering. If there's one thing I can't handle is being yelled at. I break down immediately. And it's even worse when you're being yelled at by your idol. I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out.