“Don’t love too soon.”

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

              Science class is a blur; everything’s a blur. And on top of that, images of Jongin’s face against mine keeps flashing in my perception.  I don’t exactly know how to get rid of it. It’s like I’m tied to certain thoughts that I can never get rid of.  

             Mr. Seo- our science teacher- asks everyone to partner up, and start on a brand new project. Jong In always has trouble finding a partner. He would always hide his face behind a book, and pretend to not be there; just like me.

Approaching Jong In, I ask him: “Partner?"

        Fixing his deep brown eyes towards mine, a small smile creeps up his bronze-toned cheeks. Simply nodding, I take my seat beside him. It’s amazing how people who are always in the background-who barely socialize- have so much to say when it comes to one on one.

      Jongin can’t stop talking; his ideas are piling on top of each other making me utterly confused.  I’m not the type of person to debate my thoughts or ideas, and I sure don’t want to be rude. Five minutes before the bell rings, we finally decide to do a project about the Kinetic Molecular Theory.

“So, how are we going to work on this project?” I question.

  Secretly crossing my fingers, I hope he would say ‘at my house’ as an answer.  Jongin gnaws on his lower lip, causing me to quirk an eyebrow.

“Atmyhouse.” He says quickly to the point where I almost didn’t understand.

          He grabs his textbook and rushes out of the classroom, clearly avoiding my eyes. Inhaling through my nose I tell myself: 3 days left. I know I can do it. To my relief, Jongin did not disappear when the last bell rang. Ever since I saw him get beat up a few days ago, I made a promise with myself not to let him out of my sight. I see myself in him.

Running up to him, I playfully smack his back.

"Hey.” Jong In turns around and looks at me.

"Hi." he responds in a calm tone.

"Can I come over today?" I say ecstatically.

He pushes his glasses up to the trunk of his nose, and moves two steps to the right, he begins to walk pass me.

 “Can I or what?”,

"Sure, but I have chores to do. So you can just chill for an hour or so." I nod my head and follow along-staring at my shoes.

...

           When we arrive at Jong In's house, I strip off my backpack and jump straight into the couch. I know, I really shouldn’t be doing things like this at someone else’s house, I just choose not to follow it. Burying my face deeper into a pillow, Jongin must think I’m being impolite, disrespectful, and not lady-like.

         The phone rings and Jongin is running towards the kitchen with only a tank top and hello-kitty boxers. Not necessarily eavesdropping, I overhear his conversation.

“I’m busy right now!” exclaims Jongin,

“But I have-, Wait-, Listen to me noo-,”

     The conversation ends with Jongin slamming the telephone back to its place. He then enters the living room, where I am on the couch upside-down scanning my Facebook feed.

“Nice, boxers. Did you get them for Christmas?” I say teasing him.

    Jongin squeals briefly. Startled, my phone slaps my cheek; my head then hits the hardwood floor. I do a half somersault, and I end up on the floor entirely.  , I manage to get a hold of my head and jump back into the couch again.

       A few minutes later, the doorbell rings, and a lady enters the house carrying with her 3 dogs on a leash. I rise and bow to the girl. Immediately I sit down, planting my two legs stilly on the hardwood floor.

         My small palm turns into a fist, as I squeeze my eyes shut. Barking is all I hear, A giant Pit-bull Terrier is what I see approaching me, fangs are what I feel sinking into my left arm. Weight is pressing against my chest, robbing me of breath. My cheeks are starting to become wet with salty tears.  

Jongin enters the living room, this time fully clothed in a training suit.

"Jong In-ah! I didn't know you have a girlfriend! And she's so pretty!" The girl pats give Jongin a tight hug.

"Noona! She's NOT my girlfriend." He turns an unexplainable shade of red.

Oh, I get it. She’s his older sister.

        I hear the door shut, and I continue to keep my eyes shut. I need to get out of here.  If there’s anything that I can’t bear, it’s a dog. All because of an accident when I was still a child. There are two things you can do with Memories: Treasure them, or hide them. Because, you can’t forget Memories, you choose to hide them deep inside a part of your brain that should always be locked up.

       Jongin loves dogs; I don’t. At least there’s one thing we don’t have in common with. I’d be willing to kick a puppy for my protection, and he’s too kind to care.

“Hey, are you crying?” Jongin says with concern.

“Ah, I have allergies, I have to-“,

"Want to meet my chingu?"

Now, it’s a dead end. I can’t get out.

        I want to run away like a person who has been kidnapped and held captive. Keeping my eyes shut. Jong In starts talking to his dogs. “Are you scared of dogs?” My eyes pop open, landing directly at 3 miniature puppies.  Agitated and jittery, I shower my fear towards Jongin’s peculiar dark brown eyes. But I don't think he'll notice it.

"A-are you okay? You look pale." Jong In glances at my face.

"Yeah. OfcourseIam" I chuckle nervously.

The dogs slowly approach me. They’re just puppies. Not a Pit-Bull Terrier. Calm your .  

"This is Jjangah, Jjangu, and Monggu" says Jongin.

       Still as a statue, I fake a smile. The dog starts to the salty tears that had dried on cheeks. Someone help me. "D’aww. They like you." Jongin grins and it’s the first time I’d seen it.

"I have to walk them. You can stay here.";

"I'll help you walk them." I say countering gleefully.

"Oh. Okay. But we have to dress up the dogs before they go outside.",

"No Problem." I go along with it.

       He dresses up his dogs!? What a nerd. Handing me the fat dog, I don’t dare put my palm against its fur. I just let it sit there on my lap, wagging its tail at me. No offense. I forgot the dog's name already. The dog was a fast runner; it makes my lazy feet go faster.  A dog is dragging me, and Jong In catches up.  I start to wonder how he could handle two dogs while I can’t even handle one.

"Hey ”,"

"Hm?" I turn around.

        Long arms wrap around my back, pushing me towards his torso. He starts to bend down, meeting me at eye-level. A smile escapes appears on his face, and I’m completely unaware-unguarded. Leaning in, his lips smell like peppermint chapstick.

Pressing his lips deeply into mine, my feet are off the ground.

...

 I’ve always thought fairy tales are foolish and irrelevant. Because the truth is it’s only fooling you by making you think about things that have a mere possibility of happening.

         But for at least 3 seconds into that kiss, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe fairy tales do happen, and that I’m only saying that they’re foolish to protect myself from disappointment.

         My feet plants back against the pavement, as I realize that he had picked me up. Our lips detach; let the awkward situation begin. Frozen to the spot, my cheeks blaze like a 400 degree oven.  My sweaty fingers the edge of my jacket, fidgeting with it. I avoid Jongin’s eyes because I fear that it’ll send me bits of more embarrassment.

          And in a snap he turns around and sprints down the sidewalk after his dogs. The thumping of my heart is like the wings of a caged bird trying to set itself free.  I place my hand on the left side of my chest-possibly where my heart is located.

I must be sick; I must be.

“What the hell just happened?” I snap knocking my head a few times.

            Drops of water fall on my forehead, one lands on my eye. I start to look for some cover. Rain comes plundering down without delay.  Nowhere to go, I clumsily sit at the front steps of Jongin’s house. Minutes later, Glimpses of his lips flash back and forth in my head, appearing with detail, making it look like it’s real.

“Wake up, you’re drooling a river!” A voice vibrates, as my enormous eyes crack open.  

Jongin is looking at me with a smug smile.

“Wait, you didn’t kiss me?” I blurt out without intending to.

Jongin snorts, “I think you’re being delusional.”,

“Why am I wet?” I say shuddering tremendously.

Jongin’s eyes flicker in all sorts of directions; he’s lying and I know it.

“You fell asleep on a bench near a convenient store.” says Jongin in an as-a-matter -of-fact tone.

Quirking an eyebrow, I say: “You’re lying.” while crossing my arms.

 “Fine, Ikissedyouandleftyouandthenitstartedtorainthenicarriedyouhome.” Jongin flushes.

“Get me some clothes.” I order, and he willingly goes running into his bedroom.

 A few minutes pass, and he goes into the living room with a baggy t-shirt, gym shorts, and a beanie.

“What’s the beanie for?”,

“Oh, I don’t know. Like- just wear it.” Jongin flings the clothes on my face.

          Grateful, but a little bit annoyed; I change and head back to the living room to find Jongin-who is happily munching on five snacks at a time. Taking a seat beside him, I notice the color of dry blood on his wrist. After a few seconds of staring at it, his sleeves move up and I see 2-3 cuts placed horizontally spreading from edge to edge of his skin.

“Give me your wrist.” I say snatching his wrist away from the giant bow full of chips.

Jongin barely has friends, he’s always getting bullied, his parents don’t give a care about him, and his sister barely even visits. It’s difficult to understand other people’s pain unless you’ve gone through it yourself.

       Even I can only understand part of it, because I choose not to remember pain it just comes in silent moments when I have nothing else to think of.  Jongin flings his wrist out of my clutch,

“What’s with you and my wrist? It’s none of your business.”;

“You’re not the only one.” I pull up my sleeve revealing what I’ve always hidden with my sleeves.

          And it’s not just that, they’re more scars that will never leave me. Being battered did not feel good, despite the fact that I still have night terrors. A silent eerie revolves around us.

"It's not just the bullying." Jong In starts to tell me.

"Two noona's who barely visit. My only parent does not care. I killed my father. Plus I have to deal with bullying and physical abuse." Jong In emits a moan.

"Not everybody has a perfect life because that's just impossible." I tell him.

         And as of that point, I realize that our late-night project working session is going to turn into an emotional one. Don't you just hate it when your anger just turns into tears?

"You want to play a game?" I insist.

"What's the purpose? You're being invasive right now, and it's irritating me. And I still don't know why you're doing this. You really must pity me more than yourself." His words hit me like a brick wall.

For a moment I have trouble thinking of what to say.

"How many times do have to say this? I don't pity you, and it's about time I made a friend who'll know what I've been through." I explain.

"What is it then?",

"Call heads or tails. Flip a coin. Then ask a question on what you're curious about." I start to look for a coin.

"Heads or tails?" I say,

"Tails"; "Go ahead ask the question." I beam.

"Why are you being nice to me? Why do you care? You've never noticed me before.",

"Because I like you." I lie. I just said a big fat lie.

Jong In nods his head, extremely flushed-but not convinced. "Why are you blaming yourself on the death of your father?" I asked out of curiosity.

"A person I knew invited me to a nightclub. But my parents wouldn't let me out of the house so I had to sneak out. During that time my dad and I disliked each other very much. We would always argue and fight because of the smallest things. I was having the time of my life when I was in the nightclub.

Eventually my parents knew I sneaked out and went to the club. My dad himself dragged me out of the club. He was taking the wheel, and of course we were arguing. While driving; a truck caused a fender bender, and I- well I was the only one who survived." Jong In's stares at the wall; blinking rapidly, flushing away the tears.

"His last words...” Jong In's voice shakes,

"I wish I never had a son like you" My nose is becomes red and I begin to have trouble breathing. His story was just as bad as mine.

"After that, my mother paid no attention to me. Never again..."  

"I'm here; I'll be your buddy."

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I fall."

*author's note

GAHHH. I joined two chapters :) Edited :)

-oasisgrounds