CHAPTER 10
11:30 PMI opened the door and there she was. I let her in and closed the door. She greeted Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin who were in the living room playing video games. Namjoon and Hoseok are still at the studio and Seokjin is in his room.
After practice today, I got home took a shower and laid in bed. I couldn’t stop thinking about the evaluation and how bad Hana must have felt. I felt so useless back then. I could have done something, I could have made her feel better but I just let her go. Then I got her call.
“I’m so sorry for coming here like this but you were the first person that came to my mind.”
“There’s no problem, I’m glad I can help.”
Jin came out of the room “I’m going to make dinner and I need help!” He stopped when he saw Hana “Oh, hello.”
“Hi.”
“She’s staying over tonight. There’s a flood on her apartment floor and she can’t go home.”
“That’s really bad luck, I’m sorry. Manager-nim had to go home because of his daughter but he's coming back tomorrow. We can talk to him to let you stay here longer, if you need."
“It should all be fixed by tomorrow night, but thank you.”
“And I apologize for any bad behavior from the boys, sometimes I feel like I'm living with 6 year olds”
She smiled “It’s fine.”
“Okay then, I’m going to make dinner.”
“Let me help, please.”
I placed my hand on her arm “It’s okay, you don’t have to.”
“But I want to.”
I watched her walk to the kitchen with Jin and then headed to the living room and sat on the couch.
“Hyung, is that the rookie?” Taehyung asked
“Yes. She’s staying over.”
“Really? Does Manager-nim know?”
“She’s only staying one night, there’s no need to bother him just for that.”
“Where is she going to sleep then?”
Good question. I look at her and she’s chopping vegetables while Jin is by the stove. I got up and stood behind her. I carelessly put my hand on her waist but removed it immediately, hoping she didn’t felt it. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She didn’t flinched by my touch so I guess she didn’t felt it.
“I was thinking and… you can sleep in my bed if you want.”
“I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Are you sure? You’ll sleep better if…”
“Yoongi, I said I’ll sleep on the couch.” She stopped chopping and put the vegetables in the pan. She turned around to face me “I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re not. But if you want to sleep on the couch, I won’t insist anymore then.”
“Thank you.” She was playing with the zipper of my jacket again.
“Is it okay if I take a shower?”
“Yes, I’ll grab you some clothes.”
I walked to our closet and searched for my rack. I grabbed a towel, a pair of boxers, a pair of sports pants and a white t-shirt. When I walked back to the living room, Rap Monster and J-Hope were back and where talking with Hana while Taehyung, Jungkook and Jimin were helping Jin setting the table.
“Here.” I gave her the towel and the clothes “The bathroom is right there, if you need any help just say.”
“Thank you. I won’t take long.” She turned away and walked to the bathroom.
“She’s staying over?” Namjoon asked, almost whispering.
“Yeah. But it’s just for tonight though.”
“Have you told her yet?”
“What?”
“That you like her?”
I’ve never thought about it. Do I really like her? I know I did wrong at the beginning, but the more I get to know her the more she amazes me. She started off being really defensive and I can’t blame her for that, but she let that wall down. She’s outgoing, she’s funny, she’s talented and committed, I’ve never seen a girl with such big guts like her and I love it. And good God, she’s beautiful. I don’t usually pay much attention to girl’s appearance but Hana caught my eye when I first saw her. She’s small and looks younger than she is but her curves make it impossible not to look at her; her long black hair, which is up on a bun most of the time showing her pierced ears and her neck covered in tiny moles that make you want to gently kiss each one; her little dimples that form every time she smiles that take anyone's breath away; her small hands filled with rings that you just want to hold and never let go. She often wears makeup, black eye liner and red lipstick are her must go to. But that night. That one night was when she looked the most beautiful to me. I keep replaying it in my head over and over, wishing for the day that I can hold her in my arms again. That’s what I’ve been wanting the most. I want to be with her, I want to hold her, I want to protect her. I think of her and my heart starts beating faster and faster, I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. Yes. I like her.
“She doesn’t like me back.” I simply said.
“How are you so sure of that?”
“After what I did to her? No, she doesn’t like me.”
“Want to know what I think? I think that she does like you back and that you should confess.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know Yoongi, but don’t you think it’s worth a shot?”
He’s right. She’s worth it.
*
The food was already on the table and we were about to start eating when Hana came out of the bathroom. Seeing her in my clothes made my heart flutter and I had to contain myself from smiling too much. They were too big for her; the pants were touching the floor and the t-shirt was too baggy, she had to tie a knot on the side to make her body line visible. I walked up to her giggling.
“What’s so funny?”
“You look cute.”
She playfully punched me in the chest “I’m not cute.”
I laughed and place my hand on her back, leading her to the kitchen. We all sat down, served ourselves and started eating. The conversation theme today was Hana. Everyone was asking her if she liked being on Big Hit, how her audition was and what she did before becoming a trainee. Hana would smile and answer to all their questions while eating and taking all the cucumber from my plate. She easily changed the topic from her to something else, telling jokes and stories and making us all laugh. The boys would discretely give me a smile of approval, telling me that they liked her and asking when was she coming back while we were cleaning the kitchen.
When we were done, I went to our room and grabbed one of my pillows and a blanket. Hana was playing a car game against Jungkook while Taehyung cheered on her. Jimin was laying on the couch with Hoseok, Rap Monster was taking a shower and Jin was standing next to me.
“Boys, tomorrow we have practice and then the fan signing at the mall. Manager-nim may not be here tonight but that doesn’t mean we don’t have rules. I want everyone up tomorrow at 9, so you should go to bed now. Jeon, please turn that off.”
“Come on hyung, we’re almost finishing! I can’t lose to a girl!”
“You’ve been playing for hours! Just give up Kook and accept the fact that you can’t beat noona. Except me. I always win!” Jimin said with a cheeky smile. Taehyung turned off the game and dragged them both to the bedroom.
“Noona, I want a re-match!” Jungkook yelled.
“Okay!” she said laughing
“Don’t play with Jimin, if he loses to a girl it’ll be like the end of the world and he won't rest until he wins.” Hoseok said quietly to her, giving her a tap on the shoulder.
“I’ll make sure to remember that.” He smiled and went to the bedroom too.
“Namjoon is already in bed so you should go to Yoongi, try to get some sleep.”
“I will hyung.”
“Well, I’ll be going then. Thank you for helping me with dinner, Hana.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Jin waved and left the room.
“I guess they like you.”
“Yeah, they do.”
“I brought you a pillow and a blanket.”
She grabbed them, placed the pillow on the couch and unfolded the blanket.
“You heard Jin, you should get some sleep.”
“Yah! Are you my mother now?”
“No, but I don’t want you to fall asleep while giving autographs. Your fans will be mad if you do. I’d be mad.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t want my idol to fall asleep on me.”
I started closing my eyes and fake snoring and she quickly put both her hands on my shoulders and started shaking me.
“Yoongi-ah! Quit playing!”
I opened my eyes and she was staring at me with a serious face.
“Okay, okay! I’m going to bed now.”
She took her notebook from her bag, sat on the couch and covered her legs with the blanket.
“Good night.”
“Good night Yoongi.” She had started writing so I left the lights on and went to the bedroom.
*
The light of my phone seemed brighter than usual in our dark room. It was 1:30 AM and I couldn’t sleep. I got off bed and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. The lights were still on and Hana was still writing.
“Can’t sleep?”
“No.” I filled a cup with water and took a sip.
“Still writing?” I sat next to her.
“Yes. Here, take a look.” She crawled and sat by my side, her legs resting on my lap. My heart skipped a bit and I freaked out for a moment. She does this so naturally, so comfortably, as if we’ve known each other for years. I wish I could do it to.
She handed me her notebook and I started reading. She was writing another song, probably for the next evaluation. I could feel her staring at me, nervous about what I might say.
“So…What do you think?”
I was feeling a bit playful today “This .”
She took the notebook from my hands and smacked my head with it.
“Yah, yah, yah! Why are you so violent?” I said scratching my head, making it look like it hurt.
“Why are you such a jerk?”
I smirked “I’m just playing with you. It’s really good. I think it's even better than the other one.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” I said sincerely. She just nodded and resumed her writing. We stood there, her legs still on my lap and her shoulder leaning against mine. I didn’t want to distract her, I know the importance of silence when it comes to writing lyrics so I stayed quietly observing her. Even with my presence, she stayed completely focused, tapping her pencil against the notebook and writing right back again. She’d take pauses, sighing in frustration until she put the pencil down in resignation.
She groaned “I can’t write anything right now.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No it’s not you, it’s just… my mind is on something else right now.”
“On what?”
“I was just thinking…” She looked at me while playing with my shirt. It has become a habit of hers now. I was waiting for her to finish the sentence but she kept looking at me.
“What? What were you thinking?”
She leaned forward and before I could react, she placed her lips on mine. A heat wave filled up my whole body, my heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to collapse. I held my breath, not knowing what to do. Her lips were warm and soft and while she kissed me smoothly her hand was on my neck, her thumb my jaw line. This is my first kiss. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I’ve always been so focused on my career all these years and ever since I debuted I never had the time to even think about dating. I’ve meet a couple of girls before but none of them caught my attention enough to make me the slightest interested in them. Until now.
I've been told that it’s hard to write love songs when you’ve never been in a relationship or ever been in love with someone. Well, I say it’s not. Whenever I had to write, I’d always imagine this one girl, my ideal girl, and write about her. I always imagined her but I don’t think I need to do that anymore. I found her and she is real.
We stared at each other trying to catch our breaths. Her hand was now resting on my chest, her face inches away from mine. My body was still hot and the urge to kiss her again was taking control over me. I slowly leaned forward and kissed her. My body gave in and I let my hand run up her arm, finding its way to her face. She got closer to me; our chests were against each other going up and down, following the rhythm of our heaving breathing. The more we kissed, the more I realized how bad I wanted her, how hard I was falling for her.
She slowed down and tried to talk in between kisses “You should… go to… bed…big day...tomorrow…”
“Yeah…I should…”
She smirked against my lips and kissed me one more time “I’m serious.”
There was no use to argue with her because she was right. I just nodded and got up. I watched her laying on the couch and placing the blanket on top of her “Good night” she said, already closing her eyes.
“Good night.” I whispered, turning the lights off and heading back to bedroom. For the first time in a long time, I was able to fall asleep.
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